Let Your Heart Be Light
by evitascarlett
Summary: A story from the Reflections Universe: "Give Katie a happy Christmas" that was the only mission Johanna felt truly in control of in the midst of feeling like her life was falling apart. With her daughter counting on her, she'd have to summon some holiday spirit and muddle through somehow. Castle Winter Ficathon 2018.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: I know, I haven't updated the other stories in awhile; because I got caught up in my Halloween story and then plenty of people helped douse that flame and real life stress cropped up and I found it difficult to write until this idea for my Christmas story came along. As you can tell from the summary, I've gone back to my niche with Johanna; the place I belong and I'm happy with that. You're getting a peek into the future of Reflections with this tale; I hope you'll enjoy it._

Chapter 1

December 1983

Johanna Beckett sighed deeply as she drove toward home late that afternoon, a Christmas song playing on the radio.

"… _It's Christmas time in the city…"_

Another sigh crossed her lips. It was definitely Christmas time in the city…the fifteenth of December and the last minute countdown had begun. She couldn't exactly say that she was in the Christmas spirit…in fact her spirit was at an all time low; but the little girl in the backseat made her put on the show of holiday excitement; or at the very least, she was doing her best to do so. Katie needed a happy Christmas no matter how her mother was feeling inside, Johanna thought to herself. She could muddle through…and surely by the time the holiday actually got there, she'd be feeling more like herself again; of course some of that would depend on Jim.

She glanced at her daughter in the rearview mirror; her usually chatty four year old was quiet and looked sleepy. Apparently her daughter didn't sleep well with her father being out of town. It was a feeling she could sympathize with…she didn't sleep well without Jim either. She missed him; his warmth and love…and the security he provided with his presence. She didn't feel as secure and safe when he wasn't there. Another sigh. Her husband had been out of town for two weeks now; and he still hadn't given her an estimate of when to expect him home. Christmas was ten days away…and they'd already been without him since the first of month.

"… _In the air there's a feeling of Christmas…"_

The feeling was definitely in the air, Johanna agreed; temperatures had plunged below freezing and everywhere you looked there was a multitude of lights, tinsel, and jingle bells; holiday music pouring from speakers in every department store and Santas covering the city in a sea of red suits. It was all around them but instead of the usual feeling of joy the season usually brought her, she felt somewhat beaten down. It had been a difficult year. The law firm had done its cute little downsizing, shuffling, refocusing trick…which had resulted in her getting that equally adorable pink slip that was doled out to select members who were no longer wanted. She frowned, the sting of rejection still rippling through her; along with the memory of Stanley's gleeful sneer. It had hurt…she had given them the first nine years of her career…good, successful years; and they had cast her aside, barely batting an eye in the process. Oh they had given her a reasonable severance package; Sharon too; and had acted graciously un-offended when her loyal, established clients decided to go with her.

Her colleagues, Mark and Cathy Montgomery had also been given their walking papers and had decided to start their own firm. They asked her and Sharon to join and she had accepted…but it meant being off the entire summer until things had been arranged and the firm opened in September. She had enjoyed the time off with Katie; she wouldn't have traded it for anything…but she had felt the uncertainty of starting over. She had started at Roche just weeks after finishing law school; she had begun her career there, met the love of her life, got married, had a baby…she had never dreamed of leaving; nor had she wanted to. Starting over somewhere else hadn't been easy…nor was it easy to get used to the fact that her husband wasn't right down the hallway and that their lunch dates seemed to have dwindled. She had taken some of her client list with her…and they were paying their retainer fee but not all of them were in need of her services at the moment. Business was slow…and she was starting to worry that it always would be.

Jim, on the other hand, had gotten to stay at Roche…he had also gotten promoted. She figured that must be the compensation they gave when they fired a man's wife…after all, Maggie had gotten axed too and Jeff found himself with a promotion as well. She scoffed quietly, it was definitely a man's world, that was for sure; but she was proud of Jim. She liked seeing him succeed and gaining more stature; but it did feel like his added responsibilities had changed him a little. Things didn't feel as stable between them as it usually did. She had the sinking feeling that they had entered a rough patch in their relationship.

"Mommy," Katie said, breaking into those bleak thoughts that threatened to consume her.

"What, baby?"

"Is it going to snow again?"

"Not today."

"What about for Christmas?"

"I don't know, sweetie; we'll have to wait and see."

"Grandpa said it's cold enough for snow."

"Did Grandpa come home for lunch?" Johanna asked. Her father-in-law hadn't there when she picked Katie up from Elizabeth's.

"Uh huh; he said he needed Grammy's soup and my hugs to warm him up."

Johanna smiled; that sounded like Robert. "What kind of soup did Grammy make?"

"Chicken noodle."

"She didn't save me any?" Johanna asked. If there was one thing she could say about her mother-in-law, it was that she made damn good soup…in several different varieties.

"She only made a little bit," Katie replied. "She said she's going to make more and give us some."

"I'm glad to hear that," she said with a laugh.

"Grandpa wanted to know when Daddy's coming home."

"I know, Grammy wants to know too," Johanna said as she pulled up in front of their house.

She shut off the car and set about gathering their belongings before she got out and moved around the car to get Katie out. They made a quick stop at the mailbox to get the mail, shivering as they did so and then made the trek up the sidewalk and the steps of the porch.

"Hurry, Mommy," Katie pleaded. "I'm cold."

"I'm hurrying sweetheart," Johanna said as she fumbled with her keys, trying to locate her house key as she juggled briefcase, purse, mail and her daughter's small pink backpack that she carried to the babysitter every day. "Can you take your bag? Maybe I can get the key in the door if I didn't have so much to hold."

Katie took her little backpack and hooked it over her shoulders. "I can hold the mail, Mommy."

Johanna smiled and laid the stack of mail in her daughter's arms. "Thank you, that's a big help."

"We got lots of mail today," her daughter stated.

"Yes, we did," she agreed as she finally got the front door unlocked. "Go ahead, Baby," she told her as she pushed the door open.

"Is Daddy home?" Katie asked as she moved into the entry way.

"No, he won't be tonight."

"Why?" the little girl whined pitifully.

"Because he's still out of town, honey," she said gently, her own loneliness for him making her ache.

"It's taking forever."

"I know," Johanna replied as she sat down her briefcase and purse.

"Is he ever coming home?"

She gave a soft laugh. "Of course he's going to come home, silly."

"When?"

Johanna sighed as she shrugged out of her coat and hung it up before taking the mail from her daughter and laying it aside. "He'll be back when his work is done," she said as she pulled the pink and lavender knit hat off of Katie's head and then helped her take off the matching gloves.

"I wish he'd be done soon," Katie said as she shrugged out of her purple coat that her mother had unzipped.

"Me too, sweetheart; I miss him too," she told her as she hung up the coat. "Let's take our boots off and leave them here to dry, they've got a little bit of slush on them."

They kicked off their boots and sat them under the stand to dry but Johanna noticed the forlorn look on her daughter's face. She missed her daddy more every day. He was only supposed to be gone for four days…and then it was a week…and now they were on week two. She felt that lingering sense of annoyance…the one that had gnawed on her ever since she found out that he had known about the trip since early November and hadn't bothered to tell her until three days before he had to leave. It was definitely a sore spot…but she missed him and wished he would wrap his case up and get home. Another flicker of annoyance as she recalled him saying that they were heading into a period of time where he would be traveling a lot…news she hadn't been thrilled to receive as an early Christmas gift.

"Can we turn the Christmas tree on?" Katie asked.

"Of course we can," she replied, moving into the living room and going to the tree. She picked up the cord and plugged it into the outlet, smiling as the colorful lights came to life. "There you go."

"Do you think Daddy will like our tree?" her daughter asked as she stood in front of it and studied it.

"Of course he will; why wouldn't he?"

"Because he didn't help us," Katie replied. "I wish Daddy could've helped us."

"I know…but I think we did a pretty good job on our own," Johanna stated. "It's a beautiful tree, Santa will like it."

"But Daddy didn't put the star on."

"Well…it's okay; I put the star on…I got it straighter than Daddy does," she laughed.

"But Daddy said it was his job to put the star on."

"Then Daddy should've been here to do it," Johanna said before she could stop herself; a touch of bitterness seeping into her tone.

Katie frowned at her and she felt instantly remorseful. "I'm sorry, honey; Mommy's just tired. I think our tree is perfect…and even if Daddy was home, you and I would've done most of it anyway because Daddy doesn't like to take his time and do it right. That's why he just puts the star on…and the lights if Mommy complains enough."

"I like our tree, Mommy," her daughter stated, turning to wrap herself around her legs.

Johanna lifted her into her arms. "I'm glad, sweetheart. I know you miss Daddy, I miss him too and I wish he'd hurry up and get home so everything will feel right again."

"How come it's taking so long?" Katie asked, sinking into her mother's hug.

"I don't know, Baby; he hasn't really told me, other than that his case is having problems," Johanna answered. Truth be told, she felt like Jim was holding back and not telling her everything but she tried not to dwell on it. After all, she knew there were some things that he couldn't discuss, things that fell under attorney client privilege…but still…she couldn't help but feel like he was somewhat distant lately and it wasn't a feeling she enjoyed.

"Why don't he just fix the problem?" Katie asked.

She smiled and ran her hand over her daughter's back. "Sometimes problems aren't simple to fix, sweetie. I'm sure he'll get it worked out as soon as he can."

"I hope so…Santa won't be able to find him if he don't come home."

"Don't worry; everything will be fine."

Katie frowned. "We don't have pretty lights outside like everyone else…cause Daddy had to leave."

Johanna sighed as she put her child down; she didn't relish the idea of decorating outside this close to the holiday but her daughter had been fussing about the lack of Christmas lights on the porch. "I'll see what we can do about that tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah," her daughter said, picking up her small backpack from the couch where she had put it. She unzipped it and pulled out her pink bunny, clutching him to her chest tightly.

She looked sad, Johanna thought; and the idea came to mind that maybe they needed a pick me up. "Hey," she said, kneeling down in front of her daughter; "How about we order a pizza for dinner, would you like that?"

Katie's face brightened. "With ronis on it?"

Johanna smiled. "Yes; we'll get extra cheese and pepperoni on it…as always."

"And breadsticks?"

"Of course…and tonight we can watch Christmas shows on TV and we'll make popcorn."

Katie smiled. "What are we going to watch?"

"Well, I looked in the TVGuide last night after you went to bed, and tonight we get to watch The Grinch and A Charlie Brown Christmas and Frosty the Snowman."

Her daughter grinned. "I like those a lot…I liked the ones from last night too."

"They were good," Johanna agreed. "How about I order the pizza and then we'll go through the mail and see if we got any Christmas cards?"

"Okay, Mommy."

Johanna picked up the pile of mail and headed for the kitchen, her daughter on her heels. She turned on the lights and tossed the mail on the table before going to the phone, ordering the pizza as she watched her daughter open the fridge to get herself a juice box.

"Do you need help getting the straw in?" she asked after hanging up the phone.

Her daughter frowned. "Yes."

"It's okay to need help," she told her; "You'll get the hang of it soon…and Mommy likes helping you."

Katie smiled. "I like helping you, Mommy."

"I know and you're so good at it."

"Is the pizza coming?"

"In a little while. Let's sit down and look at the mail."

Katie climbed up on one of the kitchen chairs and Johanna sat down next to her, pulling the stack of mail forward.

"What's in the box, Mommy?"

"I don't know," Johanna said, pulling the box out from the bottom of the pile and quickly scanning the label to make sure it wasn't a Christmas gift that she had ordered. "It's from your book club."

"New books!" Katie exclaimed.

"That's right," she replied as she worked the flap loose on the box and pulled out the four glossy storybooks that were inside. "They're Christmas stories, isn't that nice?"

"Uh huh, can we read them tonight?"

'We'll read two tonight and two tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay."

"Let's see what else we have," Johanna said. "This is Daddy's sports magazine; we'll start a pile for Daddy."

"I'll put it on his desk when we're done," her daughter declared.

She smiled. "Okay, that will be your job. Here's more mail for you."

"For me?"

"Yes, it says, 'Miss Katherine Beckett' on the front; that's you."

Kate's nose scrunched up. "Why did they call me Katherine?"

"Because that's your name, silly goose."

"My name is Katie."

Johanna opened the pale pink envelope that bore numerous marks from overseas travel. "I've already explained your name to you several times; but this is your birthday card from Uncle William and Aunt Lucinda."

"My birthday is over," her daughter replied.

"I know, sweetheart; but Uncle William and Aunt Lucinda live in Germany and that's far away. It takes awhile for the mail to get here."

"What does the card say?" Katie asked.

"Well…it's written in German," Johanna said, showing Katie the front of the card that showed a cupcake and a kitten; "But it looks like Aunt Lucinda included translations."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, in Germany, people speak German so their cards are written in German...just like here in America, we speak English and our cards are written in English. Different countries speak different languages and some people speak more than one language…language is another word for talking…do you understand?"

"Uh huh."

"Uncle William and Aunt Lucinda speak English and German; so your aunt wrote the English words beneath the German ones. The front of the card says 'For a sweet niece'," she told her before opening the card. Two ten dollar bills fell out and she caught them, laying them aside so she could read Katie the rest of the card. "Inside it says 'Wishing you the sweetest of birthdays' and there's a note. It says 'Dear, Katie; Uncle William and I want to wish you a happy fourth birthday. We didn't know what you would like so we're sending you ten dollars so that your mommy can take you to the store and pick out what you want for your birthday. We also weren't sure what to tell Santa to bring you for Christmas, that's what the other ten dollars is for, pick out what you would have liked Santa to bring you from us. We hope you have a happy birthday and a Merry Christmas. Love Aunt Lucinda and Uncle William."

Johanna picked up the money and made sure it was American, remembering that the last time they had sent Katie money for an occasion, it had been German and Jim had gotten the task of having it exchanged for her. "Alright, Katie bug; you've got twenty dollars, aren't you lucky?"

"Uh huh…do I gotta put it in my piggy bank?" Katie asked.

"No, sweetie; your aunt and uncle gave you this so you can get a birthday present and a Christmas present from them. I might be able to get off work early tomorrow, maybe we can go to the store and you can spend it, would you like that?"

"Yes…Santa won't get mad, will he?"

"No, baby; Santa understands about out of town relatives who send money. I'm going to put it back in the envelope and put it in my purse when we're done so we don't lose it okay?"

"Okay."

"When you get your presents, we'll take a picture of you with them and send it to Uncle William and Aunt Lucinda with a thank you note."

"What else did we get?" Katie asked.

"I don't know; seems like you're on a roll with new books and twenty dollars," Johanna commented with a laugh; "Mommy hasn't gotten anything so far…except this credit card bill…and I surely didn't ask for that."

Katie giggled. "Eww bills."

She laughed. "That's right, eww bills…I'll have to put that in the bill pile and take care of that later…the only plus side of Daddy being out of town is that he doesn't know my balance now."

"Is it a secret?"

"Oh yes, Mommy always keeps that a secret until she's made a few after Christmas payments."

"There's a red envelope, that's a Christmas card!" Katie said excitedly.

"Yes, it is," she replied as she picked it up and opened it. "It's from Aunt Bridget and Uncle Will."

"How come I got two uncles named the same?"

"Because William is a popular name for boys, sweetie. What do you think of this card, isn't it cute? It has snowmen on it."

Katie smiled. "I like it."

"Me too…look, a green envelope next, who do you think it's from?"

"Daddy?" her daughter asked.

She gave her a sympathetic smile. "No, it's from Aunt Sharon and Uncle Phil…oh and there's a smaller card in here too, it's for you from Molly."

"What does it say, Mommy?"

The small card showed a picture of two cute little penguins giving each other a hug. "It says Merry Christmas to my special friend and Molly signed her name at the bottom, see?"

"I want to send Molly a card," Katie replied.

Johanna nodded. "Okay, we'll get you some cards tomorrow and you can send them to your friends and your cousins."

"Can I send one to Chrissy?" her daughter asked; referring to Jeff and Maggie's little girl.

"Of course, sweetie; I said your friends and cousins; we'll get a box of cards, you'll have plenty."

"Okay. Did we get any more cards?"

"I'm looking," Johanna replied. "There's another bill; and this is for Daddy, it's about the car. Here's one of my magazines…finally, something good for me."

Katie giggled. "Any more for me?"

"I don't know yet; this is for me…letting me know that I have to renew my registration in a few months so I can keep going to work."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, remember we talked about how Daddy and I are lawyers and what we do when we go to work and when we go to court?"

"Uh huh."

"In order to be a lawyer, you have to have a license to practice law and you have to be registered in your state. Our state, New York; makes you renew your registration every two years; and I have to give them money to do it. I have to renew mine after my birthday and then in the summer after Daddy's birthday, he'll have to renew his too and give them more money."

"Why don't they just new it for you for no money?" her daughter asked.

Johanna smiled. "Because, baby girl; the world runs on money…even if it doesn't seem quite fair."

"I got money," Katie stated.

"That's right; you got twenty dollars today, big spender."

Katie laughed. "Grammy will say it should be in my piggy bank."

"Well we just won't tell Grammy…in fact we definitely shouldn't tell her."

"Why?"

"Because if Uncle William and Aunt Lucinda sent Christmas money in your birthday card, it means that they aren't coming to New York for Christmas and Grammy will be upset about it."

"Will she yell?" her daughter asked.

"Probably."

"I won't tell her," she said with a shake of her head.

Johanna laughed. "Me neither. I don't see anymore Christmas cards today; the rest is just junk mail and store ads."

"Will we get some tomorrow?"

"I don't know, we'll have to wait and see. How about you come upstairs and play in your room while I change out of my work clothes and take off my makeup…by the time I'm finished, our pizza should be here and then we'll eat dinner and you can get your bath before Daddy calls."

"Okay, Mommy," Katie said as she got down from her chair.

Johanna led the way from the kitchen, Katie at her side and she was grateful that they'd gotten through a small period of time without her daughter asking about Jim's homecoming.

"Mommy; will Daddy come home tomorrow?"

She closed her eyes for a second before stepping up onto the bottom of the step; she had spoken too soon, so to speak. "I don't know, honey; we'll ask him when he calls."

* * *

That evening, Johanna and Katie were cuddled together on the couch, a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table and the first of the evening's Christmas specials on the television. She had only a dim light on so that the glow of the Christmas tree would fill the room, adding to the holiday mood for their chosen entertainment…their evening going as planned, with the exception of one thing.

"Mommy, why didn't Daddy call?" Katie asked as the Grinch went to a commercial break.

"I don't know, Katie; maybe he doesn't know what time it is."

"Is he okay?"

"I'm sure he's fine," Johanna remarked; doing her best not to worry. There was no point in thinking the worst; she was sure there was a logical explanation for why their phone hadn't rang all evening. He might've had to work late. Maybe there had been a dinner meeting and he hadn't gotten a chance to call because of it. Maybe he had been tired when he got back to his room and had laid down and fallen asleep without meaning to do so.

Or maybe he was in a bar with Zach.

Her jaw tightened at the thought. When they weren't working, they seemed to make it their mission to visit every bar in Chicago. She didn't like the idea of it…didn't like that her husband was having a drink more often than usual; but her hands were tied thanks to the miles between them…and the excuses he gave when he was home.

Katie sank against her side and snuggled close, a trace of sadness lingering on her features. There was only one thing to do, Johanna thought to herself; they'd just have to call his room and see if he was there. "Sit up," she told Katie softly. "We'll call Daddy's hotel and see if he answers."

Her daughter smiled brightly and shifted away from her, turning on the cushion so that she could face her as Johanna reached for the phone on the stand and the slip of paper that had Jim's number written on it. She carefully dialed the number and listened to the line ring. "It's ringing," she told Katie with a smile.

"Is he answering?" her daughter asked, bouncing slightly on her knees in excitement.

"Not yet; we'll let it ring a few times more than usual in case he's in the shower."

They waited with as much patience as they could muster but finally Johanna had to concede to the fact that Jim wasn't going to answer. She hung up and allowed her gaze to slide toward her daughter. "Daddy didn't answer."

"Why?" Katie whined.

"He's probably still at work," she replied, her tone light so that her daughter wouldn't worry. "He probably had a lot of things to do after court so that he can win his case and come home soon."

"But I wanted to talk to him," Katie said. "I want to tell him about my gingerbread man I made with Grammy and that The Grinch is on; he likes the Grinch. I want to tell him about my new storybooks."

"I know, sweetheart; maybe he'll get back to his room before you go to bed…if not, he'll call tomorrow and you can tell him then, okay?"

Katie pouted and curled back against her mother's side. "Guess so."

She hugged her tightly. "I'm sorry, baby; I'm sure Daddy wants to talk to you too. You know he loves you more than the moon."

"I know."

Johanna grew quiet as her daughter's attention went back to the cartoon on the television screen. She hoped Jim would call before she put Katie to bed; if he didn't, she would fuss and try to stay up until he did…that was _if_ he called, for that matter. She hadn't even gotten to play in her bath as she usually did; she had been ushered in and out and into her pajamas so she'd be ready to talk to her daddy at his usual time to call. But she had only been rushed into disappointment…and Johanna couldn't help but think that Katie wasn't the only one who had been disappointed. She had been looking forward to talking to her husband for a few minutes; she missed sharing her day with him…not that she felt like he did much listening lately, but she liked to tell him anyway. She wanted to tell him her worries, her list of things she still had to get done for the holiday…she wanted to curl up in his arms and have him tell her that everything was going to be fine; that she didn't need to worry about work…or Christmas…or him…or _them_. She suppressed a sigh, keeping her daughter held close; they were on their own for the moment, they'd just have to make the best of it.

* * *

Later that night, Johanna flipped channels half heartedly, doing her best to ignore the empty place next to her in bed. She frowned, glancing at the spot that was usually occupied by her husband. A sigh crossed her lips; she hated when Jim had to travel for work…hated even more that his return had been delayed twice already. She knew he wasn't thrilled about the trip either; at least that's what he claimed but in all honesty he didn't sound too bothered when he'd call to check in. With Christmas looming in very near future, she felt more sensitive to his absence. Her frown deepened; having Jim away for so long so close to Christmas meant that all the preparations fell solely upon her.

She had been left to do a complicated juggling act; trying to finish up the Christmas shopping, trying to make sure gifts were wrapped and hidden while Katie was asleep since she couldn't ask Jim to occupy her for awhile on the weekends. She had been left with re-arranging the furniture to fit the tree in, the decorating…which she always did anyway, but he did always help her drag out the boxes and rearrange things. She had the cleaning and the baking still to do; she had to take Katie to pick out gifts that would be given with just her name on them. Business was slow but she did have a few cases she was laying ground work for and organizing…and she had arranged things so she could have the days off between Christmas and New Year's to have with Katie since she wasn't due in court and could do her paperwork at home. She also still had all of her other usual duties, grocery shopping, housekeeping, being a full time mother. It wouldn't have been so bad if his trip had come outside of the holiday season. Christmas preparations were added stress and doing it all alone was exhausting…and she missed the help and assistance of her husband; but most of all, she just missed him…his warmth, his love, his touch.

Before she could sink too deeply into those thoughts, her bedroom door was pushed open and her daughter slipped inside, her pink bunny clutched against her chest. "Hey, sweetheart," she said softly; "What are you doing up?"

Katie moved across the room and climbed up on the bed, her small form filling a little bit of that empty place Johanna had been fixated on. "What's wrong?" she asked again, sweeping her fingers across her daughter's forehead to check for fever.

"I woke up," Katie replied quietly.

Johanna helped her slip beneath the covers and then wrapped her arm around her as she snuggled into her side. "Did you have a bad dream?"

She nodded but said nothing, her sleepy gaze moving to the television that was still on.

"Maybe you'd feel better if you tell me what it is," Johanna prodded gently.

"I couldn't find Daddy," Katie whimpered, her small fingers curling tightly into her bunny. "He was lost."

She pressed a kiss against her daughter's head. "Daddy's not lost, baby. I know exactly where he is."

"Where?"

"In his hotel room…in Chicago," she answered; trying to keep the slight hint of disdain out of her voice concerning the city that was keeping her husband from her.

"Where's Chicago?"

"It's in a state called Illinois."

"Is it far away?"

"Far enough," Johanna muttered.

Her daughter looked up at her with sad green eyes. "Can you show me?"

"Show you?"

"Daddy shows me places on maps."

"Oh," she replied; "In the atlas he bought."

"Yeah…can you show me?"

"Honey; that book is downstairs in the office."

Katie looked up at her. "You could get it."

Johanna was quiet for a moment, pondering if there was an easier solution to be had that would keep her from having to abandon her warm bed. After a little contemplation, she remembered the phone book they kept upstairs was laying on the shelf below the drawer of her nightstand. There was a map of the United States in there...with squiggly lines through it denoting time zones but it would serve the purpose. She shifted, leaning over to grab the thick phone book and then flipped through it until she found the map. "Here's where we live," she said, pointing to New York, and then moving her other finger to Illinois; "And here's where Daddy is."

Her daughter frowned. "That's far away."

"Yeah…it is; seems further when you're missing someone," she remarked; "But Daddy's not lost; we know where he is."

"I feel like he's lost," Katie said quietly. "I can't see him."

Johanna put the phone book back on the shelf and then pulled her daughter close once more. "I know how you feel," she said softly.

"I miss Daddy," she said tearfully. "Is he ever coming home?"

"Of course he is, sweetheart," she soothed. "Daddy will be home as soon as his case is over; he doesn't like being away either."

"Is he going to miss Christmas? Will Santa still come if Daddy's not here?"

"He's not going to miss Christmas…and if for some reason, Daddy couldn't get home in time, yes; Santa will still come; but you don't need to worry because he'll be here."

"Will Santa take Daddy's presents to Chicago?" Katie asked as she rubbed her eye.

"No," Johanna said slowly. "Since Daddy's a grown up, Santa would just leave his presents here with us. Now if we were in Chicago with Daddy; Santa would take your presents there but it's different for grownups."

"Can we go to Chicago and be with Daddy?"

She pressed a kiss to the top of Katie's head and gave her a gentle squeeze. "No, honey; we have to stay here. Mommy has to work and Grandma needs you to help her make cookies and Grammy wants you to make a gingerbread house with her and I think you'll like that a whole lot. Plus we have to make cookies and fudge and cake…and we still have some presents to buy and other things to do. We're just going to have to wait for Daddy to come home."

"I wish he called us."

"I know," she murmured. "I'm sure he'll call in the morning though. He probably had a lot of work to do and didn't get finished until after your bedtime. Daddy's probably sleeping right now."

"Really?"

"Mhmm; I'm sure he's tired from work. He'll call tomorrow. You just think happy thoughts and go back to sleep, sweetheart."

"Can I stay here in your room?" her daughter asked.

She smiled and kissed her cheek. "Yes, you can stay here and sleep on daddy's pillow. Think happy thoughts now and close your eyes, everything will be alright."

Johanna brushed her fingertips along Katie's forehead soothingly as she hummed a soft lullaby until she was sure her daughter was once again asleep. She sighed softly…she hoped Jim would call in the morning so that their daughter's mind would be put at ease.

Of course she'd like her own mind put at ease as well…but she had a feeling she knew exactly where he was; in some bar enjoying his time away from being a husband and father. She just hoped he wasn't enjoying it _too_ much.

* * *

Later on, Katie was sleeping soundly next to Johanna as she watched Johnny Carson. The cordless phone on the nightstand rang, startling her and making her flinch, her gaze jerking toward Katie's small form curled up under the covers. Her daughter didn't flinch but she kept her eye on her as she snatched up the phone, worry and annoyance warring within her as she pushed the button to answer the call. "Hello," she said quietly.

"Are you asleep?" Jim asked.

"No, but do you know what time it is?" she asked.

"Yeah; it's a little after eleven-thirty…what are you wearing?" he asked lightly.

"Clothes," Johanna answered.

"Yeah…what kind?"

"Katie's asleep next to me, Jim."

"There goes that moment," he stated. "Why isn't she in her own bed?"

"Because she misses you…she waited for you to call all night, where have you been?"

He sighed. "I went out after work with Zach and Steve."

"Steve," she scoffed. "You don't even like him."

"That doesn't mean I can't get along with him for the time being…alcohol makes it easier."

"So I hear," she said flatly. "You still could've taken five minutes to call your daughter; it upset her when you didn't call."

"She'll be fine," he remarked.

"We tried to call you around eight," Johanna stated.

"I told you, I was out."

"I know," she said slowly; "I was just saying that we tried to call, I didn't mean anything by it."

"Sure you didn't."

Katie stirred slightly and she watched, making sure her daughter was going to stay asleep; when she showed no signs of waking, Johanna slipped out from under the covers and quietly made her way out of the room, closing the door behind her and then moving to sit on the top step of the stairs to continue their conversation. "I really didn't mean anything by it, Jim. I just wanted you to know that we tried to call…so you'd know we were thinking of you tonight."

"I never doubt that," he stated.

She breathed deeply. "I miss you."

"I know you do."

She smirked a little; apparently he didn't miss her very much…he didn't even lie and bother to say so. "When are you coming home?"

"I don't know, Johanna," Jim replied. "I told you that last night."

"I thought maybe you'd have a better idea today," she said, forcing lightness into her tone. "You never know what surprises court can bring from one day to the other."

"Well I'm afraid it's not a return to New York at the moment."

"What about your other cases?"

"Sally's rescheduling things, it'll be taken care of, I'm not worried."

"Katie worries…when we get home, she asks if you're going to be here."

"Tell her I'll be there as soon as I'm done working…she's going to have to get used to me traveling for work."

"She's just a little girl, Jim; she doesn't understand all of it. All she understands is that you've been gone for awhile and she doesn't like it."

"She'll be okay; I'll bring her a present."

Johanna rolled her eyes, of course he thought it was that simple. "Your mother wants to know when you're coming home too."

"Feel free to pass along the same message to her…what's everyone's problem?"

"I guess we just like having you around. You don't seem too bothered to be away for so long," Johanna remarked.

He scoffed. "What do you want me to do, Jo? You act like I'm on some vacation and that I like being away."

"I know you're not on vacation; I said you don't seem bothered by not being home…it's been two weeks, Jim; and you don't give the slightest hint of being bothered that you haven't been here with us for that amount of time."

"I don't control the goddamn court, Johanna," he said tartly.

"I'm aware of that."

"Then act like it. You may as well get used to me traveling too, I already told you that. I'm going to be doing a lot of it in the next several months."

"That doesn't mean I have to like it," she retorted.

"It doesn't matter if you like it or not, it has to be done; I'm the one paying the bills you know."

"Excuse me," she retorted. "I wasn't aware that I don't contribute money to our marriage; I guess I get up and go to work every day for the hell of it."

"Come on, Johanna; you know what I mean. I make more than you."

"You always have," she said sharply; "Because you're a man."

"Let's not get into all of that; but I do make more, especially now…I got a promotion and you've only been back to work for three months and you haven't been all that busy; so yes, I am the one earning more and paying the bills…and if I have to travel to continue to do that in order to support you and our daughter, then that's what has to be done."

Tears stung her eyes. "Wow; it's nice to know that my job is now worthless in your eyes. Thank you so much."

"It's not worthless; but you're at a new firm, the clients you took with you are only paying their retainer fee because they don't currently need you and you haven't yet had the full caseload you had at Roche."

"You act like I left Roche by choice," she said sharply; "But I didn't; they shoved me out the door with everyone else they no longer wanted. I didn't get a choice in the matter…you told me to take the summer off, to not worry about it, that we'd be fine."

"We are," he retorted; "But I can't just say 'no, I'm going to work on that case because my wife doesn't like me to leave town. I have to be there in case she wants to subtly hint that it isn't fair that you booted her out and kept me."

"That's not what I said!" she exclaimed.

"No, you don't say it out loud but the sentiment comes across."

"Then you're hearing things because I've never said that. I'm glad they kept you; you were there longer than me, it wouldn't have been right to choose me over you. I'm sorry I'm not making enough money to suit you though; I'm going to start taking on some family law cases…and I took the job teaching at Columbia for the spring semester."

"What do you mean you took the job?" he asked. "I thought we were going to discuss it more when I got home!"

"Yeah; well, you were supposed to be home at the end of last week, Jim; and I had to give a decision by yesterday…so I took it."

"Why?"

"Why?" she repeated. "Because I can…because I wanted to…because I'm sick of you acting like I'm not pulling my weight financially, so I'll just work a second job and make up for the loss that getting back on my feet is costing us. It's an hour class, two nights a week."

"And what about Katie? Who's going to take care of her while you're at your job that you're not going to have time for?"

"Well, Daddy; since you're also her parent, I figure you can drag your ass home early enough two days a week to tend to your daughter while I'm at work."

"Like I have nothing else to do," he spat.

Johanna scoffed. "I like how your career is more important than mine now that you've moved up the ranks a little bit."

Her husband sighed. "I just think it's going to be too much for you…and too much for Katie. Did you even think about all the extra work you're going to have? When are you going to have time to grade papers and prepare lessons? Did you think about it at all or did you just take it to try and prove something?"

"I took it because I wanted it…I wanted to try it; because maybe it's something I can do during slow periods…something I might want to do one day when I'm sick of being in the courtroom and need a change."

"That's all fine and dandy, Johanna; but I told you I'm going to be traveling a lot; so that means Katie is going to be left with one of her grandmothers for those two evenings a week in addition to the five days a week she's already there; is that fair to her?"

"My class is only an hour, Jim; I think she can handle what should total two extra hours twice a week…you're the one she doesn't see at the moment."

"Don't turn this around on me; I only have one job that you're complaining about because it's taking me away from home and yet you're out signing up for a second job that you don't need that's going to keep you from our daughter for additional hours of the week."

"You're trying to say I'm double talking you and you're the one who was saying that I haven't been busy at my job and now suddenly you're saying I don't have time to teach one class twice a week."

"Well you don't! And to top it all off, you take it without even discussing it with me!"

"I've been trying to discuss it with you since the first week of November and you kept putting me off. I had to make a choice; I wanted the job so I took it."

"You'll regret it," he said; "You've bitten off more than you can chew, Johanna. You just wait and see…and who knows how Katie's going to feel about it since she likes to be joined to your hip."

"You know, that line is getting old," she retorted. "You claim she only wants me and yet every five minutes for the last two weeks all I've heard is 'when is daddy coming home?' "I miss daddy' 'is he ever coming home', 'why didn't daddy call me?'. The reason she's sleeping with me tonight is because she got up from a bad dream she had, she dreamed she couldn't find you, that you were lost. I have to keep telling her that you're coming home, so this stupid idea you have in your head that she doesn't love you enough, you need to get rid of it because it couldn't be further from the truth."

"I didn't call to argue with you," Jim stated.

"I didn't want an argument either…it seems like it's getting to be a habit though lately. All I did was ask when you were coming home."

"Yeah; you ask, don't get the answer you want and then you nag…like always; so maybe I should consider this a vacation."

Hurt rippled through her. "I'm sorry that we miss you…and that I apparently nag you every day of your life; that's not something I strive to do. I'll work on it…and if you need to stay in Chicago until New Year's, please do with my blessing. We're fine here."

"Jo," he breathed. "I'll be home as soon as I can."

Her eyes were full of tears but she blinked them back. "I don't care when you come home, Jim. I just worry that I've been lying to Katie when I tell her you'll be home for Christmas…because it's getting closer and there's no sign that you're anywhere near ready to leave Chicago…but it's fine. I'll make sure she has a nice holiday and that she sees your family for awhile on Christmas."

"Don't go getting dramatic," Jim retorted. "I'll be back for Christmas…I just can't promise that I won't have to come back afterwards because things aren't going as planned with this case…so go ahead and bitch about it and get it out of your system."

She shook her head. "I'm not saying a word about it…pretty soon you may as well get yourself an apartment there. Maybe they'll offer you a job again, let me know if you need me to ship your clothes to you."

"Johanna," he huffed. "It's difficult enough."

"And you think it's not difficult for me?"

"What the hell is so difficult for you, Johanna?" he demanded to know.

A tear spilled down her cheek and she was glad that he couldn't see it. "I just miss you…I can't help that. First we don't work together anymore and now you're apparently going on all of these business trips…you've been gone two weeks already and there's no end in sight, with the exception of coming home for Christmas and leaving again. How am I supposed to feel?"

"I don't know what you want me to do; by taking these type of cases, I'm making twice as much as I was and you ought to be glad…because then you don't have to worry so much if things don't pick up for you any time soon. You ought to be glad that I can take care of you and Katie instead of getting mad that I can't be there to hold your hand every day."

"I'm not mad…I'm glad you've gotten what you wanted and that you're moving up the way you always wanted. I'm proud of you…"

"Yeah, sure."

"I am," she said firmly; "But I'm not going to do this all night. I'm going to go, I have things to do."

"It's nearly midnight there, what do you have to do?"

She scoffed. "Well in between sitting on my ass here in New York sponging off my husband, I have a child to tend to, a job to go to, a house to clean, laundry to do, meals to prepare, paperwork to tend to, Christmas shopping to do, gifts to wrap, gifts to hide, other holiday preparations to take care of…because a lot of it I have to do while Katie's in bed since I'm the only one here and she has no one else to keep her company. I've got plenty to do. You don't need to worry about calling tomorrow; I'm tired of rushing home just for Katie and I to sit by the phone waiting on you to feel like calling after you're done laying in one of Chicago's fabulous bars with your buddies. We're eating at my mother's tomorrow and then we're going to go find something to do because she deserves a treat. I'll call Columbia tomorrow and tell them I can't take the job after all…"

"That would probably be best," he interrupted.

"Yeah…because if it's not something you want, then it isn't a good idea, right? It's just something I wanted for myself…but anytime I want something just for myself, I get to be subtly accused of being selfish. If it was something you wanted, you'd go for it and you wouldn't give a damn what I said about it…but that would be your career, which clearly is more important than mine and me adding to my resume, so don't worry," she said, a soft sob breaking through, "I'll call tomorrow and tell them I can't do it."

"Don't start crying," he stated sharply.

Johanna pulled the phone away from her ear and pushed the button to turn it off and then laid it down on the step beside her as the tears slipped down her cheeks quietly. She allowed herself a few minutes to get it out of her system and then she leaned against the wall. There wasn't any chance she'd get to sleep now…and she'd already had her fill of gift wrapping after Katie had gone to bed the first time. She figured she may as well go throw a load of laundry in the washer and scrub the bathroom…maybe it would make her tired enough to settle down to sleep; if not, she could just lay in bed and think of ways to make Christmas fun for Katie despite the absence of her father.


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 2

"Hello," Johanna said softly as she answered the phone early the next morning.

"Hey," Jim said quietly.

Her gaze flicked to the clock. "It's 4:30 in the morning in Chicago…why aren't you asleep?" she asked. "You have to be in court in a few hours."

"I couldn't sleep," he replied. "You should still be in bed for a little while too."

"Yeah, well…apparently you knew I wouldn't be or you wouldn't have called at the crack of dawn."

"Did I wake you?"

"No…I'm just getting ready for work."

"It's kind of early…you don't have to be at work until eight."

"Yeah; well…I have things to do."

"You didn't get them all done last night?"

"If you must know, I got the laundry done and the bathroom cleaned."

He was quiet for a long moment. "I'm sorry about last night."

Johanna cast a quick glance at the bed to check on Katie and saw that she was still sleeping soundly and so she left the room once more; returning to the step she had sat on hours before during their last conversation. "It's alright, it's my fault."

"How do you figure?" Jim asked.

"I keep asking you the same questions and it makes you feel like you're being nagged…I'm sorry. I won't ask anymore; you can tell me when you know."

"You're my wife…you're supposed to ask."

"I'm not so sure about that some days," she admitted. "Did you need anything else?"

"Are you in a hurry to get me off the phone?"

"No…I just…"

"You're still mad."

"I'm not mad, Jim…I'm just tired and I guess last night I was just lonely but I'm over it. Everything is fine, I'm just trying to think of something fun for Katie and I to do tonight that's holiday themed."

"You're over missing me?" he asked.

"Yeah; you made it pretty easy to get over last night…Chicago seemed like a really good place for you to be."

"I'm sorry…I had a few drinks while I was out because I needed to blow off steam and I think it made me act like an ass towards you."

"That's alright, I'm used to it," she replied.

He sighed deeply. "Listen…don't give up the job at Columbia."

"Why not? You don't want me to take it…and I don't want to cause problems between us over it. I feel like we already have problems."

"We've just had a rough year, Jo," he told her. "Our jobs have changed…like you said, we're not in the same building for work anymore so we don't see each other as much as we're used to…and now I'm traveling. It's the holiday season and I'm not there to help you get things taken care of…I know you do a lot and I never meant to make it seem like you don't. Let's face it, everything would fall apart if you weren't taking care of it and that's the truth."

"It'll just make things worse…I shouldn't have taken the job in the first place. You were right, we didn't discuss it."

"It doesn't matter," he remarked quietly. "I didn't discuss my job with you…I didn't have to take the promotion."

"What?" she asked.

"I didn't have to take it, Jo…I had the choice to decline and keep going as I was…but they said I could move up, start taking these bigger cases, get more money, better benefits for us and Katie. I didn't discuss it with you…I didn't tell you there was the option of declining, so I guess it's only fair that you did the same thing."

"It kind of seems like you don't tell me a lot of things lately, Jim," she murmured.

"I just…I guess I was afraid you wouldn't want me to take the promotion."

"I'd never stand in the way of something you wanted," she replied. "I thought you knew me better than that."

"Well I remember that job offer I got before and you weren't too happy about that."

"That job was in another state…and I didn't want you to leave because I wanted you to be here with me…and we weren't even together then. I wouldn't have stood in your way if you had decided to take it. It would've killed me inside but I would've seen you off at the airport, so don't blame me, Jim."

"I'm not blaming you…I just wanted this promotion and I guess I wanted to take it without any chance that you might say something that would make me think about it more. You have tried to talk to me about the offer from Columbia and I have put you off until you had no choice but to give an answer…it's something you want so you should do it."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because…you want it."

"I'm not so sure it's a good idea anymore," Johanna admitted.

"Why?"

"Because…like you said, it's more time away from Katie and I have enough to do, especially with you implying that you're not going to be around…I probably couldn't handle it," she answered; his words from the night before making her doubt herself and her abilities.

"You only feel that way because of me," he replied. "I said stupid things and now you don't want to do it…but I didn't mean it, Jo. It's important to you and I want you to take it."

"I already took it…but I feel like I was hasty now and that it's going to be an issue in the long run between us. I know you…you're only telling me to take it because you know it's what I wanted to hear."

"All that matters is that I'm telling you to take it," he remarked.

"What about what you said last night? You said I had bitten off more than I could chew and I'd regret it."

"I could be wrong," Jim told her.

"So you don't think I can do it?"

Her husband sighed deeply. "I don't know, Johanna. It's not even something you've ever mentioned wanting to do in the past."

"That doesn't mean that it doesn't interest me or that I can't do it. It might open more doors for me."

"I don't think you need a permanent second job."

"I didn't mean as a permanent second job…I meant it was something I could consider if I felt like I needed a career change."

"You're a lawyer, Jo; you wouldn't be happy teaching full time, not to mention that it would be a pay drop for you."

"It would be more stable hours and longer breaks to be with Katie."

"Katie will be starting school before long."

"Yeah…and those breaks would coincide with mine."

"Stick with what you know and what you trained for," Jim stated. "By all means, take this job for a semester but don't look at it as if it's going to be something that makes you give up practicing law."

"I didn't say I wanted to give up practicing law; I'm just thinking about the positives; I'd have something to fall back on if I felt like it was time to step away. Like right now…I've had a very slow three months, and I'm starting to worry that the business will never pick up."

"I make enough to take care of us; you don't need to worry about things being slow," he retorted. "I've told you to relax about it a hundred times."

"It's not about the money, Jim. It's about me being bored. I feel like I'd be better off being home this month; at least I'd have things ready for Christmas."

"Christmas will be fine, work will be fine. If you want to go do the teaching thing at Columbia, go do it, but don't make it into something more than it is…and think about what you're going to do if it does turn out to be too much for you."

Johanna scoffed. "You're so reassuring and supportive lately."

"I told you to take the damn job; I can't tell you if you can handle it or not because I don't know until you do it. I don't know if you'll like it or if you'll be good at it. I assume you will be; you taught Katie her ABCs and how to count and got her to memorize your mother's phone number, so I'm sure you'll manage…but if you still think you should back out of it, that's fine too."

"I'm sure it is," she murmured.

"I don't know what you want, Johanna."

"Nothing," she said quietly; wishing that she could say that she wanted everything she couldn't have at the moment…security, his assurance, his faith in her…his love…his presence.

"I guess it's a decision you have to make on your own, Jo," her husband remarked.

Like everything else, it seemed like. "Are you back in court today or is there a continuance so you can work out whatever it is that's going on with this thing."

"We're not due in court until ten," he answered. "We'll spend a couple hours working on some things before hand."

"I hope it works out for you."

"What's on your agenda today?"

"I have a couple appointments this morning and then just small things to take care of. I'm glad it's Friday, I won't have to worry about running out of things to do at my desk for the next two days. What are you going to do for the weekend? Because I don't believe for a minute that the three of you are going to spend the whole time working."

"We're going to pine for our wives," Jim said flippantly.

"That should take care of five minutes," she replied as she rose from the step she as sitting on. "I'm going to go; I want to finish getting ready for work and look over a few things before I get Katie up and breakfast started."

"Tell her I love her."

"You should've called last night when she was awake and told her yourself…then maybe she wouldn't have dreamed that she couldn't find you."

"I'll call her tonight," he said sharply.

"Maybe you should hold off on your drinks until you do that," she suggested.

"You know, I just wanted to talk to you this morning, clear up things from last night. I didn't want a temperance lecture."

"I wasn't offering one. I love you; try and get a little sleep so you'll be good to go for court," she told him.

"I'll try," Jim remarked. "Be careful getting to work."

"I will," she answered, waiting for him to say that he loved her too but all she heard was the click of the line as he hung up the phone and her heart throbbed painfully in response. There were moments when she wondered if his feelings for her had changed…and as her eyes blurred with tears, she wondered what she'd do if they had.

* * *

"Mommy," Katie said awhile later as she picked up a spoonful of cereal from her bowl.

"What, sweetheart?" Johanna asked as she put the orange juice back in the fridge.

"Did Daddy call?"

Johanna breathed deeply; she didn't want to lie to her but she also knew that her daughter wouldn't be happy to know that she had missed her father's call. "Yes, he called."

"Why didn't he talk to me?"

"Because he called really late and you were already sleeping," she explained.

Katie dipped her spoon back into her bowl, a frown on her lips. "Why did he call after I was asleep? Didn't he want to talk to me?"

She moved across the kitchen and sat down next to her daughter, brushing her hand over her chestnut colored curls. "Of course he wanted to talk to you; he was really disappointed that he didn't get to," she told her, the next lie forming on her tongue but it had to be done. "He didn't get to call until after you were asleep because he had to work late; but he's really sorry and he told me to tell you that he loves you."

"Will he call tonight?" Katie asked.

Jim had said that he would but she was afraid to say so, after all, going out and blowing off steam might once again be more important. "He's going to try really hard to call before you go to bed tonight, okay?"

"Okay."

She pressed a kiss against her temple. "It'll be okay. Finish your cereal so we can go. I bet Grandma has some Christmas things for you to help with today."

Katie nodded. "Grandma said we were going to make fudge for her to take to Church tomorrow for a sale; and maybe a cake too."

"Well that will be fun for you; you like helping Grandma bake, don't you?"

"Uh huh; she said I can have some fudge…and lick icing off the spoon," her daughter said with a grin.

Johanna laughed. "Sounds like you're going to have a good day. If I get off work early; and I'm not promising I will; but if I do, I'll come pick you up and we'll go see if you can find something to spend your birthday money on and then we'll go back to Grandma's for dinner."

"What if I pick something Santa's bringing me?" Katie asked.

"Well, you're supposed to look for something that you didn't ask Santa for," she replied; but come to think of it, her daughter, like most four year olds, had asked for nearly everything but they'd give it a shot anyway. "Now finish your cereal, we really do have to leave soon."

"How come you only ate toast, Mommy?"

She sighed a little, thinking of the knot in her stomach that had been there for longer than she cared to remember. "My stomach is a little upset this morning."

"Maybe you should stay with me and Grandma and she can take care of you cause she's your mommy," Katie suggested.

Johanna smiled. "I would very much like to stay home with you and Grandma but I have to go to work; I'll be okay, I promise," she told her, a sense of longing welling up within her at the idea of going home to her mother. It wasn't a bad idea, it was just too bad she couldn't go through with it.

* * *

"What's the schedule look like for the rest this afternoon?" Johanna asked Sharon.

"Your appointments are finished for today," her secretary replied. "The papers that needed filed with the court have been taken care of and the depositions you need for the Magruder case have been scheduled for after the New Year."

"So we don't really have anything urgent to do for the rest of the day?"

"Yeah, that's about the size of it…business is slow."

"Don't remind me," Johanna muttered.

Sharon gave her a sympathetic smile. "It'll pick up, Jo…you know things always lag around the holidays."

"Yeah; but not this much."

"Well…it's going to take time for people to find us."

Johanna sat down in one of the chairs in front of Sharon's desk. "I just wish we could go back to Roche's," she whispered.

Sharon sighed. "If he hadn't retired and allowed things to fall into Carl and Stanley's greedy little hands, we'd probably still be there…but once Roche was gone, we didn't stand a chance. He liked you…Stanley doesn't…Stanley hates you with a passion."

"Yes, I'm aware of that," Johanna remarked dryly.

"They don't like a lot of people, Jo; that's why we're here with Mark, Cathy, Frances and Maggie. It's why Karen had to go to the Devonshire firm and so did Amelia. It's why Adam is at that new firm…not to mention the other assistants, secretaries and lawyers I haven't named that got threw out with us."

"I know; it's just hard not to take it personally," she replied. "I have a good record…I gave them nine years!"

"I know," Sharon sighed; "You've told me a thousand times like I wasn't there with you every day of those nine years with the exception of my honeymoon and maternity leave."

Johanna frowned. "I guess I annoy you too."

"You don't annoy me; I just don't see any reason to keep harping on it. You can't change what happened so just accept it and move on."

"I'm sorry I mentioned it," she replied. "I'm going to look for a program to help me get rid of my nagging nuisance problem."

"Oh boy," Sharon muttered. "Who set you off? Is it that time of the month?"

"No, that was last week."

Her secretary nodded. "That explains last week's bitchiness. What's this week's excuse? Is it getting to you that Jim isn't home to grab you once in awhile?"

"No," she said sharply.

"It is," Sharon stated. "You're cranky from lack of…martial affection."

Johanna rolled her eyes. "Right, Sharon; lack of sex is at the top of my list of worries right now. I mean I only feel like my career is circling the drain. I've got Christmas breathing down my neck and I'm nowhere near ready for it, nor do I feel all that Christmassy. My husband has been gone for fifteen days and doesn't know when he's coming home and he doesn't seem the least bit bothered by it…in fact he seems to be having a good time…of course why wouldn't he be? He doesn't have to be a husband and father in Chicago. I took the job at Columbia only to have my husband tell me that he doesn't think I can handle it and that he doesn't want to take his share of the parenting responsibilities so that I can do it so I'm going to have to back out of it and I know when I do that they won't ever ask again. So not only is the career I have going down the tubes, I can't even get a feel for a new one because the only career that matters is Jim's while I do everything else myself. I feel like my marriage is going downhill and that I'm on my own as a parent right now…so yeah, lack of sex isn't really on the top of my list of worries right now."

"Maybe it would help the marriage tension," Sharon quipped.

She glared at her. "Yeah; if he ever decides to come home, I'll see if I can arrange it since you think that's the cure to every problem in the universe."

Sharon leaned back in her chair and studied her friend for a long moment. "What's going on, Jo?"

She shrugged. "I don't know…everything feels wrong and Christmas just seems to be magnifying the feeling. Jim left on the first so I have everything to do for the holiday and it's not always easy to do it all myself when he's not here to help occupy Katie. He calls and we either fight or we don't say much because he doesn't really tell me anything anymore. Ever since he got that promotion, it's all work for him and when he's not at work, he wants to be out 'blowing off steam' with his friends. If I ask when he's coming home or what he's doing, I'm nagging. When I mention something about Katie, it's either 'she'll be fine' or 'she always wants you anyway'. I get reminded that he's the one making the most money and he has to say it like I don't contribute at all…and then when I told him I took the other job; he gets mad. I just can't win lately…I don't know what's going on…we were fine all summer and then things have just slowly started to deteriorate. He knew since early November about this trip to Chicago and he didn't bother to tell me until three days before he was leaving. It was supposed to be four days…then a week…now he doesn't know when he'll be back. I asked if he'll be home for Christmas; he claims he will be but can't promise that he won't have to go back to Chicago afterwards…and you know, I'm a nag for asking."

"It's probably just the stress of the job," Sharon replied. "I'm sure he does need to blow off steam."

"He used to do that with me," she remarked tartly.

"Well…maybe he needs to do it another way right now. Just relax, it'll be fine."

"I don't want my husband out drinking every night, Sharon."

"You're probably just exaggerating it," her friend told her. "So he's going out a little more than usual; this time of year seems to inspire that; everyone is stressed. Maybe we should go out for drinks."

"Oh sure; I'll just let Katie home alone and meet you at the bar at six."

Sharon rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you can find a sitter."

"I don't want to find a sitter. I want my life to be normal again."

"Chill out and it will be," her friend replied. "You let everything get to you; come on, it's Christmas, a time to be happy."

It was hard to be happy when you felt like your life was on the verge of falling apart, Johanna thought to herself.

"Come on, Jo," Sharon went on. "I'm sure it's not as bad as you make it seem."

"I didn't know you lived in my house and knew what went on behind closed doors."

Sharon's brow rose. "Okay; you're not ready for rational thinking. What else is going on that makes you think everything is collapsing?"

She shook her head; her friend clearly didn't want to wade through the issues like they normally did. Sharon was in the mood to be dismissive…probably hoping they were closing up the office early since she had asked about the schedule. She rose from the chair, smoothing a wrinkle from her skirt as she did so. "I'm going to finish up a few things and get out of here before two."

"What are you doing after work?" Sharon asked.

"I'm going to go put up the Christmas lights my baby wants on the porch that her father didn't hang up before he left. Then I'm going to go get her and take her to spend her birthday money from her uncle and aunt and then we're going to have dinner at my mother's, go home, watch Christmas cartoons before she goes to bed. I'll then wrap more gifts and think up tomorrow's entertainment…because the only thing that matters right now is giving Katie a good Christmas regardless of who's here and who isn't."

"Do you want me to come help you with the lights?"

"No; I'm fine on my own," Johanna replied.

"Jo," Sharon said as she watched her walk back toward the inner office. "I feel like you're mad at me now."

"I'm not mad…I just sometimes don't know why I bother telling you anything," she remarked. "You're as bad as Jim; oh you're exaggerating, you just need to relax, don't worry…well I do worry; I worked my ass off to build up my reputation as a lawyer and then I get kicked to the curb like a piece of garbage and I don't care if I wasn't the only one, it still bothers me and I'm allowed to be bothered by it…I'm allowed to be bothered by the fact that I don't have the case load I'm used to having. I'm allowed to be bothered by the fact that my husband seems to be rubbing his bigger paycheck in my face to justify everything he does lately. I'm allowed to worry about my marriage and if my husband's feelings for me have changed…because I feel like they have, but no one wants to hear it so I just carry it alone like I do everything else because I get tired of being branded an exaggerator, or dramatic, nagging, and whatever else you all can think up. My New Year's resolution is going to be keeping my mouth shut; because while I'm expected to listen to everyone else's problems and be appropriately sympathetic with worthwhile advice; I don't get that same courtesy in return."

Sharon got up from her chair and followed Johanna into her office. "Okay, maybe I've been falling down on the job in the friendship area. Let's talk about it; get it all out."

"Don't worry about it, Sharon; I'll be fine, I always am."

"Jo; I honestly didn't realize you were this upset…I mean you enjoyed your time off over the summer; so did I. It's not your fault that business is slow and you didn't get kicked out of Roche because of your record; you got kicked out because idiots are in charge now…which is why our husbands are still employed there. I'm sure everything will get back on track work wise. I also didn't realize that you and Jim were having issues."

Johanna scoffed. "Really? I've only mentioned it to you several times; you listen to me about as well as he does lately."

"I'm sorry; I've been distracted thinking about my anniversary back in October and trying to find a fresh way of celebrating it…and then thinking about the holidays and the usual battle of whose family gets what part of the day and all the preparations that go into everything. You're not the only one with holiday stress and things to do."

"I never said I was; all I said was that I have to do it all alone with Jim out of town."

"Yeah; but you say that like you don't do it all on your own every other year…because when you think about it, you do."

"No, I don't," she retorted. "Jim takes Katie shopping for gifts for her grandfathers and for me. When I need some time alone to get gifts wrapped, he takes her to visit someone or on errands with him so I don't have to do it all in the middle of the night. He helps get the stuff out so I can decorate. He runs to the store for me if I need things when I'm doing the holiday baking and cooking. He keeps Katie while I go shopping so I don't have to dump her on her grandmother. I'm used to that; and this year he isn't here so I have to juggle it…that's why I'm in my office on my lunch break ordering the stuff Katie circled in the Wish Book."

"So what are you going to get for Christmas if Jim isn't here to go shopping?"

Johanna met her eye. "I'm guessing nothing," she replied; "But I don't care about that. I just want Katie to have a good Christmas and she's worried that her daddy isn't going to be there; so I need to keep her occupied; so if I can get out of here early on the days leading up to Christmas so I can go do things with her and maybe also accomplish more of my to do list, then that's what I'm going to do."

"Maybe we can do something over the weekend," Sharon suggested.

"I'm not going out drinking," she retorted.

"No, not drinking…maybe we can take the girls to go do something."

"You don't have to do that; we're fine."

"I know you're fine," Sharon said slowly. "It wasn't a pity offering."

"Felt like it."

Sharon sighed. "Maybe this is why Jim drinks."

Johanna's gaze jerked to her face as she swallowed back words she knew she would regret saying to her friend. She opened and closed her mouth twice, trying to find the right response but the only thing she could allow to cross her lips was the idea she'd been having for awhile now. "I'm sure it is me," she said softly.

"I'm sorry, Jo; I shouldn't have said that…I didn't mean it."

"It's okay; I just…I need to go. I'm going to finish up my paperwork at home. Take care of whatever you need to finish and turn on the answering machine and lock up the office. I'll see you Monday."

"Jo," Sharon said, gentling her tone, "Talk to me."

"What for?" she laughed, tears choking her voice. "You don't care and no matter what I say, I'm just exaggerating or whatever. Like I said, I get enough of that from my husband; I don't need it from my secretary."

Sharon's eyes widened. "Your secretary? I thought I was your friend."

"You are," Johanna said.

"Then why did you say secretary?"

"Well…you are my secretary."

"But I was your friend first!"

"Relax, Sharon; I didn't mean anything by it."

"Oh," Sharon said; "I see…a little face slap to get even, okay. I'm sorry that I didn't take your issues as seriously as you wanted me to, I just know that you and Jim always work things out…and let's face it, it's not out of the norm for the two of you to fight so that's probably why I didn't pay much mind to the things you've mentioned."

"It's okay," Johanna replied as she set about packing up her briefcase. "I'm sure I'll feel better next week."

"So it's a definite no on doing something with the kids this weekend?"

"I don't know, Sharon; give me a call if you think of something."

Her secretary was silent for a few moments as she watched her finish packing her briefcase and then moved to the closet and got her coat and purse. "Mark might not like you leaving at 12:30."

"It's Friday," Johanna replied. "I have no clients coming in, nor have I left the building for my lunch hour the last two weeks. I doubt he'll care and I doubt anyone will need me; especially if you turn on the machine and go home after your work is done like I told you. I'm going to run to the store and then go home, I'll be there for a little while if something urgent comes up."

"I thought you were going to go get Katie."

"I am after I take care of some things at home that I can do faster if she's not there, okay?"

"It's your business," Sharon replied. "But maybe you should tell Mark you're leaving because Katie doesn't feel good or something."

"I'm not going to lie about my kid being sick. I'll tell him the truth; if he has a problem with it, then I'll come back down here and sit until four or until I can sneak out of the building undetected."

"Jo; you're kind of on edge today; maybe you just need to…you know…relax. I'm sure Jim will be home soon and I'm sure Katie will have a nice Christmas no matter what does or doesn't get done. Work will straighten out and if you want the job at Columbia keep it…but does that involve me in any way? Because I'm really not looking for a second job, I have a life outside of work."

"No, Sharon; I promise it won't involve you in any way. I told you, I'm going to have to back out anyway. Jim's going to be traveling a lot and even when he's not, he didn't like the idea of having to come home and sit with Katie while I go teach, so don't worry, no one's asking anything of you."

"If you want the job, keep it. Drop Katie off at my house, she can play with Molly while you teach your class; it's not a big deal."

"I'll see you later," Johanna said as she hurried toward the door, feeling like she was suffocating with every second she stayed there. She just needed to get away from that office where there was so little to do…and from her friend who was irritating her raw nerves more than she was helping to soothe them.

"I'll call you later," Sharon called after her.

She could hardly wait for that call, she thought to herself as she continued down the hallway, knowing she had to check in with Mark before she headed out but she hated the formality just the same. In fact she seemed to hate a lot of things that week. His door was open but Frances wasn't at her desk so she moved into his office and knocked on the open inner door.

"What can I do for you, Jo?" Mark asked as he looked up from a paper he was studying.

"I was wondering if you mind if I go ahead and leave for the day? I don't have anymore clients on my schedule and I can finish up my paperwork after I get Katie to bed tonight. I thought maybe I could get some things done before I have to go pick her up."

Mark nodded. "Yeah; you may as well…at least you showed up for half the day; Maggie didn't come in at all."

"She doesn't have any work to do," Johanna replied. "I talked to her last night; she wrapped her case on Wednesday and doesn't have anything else yet."

"I know…and we're not likely to pick up a lot of work when no one is here if someone does come in."

She shifted on her feet, knowing he wasn't pleased with the idea that his staff was taking half days or days off due to their workloads being so light. "I'm sorry; I'll head back to my office," she said, turning and heading back through the office, her heart sinking with every step. She could've ran to the store and bought some new lights and got them put up around the porch before heading to her mother's and getting Katie so they could run to the toy store before dinner and get her gift from William and Lucinda. Well, there was nothing to be done about it now, she figured as she moved back into her own office.

Sharon looked up with a slight smirk. "I told you that you should've lied."

"Shut up, Sharon," she remarked as she made her way back to the inner office.

"Well, a sick kid is always the key to a successful way out the door."

"Is that really a tidbit you should be sharing with your boss?" Johanna asked; "Because now I'm not going to believe you anytime you say Molly is sick."

"I don't think of you as my boss; I think of you as my friend."

"Well your friend is also your boss and now knows to weigh your excuses with more care."

"Just because you're in a bad mood doesn't mean you need to drag everyone else down with you," Sharon remarked.

"My apologies," Johanna said as she opened the door to her office and flipped on the lights that her secretary had turned off. "I'm going to close the door so I don't inflict my mood on you anymore today."

"Might be a good idea," her secretary stated.

Johanna sighed as she closed the door behind her and moved to her desk to lay her briefcase down before putting her coat and purse back in the closet. She stood there for a moment, looking at her office…it still had that new, awkward feeling to it despite being there every day since the first week of September. Her diplomas were on the wall; law books lined the shelves of the bookcase and a few framed photos were scattered about. She figured maybe she needed to decorate a little more, make it feel more home-like in a work related way. It was a task she'd have to take on in the coming weeks to fill in the gaps on her schedule and keep her from looking for an early exit or she'd probably find herself fired again. She could just imagine how her husband would feel about that.

She went to her desk and opened up her briefcase again, taking out the thin stack of files she had packed; thankful that it was Friday and she wouldn't have to worry about what she could do to keep her occupied at her desk for the next two days. She blew out a breath as she settled down in her chair, maybe she could get the lights put up outside tomorrow…Katie would be home but she was sure she could think up some small job to make her daughter feel helpful. They'd probably have to wait until then to go get something with her birthday money too; the stores would be so crowded after work and her mother was sure to have dinner nearly ready when she got there. Katie would be disappointed but she didn't know what else to do. She couldn't get her in the habit of thinking she could take off work early all the time anyway because she couldn't.

Johanna turned on the small radio that sat on the corner of her desk but frowned as the lyrics of Blue Christmas poured through the speaker. Maybe music wasn't a good idea after all, she thought as she turned it back off. Christmas songs about relationships on the rocks weren't exactly what she needed at the moment…and she was starting to regret skipping lunch again as she was getting hungry. Oh well, she thought as she opened a file and pulled her legal pad and pen closer in case she had to take notes.

Ten minutes passed and the only thing she had accomplished was reading the same paragraph three times because her attention wasn't where she needed it. A knock sounded on her door and she groaned internally, she really didn't want another gab session with Sharon at the moment. "What is it, Sharon?" she called out.

"It's not Sharon, it's me," she heard Mark reply.

Oh God, she thought to herself; maybe she was getting fired now. "Come in."

The door opened and Mark stepped inside, closing it behind him. "Jo, you can go like you wanted."

She shook her head. "Oh, that's okay. I shouldn't have asked; I don't have a good reason for leaving early, it's fine."

"Not having much to do is as good a reason as any," he remarked. "I wasn't mad that you asked, I'm not mad about Maggie not coming in either; it's just a case I'm working on, it's annoying me and as Cathy tells me, makes me behave like an irritating ass…which is why Frances isn't hanging around her desk much today."

"It's okay, really," Johanna told him. "I should know better."

"Why? We all slipped out the door one time or another at Roche's and didn't bother to notify him…and he couldn't really keep track there was so many of us; and when he did, that research excuse was as good as gold," Mark said with a laugh.

"Yeah; but things are different now and I can't afford to lose a second job this year."

Mark sat down in a chair across from her desk. "You don't really think I'd fire you for leaving early, do you?"

"Well I've gotten fired for less," she quipped.

He laughed. "I know the feeling…but when Cathy and I asked you to join us, I believe I made it a point to tell you that you could be more flexible with your hours here because I know you have Katie. I know being able to have a little more flexibility is important to you…just like I know you'd never ask to leave early if your desk was swamped with case work. Things are slow right now…and I know it's frustrating when we're all used to being busier."

"I'm fine," Johanna remarked.

Mark smiled. "Your secretary begs to differ."

She rolled her eyes. "You should take things she says or implies with a grain of salt…what did she say?"

"Oh she's just mentioned that you're bored and agitated."

"Oh my God!" Johanna exclaimed. "I never said that! I swear, her Christmas gift from me is going to be my boot kicking her ass out the door."

"No need to get riled," her colleague stated.

"Yes, there is, I never said those things and I don't want someone putting words in my mouth that I didn't say…do you hear me, Sharon?" she said loudly. "Because I know you've probably got your ear pressed to the door, you lying bitch."

"Yeah, I hear ya," Sharon called back; "And I'm so unconcerned about my job right now that I'm not even going to pretend to be looking at the want ads."

Mark's shoulders shook with laughter. "You girls keep the place lively."

"Won't be lively if I kill Sharon for saying things I didn't say."

"Alright, relax; I believe you didn't say it…but I know you've got to be as frustrated as everyone else."

"I'm sure some of my established clients will need me before long," she remarked.

"I'm sure they will; just as I'm sure things will pick up around here."

"I know they will," she answered, pasting a small smile on her face.

"You're giving me that same look Cathy gives me when she's humoring me and sick of hearing me say the same thing for the hundredth time."

She shook her head. "No; I know it'll pick up eventually."

Mark nodded. "So call it a day, go get your stuff done; I know Jim's out of town and Christmas is coming so you've probably got a lot on your plate and every extra minute you can grab is a big help. Whatever it is you have left in those folders can wait until Monday; go on."

"I don't need to go; I'll get things done over the weekend."

"Don't be stubborn; it's an order," Mark stated. "I don't remember the last time you took a lunch break but I'm sure it's been over a week, so basically I owe you some free hours. Take the rest of the day off; go do what you need to do or go play with Katie…or take some time for yourself, whatever it is you need to do. I'm not mad and you don't need to worry about your job."

She worried her bottom lip; she could use the time…and she hadn't been taking those lunch breaks; so basically she had already worked the hours.

"Johanna," Mark said.

"I'm sorry; what?"

"Go; you have things to take care of, go do them. I told you, you're owed the time for all the breaks you haven't taken, okay?"

"If you're sure," she said cautiously.

"I'm positive…and do yourself a favor and leave those files here; they'll keep until Monday, okay?"

She managed a more genuine smile this time. "Alright…I really do have some things to take care of that would be easier to get through before I pick Katie up."

"Then go do it; I'll see you Monday."

"Thanks, Mark."

"No problem, have a nice weekend."

She wished him the same and decided to take his advice and leave her files behind as she got up from her desk to collect her coat and purse once more.

* * *

The weatherman was a liar, Johanna thought to herself as she wrapped strands of lights around the porch railing. The weatherman had said that it would be warmer that afternoon…but she could still see her breath in the air so she had to beg to differ…not to mention that she had to pull her gloves off to get the strands of lights straightened the way she needed so she could work with them correctly. She was sure she would have frostbite by the time she was finished. Of course she only had herself to blame; Katie could've lived without outside lights for one holiday season…but she hated to disappoint her when things were already off enough.

Finally she finished and plugged the lights into the outdoor outlet that Jim had installed the summer after they moved in. She hurried down the steps and down the sidewalk so she could stand by the car and look up at the house to see how it looked despite the sunlight dulling the effect of the colorful lights. It wasn't as neat and evenly spaced as when Jim did it but it would do, she figured. It would be enough to make her daughter happy and that was all that mattered.

The woman who lived next door came outside to check her mail, her gaze straying toward the decorations that Johanna was pondering. "You're decorating kind of late, don't you think?" she stated.

Johanna glanced to the woman. "We've been busy; I was able to get off work early today and get it finished."

The neighbor nodded slightly. "It's a shame about your husband leaving you right at the holidays."

Her brow furrowed. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh everyone knows," she stated; "Everyone saw him leaving with luggage and he's never come back. It's really a shame, especially with you having that little girl."

Outrage flicked across Johanna's face. "My husband didn't leave me!"

The neighbor laughed. "Come now, honey; he's been gone for weeks…if he hasn't come back by now, he's not coming back; but don't worry; you're pretty enough, you'll be able to find someone else in time…maybe even someone who won't mind the kid."

"Oh my God," Johanna stated. "Who the hell is saying these things?!"

"The whole neighborhood knows. I saw him leave and so did AnneMarie across the street. It's alright, it's happens to the best of us; you'll be fine."

"My husband didn't leave me; he's out of town on business!"

The woman smiled. "That old line huh? You don't have to put on for me, dear; I know abandonment when I see it…unless of course he's convinced you that he's on business…in which case, you should know that they all use that line and it's never good. He's not coming back."

"Yes, he is! My husband is away on business. I know exactly where he's at and the colleagues he's with. He's been gone for two weeks, not nearly as many weeks as you want to imply. He will be home as soon as his business is concluded, so feel free to pass that along to the neighborhood," Johanna stated before storming back up the walk.

"Don't get so huffy, dear," her neighbor called out to her. "I've been married three times; the first divorce is always the hardest, after that it's easy."

Johanna quickly hurried into the house, turning off the lights with the switch inside and slamming the door shut behind her. Just what she needed, the whole neighborhood gossiping and believing that she had been abandoned by her husband. It just kept getting better.

And she definitely didn't need thoughts of divorce in her head.

Surely that would never happen…would it? Was Jim really still working on that case? How did she know what he was really doing? She couldn't even say for sure that Zach and Steve were still in Chicago with him…because she no longer worked at the same firm as them. She sighed deeply; that was ridiculous, of course they were all still in Chicago; the neighbors were just busybodies who liked to gossip. Jim would come home…eventually. Hopefully his time away would remind him that he used to enjoy his time with her.

But on the other hand, maybe it would only serve to remind him of the freedom he had before he had gotten married.

Tears stung her eyes; why was this happening? Why did it have to happen now, with Christmas as the backdrop…when she had a little girl depending on her to make everything merry and bright? A tear leaked free and she swiped it away angrily. She didn't have time for tears; she had to get it together, one way or another.

Johanna leaned back against the door, feeling an odd tightness in her chest that scared her, her breaths coming quicker and she fought to control her thoughts, trying to coax herself into calming, telling herself that she was fine, she just needed to breathe normally. Finally she managed to inhale deeply and then she expelled the breath slowly. She repeated the exercise a few times until finally the tightness eased and she felt like she could breath normally again.

She scrubbed her hands over her face; it was just anxiety, she told herself. She'd been there before…like that panicked frenzy she'd been in the days leading up to taking the bar exam; so sure she'd somehow fail; but she hadn't, she had done extremely well. She just needed to remember that…everything was a test right now but she'd manage. Work would have to straighten itself out; she couldn't do anything about a light caseload at the moment. The status of her marriage couldn't really be helped either at the moment seeing as how her husband wasn't available for chats and reassurance; and it didn't seem like he wanted to be either. All she could really do was respect his wishes that she not nag and not ask when he was coming home. She couldn't help that her friends had their own problems and didn't have time to truly lend an ear or give sound advice; she'd have to rely on herself or find someone else to confide in about things that were bothering her. The only thing truly in her control was providing Katie with a nice Christmas…and not only that, but a busy, enjoyable lead up to the holiday. She could do this…she didn't have any other choice.


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews! Someone asked if there will be any happy moments; there will be, we'll get to them!_

Chapter 3

"How did the shopping go?" Naomi asked early that evening as Johanna and Katie returned from their excursion.

"Not too good," Johanna replied while helping her daughter take off her coat, hat and gloves. "She wasn't sure what to get because she doesn't know what all Santa is going to bring her."

Naomi gave her granddaughter a sympathetic smile. "Well maybe you better wait until after Christmas so you can pick something that Santa didn't bring."

"That's what Mommy said," Katie replied as she sat down on the floor so she could take her boots off.

"Things will still be on sale right after Christmas," Johanna said; "You might be able to get more for your money."

"And who knows," Naomi said; "You might get more Christmas money to spend."

Katie sighed as her mother put their boots under the stand in the entry way. "Grandma, can I have a cookie?"

"Dinner will be done soon, Katie," Johanna told her.

Naomi smiled. "You can have a cookie."

"Mom, she can wait."

"She had a shopping disappointment, she needs a cookie. Besides, Grandma's house, Grandma's rules."

Johanna smirked at her. "Funny how the rules changed after I moved out."

"Isn't it though?" her mother replied, her eyes glittering with amusement. "Your father wants to talk to you; he's in his office."

Her stomach clenched out of habit. "What did I do?"

"Nothing," Naomi replied. "He's being secretive so I assume it's about a gift."

Johanna nodded. "I can handle that."

"I'm sure you can," her mother said as she took Katie's hand. "We'll be in the kitchen."

Johanna moved through the house, coming to the closed door of her father's home office. She knocked softly on the door and upon hearing his consent to come in; she turned the doorknob and slipped inside, closing the door behind her. "You wanted to see me?" she asked.

"Yes," Frank answered as he looked up from the papers on his desk and beckoned for her to sit down. "Are you in court on Monday?"

"No; I won't be there until after the new year; why?"

"Because I want you to go look at something with me," he answered; "It's a gift for your mother, I had it made. I thought if you could get away, I could pick you up on your break."

"It won't be hard to get away; I have a few appointments in the morning but by noon I'm good to go…business is very slow."

Frank nodded. "I think the only business that isn't slow this time of year is retail, food, and heating repairs."

"That's probably true."

"It is," her father insisted. "Look at the company; we're not doing any new construction right now; the weather is too unstable. Those crews are working on indoor projects, maintenance and emergency repairs…and there isn't a whole lot going on in those areas. That's a portion of my business that's slow for several months; which is why I made sure long ago that we have our fingers in as many different pies as possible to sustain us during these months when construction can't be done."

"I know, Dad…but things have been slow for me since switching firms."

"It's going to take time, Johanna. You did take clients with you, didn't you?"

"Yes; and they pay their retainer. I've got a couple cases from people that my clients referred to me…but not what I'm used to."

"Maybe you need to expand a little," he suggested. "When I started the company, it was only the construction angle…didn't take long to realize that I was going to need more than just that; so I moved into real estate as well; managing, selling, buying…it makes for a better business and keeps things from getting too slow. I know you wanted to narrow down the focus at this firm to just civil rights and contract law but maybe you need to add something outside of that scope."

"I am," she admitted. "I told Mark I'd take family law cases after the holidays. I've handled enough of them at Roche that I'm comfortable with it."

Frank nodded. "That's a good idea; plenty of people will want divorces after the holiday…they won't want to start the New Year with the old spouse. Just give it some time and pass the word along to established clients; surely they know people who want to get divorced."

She nodded. "They probably do…it's a good idea though, to pass the word along to those clients."

"Every little bit helps when it comes to word of mouth," Frank replied. "I'll put the word out around the office; there's always someone there bitching about a marriage."

Johanna gave a soft laugh. "It isn't you, is it?"

"No," he said with a chuckle, surprising her a little that he had taken the joke for what it was. "Not your brother either."

"That's good to know because I'd have to take Valerie's case over his if we're being honest."

"I'm not surprised," Frank laughed.

She grew quiet for a moment and then met his eye. "I got a job offer."

His brow rose. "From another firm?"

"No…Columbia contacted me; they want me to teach a law class two evenings a week for the spring semester."

Her father leaned back in his chair. "So what are you going to do?"

"Well…I kind of wanted to talk to you about it because I know you'll be completely honest," she admitted.

"Alright; tell me what you know about the job."

"Well, like I said, it's just one class because they know I'm busy with my own work…it's a class in civil procedure, which is one of the basic classes that you start off with. It's an hour long class twice a week. The pay is good…and they mentioned that if it goes well and I like it, I could be put on the list of alumni who want to be invited back every so often to take these positions."

"Any drawbacks about taking the job?"

"For me, the only real drawback is that it's an evening class which means Katie would need a babysitter."

Frank's brow furrowed. "She's got a father; he can tend to her for an hour or two twice a week."

Johanna scoffed. "Yeah; you'd think that…but he said, and I quote 'like I've got nothing else to do'."

"He found the time to make her," Frank stated; "He can find the time to tend to her…and if not, then she'll just come here during your class if you want the job. It's not like you'll be gone all night."

"Jim doesn't want me to take the job."

"Why? Is he home now?"

"No; he's still in Chicago; but we had a fight about the offer on the phone last night."

"Because he doesn't want you to take it?"

"Because I already took it," she confessed.

"You already took it?"

"Yeah…but I still want your opinion about it because Jim is against it and I don't know what to do."

"Maybe you better explain your husband's involvement in this," Frank stated; although he didn't like to dig too far into his children's relationships.

"I got the offer back at the end of October and I tried to talk to him about it all of November but he kept putting me off; he was too busy and whatever other excuse there was. I had to give Columbia a decision by the fifteenth…and of course he's been in Chicago since the first so I took it and I told him so while he was on his spiel last night about how he earns more than me and all that…"

"He's the man; he's supposed to be the breadwinner," her father said sharply. "The financial burden should always be his, that's the way it is…and don't start in on that women's lib stuff; I'm all for women doing what they want…within reason at times; and I know you have a job and contribute to your family; but he's still the one who is supposed to provide; it's his job."

"But still…he doesn't have to make me feel like a loser in the process," Johanna remarked.

"You're right about that; maybe that damn promotion has gone to his head."

"Oh it has," she replied; "But anyway; I told him I took the job and suddenly my business that he was insinuating may never pick up is booming, I won't have time, I'm taking time away from Katie and how is she going to feel about that, and I've bitten off more than I can chew…so I'm assuming he doesn't think I'm capable of it. We went back and forth about it and I said I'd call and back out of the offer and he said that would be best. He was also mad that I had taken it without discussing it with him. Then this morning he calls and says to take it but I know he was only saying that because he knows it's what I wanted to hear…I know he doesn't really want me to do it and it'll cause a problem."

"Well, first of all; if he couldn't take ten minutes of his precious time to discuss it with you in November, then he forfeits his right to bitch about it when you make the decision alone. You can't just ignore an offer like that; Columbia is a good school; they gave you a good education and maybe one day they'll give Katie a good education if she decides to go there. You were an excellent student, Johanna; you were on the Dean's List, you received awards and honors, you were at the top of your class. Clearly they saw the potential in you if they've been keeping an eye on your career. They wouldn't invite you to teach if they weren't impressed with your skill and record. It's an honor to be invited to be a member of their faculty; especially when that's something they usually reserve for people who have been in a certain field for longer than you; you're still a young woman, you don't have as many years under your belt as some lawyers who have graduated from there. It's an honor that they chose you and you shouldn't throw it away lightly just because Jim might get his nose out of joint."

"So you think I did the right thing?"

Frank eyed her. "Do you want the job?"

"Yes," she murmured.

"Why?"

"Because I like the thought of teaching…it's a challenge I'd like to take on. I look at it as something I can do again if I like it…that it might look good on a resume if I would need to apply at another firm at some point. I'm also looking at it as something I can keep in mind if I'd want a change of pace one day; that I could go from the courtroom to teaching when I'm ready to give up the day to day but not ready to be fully retired. It's also something that will give me something to do right now during this lull because it's driving me crazy. I…I just felt like it came at the right time because I need something. I need the challenge. I want to do it and I didn't doubt that I could until I had that argument with Jim."

"Josie," Frank said, his tone oddly gentle. "You've always succeeded with anything you've taken on; piano, ballet, gymnastics, cheerleading, school plays, advanced placement classes…law school. It might be difficult at first but you'll find your stride, you always do. You have the temperament to teach; I'm sure you could connect to the students. I think it would be something that you would find rewarding; something you'd be proud of…and like you said, a challenge and something that would make you feel better career wise at the moment. You also made valid points about it being something you could fall back on in the future when you're ready to leave the day to day of law work but not ready to retire. You have legitimate reasons for wanting the job and I believe you should see it through. We'll take care of Katie while you do it; that's not an issue…nor will she be scarred by the fact that you're going to be away for an hour or two twice a week in the evening. If you're worried about the time; then come home on your break and eat lunch with her. She'll be fine, you'll be fine; and Jim will get over it and be fine. Don't throw away this opportunity."

"I don't want to," she admitted. "That's why I couldn't make the call all day; I kept picking up the phone but I couldn't dial the number. I want it…and maybe it's a little selfish to want it but I do."

"You're allowed to want something for yourself, Johanna," Frank told her. "No one can ever accuse you of not putting your family first, but there are times when you can say that you want something for yourself. Keep the job; see it through, it's the right thing."

A small smile touched her lips as she nodded. "Thanks, Dad."

He nodded. "That's what I'm here for according to your mother."

She laughed. "You're not as bad at it as you think."

"Good to know."

"Call my office Monday when you're ready to pick me up," she told him.

"Alright, it'll be after noon."

"What is it that you got her?"

"I'd rather not say while in the house," he remarked; "Knowing your mother, she's got her ear pressed to the door or she's got Katie out there listening. You know how she is."

"That's true…she has a past history of snooping."

"Which is why her gifts are no longer hidden in the house," Frank replied.

"Dinner's ready," Naomi called out from the kitchen.

"Finally," he stated as he got up the chair. "I'm starving."

"Me too," Johanna remarked. "I didn't take my lunch break so I could get off work early."

"Your mother said that Katie told her you didn't feel well this morning," her father remarked.

"It's just stress," she replied; "I'm fine."

"Your mother might've suggested to me that she was hoping maybe it was another grandchild."

Johanna laughed. "I'm sorry to disappoint her but I'm definitely not pregnant."

"You're that sure," he said in amusement.

"Trust me. Dad; I'm one hundred percent positive. I have a feeling Katie is going to be my one and only and I'm fine with that, I really am."

"I don't blame you with the cost of living these days," he remarked; "More kids would probably mean you'd need to keep that teaching job along with your day job permanently."

"Yeah; and that's not appealing. My stomach was upset this morning but it's just from stress and the way things went with Jim when we talked on the phone.

"You should probably dash your mother's hopes then before you leave or she'll go on womb watch."

"Thanks for the heads up, I'll definitely pop her bubble before I leave," Johanna remarked as they left his office.

* * *

After they finished dinner, Johanna helped Naomi clear the table as Frank plugged in the Christmas tree under Katie's watchful eye.

"This is a pretty tree you helped Grandma decorate," Frank stated.

"We do a good job," Katie agreed.

"Yes, you do. I've liked coming home every day and seeing that pretty tree," he told her before pointing at a lopsided star that was covered in aged glitter. "Do you see that star?"

"Uh huh."

"Your Mommy made that when she was a little girl in school."

Katie smiled and turned to call out to her mother who was near the kitchen doorway. "Mommy, you made that star?"

Johanna moved into the living room to see which ornament her daughter was pointing at. "Yes, I made that when I was just a little older than you. Uncle Frankie made that funny looking reindeer next to it."

Katie giggled as she looked at the reindeer. "He's silly."

"He looks like he had too much eggnog," Frank remarked.

Johanna nodded. "Yeah; that could be a possibility."

"What did Aunt Colleen make?"

"Let's see," Frank said, scanning the tree for the ornaments that Naomi had hung after her granddaughter had gone home after decorating most of the tree a few weeks before. "I know Grandma wouldn't have forgotten to put one of Aunt Colleen's ornaments on here."

"The gingerbread man," Johanna said, gesturing to the ornament that had clearly been painted by a child.

"He looks like an accident victim," her father stated.

"She was only five, Frank," Naomi remarked as she entered the room.

"I know…but I have a feeling she didn't follow directions."

"It's an expression of who she was at that age," Naomi declared.

Her husband nodded. "That would explain it."

"Grandpa, can we turn on the snowman on the porch?" Katie asked.

Frank smiled and nodded. "Sure we can; it's dark now. I'll open the door so you can watch him come on."

Naomi leaned close to her daughter. "He claims it's my snowman and that he bought it for me…but I'm not fooled…he bought it for himself and Katie."

Johanna laughed softly. "That was the first decoration he hauled out this year…it was sitting on the porch on Thanksgiving."

"Oh I know," her mother said as they headed back toward the kitchen. "Katie's mentioned that she wants one on your porch."

"I'll get her one over the weekend; they're probably on sale now."

"Go ask mommy," they heard Frank stated.

Naomi smiled. "They must've thought up something to get into."

"Mommy," Katie said as she hurried into the kitchen.

"What?" Johanna asked.

"Grandpa said if it's okay with you, he'll take me for a ride to see the Christmas lights. Can I go? Pretty please?" she asked, bouncing on her toes.

"Just around the neighborhood," Frank clarified as he stepped up behind his granddaughter. "We won't go too far."

"Go ahead," Johanna told her; figuring it would not only give her a chance to chat with her mother as they cleaned up but it would also keep Katie distracted from thoughts of her absent father for awhile longer.

"Do you want to come, Mommy?"

"Oh, you and Grandpa go, I'll stay here and help Grandma clean up."

"Okay, let's go, Grandpa," Katie said, her small hand wrapping around Frank's fingers.

"You have to get your coat on first," he told her before glancing at his wife and daughter. "We'll be back shortly."

"Have fun," Naomi stated.

They stacked the dishes and Naomi filled the sink with water and soap in preparation of washing as Johanna grabbed the dish towel. They were quiet for a short while after they heard the door close behind Frank and Katie but then Johanna turned to her mother. "Dad's in a good mood today," she stated.

"He is," her mother agreed. "I'm not sure what he's up to."

Johanna laughed. "Christmas cheer at work?"

Naomi smiled. "The office party isn't until Thursday."

"Well then I don't know what's got into him…it's a mystery."

Naomi plunged a plate into the soapy water. "What did he want to talk to you about?"

"I'm not at liberty to say."

Her mother nodded. "Then it must be about my gift as suspected…what is it?"

"I can honestly say that I don't know what it is…only that there is a gift," Johanna replied.

"There better be a gift," she quipped. "But if he didn't say what it is, then what did he want from you?"

"I believe approval once it's acquired," Johanna said carefully.

"Oh," Naomi replied; "It must be something good."

"We can only hope," she stated; "And I didn't tell you anything about my conversation with him in that regard."

"My lips are sealed, dear."

Johanna dried a dish and then broached the topic her father brought up. "Apparently my daughter told you something today that has you hoping for more grandchildren," she remarked.

Naomi smiled a little. "Well, Katie said your stomach was upset this morning and that you didn't eat much breakfast…you have been a bit pale the last few times I've seen you. I figure you're either coming down with something or…"

"I'm not pregnant, Mom."

"Have you gone to the doctor?"

"No; and I don't need to, I'm not pregnant."

"How can you be so sure?" her mother asked; "Sometimes the thing you think is nothing, turns out to be something."

"It's not."

"We'll see," her mother hummed.

"No, I'm serious, I'm not pregnant; I know I'm not pregnant because I had my period last week. I also don't have morning sickness."

"Sometimes you don't get the sickness right away and you can mistake bleeding as a period when really it's the…"

"Mom!" she exclaimed, cutting her off. "I am so not pregnant; trust me, if I was, I'd be at the point where there would be no bleeding and I'd have morning sickness."

"Again, how can you be so sure?"

She shifted to face her fully. "Well, if you insist on knowing, I haven't had much of a sex life lately."

"Oh, Johanna; you're a married woman," her mother said with a wave of her hand. "Just because he's been on a business trip is no reason to say it like that."

"Yeah, I'm a married woman but it feels like in name only lately," she muttered as she dried another dish. "He's been gone all of this month so far…November wasn't the best of months…so not only am I sure that I've had all of my periods, I know without a doubt that I am not in the early stages of pregnancy. I've been off the pill for a year now and nothing's happened when things were normal in my life so I figure Katie's probably going to be my only child."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because the last time I went off the pill, I was pregnant four months later."

"Well, that doesn't mean it won't happen one day just because it hasn't happened this year."

Johanna shrugged. "Honestly; I'm okay either way. If another came along, I'd be happy of course…but I'm just as happy with just having Katie."

Her mother nodded. "Of course you are…but what's going on at home, Bambina?"

She scoffed. "Not a damn thing apparently."

"Besides that."

"I don't know, Mom," she said honestly. "You know, one minute everything was perfectly fine…summer was good, then he got that promotion and I went back to work and everything has been off ever since and I don't know what to do about it."

"Have you tried talking to Jim about it?"

"Yeah, but he's not big on talking lately," she admitted.

"Sometimes husbands are like that," Naomi replied.

"Why?"

"I honestly don't know, honey," she said consolingly. "Sometimes they get stuck in their heads…sometimes they suddenly think that they shouldn't confide in you the way they always have before."

"I don't understand it."

"No woman does…all we understand is that it hurts."

Johanna nodded. "It definitely hurts…seems like all we do lately is fight; I know we've always had our fights…but not like this. Even when he calls home…we just always end up in a fight and it scares me."

Naomi allowed a plate to settle beneath the suds in the sink and she gently pried the dishtowel away from her daughter to dry her hands before pulling her into a hug. Johanna sank into her mother's embrace willingly, breathing in the notes of Chanel No. 5 that mingled with her mother's own unique scent. Tears pricked her eyes and she held onto her tightly.

"Bambina," her mother said softly; "There comes a time in every marriage when things become difficult.

"I never thought it would happen to my marriage," she whispered. "I thought we were happy."

"Being happy doesn't mean that hard times don't find you," Naomi remarked as she released her, her hand rubbing her arm soothingly.

"I don't know what I did wrong," Johanna remarked. "I keep trying to figure it out, but I don't know what it is."

"You don't have to have done anything wrong…it just happens."

"How do I fix it?"

Naomi gave her a sad smile. "I'm afraid it's one of those things that has to work out on it's own in time."

"That sounds like it could take a long time."

"You can't fix everything instantly, Johanna."

"Yeah; well I'd like to be able to fix it before I end up getting a 'hey, I'm never coming home, raise our child alone' phone call."

"That won't happen; Jim loves you."

"I'm not so sure that his feelings haven't changed."

"Darling, a man being distant doesn't mean his love for you is gone."

Her defenses started to rise. "Well, he used to tell me all the time that he loves me…and now I can't even remember the last time he told me. I tell him I love him on the phone and he doesn't say it back."

"How long have you been married now?" Naomi asked.

"Six years and four months," she answered.

Her mother smiled. "Maybe he figures you know by now."

Johanna frowned. "Remember that the next time you're complaining that your husband isn't as affectionate as he could be."

Her mother chuckled softly. "You are so much like your daddy. When he doesn't get an answer he likes, he has to come right back with a jab of his own."

"I feel like I had better luck with my talk with him," Johanna remarked as she took back the dish towel.

"I thought you had a gift discussion."

"We did; but I discussed something with him too."

"Like what?" her mother asked; a touch of surprise in her voice that her daughter would've opted to confide in her father.

"An offer to teach at Columbia…and how Jim is against it. But I took the job and Dad says it was the right thing to do and I'm going to believe him."

Naomi's brow rose. "And why is that?"

"Because he heard me out about it…which is more than my husband wanted to do."

"You're going to take your father's opinion over your husband's?"

"I am."

"Because it's the right one or the one that suits you?" Naomi asked.

Johanna met her eye. "Both."

"It might not help these problems you claim to be having."

"Yeah; well, Jim doesn't seem interested in fixing them so why should I have to deprive myself of something that would be good for me, just to sit home while he's once again out 'blowing off steam' in a bar with his friends. Because that's way more important than being with us lately."

"All men need their space at times, Johanna."

"I know that. I'm not saying I don't ever want him to go out with his friends. I'm not saying he can't have a drink…I'm saying that it doesn't have to be all the time."

"Darling, I think you just need to wait this one out. He's a man; they get a little bored…they start to miss their nights out with their friends and they all love their drinks. They have to get some good times stored up and then they settle back down."

Johanna eyed her mother. "Gee, I wish when you were crying that you thought Dad was having an affair that I had told you to just let him have his space, he'd come back when he was done playing with his temporary secretary…it would've sparred me from breaking into his office and going to that trashy club."

Naomi gave her a tight lipped smile. "I don't like to remember that."

"Why not? I mean, he was just being a man…which is pretty much what you're telling me about my husband."

"Well, he is being a man…but what do you want me to say, Johanna? I don't have the answers for your marriage. I can't tell you what's wrong, I don't live with you and I try not to pry too far into your business."

She nodded, suppressing the sense of frustration building within her. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned it."

"I didn't say that," Naomi replied. "I just don't know what you want me to tell you."

"Nothing, Mom," she said with a shake of her head. "I guess I want the one thing that no one can give me; but it's okay. Things will either work out or they won't. If they don't…" she trailed off, her heart hurting at the thought. "If they don't, I'll manage. Right now with him being in a different state for who knows how long, it's out of my control. I just need to concentrate on giving Katie a good Christmas."

"He'll be home for Christmas, won't he?" Naomi asked.

She shrugged. "I don't know; he doesn't know when he'll be home and he's not worried about it so why the hell should I?"

"He has to come home for Christmas, he has a family," her mother stated firmly.

"He has to work…because as he frequently reminds me, he's the one bringing home the big money while my caseload has yet to pick up."

Naomi eyed her. "Maybe it's work that's bothering you. Jim's very busy and you aren't and you feel left out…and he feels like he's carrying all the finances…"

"Oh my God; you both act like I don't get a paycheck. I go to work and I get paid."

"I know…but you've said before it isn't as much as you're accustomed to right now."

"It might not be as much as it was but it's not like I'm working minimum wage at the diner. I make a perfectly respectable wage."

"Don't get your feathers ruffled," Naomi told her; "I just thought it might be what's really bothering you."

She felt like crying and screaming all at once. "No; what's bothering me is that I haven't seen my husband in a little over two weeks now and I miss him and he acts like that's a crime. What's bothering me is that I feel like he's pushing me away even when he is here. What's bothering me is that I keep trying to find someone to talk to and no one is hearing me; not my husband, not my best friend, not my mother…so I may as well just stop trying to talk about it because I feel like everyone is just telling me to ignore it and hope for the best and that it's probably all my fault anyway for losing the better paying job and boring my husband and whatever else I've heard. I'm just going to concentrate on my kid and giving her the best Christmas I can."

"Johanna," her mother started to say, but the sound of the door opening and Frank and Katie's voices filling the air made her pause.

Johanna laid down the dish towel and headed for the living room, effectively ending the conversation that she wished she hadn't started. "Did you have fun?" she asked Katie.

"Yes; I saw all the pretty lights!"

"Good; I'm glad you and Grandpa got to do that."

"You should've come with us, Mommy."

Johanna nodded. "Yeah…I probably should have; way more fun than dishes."

"You can go next time," Frank said; "That damn Parker down the road; you know last year after I bought our snowman, he had to go get one…now he's got two!"

She smiled, her father tended to get a little competitive when it came to outdoor decorating. "What are you going to do about that?"

"I'm going to get another snowman…and not only that, I'm going to get one of the little ones that Katie says are baby snowmen…see how he likes that!"

"That'll teach him, Dad," she remarked; seeing Katie reaching for the zipper of her coat. "Leave your coat on; it's time for us to go home. Give Grandpa and Grandma hugs and kisses."

Katie did as she was told as Johanna got her coat and pulled it on, hooking her purse over her shoulder and grabbing Katie's pink backpack. "Do you have all your stuff?" she asked, unzipping the bag.

"I put her toys in there that she brought while you were out shopping," Naomi remarked. "I made sure her bunny was in there before I zipped it shut."

"Alright," she said, holding her hand out for Katie to take. "We'll see you later. Dad, call me Monday…about that thing we discussed."

"I will," he told her. "Be careful getting home."

"We will be; see you later."

"Goodnight, Johanna," Naomi said as she followed them to the door.

"Goodnight, Mom," she replied as she pulled the door open.

"I'm sorry I couldn't give you what you were looking for…I guess I let you down."

"No, I'm fine," Johanna said. "I'll talk to you later…about better topics."

Naomi frowned slightly as she watched them go…she had fallen down on the job as chief advice giver…now she had a feeling it would be awhile before her daughter confided in her again.

* * *

As they drove up to the house, Johanna heard the intake of Katie's breath as she saw the Christmas lights on the porch. She smiled a little; glad that she had turned the lights back on before leaving the house that afternoon.

"Mommy, the Christmas lights are up!" Katie exclaimed from the backseat.

"I know; do you like them?"

"Uh huh. Did Daddy do it?! Is he home!?"

"No, Baby; I put the lights up before I came to get you."

"Daddy's still not here?" Katie asked sadly.

"No…I'm sorry," she replied as she shut the car off.

Her daughter stayed quiet as she got out of the car and rounded it to the back passenger door and got her out. "They're pretty lights though, aren't they?" she asked; pushing lightness into her tone as her child's hand curled around hers.

"Yeah, they're pretty."

Johanna squeezed her hand. "I think we might need more decorations outside though…maybe something to sit on the porch?"

Katie's face lit up a little. "A light up snowman like Grandma has?!"

"If that's what you want," she told her. "We can go get one tomorrow and we'll sit him by the door."

"I want a snowman," Katie said excitedly. "I like Grandma's a whole lot."

"I know you do; we'll get one of our own…and maybe some of those sparkly snowflakes, we can hang them from the edge of porch roof; that would be pretty, wouldn't it? Daddy doesn't like them but he's not here to say no."

"Yeah, let's get snowflakes!"

"We will, tomorrow when we get our snowman," she told her as they started up the walk.

"When are we going to make cookies?"

"When it gets closer to Christmas," Johanna answered. "We want to make sure we have treats for Santa; and treats left for us."

"I want to do it now."

"Well we're not," she said as she unlocked the door and pushed it open. "We're going to get baths and put our pajamas on, watch a little TV and then it's going to be bedtime for you."

"I wanna stay up late," Katie exclaimed.

"Not tonight, Baby," she replied as she sat her purse down. "Remember, Santa's watching, he knows when you're asleep and when you're awake."

"Will Daddy call tonight?" her daughter asked as she took off her coat.

"Hopefully…but if he doesn't, I'm sure he'll call tomorrow, okay?"

Katie sighed. "I want him to come home so I can see him every day."

"I know…hopefully it won't be much longer. I bet we can find another Christmas show on TV after we get settled in for the night," she said, hoping to change the subject.

"What if we can't?" her daughter asked.

She sighed a little. "Then I guess we'll make hot chocolate and play Candy Land."

Katie's face brightened. "Can we play Candy Land even if there's a Christmas show on TV?"

If that's what it took to make her happy, then a round of Candy Land it was, Johanna figured. "Yeah; we can do that…but if that's what you want to do, let's get started on baths."

"Can't we skip it?" Katie asked.

"No, we can't," she remarked. "You get to go first."

Her daughter grumbled but headed for the stairs and she followed behind her, thinking about the plans she'd need to form for the weekend so they could both stay occupied.

* * *

After Katie was bathed and in her pajamas, she followed Johanna into her bedroom.

"Katie, you sit on my bed and watch TV," Johanna told her as she turned on the television for her. "If the phone rings, answer it. If it's Daddy, talk to him. If it's someone we know, tell them I'll call back. If it's someone we don't know, hang up."

"Okay, Mommy."

"Alright," Johanna said as she grabbed what she needed from one of the dresser drawers. "I'm going to get a really quick shower, you stay in this room."

"I will."

"You'll be okay?" she asked.

"Yes, I'll wait on the phone," Katie replied, picking up the remote and turning the channel in search of cartoons.

"Alright, sweetie; I'll only be a few minutes."

Katie settled back against the pillows and found a Smurfs Christmas cartoon on the TV that she quickly got absorbed in until the phone rang. Excitement flicked across her features, her small hands grabbing the cordless phone from the base on the nightstand. She pushed the button to answer just like she had been taught to do and brought the phone to her ear.

"Daddy!?" she exclaimed.

"No, Katie-bug; it's Aunt Sharon," the feminine voice on the phone said.

"Oh," Katie replied; her disappointment evident in her tone.

Sharon laughed softly. "Sorry to disappoint you; where's Mommy?"

"Taking a shower; she'll call you back."

"Well I'll just talk to you for a few minutes because I'm sure she won't be long," Sharon stated.

"I'm watching the Smurfs!" Katie protested.

Her honorary aunt laughed. "It'll be on again, I'm sure. Have you gone to see Santa Claus yet?"

"No, Mommy said we'll go this weekend cause we got stuff to do."

"Well then you and Mommy may as well go with me and Molly tomorrow because Molly needs to see Santa too. Would you like that? Maybe we'll even get Happy Meals."

"Can me and Molly play in the playroom at McDonalds?"

"Of course you can; it'll be lots of fun, won't it?"

"Yeah; it'll be fun."

"We'll just have a girls day."

"Who's on the phone, Katie?" Johanna asked as she came into the room.

"It's Aunt Sharon; we're going to go see Santa and eat Happy Meals tomorrow," her daughter answered.

"I thought you were going with me to get our snowman for the porch?"

"We'll go with Aunt Sharon and Molly; it's girls day."

"Oh it is?" she asked as she moved toward the bed. "Let me have the phone."

Katie handed the phone over and Johanna put it to her ear. "What are you doing, Sharon?" she asked her friend.

"Signing you and Katie up to join me and Molly on our outing to see Santa," Sharon remarked; "I got lucky when Katie answered the phone, if you had, you would've said you had other plans just because you're a little miffed at me."

"I am not," she retorted, not wanting to say too much while Katie was in the room, even though she did look like she was in the zone, her eyes glued to the TV where the Smurfs were working hard on holiday tasks.

"You are; I've been an inattentive friend…so tomorrow we'll go out and the girls can see Santa and we'll eat lunch at McDonalds so they can play while they eat; we'll do some shopping, check some things off your to do list and mine in that area."

"I already had plans to shop tomorrow," Johanna remarked; a part of her set on the idea of just going with Katie but she knew it wouldn't be an option with Sharon putting her ideas in her head.

"Plans that can easily be combined with mine, right?" Sharon stated.

"Yeah…but you have my back against the wall."

"I know, I picked the right time to call," her friend laughed. "What time works for you? Can we get started around nine; do some shopping before Santa and maybe a little more after lunch?"

She sighed. "Yeah; that's fine. Do you want us to come to you or are you coming to us?"

"Oh Molly and I will swing by and pick you two up…that way you can't get away from us until we're ready to go home."

"You seem to be a bit sneaky and vindictive tonight," Johanna replied.

"Well sometimes you leave me no choice…if I don't put your back against the wall, you'll shut me out completely and I can't have that, so get some rest, we've got a busy girls days ahead…don't let the excitement keep you up all night," Sharon teased.

"One day, Sharon; one day I will get even."

"No doubt; but you'll feel better after a girls day. I'm going to go get Molly bathed and let her watch a show and then she's off to bed."

"Katie's already bathed but bedtime is looming after a little relaxation."

"I interrupted her Smurfs viewing," Sharon laughed.

"You're just trouble, Sharon," she said lightly; "There's just no doubt about it."

"You wouldn't want it any other way."

"That's a matter of opinion," Johanna quipped.

"Uh huh; I'll let you go so you can tend to Katie. We'll see you tomorrow morning."

"Alright, goodnight."

Johanna hung up the phone and settled down next to her daughter. "You ready to go downstairs?"

Katie shrugged. "Can we just watch TV here?"

She smiled a little, seeing the look of sleepiness on her daughter's face. "Are you getting a little tired?"

"Just a little but I still want my story later."

"You'll have your bedtime story, sweetie; I promise," she murmured. "Do you want to just watch TV tonight and play Candy Land tomorrow night?"

"Yeah; I think so."

Hmm, Johanna thought; she must really be tired if she was willing to postpone her game of Candy Land that she had been excited for before bath time. "Do you want a little bit of hot chocolate while we watch TV?"

"Yes, with marshmallows."

"Okay; then let's go downstairs because I don't want us to spill hot chocolate all over my bed. Mommy's tired too…I don't want to have to change the bedding."

Kate huffed a little at giving up her spot on her mother's bed but she scooted closer to her and wrapped her arms around her neck in indication that she wanted to be carried.

"You're going to make me carry you as payment for moving downstairs?" Johanna asked as she stood and shifted her daughter onto her hip.

"Yep," the little girl answered.

"Small price to pay to keep from doing laundry tonight," she remarked as she headed for the door.

* * *

Later on, after settling her daughter into her bed, the phone rang just as Johanna opened the cover of one of Katie's new storybooks.

"Is it Daddy?" her daughter asked.

"I don't know, sweetheart. Hold your book and I'll go answer the phone."

Katie took her book and Johanna got up from the bed and left the room, making her away across the hallway to her own room to grab the cordless phone.

"Hello," she answered.

"Is Katie still up?" Jim asked.

She smirked slightly, figuring that was his cue that he didn't want to speak to her. "Yeah; she was getting ready to hear her bedtime story. Hold on," she told him as she began the trek back to her daughter's room and handed her the phone. "Here, Katie; it's Daddy."

Katie smiled happily as she took the phone. "Hi, Daddy!"

"Hi, princess," Jim answered. "Are you ready for bed?"

"Yeah; but I haven't had my story yet."

Johanna moved across the room to lay out Katie's clothes for the next day so she wouldn't be eavesdropping too much.

"Mommy put the Christmas lights up outside," Katie stated.

"She did?" Jim asked. "Where did she put them?"

"On the porch."

"What about around the roof of the porch?"

"No; just the porch."

"That's good," Jim remarked.

"We're buying a light-up snowman for our porch tomorrow; like Grandma has."

"You are?" he asked.

"Uh huh, Mommy said we could; and we're going to get something pretty to hang off the ledge."

Johanna smiled, her fingers brushing against the clothes in the closet.

"The ledge of what?" Jim asked.

"Of the porch, Daddy; cause we don't got no lights up there; so we might get some of those sparkly snowflakes. Mommy said you don't like them but that we can buy them anyway cause you're not here to say no."

"Is that right?"

"Uh huh."

The ice clinked against Jim's glass as he picked it up for a sip of scotch. He didn't care for those plastic light up decorations…and he definitely didn't like those shiny foil like snowflakes people hung up wherever they could; but he figured he didn't have much right to say anything about it. "Well, I guess you better pick out some nice stuff."

"I will," she replied. "Daddy; are you coming home tomorrow?"

He sighed. "No, honey."

"Why not?" she pouted.

"Because I'm not done my work."

"Why is it taking so long?" she cried.

"It's hard work…and it's too much for little girls to understand," he replied. "I'll be home when my work is finished."

"If you don't come home soon you're gonna miss Christmas," Katie stated.

"Is that what your mother told you?" he asked sharply.

"Mommy didn't say that; Grammy did."

"Well tell Grammy to mind her own business."

Katie frowned at her father's sharp tone. "I want to read my story now."

Jim sighed deeply. "I'm sorry, Katie; I didn't mean to snap at you."

"Mommy's going to read my story, it's bedtime," his daughter replied.

"You're in a hurry to get to bed?" Jim asked, trying to lighten his tone. "You must be making sure you stay on Santa's nice list."

"It's a new story," Katie told him.

Jim sighed once more; she was just like her mother. "What's it about?"

"I don't know; haven't read it yet…I'm done talking."

Jim smiled slightly. "Alright, honey. I love you."

"Love you, Daddy."

"Goodnight, give the phone to mommy."

"Goodnight," Katie replied. "I'm all done, Mommy."

"All done?" Johanna asked as she laid the clothes on the chair.

"Uh huh; I'm ready to read."

"Okay," she said, turning off the phone and laying it on the nightstand. "Did you have a nice talk with Daddy?"

Katie shrugged. "He had his mean voice when I said what Grammy said. He said Grammy needs to mind her business."

Johanna wrapped an arm around her and gave her a squeeze. "It's alright, baby; I'm sure he didn't mean it. He's probably just tired."

"He's not coming home tomorrow."

She nodded. "He won't be coming home the next day either then…tomorrow is Saturday; he'll be in Chicago for the weekend again," she told her.

"Why don't he just come home?"

"Because he can't right now…but it's okay. I'm here and we've got lots of things to do to keep us busy until he gets back."

Katie nodded as she rubbed her eye. "Can I have my story now?"

"Of course you can," Johanna replied, pressing a kiss against her hair before taking the book from her hand.

* * *

An hour and a half later, Johanna was in the office, using the surface of her desk to wrap more of her daughter's gifts. The phone rang and she flinched before grabbing it, hoping it wouldn't wake Katie. "Hello?"

"I was still on the phone when you hung up," Jim stated.

"Oh, sorry; I didn't know. She said she was done so I figured you hung up after saying goodnight."

"I told her to give the phone to mommy."

"Well…she gave it to me but she didn't tell me you were still on there," Johanna answered as she used her shoulder to hold the phone against her ear as she taped the end of a package.

"I noticed."

"I'm sorry; I didn't do it on purpose. Did you need something?"

He scoffed. "Well, I thought I'd talk to my wife, but apparently she's not interested."

"I didn't say I wasn't interested."

"Well you don't seem interested."

She sighed deeply. "What do you want me to say, Jim? When I ask questions, I get accused of nagging…when I don't, I'm accused of disinterest…I don't know what to do. We never had this problem before."

"We don't have it now."

They did, but he didn't seem to want to acknowledge it, she thought. "If that's what you want to believe. How was your day?"

"That sounds like one of those clichéd 'how about this weather' discussions," Jim remarked.

"I'm not doing this tonight," she said tiredly. "Goodnight, Jim."

"Wait," he said sharply as she started to pull the phone away from his ear.

"What?"

"I'm sorry," he stated. "It was a long day."

"I'm sorry to hear that," she murmured. "Is there anything I can do?"

He breathed deeply. "No…you're too far away."

"What exactly does that mean?" she asked.

"My back is killing me," he answered. "I need your hands."

She nodded. "If I was there, I'd give them to you."

"I know."

"I'd give you anything else you wanted too," she murmured.

A soft short laugh crossed the line. "You've hung up on me twice in two days, so I'm not all that sure of that."

"It was an accident tonight."

"I know."

"How's your shoulder?" she asked.

"Aching…you know it does at times."

"I know…you're not going to go looking for a massage parlor, are you?"

"No…you'd make the knots in my back permanent if I did that," he stated.

"Remember that."

"Oh I do…what are you doing?"

"Wrapping presents," Johanna answered.

"You're still not done?"

"No…I can only do it when Katie's in bed and I can only do it for so long before I need to get to bed during the week. Last year you kept her occupied on weekends and I was able to get done faster…plus some things are still being delivered. I'm doing the best I can."

"I didn't say you weren't," he said tartly. "Why do you have to get so damn defensive?"

She was quiet for a long moment. "I didn't mean to be…it's just that sometimes I get the impression that you think I'm just sitting here pining for you and doing nothing."

"Well you got off work early today, why didn't you do it then instead of hanging up lights?"

"How do you know I got off work early?" she asked; her tone somewhat biting.

"I had to call Phil and ask him to take care of something at the office; Sharon told him and he told me…he said you got in trouble for it too."

"I did not," she said sharply. "I asked if I could leave because I had nothing else to do but Mark was in a mood so I decided to stay; then he came down to my office and said his mood wasn't about me and that I could go because he owed me the hours."

"And just what does he owe you hours for?" Jim asked; a possessive note in his tone.

"Because I haven't taken my lunch break all week."

"Why not?"

"Because I haven't felt like going out in the cold to get something for lunch."

"So what are you doing, sitting in the office with Mark? Where's Cathy?"

"Don't even go there," Johanna said through clenched teeth. "Mark and Cathy go out to lunch together every day. I stay in my office alone."

"Why would you want to do that?"

She rubbed her fingers across her forehead, feeling a headache building. "One, because it's cold and I don't want to go out. Two, because I have no one to go with because Sharon goes off to meet Phil and Maggie goes to meet Jeff and my husband isn't home. Three, I use the time to place catalog orders for Christmas. Four, not taking lunch breaks means I get off early on Friday, so don't even act like I'm doing something terrible. You don't see me accusing you of things."

"Like what?" Jim retorted.

"Well, I'm not asking you if you're flirting with women in bars…you do seem to be visiting as many as possible in Chicago from what you've told me."

"Don't start that again," he said sharply. "I need a damn drink at the end of the day because this goddamn case is the biggest pain in the ass of my career and I don't care if you like it or not."

"It started before this case, Jim."

"Maybe I need a drink to be able to put up with the nagging I get from my wife when I get home from the pain in the ass my job has been lately; did you ever think of that?"

Hurt coursed through her veins. "If you don't want to be married to me, you don't have to be," she stated; her voice clogged with tears. "They invented divorce for a reason. Don't worry, I've already been told that the first one is the hardest, after that it gets easy," she said before slamming the phone down.

She finished wrapping the package and sat it on the floor with the rest before grabbing the roll of wrapping paper and cutting another piece for the next item as tears spilled down her cheeks. The phone rang…and a part of her didn't want to answer it but she also didn't want it to keep ringing and wake up Katie. Besides, it probably wasn't her husband; he'd be done for the night now that he had picked his fight.

"Hello," she answered, doing her best to disguise the tears evident in her tone.

"I never said I didn't want to be married to you," Jim stated; "And who the hell have you been talking to about divorce? What are you doing, Jo? Going to talk to a divorce lawyer when you get off work early; is that my gift this year? You're leaving me?"

"No, I'm not leaving you, jackass; if anyone leaves, it'll be you…because you're the one with no patience. I got off work early so I could come home and put up the lights outside like Katie wanted because I'm trying to keep her happy and occupied so she won't mope so much about you being away. The nosy neighbor next door came outside to give me her condolences about my husband leaving me. They saw you leave with luggage and never return so the neighborhood assumes we're getting divorced and she told me the first one is the hardest and not to worry, I'm pretty enough to catch another man. I set the record straight and left her standing on the sidewalk."

Jim was silent for a long moment. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" she asked.

"For thinking that you were leaving me."

"Why would I do that? I love you…you're the one who doesn't seem happy to be with me anymore. All you talk about is how I nag you and I keep trying to wrack my brain to figure out what exactly it is that I'm doing to make you feel that way and I come up empty. I tried not asking questions tonight and you thought I was disinterested, and that's not something I want you to feel either. This afternoon, I stood downstairs thinking that maybe you're glad to be away…that for all I know, maybe you're not planning on coming back. We both know there's a firm out there that reaches out to you every so often, wanting you to work for them so it's not like you'd have to worry about getting a job."

"I'm coming home, Jo…I'm not staying here, I haven't talked to anyone from that firm. Don't think stupid things like that because there's not truth to them."

"Come home for the weekend," she whispered.

He sighed. "Jo."

"Please…you could get an early flight and be here by afternoon."

"Yeah; and then turn around and fly back Sunday afternoon; that's stupid and a waste of money, Johanna."

She swiped at her cheeks, hating herself for even asking. "Maybe Katie and I could get an early flight and come there for a little while…we could come back Sunday night."

"Johanna," he exclaimed; "I just told you it would be a waste of time and money for me to come home for the weekend and you somehow think it would be different the other way around?"

"I just want to see you," she said softly.

"I know; but it would be a waste of money."

"Not if it made all of us feel better."

"How do you think wasting money to be in the same city for a day would make us feel better?" he asked.

"Well, maybe some of your stress would ease if you could spend some time with your daughter, playing with her, talking to her. She'd feel better because she'd be seeing you. I'd feel better because I'd be seeing you…maybe you'd feel better if we could spend some time together…fall asleep together…"

"With Katie between us?" he asked; "Because there's only one bed in this room."

"Maybe we could get something more accommodating for that long."

"More money," Jim stated. "You know, just because I got a raise doesn't mean you can just spend it like I'm printing it in the basement!"

"I'm not trying to spend your money; I've got my own damn money," she retorted. "I just thought maybe it would help, we miss you."

"I'm fine; you're the one with a problem and it's probably rubbing off on Katie, because any other time she doesn't give a damn if I'm around or not as long as she has you."

"That's a lie."

"Believe what you want," he retorted.

"You know, when we say that we miss you, you could at least lie and say you miss us too."

"I thought you didn't like being lied to," Jim replied.

"Not about major things…but little things like this, yeah; I could use a lie before the full thrust of the truth sets in. It's fine though, I think you've been making it clear how you feel about me lately."

"Meaning what?"

"Why don't you spend some time thinking about it and figure it out."

He blew out a breath. "God you're needy."

Her heart stung. "I don't need a damn thing from you, Jim."

"Apparently you do," he remarked. "I told you I missed you when we started the conversation."

"Telling me that you need my hands to rub the knots out of your back isn't telling me that you miss me…it's telling me that you want what I can do for you."

"Like you're the only woman in the world with hands?" he shot back.

"Never mind, Jim."

"You have to get used to me traveling more often, Johanna; and for more than a few days."

"I know, you've told me."

"Then do it."

She wiped her eyes, a sinking feeling in her heart. "Was there anything special you wanted to get Katie for Christmas?"

"Why?"

An exasperated breath crossed her lips. "So I can get it for you since you're working."

"If you get it then it's a gift from you."

"No, it would be a gift that says 'from, daddy' on the card. I wouldn't claim it. I just figured I could get it for you in case you're not back in time to get it yourself."

"I was going to get her the little bike she liked in the catalog."

"The Strawberry Shortcake one?"

"Yeah."

"I'll order it; hopefully it'll get here in time."

"What are you going to do tomorrow?" Jim asked.

"Run away," Johanna replied.

"Funny."

She sighed. "Well I guess since Katie answered the phone when Sharon called, I'll have to go shopping with her because she put the bug in Katie's ear that she's taking Molly and wants us to go."

"What's wrong with that?"

"I'd just rather take Katie and go on my own."

Jim huffed in annoyance. "What's your problem, Johanna?"

"Nothing; I just get tired of her dismissing everything I say…because I have a husband for that. I don't need it from my friends. I also don't like that she embellishes what goes on at work so that she has a better story to tell Phil who then passes it on to everyone else."

"She's always been like that."

"Yeah; well, I get tired of it…I'm tired of a lot of things."

"Maybe you should go to bed; maybe you'll wake up in a better mood."

"And maybe you should go…" she trailed off, swallowing the words that had formed on her tongue.

"Maybe I should what?"

"Nothing."

"Finish the sentence, Jo."

"No; you don't want me to do that," she replied.

He scoffed. "I'm sure I can imagine what it was…I just don't know what I've done to deserve it."

"Yeah, I'm not surprised that you don't have a clue about it."

He sighed. "I told you, I'll be home as soon as I can."

"It's not that…and besides, I told you, I don't care when you come home; you don't care about seeing us for one day because it might spend a dime of your precious raise so why should I care when you crawl home. Maybe we should close our joint account and just do separate checking accounts and that way you won't have to worry about me spending a dollar of 'your' money."

"That would be stupid considering the bills get paid out of our joint account."

"Simple solution," she replied. "Separate accounts and we split the bills. You take the house payment and I'll take the car payment. You get the gas bill and I get the electric. I pay for the groceries, you pay for repairs. I pay my credit cards, you pay yours. I'll pay the phone, you pay the cable. I'll buy what I need, you buy what you need, I'll buy what Katie needs; and you pay the water bill. It's not all that difficult to manage."

"I notice you gave me the bigger bills."

"Well, honey; as you remind me so frequently; you're the one making the big money."

"So you are jealous?" he asked.

"No, I'm not jealous; just sick of hearing it. I wouldn't want your job. I couldn't stand being away from my home and my child for weeks on end. I wouldn't have taken that job if they had begged me to."

"I think you're still pissed that they put you out and gave me the promotion."

"No, I'm pissed because I feel like you don't value me as an equal anymore. All I get is told about how you make the money, you pay the bills, implying your job is better and more important and I'm just here living off of you. Ever since you got promoted back in September, it's like I'm not good enough for you anymore. Everything is about work for you now and I'm nothing. You don't even tell me you love me anymore."

"That's a lie."

"Which part?"

"All of it!"

"No, it isn't."

"It is."

"Fine, when was the last time you told me you loved me…and by that I mean a time when a bed wasn't involved."

He was silent for a long minute and she smirked. "Yeah; that's what I thought," she stated.

"I love you, Johanna."

"You're only saying it now because I called you on it," she retorted. "Let's just get through Christmas, Jim…let's just get through this holiday and then after the New Year; we can figure out what we're doing."

"I don't think there's any need for some big talk that makes our marriage sound dire."

"I'm not so sure about that."

"I'm hanging up, I'm not listening to this," Jim said before slamming the phone down on her.

Johanna hung up the phone and allowed her head to drop into her hands. Now she had probably made things worse, she mused; and before she could stop herself, she reached for the phone and dialed the number for his room. It rang three times before he picked up.

"What?" Jim asked sharply.

"I'm sorry," she answered. "I'm just tired."

"No, you're just in the mood to pick and bitch," he retorted; "I'm not calling the rest of the weekend…in fact, maybe I won't call at all until I know when I'll be heading back. Then you won't have to worry about what I do or don't say because I won't be saying anything and neither will you."

"At least call Katie," Johanna said softly. "Don't take it out on her because you're mad at me."

"Fine."

She was quiet for few moments, feeling his anger radiate across the line. "I just want to fix what's wrong," she murmured.

"There's nothing wrong!" he yelled in her ear. "The problem is you at the moment."

"Alright," Johanna replied. "I'll work on it…and I won't bother you with it. I'll…uh…talk to you when you get home I guess; and I don't mean a big talk, just normal…just forget everything, okay? I'm sorry. I know I'm a needy, attention seeking creature just like my father has always said…I try not to be, but I guess sometimes it comes out and it's usually at the worst moment. I'll do better. I promise. I love you, goodnight," she said before hanging up the phone and laying her head down on an empty space of the desk. She felt like her life was falling a part and no one cared; not even the one person who had always cared.


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews! I just wanted to go ahead and make note of something, many of you know that I've mentioned in the other stories this timeframe as one that was difficult between Jim and Johanna; that it was a time when his drinking increased and I've mentioned incidents that came from that period. This story is showing a glimpse of the beginning of that rough time between them; it wasn't a time that was gotten through quickly, it lingered for awhile; had good moments and small resolutions and then more bad moments and ultimatums. I wanted to go ahead and mention that so that if you're looking for a specific incident that's been mentioned and don't see it throughout this story, that you know it's only because it didn't happen in this narrow timeframe I'm working with at the moment._

Chapter 4

The ringing of the phone jolted Johanna from her sleep in the middle of the night, jerking her upright, her heart pounding against her ribs as she looked at the clock; 3:32…calls in the middle of the night were never good. Someone was sick or someone had died, she thought as she grabbed the phone from the nightstand. "Hello," she said, her sleep tinged voice full of panic.

"I love you."

Her panic and her sleep addled brain were slow to catch on. "What?"

"I love you," her husband stated, a slight slur to his voice.

"Jim?"

"How many other men call you and tell you they love you?" he asked.

"None," she answered. "Do you know what time it is?"

"No."

"It's the middle of the night."

"I don't care," he replied, her brain registering the slur of his voice this time.

"Are you drinking?" she asked softly.

"Yeah."

"Honey, don't get mad but you need to stop for tonight, okay?"

"Uh huh."

"I mean it…I want you to stop; you're doing too much of that lately…it makes you mean," Johanna replied.

"I'm sorry," Jim said; "I don't want to be mean to you. I love you."

"I love you too."

"Mommy," Katie's voice said as the door pushed open. "The phone was ringing."

"It's alright, Katie; nothing's wrong," Johanna said.

"Is that my Katie?" Jim asked. "Let me talk to her."

"You can in the morning, she needs to go back to sleep so she can go see Santa later," Johanna said, not wanting her daughter to hear her father's slurred words.

"Mommy, is it Daddy?" Katie asked as she came further into the room.

"Stay on the phone, I'm going to take her back to her room," she told her husband before laying the phone down on the nightstand and getting up from the bed.

Johanna moved across the room and lifted Katie into her arms. "Yes, it's Daddy; but it's okay…he just doesn't feel good so he wants to talk to me until he goes to sleep."

"Will he be okay?" she asked, laying her head on her mother's shoulder.

"Yes, sweetheart; he'll be fine. Don't worry," Johanna said as she carried her across the hallway to her room and tucked her back into her bed. "You go back to sleep now, I'll talk to Daddy until he goes to sleep and then I'm going to sleep again too, okay?"

"Kay, Mommy," she said, snuggling into her pillow, her hand reaching for her bunny.

Johanna waited a moment to make sure her daughter was going back to sleep and then she hurried back to her own room, grabbing the phone and getting back into bed. "Are you still there?" she asked.

"I'm here," he answered; "Is the baby sleeping?"

She smiled a little; he still called her baby when she got up in the middle of the night. "Yeah; she went back to sleep."

He expelled a soft huff of breath. "Miss you."

She smirked a little, where was that sentiment when he was sober? "I miss you too."

"Don't leave me…I don't want you to go."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't want you to leave me," he repeated.

"I'm not going to leave you, Jim…I worry about you leaving me."

"Why?"

"If I was sure you would remember this conversation in the morning, I'd tell you why…but honey, I have a feeling it's going to be something only I remember."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you're drunk…again," she said, a touch of bitterness seeping into her tone despite her best efforts.

"Don't be mad," he told her. "It's alright."

"It's not," she murmured. "It's not alright that it's getting to be a habit."

"Let's not talk about it," Jim said, his tone light. "Let's talk about something else."

"Like what?" she asked; not bothering to fight the change of topic since he probably wouldn't remember talking to her anyway.

"Miss you," he said once more, the words slurring.

"Apparently only when you're drunk," Johanna said without thought.

"Now, sweetheart," he laughed.

Her heart throbbed painfully; she couldn't remember the last time he had called 'sweetheart'. Her chin trembled as emotion surged to the surface. "Am I still your sweetheart?" she asked.

"Of course…you're my girl."

"It hasn't felt like it lately."

"That's because you're crazy," he laughed.

Any other time, she would've laughed and taken it as the joke he would've meant it to be…but nowadays she couldn't be sure. "If I'm crazy, it's your fault."

Her husband laughed and then his tone turned quiet. "I wish you were here right now."

"Really?"

"Mhmm…I wish you were next to me…soft and warm," he murmured.

Her fingers curled into the covers. "I wish you were with me too…it's not easy to go to sleep without you."

"We wouldn't want to go to sleep anyway," he said.

"We wouldn't?"

"No; but that's okay, because we're good at not sleeping."

She scoffed. "I wouldn't know lately; before you left for Chicago, I was lucky if you kissed me goodnight."

"That's not true."

"It is," Johanna said; in fact she was sure that he hadn't reached for her for anything other than a quick kiss since October.

"I'm sorry," he said; "I nelect..negl..you know the word."

"Neglected," she stated.

"That's the one," he said jovially. "I didn't mean to do that."

"Then why have you?" she asked; wondering if she'd get more honest answers from him in his drunken state.

"I don't know…I didn't want to…everything is just…"

"Just what, honey? I wish you'd tell me."

"I don't know."

"Is it me?"

"No…I wish you were here," Jim said once again. "Do you know what we'd do?"

She laughed softly. "Well, if you were being nice to me like you are now, I'm sure I can imagine what we'd be doing."

"I'm always nice to you."

"Not lately."

"Come to Chicago and I'll be nice to you all night."

"I wish I could," she murmured.

"You can…come tomorrow."

"You told me we couldn't come; you didn't want to spend the money."

"Just you," her husband stated. "Just you come."

"What am I supposed to do with Katie?"

"Leave her with your mother," he answered. "Just you come…just want you."

Johanna breathed deeply. "If I thought you wouldn't be mad when I got there, I would."

"Why would I be mad?"

"Because you always seem to be mad at me lately and I don't know why…unless it's because of me losing my position at Roche."

"No; they got rid of a lot of people."

"Yeah; but you're only married to this person who got kicked out."

"It's not your fault, you're a good lawyer."

"It doesn't feel like it lately; I don't have a lot to do…and I feel like that makes you angry with me."

"No…not mad at you; mad at me," he stated.

"Why are you mad at yourself?" she asked, pulling the covers more tightly around her.

"I don't know…I don't know anything anymore."

"That's not true; you know lots of things. You're very intelligent and a great lawyer."

"I don't know if I like it anymore," Jim mumbled.

"What don't you like?" Johanna inquired, hoping to gain insight.

"I don't want to talk about work," her husband stated. "Wanna talk about you."

"What about me?"

"When are you coming to see me?"

"When are you coming home to me?" she asked.

"Don't know."

Johanna laughed softly. "You don't know much tonight, honey."

He chuckled in her ear. "I know I want you."

"I want you too."

"Come see me; I won't get mad."

"Katie might get upset if she couldn't see you."

He sighed. "Okay, bring Katie…she's tiny, she can sleep on the couch and be comfy."

"If she's in the same room, that might put a damper on your plans," she remarked lightly.

"There's always the shower."

Johanna laughed and her husband laughed along with her in response. "I love your laugh," he told her.

"I love yours too…I've missed this," Johanna said softly; "Although I wish you'd have a chance of remembering it in the morning."

"I remember."

He was sounding sleepy, Johanna thought to herself. "Maybe you should try to sleep, honey."

"Don't want to," he slurred. "Want you."

"I'm right here…talking to you."

"I like your voice…I like it even more at night when you whisper…and you lay your head on me and your soft and warm next to me."

"I like that too…I like going to sleep listening to your heartbeat, and your arm around me…I miss you so much."

"You come here tomorrow," Jim mumbled; "We'll go to sleep like that."

"Okay," she murmured; knowing that he was half asleep and didn't even know what he was saying. "Can I still bring Katie?"

"Yeah, bring the baby."

"Alright; we'll come and we'll be happy again."

"I'll wait here for you."

"Okay; we'll be looking forward to it."

"Did you leave yet?" he asked.

Johanna had to force herself not to laugh. "No, but I will in a few minutes. You just rest now."

"Kay; you keep talking, sweetheart."

"I love you," she told him. "Me and Katie can't wait for you to come home. I hope once you get here, things will be better than they have been the last few months. I hate when we're at odds with each other. I hate when I don't know what's going on with you or how to make you feel better. I just want everything to be okay again."

No response came but she could hear the sound of him breathing. "Jim?" she said. He didn't answer and she spoke his name once more, knowing that he had fallen asleep. "Goodnight, honey," she whispered, despite knowing he was asleep.

Johanna hung up the phone and turned on her side, facing his side of the bed which was far too cold and empty. She pulled his pillow close and breathed in his scent, pretending he was near as she closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep.

* * *

Johanna was tired the next morning as she swallowed a sip of coffee. She hadn't been able to sleep much after Jim's phone call. Her heart and mind had been too full of longing…missing him…and worrying about him too. He had always drank; that wasn't anything new, she drank too…although not as often as she used to before having Katie. She didn't begrudge him a drink at the end of the day…she didn't even mind two; but he seemed to be going over that and his mood depended on what he drank. Whiskey made him mean…sometimes scotch did too and she couldn't help but think his sharp tones on the phone lately had probably been preceded and followed by one or the other. His loving tone in the middle of the night that sounded more like him had to have come from something that wasn't as strong…but then again, he had sounded pretty drunk. Maybe he had gotten to the point where the meanness had faded and so had whatever else was wrong and he had been able to be the loving man she knew him to be.

She sighed deeply and took a bite of her eggs; she hadn't wanted him to be drunk…or at the very least, not to that extent that he didn't even know it was the middle of the night…but it had been nice to hear the loving side of him again. It had been nice to hear words of love and the sentiment of being wanted. If she hadn't thought he'd be angry about it, she would've called and found a flight for her and Katie to go spend some time with him but she knew that he wouldn't have a memory of the call or of giving her permission to come for the weekend. It would cause a blow up and she wouldn't have been able to shield Katie from hearing or seeing it. They couldn't go; couldn't risk it.

"Are we going to see Santa first?" Katie asked as she picked up a forkful of her scrambled eggs.

"No," Johanna answered. "We're going to do some shopping first."

Katie's nose wrinkled in distaste. "Why?"

She yawned, wishing she could call this trip off for a few hours and go back to bed for awhile. They usually slept in on Saturdays and she desperately wished they were doing so now. "It was Aunt Sharon's idea, sweetie; take it up with her."

"I will," her daughter said. "I want to see Santa first."

"You tell her that; it'll teach her to call while you're watching the Smurfs."

"Uh huh," Katie responded as she scooped up another bite of her breakfast.

Johanna took another sip of her coffee; thinking to herself that maybe she should've waited and treated herself to one of those fancy coffees from the coffee shop. It probably would've perked her up…but her body needed the caffeine sooner rather than later.

"Mommy, is Daddy still sick?" Katie asked, drawing her attention back to her.

"No, honey; he's fine," she answered; although she was sure he probably had a hangover. "Daddy just had a headache last night and couldn't sleep so he called me. Everything's okay."

"Is he going to call me today?"

"I don't know, Katie; we'll have to wait and see. I don't know what Daddy will be doing today; he might have to do things for work."

"Are we still going to buy our snowman?"

"Yes; even if I have to sit in the back with you and Molly so we can put him in the front seat."

"You could put the snowman in the back with me and Molly," Katie stated.

Johanna glanced at her in amusement. "You'd rather sit with the snowman than me?"

Katie giggled. "I could hold on to him."

"You'd rather sit with a snowman than your mommy?" Johanna teased. "What is Santa going to think of that?"

"He will think I should hold on to my snowman so he don't get broke in the car."

She shook her head at her. "I don't know what I'm going to do with you."

"Buy me toys!" her daughter exclaimed happily.

"No," Johanna laughed. "I'm not buying toys; you have to wait for Santa to bring them now. If you see something you want to use your birthday money on though, you can do that as long as it isn't something you asked Santa for."

"I know something," Katie said.

"What?"

"Can I get some more blocks?" she asked. "I saw some that gots windows and stuff and me and Daddy could make a really nice house when he comes home."

Johanna nodded; her daughter did love her blocks…loved them even more when Jim sat down with her and helped her build houses, castles and stables for her play horses. She hadn't asked for blocks for Christmas and if anyone gave her another set, it wouldn't be a big deal as she didn't feel there could be too many when Katie enjoyed them so much and Jim too when he played with her. "Yes, you can get some blocks with your birthday money; that's a good idea and I bet Daddy will be happy to help you build some more houses, especially if they have neat things like windows."

Katie smiled. "If he calls me I can tell him about our new blocks."

"Maybe it'll make him happy," Johanna said.

"Is Daddy sad, Mommy?"

"I think maybe he is a little sad," she replied.

"Cause he misses us?"

She wasn't so sure about that but she couldn't tell her child that. "Yeah; and because his work is harder than usual."

"He should come home and play blocks with me," Katie stated; "He will feel better if he comes home and plays with me…and then he'll be here when Santa comes."

"That would be nice," she replied. "I want us to have Christmas together."

Her daughter met her eye. "Daddy will come home, won't he?"

"He'll be home as soon as he can, baby. Finish your eggs and your juice, Sharon and Molly will be coming soon."

"Mommy…are you sad?"

She smiled. "How can I be sad when I have you?"

"You might be sad cause you miss Daddy."

"I do miss Daddy and it does make me sad…but you make me happy no matter what," Johanna told her. "Finish your breakfast so we can finish getting ready to go out."

Her daughter did as she asked and Johanna took another long swallow of coffee…they were all sad in one way or another; but it seemed like she and Katie were the only ones willing to admit it.

* * *

Shopping was supposed to be a relaxing endeavor, Johanna thought to herself later that day as she stood in line with Katie, waiting for her turn to speak to Santa Claus and have her picture taken. She didn't feel relaxed however, and the easy going girls day Sharon had promised didn't seem to be living up to expectation. Katie and Molly were having a good time, giggling and feeding off of each other's excitement about the impending holiday but the adults seemed to be struggling.

They had picked out their snowman; Katie had chosen the cutest one that the store had to offer all the while proclaiming that she hoped her Grandpa would like it. Johanna was sure that Frank would like the snowman…in fact, she was surprised that they hadn't run into him on his mission to outshine the neighbor's holiday display. She smiled a little; her father was slightly mellowing with age and his competitiveness with the outdoor decorations amused her to no end. She hadn't spotted her father though; of course he might've gone to his usual stores for whatever it was he wanted. She and Katie were happy with the snowman they had decided to add to their own display, along with the snowflakes they had picked out.

Sharon, however, had grumbled about having to finagle the snowman into the trunk of her car so that it wouldn't have to ride in the backseat with the girls. Sharon had also grumbled about stopping at the hardware store to buy the snowman in the first place as it wasn't on her top ten list of places to go. Johanna bit her lip and glared at the back of her friend's head as she and Molly waited in line in front of them. She figured mild inconvenience was what Sharon got for being dismissive and then pushy with demanding that they all go out together for the day. She sighed softly, glancing down at Katie who was toying with a button on her black coat. At least she had kept her promise to Katie to get the decorations for outside and during a trip to the toy department of one of the stores they had ventured into, her daughter had procured the set of blocks she had wanted to use her birthday money for. Two promises kept…a little time with her friend, she had helped to pick out a few gifts for various family members and was now waiting for Santa; so far Katie's day was going well.

Johanna wished she could say the same about her own day. She didn't feel things were going all that great between her and Sharon. There was underlying tension…and if she was honest, she felt unsure of what to say to her friend. There had been a time when she could tell Sharon anything and be understood; a time when she could vent her fears, worries and frustrations without being branded as an exaggerator or being overly dramatic. She didn't feel like she could do that now; that all the things she had been feeling over the last several weeks needed to be bottled up and kept to herself…after all, if Sharon didn't understand and her mother couldn't offer the comfort she sought, who could? Jim was usually the answer to that question…and he didn't seem to be an option either; so the only thing to do was to keep it to herself. Keeping things to herself made her cautious with her words and possibly her expressions, Johanna thought to herself; after all, she had been doing her best to portray lightness to Sharon but she could tell that her friend wasn't buying it. Maybe her drama class acting skills were starting to tarnish, she mused.

"Mommy, when is it my turn?" Katie asked.

"After Molly. Be patient; it won't be much longer."

"She probably gets that lack of patience from you, Jo," Sharon commented.

Puzzlement flicked across her features. "What are you talking about, Sharon?"

"Your lack of patience…like with work. You want everything to be the same as it was at Roche right out of the gate and it isn't how it works."

She blew out a breath. "I don't want to talk about work today."

"Because you know I'm right?" Sharon asked.

"No; because it's a topic I'm sick of worrying about," Johanna answered.

"I told you to quit worrying about it weeks ago but you don't listen."

"Neither do you," she replied.

Sharon turned to look at her, rolling her eyes slightly. "Really? You're still pouting that I didn't listen in depth to your issues?"

Johanna's brow rose. "No; I didn't mean it that way at all. I meant 'you don't listen' as in, you don't listen to what you're told to do. I said I didn't want to discuss work today and you keep pushing the issue. Why are you in a mood today? This outing was your idea."

"Well it's hard for it to seem joyful when I know you're brooding over Jim," Sharon remarked. "I thought you would've outgrown that stage before the wedding but here we are, six years later and you still brood. If Phil went out of town for a few days, I'd jump for joy at the thought of having the bed to myself."

"Well that's the difference between us, Sharon. I like having my husband around. I miss him when he isn't home. I didn't get married to sleep alone. If you didn't want us to come with you today, you shouldn't have pushed the invitation."

"Why would you think I wouldn't want you here?" Sharon asked.

"For the reason, I already mentioned; you seem to be in a mood…one of those, I wish I hadn't invited her along, moods. You seem off."

"Like I said, it's hard to be joyful when you're brooding…and shoving that snowman into my trunk was annoying."

"You're the one who told me to combine my plans with yours," Johanna replied. "Our plan today was to buy the snowman for outside."

"Don't you think you waited a little late in the season to decorate outside?"

She sighed. "We held off because Jim claims the outside as his domain; he was only supposed to be gone a few days."

"So why bother now? Seems like unnecessary work this close to Christmas."

"Sharon, it doesn't take long to plug the snowman into the outlet and hang up a few things."

"But still, I wouldn't bother."

"Well you don't have to; it's not your house, so don't worry about it."

Sharon shook her head. "You sure are lacking in the holiday spirit."

"I'm not completely feeling it, but…"

"That's because you're too stuck in your head lately. Why don't you climb down out of the rafters once in awhile?"

Johanna swallowed back the first two retorts that sprang to her tongue, and she only did so because Katie was standing next to her, holding her hand. Swallowing back the words however meant that she was without a firm rebuke.

"Why don't you find a babysitter tonight and we'll go out for drinks," Sharon remarked. "Maybe you'll loosen up, you're too uptight lately."

"Not tonight," she replied; thinking to herself that she wasn't sure she wanted to finish this outing with Sharon, let alone sign up for another one later.

"Why not?" her secretary asked in exasperation.

"Because I don't feel like sitting in a bar, breathing in smoke and hearing Jingle Bell Rock played at full blast from the band of the week."

"Why? Are you afraid it might cheer you up?"

Johanna breathed deeply. "No, I just don't feel like it. What's with you and wanting to go drinking all of a sudden?"

"I just want to go out, like I used to and no one wants to go," Sharon complained. "You used to like to go out for drinks with me."

"And I still do, I just don't want to this week. Besides, I remember plenty of times when I've asked you to go with me somewhere and the answer was no and I respected that."

"Come on, Jo; let's go out tonight, it's Saturday night."

"I know what night it is, but I'm not going."

"Give me one good reason."

Her patience was stretching thin. "Because I'm tired, Sharon. I don't feel like it."

"What are you tired from? Maybe you need a vitamin."

She sighed deeply. "I'm tired because I haven't been getting much sleep. I've worked all week, I've had household things to do, a child to tend to and other little things."

"You should get a housekeeper. It's the best thing Phil ever gave me."

"I don't want a stranger cleaning my house; it would make me feel like I was living in a hotel or something. I understand it for older people who can't do as much as they used to but there's nothing wrong with me that prevents me from cleaning."

"There's nothing wrong with me either but Phil can afford it and it was my gift for giving him a child," her friend remarked.

"Well, I got a pear shaped pink diamond pendant necklace for giving my husband a child. I don't need a housekeeper," Johanna replied.

"But you can afford one."

"I can afford it but I don't want it," she stated. "I like cleaning my house; it's like stress relief."

"Must not be doing you any good lately," Sharon commented.

Johanna narrowed her eyes at her. "I like doing it myself…I haven't reached the point where I'm too lazy to push a vacuum across my floor and wash my own dishes."

Sharon smirked a little. "You're a little young to be turning into your mother, Jo…and that's what you're doing, turning into your mother. House has to be cleaned just so and dinner on the table by a certain time. I think you're in a rut. You may as well ask for some June Cleaver pearls for Christmas."

"Katie, Molly, cover your ears," Johanna said. The little girls followed direction and covered their ears, giggling as they did so and she met her friend's eye. "Kiss my ass, Sharon."

Sharon laughed. "No thanks…but I'm sure once Jim gets back and kisses it, you'll be in a better mood."

She rolled her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief as the line moved. "Molly's next, you better get her up there."

Sharon retook her daughter's hand and led her to Santa Claus, lifting her onto his lap and then moving a few steps away so she wouldn't be in the picture when they took it.

"Mommy," Katie said, tugging on her hand.

"What, sweetie?"

"What do you want Santa to bring you?"

She sighed a little as she looked down at her daughter. "Daddy."

"What else?" her daughter asked.

It wasn't something she had given any thought to; her time was devoted to picking out what Katie wanted and what Jim would want; things for siblings, parents, nieces and nephews. "Do you know what I want?" she said, as the thought came to mind.

"What?"

"One of those big mixers like Grammy has."

"Her kitten-aid?" Katie replied.

Johanna laughed. "It's called Kitchen Aid, but yeah; I like the one Grammy has. That would be fun to use when we're baking."

Her daughter nodded. "I'll tell Santa."

"Okay, you do that, and don't forget to tell him the important things you want…because if you read your whole list, we'll be here for hours and the other kids might get mad."

Katie giggled. "I'll tell him the 'portant stuff, Mommy."

"Good; it looks like Molly's done, you're next," Johanna said as she led Katie to Santa Claus and helped her onto his lap.

"Hi, Santa," Katie said as Johanna stepped back.

"Hello to you, little one," Santa Claus replied; "You're a pretty little girl. What's your name?"

"Katie."

"Katie," he repeated, a twinkle in his blue eyes. "How old are you this year?"

"I'm four, I just had a birthday," she answered.

Santa nodded. "I see; you're getting to be a big girl. Have you been good this year?"

"Uh huh; I've been really good."

"What would you like me to bring you for Christmas, Katie?"

"Mommy told me to tell you the 'portant stuff so I don't take hours," she stated, making Santa laugh. "So I want some new Barbies and I need stuff for my kitchen; I have a stove, I need a refrigerator. I want My Pretty Pony things and books. A stroller for my baby doll and I want Baby Alive and a bike…"

Santa smiled. "And I'm sure the rest is in the letter you sent me, isn't it?"

"Yeah; but there's one more 'portant thing," Katie said.

"What is it?" Santa asked kindly.

"Can you bring my Daddy home for Christmas?" she asked, looking up at him with hopeful green eyes.

Santa hesitated for a moment. "Your daddy?"

"Uh huh, he had to go away to Chicago for work and me and Mommy miss him and we want to come home for Christmas; will you bring him home? Please? We need him; Daddy plays with me, and Mommy's never sad when Daddy's home…and what if we get a spider in the bathtub again and Daddy isn't there to smash it? What are we going to do? We won't be able to take a bath and Mommy says I have to take one every day."

"Katie," Johanna sighed loudly, covering her face with her hand.

Santa laughed. "I can see how that would be a dilemma."

"Will you bring him home for us?" Katie asked.

Santa smiled kindly. "Sweetheart; those matters are tricky…and I can't promise that your daddy will get home in time."

"But you'll try, won't you?" she asked.

"Will you remember that I didn't promise?"

"Yes…but will you try?"

He nodded. "I'll try very hard to get your daddy home…but it's not a promise, so don't be upset if I can't make it happen, but I'll do my best."

Katie smiled happily. "Mommy says as long as you do your best, that's all that matters."

He laughed merrily. "She's right; trying your best is all that matters."

"Oh, Santa; will you bring Mommy a kitten-aid mixer, she would like one so we can bake more cakes."

"A kitten-aid?" he chuckled. "I don't have any of those; will a Kitchen-Aid do?"

"Yeah; that's the one, will you bring her one?"

"Well, I don't know; has she been good this year?"

Katie nodded. "My mommy's always a good girl."

"Then I'll see what I can do for her. Let's get your picture taken now."

Katie smiled for the camera and accepted her candy cane from Santa as Johanna came forward to collect her. She gave the old man a grateful smile for being kind and patient with Katie's request for her father's presence for Christmas. Santa returned her smile with a wink. "Don't worry, I think he'll make it," he whispered.

"I hope so," she murmured.

His blue eyes were bright, shining with kindness and wisdom. "Don't give up hope, it's the season for miracles."

Johanna nodded. "I kind of feel like I could use one, Santa."

He smiled and handed her a candy cane. "I'll see what I can do."

She smiled and thanked him, moving away so the next child could take their place on his lap and so she could pay for and collect Katie's picture. After doing so, she carefully tucked it and her candy cane into her purse to be savored later.

"How come you got a candy cane and I didn't?" Sharon asked as Johanna and Katie rejoined her and Molly.

Johanna gave her an amused smirk. "Maybe it's because I made the good list and you didn't."

"I'm on the good list," her secretary proclaimed.

She shrugged. "Then maybe he just liked me better."

"Ha ha," Sharon stated. "Are you girls ready for happy meals?"

"Yes!" they both exclaimed happily.

"Then let's go get some lunch before we get back to shopping."

* * *

Later on, Johanna and Sharon were settled at a table in the play area of McDonalds as the girls went back and forth between the table and the indoor playground like setup the restaurant provided. Johanna picked up her soda to take a drink, thankful for the extra hit of caffeine to her system.

"Have you talked to Jim?" Sharon asked after swallowing a bite of her Big Mac.

"I talked to him last night," she replied; not bothering to mention that they had argued or that he had called back in the middle of the night.

"Did he say when he's coming home?"

"No," she answered, picking up one of her nuggets to take a bite.

Sharon swallowed the sip she had taken. "He called Phil yesterday."

"I know," Johanna said pointedly. "Thank you for embellishing my day at work so your husband could tell mine that I got in trouble for asking to leave early…when that wasn't the case at all."

"You must've gotten in trouble for asking or you wouldn't have come back to the office," her friend replied with a shrug.

"If I had gotten in trouble, why would Mark then come to my office and tell me it was fine to leave?"

Sharon shrugged once more. "Maybe he figured if you didn't want to be there, you didn't have to be?"

"I came back to the office because Mark was in a bad mood. I didn't get in trouble for anything but Jim thought I did because of you and Phil."

"So tell him you didn't; it's not a big deal."

It wasn't a huge deal, but with the way things had been lately between her and Jim, she didn't want her husband thinking that she was about to lose her job for the second time this year. "It's not big, but just the same, I'd appreciate it if you didn't embellish things, Sharon. If you don't know the facts, don't just make them up to make things interesting. While we're on the subject, I also don't appreciate you telling Mark things that I didn't say!"

"You might not have said it in those specific terms, but you've made comments that allude to the same thing," Sharon remarked.

"I don't care if you feel I've made comments that allude to the same thing," Johanna said tartly. "Any comments I've made have been made in confidence to you. You don't need to tell everyone everything I say or do; or put words in my mouth that I didn't say in the first place…"

"That kind of makes it sound like you got something to hide, Jo."

"No, it doesn't; it's me saying I'd like to feel that I can tell you something and it stay between us like it used to. Nowadays you spread things fast than the New York Times."

"If you don't want it repeated, then don't say it," Sharon remarked.

"Fine," Johanna said; "I'll be very careful not to say things to you…and you don't need to tell my boss anything you feel I've 'alluded' to or didn't say!"

"Mark didn't care about what I said," her friend replied. "It's not a big deal."

Johanna scoffed. "Remember that when you run your mouth too much and get me fired. Remember that when I lose my job, you lose yours. Will it be a big deal then?"

"I can always go back to Roche and work for Phil," Sharon remarked. "It wouldn't be a problem."

"So it's okay if you get me fired because you feel you have job security no matter what."

"I do have job security; it's my back up plan."

"What makes you think it would be that easy? What makes you think they'd let you come back to Roche? What about the secretary Phil already has?"

"He'd let Bonnie go and I'd take her place."

"Really?" Johanna said incredulously. "He'd fire Bonnie; who has just gone through a divorce and is raising her two kids without their father's financial assistance, just so you could have the job?"

"That's what he's always said and I don't doubt that he'd let her go for me. She'd find a position somewhere else. As for the firm, I'm sure I'd be allowed to come back. Their problem was with you, not me."

"If they didn't want to get rid of you, they could've reassigned you to someone else and just sent me out the door," Johanna remarked.

"They knew I wouldn't betray you like that."

Johanna's brow rose. "Did they offer?"

"No; but come on; everyone knows us, they knew we'd both have to go…but the fact, since you're so big on facts, remains that you're the one they wanted gone. So, yeah, I have no doubt that I could go back; because you were the problem, not me."

"I'm glad you have a plan," Johanna replied; "I'm not sure where it leaves me one day when one of your little stories costs me my job…do you ever think of that?"

"Hey, I can quit now, if you want," Sharon retorted. "Believe me, it wouldn't be a hardship lately. All I hear is how business isn't picking up, that you gave Roche nine good years, blah, blah, blah. You're not the only lawyer they got rid of…and let's be honest, the legal profession can survive without you, Johanna. You're good but you're not Perry Mason, so you need to get over yourself and your 'good' record that you think should've gotten you a free pass to stay. I'm going to tell you the truth since no one else has had the guts to do it. When they were making the decisions of who to get rid of for the downsizing, you got picked in the first round because you're not willing to travel because of Katie. Roche didn't mind that but the new management does. You got picked because they don't like that you leave at four…that you leave work to take her to doctor's appointments, that you've taken days off to tend to her when she's sick. You've made it clear that you're a mother first…and they want someone who's a lawyer first…you're not…you don't play ball the way they want to play ball so that's why you were fired. Now you know and you can let it go."

Johanna felt like she had been punched in the stomach, the food she was swallowing suddenly tasting like saw dust in her mouth. So that's what it was…that one sector of the world rising up and saying you couldn't be both mother and career woman. Well, she _was_ both…and if the only way she could've stayed at Roche had meant traveling and being away from her daughter more than necessary, then she was glad to have been fired. She wasn't going to squander the gift of watching her baby grow up. She wouldn't ever change her stance that being a mother was more important to her. It didn't make her a terrible person or a bad worker. She worked just as hard as everyone else in that firm…harder than some. Her record outshone Phil Harper's, she knew that for a fact. She hadn't ever claimed to be the best; she knew all too well that she wasn't indispensable, lawyers were a dime a dozen in the city. But she was a hard worker. She was a professional; she gave her work 110% and didn't stop until she had exhausted every avenue of a case. She had high dollar clients that remained loyal to her; that praised her work and hadn't batted an eye at following her to a new firm. She wasn't late, she didn't take days off for the hell of it; any time she had taken off work at Roche, she had a good reason…and it wasn't something that happened all the time. It didn't seem fair…in fact it smacked of discrimination in small ways but there was nothing to be done about it now.

She breathed deeply and glanced toward Katie who was giggling with Molly as they rode on the small carousel. She didn't regret it…didn't regret for a second that being there for her daughter's childhood was more important than kissing asses to keep her job at Roche. Maybe she'd never make the big leagues…but at least she'd be able to look back without regret…at least her daughter would grow up and be able to look back and remember all the moments her mother had been present for in her life. No, she didn't regret it…she couldn't have made the sacrifice even if they had asked her make it.

Johanna glanced at her best friend…and she was using that term loosely at the moment, seeing that Sharon was on guard, waiting for whatever came next. "I hope you feel better getting that out of your system," she remarked. "It must've been killing you to keep your mouth shut about a secret that juicy."

"I was trying to spare your feelings," Sharon replied; "But I figure it's time you know so you can get over it and move on. I hate coming to work lately because you're so lost in your head with your mopiness that it's pathetic."

"And you think that's about my job?"

"Well what else could it be? Things aren't happening the way you want and you hate that."

"I am bothered by the fact that business is slow…but the main thing that's upsetting me is the state of my marriage; because I feel like something is wrong and I'm worried. I'm sorry I can't just flick things off like you do, Sharon."

"Well maybe you need to try harder. If there's an issue in your marriage, maybe it's you, did you ever consider that? Maybe you're the problem…you're not exactly fun to be around lately."

Johanna worried her bottom lip for a moment, blinking back the sting of tears. "If you think I don't spend every day thinking that it's me, you're wrong. I wrack my brain a hundred times a day to try and figure out what I've done to cause the issues. I'm willing to fix anything that I've done wrong…but I can't do that if he doesn't talk to me and tell me what it is. But thank you for your diagnosis."

Sharon popped a fry in her mouth, silence falling as she chewed and swallowed. "According to what Phil heard from Jim, he's not likely to be home for Christmas," she stated.

"Daddy's not coming home for Christmas?" Katie said, anguish in her tone and her fingers seemingly frozen over the French fries she had come over to grab from the tray.

Johanna's heart sank as she saw her daughter's eyes fill with tears. "We don't know that for sure," she said as she reached for her and pulled her into her arms.

"She said Daddy's not coming home," Katie sobbed, her small arms wrapping around her mother's neck.

"She doesn't know that for sure," she said, anger flickering in her veins, not only at her husband but at her friend as well. "Aunt Sharon likes to make up stories."

"He's not ever coming home," her daughter cried.

"He'll come home, Baby; he has to, we have all of his stuff," she replied, hoping it would be some form of comfort.

"He could buy new stuff on his credit card like you do," Katie said.

"She's got a point there," Sharon muttered.

Johanna's eyes blazed with anger as she looked across the table. "Shut up, Sharon; you've done enough. How could you say that he won't be home? Better yet, why would you tell me that? Especially here, in front of her?"

"I thought you had a right to know," the other woman remarked.

"Until my husband tells me himself, you had no right to say anything, especially in front of my daughter. How could you do that?" she cried.

"I didn't know she had come up to the table, I wasn't paying attention," Sharon replied. "I wouldn't have told you if I had realized she was within earshot."

Johanna shook her head as she held her daughter tightly. "See, this is what I mean, Sharon. You just can't keep your mouth shut."

"I'm sorry, Jo; I would never intentionally upset Katie."

"A lot of good that does us now."

"Doesn't Daddy like us anymore?" Katie sniffled. "Is that why he won't come home?"

"That's not true at all," Johanna said. "Your daddy loves you so much, Katie. He loves you more than anything. Don't you ever doubt that; he loves you. You're his little princess; he's going to love you forever, nothing in the world can ever change that."

"I want him to come home," she hiccupped.

"I do too, sweetheart."

"He's not gonna be here for Christmas."

"We don't know that for sure," Johanna said, but she had a feeling in the pit of her stomach that maybe he wouldn't be.

Katie continued to cry and she didn't know how to fix the hurt that her child was feeling. She felt a small hand grabbing hold of her jeans and she looked down to find Molly climbing up on her lap as well, the little girl's arms wrapping around Katie as best she could. "Don't be sad, Katie," Molly told her. "Santa Claus will bring your Daddy home."

"Will he, Mommy?" Katie asked.

"I don't know…you asked him; he said he would try; so all we can do is hope for the best, sweetheart," Johanna said as she slipped one arm away from her child to wrap around Molly; allowing her daughter's friend closer to offer the comfort little girls could give to each other.

She murmured soothing words to her daughter that were punctuated by little Molly's assurance that Santa would deliver. Johanna's gaze flicked to Sharon, seeing that the other woman was subtly watching Molly. She wondered if it reminded her of the days when she had been a consoling friend but she doubted it.

Finally Katie's cries eased and Johanna grabbed a napkin from the table and wiped her face. She kissed her forehead and conjured up a smile for her. "It's going to be alright."

"I'm mad at Daddy for going away for so long," Katie sniffled.

She nodded. "It's okay if you need to be mad for a little while today, but he'll be back."

"I'm still mad."

"I understand…I get mad too," Johanna told her. "Do you know why?"

"Why?"

"Because I miss him and want him to come home," she answered; "And that's why you're mad, you miss Daddy and want him to come home and have Christmas with us because we're a family and that's how it's always been since you were a tiny baby. We're just going to have to hope for the best, sweetheart."

Katie laid her head against her, her ear pressed against her heartbeat and sniffled a few more times. "I wanna go home," she whimpered.

Johanna ran her hand over her hair. "You need to finish your lunch first and then Sharon will take us home and we'll put out our snowman and our snowflakes…and we'll have hot chocolate with marshmallows to warm us up."

"And I can play with my new blocks?"

"Yeah; you can play with your new blocks…and you know what, if you want, we can get some food from here to take home and I'll heat it up for our dinner later if you want. Do you want to take some nuggets and fries home?"

Katie nodded. "Will I get another happy meal toy?"

"Yes, baby; it'll be another happy meal."

"Okay," she sniffed.

She hugged her tightly and then shifted her onto the chair next to her. "Finish your lunch before it gets cold."

"Molly, come sit with me so Johanna doesn't have to hold you," Sharon said.

"I'm not sitting with you, Mommy," Molly declared.

Sharon's brow rose. "Why not?"

"You made Katie cry and that's not nice. You need a time out," Molly stated.

"I didn't make Katie cry on purpose," Sharon replied. "I love Katie; I don't want her to be sad."

"You made her sad," Molly remarked. "You was bad…I'm not sitting with you."

"Get over here and eat your lunch," Sharon said firmly. "I'm not asking you, I'm telling you."

Johanna hugged Molly and pressed a kiss to the top of her blonde head. "You're a sweet girl," she told her. "I don't know who you get it from…it doesn't come from your mommy and it sure doesn't come from your daddy."

Molly giggled. "It comes from me!"

She laughed. "That must be what it is; you're just your own little magical beam of sweetness."

"Molly can sit with me," Katie said. "We can fit on the chair together."

"I don't think you both can sit together," Sharon remarked.

"Uh huh," Molly declared as she got down from Johanna's lap and hurried to Katie's chair. She climbed up on it and the two little girls wiggled around until they were both situated. "See, we fit!"

Sharon sighed. "Fine," she said as she pushed Molly's food closer to her. "Eat your food. We have to take Johanna and Katie home and then we'll have to go finish our errands since Aunt Jo has changed our plans."

"Don't upset my kid and that won't happen," Johanna remarked.

"Yeah, and don't call me while I'm watching the Smurfs!" Katie added.

"You're just like your mother," Sharon told her.

"I know, my daddy tells me so," Katie replied. "He says I'm just like mommy from my pretty green eyes down to my cute little toes, so there."

Johanna laughed softly, reaching over to brush her hand over Katie's long hair. "You're my girl," she told her.

"And you love me," Katie said.

"That's right."

"Forever?"

Johanna smiled. "I love you always and forever, whenever, wherever, from the Eiffel Tower to the Tower of Pisa, to the Statue of Liberty to the Mona Lisa, to Jupiter and Mars, to the moon and the stars and back again."

Katie smiled. "No matter what?"

"No matter what."

"I love you, Mommy."

"I love you too."

Her daughter glanced at her. "You won't go away on trips like Daddy, will you?"

Johanna shook her head. "No, sweetheart; Mommy doesn't take business trips."

"I'm glad," Katie murmured.

"Knock Knock!" Molly exclaimed, grabbing Katie's attention.

"Who's there?" Katie asked.

"Cow-go."

"Cow-go who?"

"No, Cow go Mooo!" Molly said with a grin before they both burst into giggles.

Sharon shook her head. "Where did you learn that?"

"Uncle Jeff told me," Molly replied.

"I should've known."

"Uncle Jeff told me one!" Katie said. "Knock Knock."

"Who's there?" Molly asked.

"Cargo."

"Cargo who?"

"Car go beep beep," Katie said, bursting into laughed, Molly's giggles joining hers.

Johanna nodded. "Yep, that's definitely Uncle Jeff's style," she commented, but she was glad to hear Katie laughing for the moment.

* * *

They had been home for a little over two hours and her daughter was still stewing as much as she was, Johanna thought as she looked up from the grocery list she was making to observe Katie as she demolished the structure she had built out of blocks. She didn't know what to do to ease her child's mind and feelings…or her own for that matter. She couldn't make any promises concerning Jim and when he'd come home. She couldn't provide any answers…because she never received any herself. It was frustrating; and she was angry too.

Their day out had been marred, and Johanna couldn't help but be a little angry with Sharon for repeating what she had been told while Katie was nearby. Her friend sometimes had a big mouth and couldn't wait to tell everyone everything she knew. Sometimes that was fun…when one was in the mood for gossip and the gossip involved someone else's life. But when it was about her life and her child overheard things she didn't need to be privy to, she didn't find it all that endearing of a quality. Molly's presence had managed to keep Katie somewhat happy as they finished lunch but the damage had been done to the day as a whole. She had tried to get things back on track when they got home; they had hung up the snowflakes and plugged in the snowman. She smiled a little; plugging in that snowman was the only thing that had brought a smile to her daughter's lips since getting home. It made her wish that they had bought two; maybe it would've doubled Katie's happiness.

The phone rang, pulling her from her thoughts. "If that's Daddy, I'm not talking to him!" Katie exclaimed, her chin quivering.

"If it's Daddy, you should talk to him like always."

"No! If he's gonna miss Christmas, I'm not talking to him."

"We don't know that he's going to miss Christmas. It might be a misunderstanding."

"I'm not talking to him, I'm still mad at him!" her daughter cried.

Johanna nodded. "Alright, honey; if that's how you feel, I'll tell him that."

"I do!"

She could sympathize with the feeling, Johanna thought as she reached for the phone. "Hello?"

"Where have you been all day?" Elizabeth Beckett asked. "I called all morning."

"I was out doing some shopping with Katie," she answered; "Is everything alright?"

"Nothing's wrong," her mother-in-law replied; "I was just trying to get a hold of you to ask you something…"

"Is it Daddy?" Katie demanded to know.

"No, it's not Daddy; it's Grammy," Johanna told her. "Sorry, Liz."

"It's alright, I'm sure she waits on his calls."

"Not at the moment; she's a little ticked at him."

"What did he do?" Elizabeth demanded to know.

"I'll tell you in a few minutes; you go first."

"Alright," her mother-in-law stated. "I wanted to know if I could take Katie to church with me tomorrow; they're having a Christmas party for the kids afterwards like last year that I took her to. Alicia and Danny are going too."

"I'll ask her," Johanna said, glancing her daughter's way once more. "Katie, do you want to go to church with Grammy, Danny and Alicia tomorrow? They're going to have a Christmas party afterwards."

"With games and stuff?" Katie asked.

"Yes," Elizabeth said, overhearing her granddaughter's question. "There's going to be games and little crafts; snacks and beverages, they'll get a little bag of candy and some little gift."

"There will be games and stuff," Johanna told her.

"Licia's going to the party?"

"Yes, sweetie; Alicia and Danny are going to the party too."

Katie nodded. "I want to go with Grammy."

"She wants to go, Liz."

"Good; I think she'll have a good time and maybe it'll get her mind off her daddy."

"That would be good."

"You can come too if you want…we won't tell anyone you're Catholic."

"You know that your granddaughter is too, right?"

"Yes," Elizabeth said, a touch of tartness in her tone; "But I do appreciate that you let me take her with me to my church when I ask."

"I told you all along I'd never have a problem with that; I just wanted to carry on the tradition of my family; which is why she also goes with me and my mother on holidays."

"I know; but if you want to come, you can."

"I appreciate being invited, but honestly if she's out with you for awhile, I can get some things taken care of that I need to get caught up on. With Jim being out of town, I'm trying to juggle how to get everything ready for Christmas…if you catch my drift."

"I do," her mother-in-law stated. "After the party, I'll take her with me to pick out our supplies for the gingerbread house…are you sure your mother doesn't mind me taking her Monday?"

"She's fine with it and she knows Katie's looking forward to helping you with that so she doesn't mind switching; it'll give her time to get some things done too," she said before looking to Katie. "Katie; why don't you go upstairs and look at your dresses and see which one you might want to wear to church tomorrow, okay? I'll be up after I'm finished talking to Grammy."

"Okay, Mommy," she said, abandoning her pile of blocks and hurrying toward the stairs, her expression a little lighter with thoughts of a party and seeing her cousins in mind.

"Nice excuse," Elizabeth commented.

"It's all that came to mind," Johanna replied with a laugh. "I need to tell you this before I forget; I ordered something and it's being delivered to your house hopefully on Wednesday like they said. It's something Jim wanted to get her and I can't chance that there will be a picture on the box."

"Alright, I'll watch for it…what is it?"

"I'm going to spell it just in case…b-i-k-e. He hadn't mentioned it at all and I didn't think to ask until last night…so now we hope it shows up on Wednesday or by Christmas Eve at the latest."

"Jimmy wanted to get her this but doesn't open his mouth about it until you think to ask?"

"Yeah," Johanna replied; "And then tried to say if I got it for him, then it's a gift from me…like I would claim it. Everything is from both of us, with the exception of one thing just from me and one thing just from him…and he knows that."

"I don't know what's gotten into him," Elizabeth stated.

"Neither do I. Katie's upset with him today because we went out shopping with Sharon and her little girl and Sharon was telling me that Jim had called her husband about taking care of something at the office and also mentioned to him that he doesn't know if he'll make it back for Christmas…Katie heard her telling me that and she cried and now she's mad; even though I explained that it might not be like that; that there's still time…"

"But you're mad too," her mother-in-law stated.

"I am…because he's insinuating to me that he will be here, so I don't know what to believe."

"He better be here or I'm going to Chicago and kick his goddamn ass for him," Elizabeth stated.

"You might have to take a number."

"We'll go on the same flight," she declared. "He's got a wife and a child, his sorry ass belongs in New York; I don't give a damn about his job. Christmas is on Sunday; that court isn't going to be open Monday because the government always observes a holiday on a week day. I don't want to hear his excuses!"

"If he decides to call, maybe I'll tell him to call you…maybe you can get through to him."

"You do that," Elizabeth stated. "What does he tell you?"

She scoffed. "In one breath he says he doesn't know; in the other, he says he'll be home…and no matter what the answer is, I'm accused of nagging when I ask…so…"

"I swear," the older woman muttered. "Seems like that promotion hasn't been the good thing he claimed it was."

"Yeah; I know," Johanna said softly. "He got mad at Katie last night too because she told him that you said if he doesn't get home soon he'll miss Christmas; he told her to tell you to mind your business."

"Is that right?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yeah…she was ready to get off the phone then. Today she doesn't even want to talk to him because she thinks he isn't coming home…and I can't even promise her that he will; so…"

"So you're left holding the bag," her mother-in-law replied. "You not only get to do everything for this holiday on your own with a four year old; you also get to watch her be miserable because no one knows if he's coming home."

"Pretty much; I'm trying to find as many things for us to do as possible to keep her distracted and happy but today went down the drain."

Elizabeth blew out a breath. "What a Christmas this is going to be; Andrew is in the Bahamas for that damn resort deal. Jimmy doesn't know when he's dragging his ass home. No word on if William is going to bless me with a day of his precious life…"

Johanna took a breath; she had a feeling she better tell her because if she didn't and Elizabeth found out she knew, there would be hell to pay. "I have a feeling that he's not coming," she said slowly.

"Why?"

"Because Katie got her birthday card from them yesterday and they had birthday money it…and Christmas money."

Silence filled the line and Johanna closed her eyes, feeling her mother-in-law's pain as she was quiet for a long moment.

"The little coward," Elizabeth said bitterly. "I'd bet anything they sent her money for Christmas just so you or Jimmy would mention it to me and that way they wouldn't have to tell me they weren't coming to New York."

"I hadn't thought of that," Johanna admitted.

"I know his tricks…I don't know what the hell is so fabulous about Germany that they can only blow into town every few years for a day or two."

A thought came to mind and she voiced it before she could stop herself. "Unless they're going to Florida to Lucinda's family and just want us to think they're staying in Germany for Christmas."

"I wouldn't doubt that either," she said angrily. "Well that's fine; they don't have to come to my door…if they don't want to be a part of my family, that's fine. So that's two of my sons who won't be home for Christmas…and Jimmy might make three. I'm on a roll."

"It might not be much comfort, but even if Jim doesn't come home…and God help him if he doesn't, I will still bring Katie over on Christmas so she can spend time with you before we go to my mother's in the afternoon."

"I do appreciate it," Elizabeth stated; "And I honestly didn't doubt that you'd still bring her over no matter what. I should've had all girls…daughters always come home…sons just don't give a damn."

She swallowed hard, hearing the undercurrent of emotion in Elizabeth's tone. It was so unusual to see or hear a crack in the armor, but when it came through, everyone could feel the depths of the woman's pain. "I'm sorry, Liz."

"It's not your fault…words you probably never thought you'd hear from me," her mother-in-law declared.

She gave a soft laugh. "Minor Christmas miracle."

"At least we got one miracle out of the holiday."

"Yeah…because it feels a little bleak. It's difficult to find the spirit this year."

"That's not surprising…but I guess there isn't much we can do," Elizabeth remarked.

"I had that thought myself yesterday…so many things are wrong and I don't have any control over any of them at the moment…so all I can do is make sure Katie has a nice Christmas and some fun for the holiday; which is what I was trying to do today."

"Some days get away from us," the older woman remarked. "I'm sure she'll have fun at the party tomorrow and helping me pick out things for the gingerbread house. Are you going to your mother's for dinner tomorrow?"

"No; we had dinner there last night."

"Then have dinner with us tomorrow," Elizabeth stated. "I'm making pork chops; I know you like those."

She smiled; Elizabeth must be lonely if she wanted her to visit. "I do like your pork chops; I love that seasoning you use on them."

"Then I'll keep Katie and you can come to dinner and take her home from there."

"Alright, Liz. I'll bring her over in the morning; for now I better go see if she's pulling the clothes down off their hangers," she said with a soft laugh.

"Alright, I'll see you both tomorrow," her mother-in-law said before saying goodbye and ending their call.

Johanna hung up the phone and rose from the sofa to head upstairs; a party would cheer Katie up and the time alone would give her a chance to take care of some of the things she still needed to get done…and maybe some alone time would make her feel better, she wouldn't have to put on a happy face for a few hours. She could feel whatever she needed to feel and not worry about upsetting her child or being judged for it. Yes, Elizabeth's plans would be good for both of them…but she also wanted to talk to her husband; not because she wanted confirmation of the things Sharon said but because their day had gone downhill and she craved his comfort. She didn't know if he remembered his drunken call early that morning; if he didn't, he might stick to what he had said about not calling for the weekend. She sighed deeply; she hoped that wouldn't be the case.

 _Author's Note: In the next chapter there will be some insight into Jim's thought process._


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 5

That evening found Johanna at her desk, wrapping another batch of gifts that she had dragged down from her hiding place in the attic. Katie had fallen asleep early while they had been cuddled up together on the couch, watching Yogi's First Christmas. It wasn't often that her daughter was asleep before bedtime…and without a bedtime story at that. She had also gone to sleep without asking if her daddy was going to call…and he hadn't…so maybe it was a small blessing that she had gone to sleep a little early. In any case, Katie's going to sleep early meant that she was getting a little bit of an earlier start that evening even though she had stayed on the couch with her for awhile, making sure she was down for the night before she had scooped her up and carried her up to her bed, tucking her in with her bunny. She had also unplugged the phone upstairs in case anyone would call, she didn't want to chance having it disturb Katie.

She blew out a soft breath and cut a piece of wrapping paper to wrap the My Little Pony playset that was lying on her desk waiting to be wrapped next. The small radio on the bookcase was softly playing Christmas music and she glanced across the room at Jim's desk, her heart aching a little. She had hoped that Jim would call…not because of what Sharon had said…but because her heart kept hoping that maybe he'd call and be the same loving man who had called at 3:30 in the morning; although she would prefer him to be sober this time.

The phone rang and her heart quickened; did she dare hope it was Jim? Was he calling for Katie…would he hang up once he knew their daughter had been asleep for nearly an hour now?

She'd never know who or what it was if she didn't answer, she mused as she grabbed the phone and pressed it to her ear. "Hello?"

"It took you long enough to answer," Jim remarked somewhat tartly.

"I'm sorry, my hands were occupied," she lied, her heart plummeting at his tone. "Is something wrong?"

"No, I just figured if I don't call, you'll pout about it."

"Your daughter is the one who pouts about it," Johanna replied, keeping her tone soft and neutral.

"Who do you think she gets it from? Where is she, I called to talk to her."

"She's asleep."

"Asleep!" he exclaimed. "It's only eight!"

"In Chicago it's eight; here it's nine."

"Sometimes I forget the time difference," he admitted.

"It's okay; she fell asleep early tonight, she was tired," she said, not bothering to mention that Katie had been mad at him.

"Is she sick?" Jim asked.

"No; it was just a long day. She had to get up early so we could go on that shopping trip and we did some things when we got home. She was cuddled up on the couch watching a cartoon and fell asleep."

"I guess I'll call her tomorrow," Jim stated.

She nodded even though he couldn't see the gesture but she knew that he was ending the call; that he wasn't interested in speaking to her. "Alright, if you're heading out for the evening, be careful."

"Was I hanging up?" he asked.

Johanna hesitated. "It kind of felt like it…you said you weren't going to talk to me until you were coming back…and if you don't feel like talking to me, it's okay, I understand."

"Sure you do," he scoffed.

She decided to ignore the comment; she didn't want to fight, although he already seemed to be spoiling for one. "I'm glad you called," Johanna said softly.

"Why, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong; it was just kind of a bad day."

"And what do you want me to do about it?"

"Nothing," Johanna murmured, a tremor of hurt rippling through her. "I just always feel better after I talk to you."

Her husband sighed and she heard the clink of ice against glass. "So what is it now, Johanna?" he asked, his tone indicating that he was sure it was something that wasn't as important as she thought.

Johanna swallowed the small lump that was growing her throat. "Nothing worth mentioning."

"If that was the case you wouldn't have mentioned it," Jim stated.

Her cheeks burned with a feeling of embarrassment. "I just had a bad day, that's all."

Jim scoffed. "I have a bad day every day lately and I don't see anyone trying to fix it for me."

"I always ask if there's anything I can do, Jim; but lately you always tell me no. I offer to listen but you don't want to tell me anything lately. I'd do anything I could for you, you have to know that."

"Sometimes you have to make yourself feel better, Johanna. It's something you ought to keep in mind and try to learn."

Johanna blinked to keep the tears at bay. "I'm sorry I bothered you with the comment. I'll keep my bad days to myself."

"Sure you will," he laughed.

"Is that why you're drinking more often lately…you're trying to feel better?"

"Do I have to hear that every time I talk to you?" he asked sharply. "You act like I'm a damn alcoholic."

"I know you're not an alcoholic…but you are drinking more than usual lately and I worry about you," she admitted.

"Well don't, I know what I'm doing; don't even start with your temperance lecture."

"Jim, what's wrong?" she asked patiently.

"Nothing, I just know I have to call and listen to the daily complaints."

"Is that all you think I do?"

"Yeah…what do you think you do?"

"I try to ask questions so we can have a conversation but you say I'm nagging you so I get frustrated."

"Well, you frustrate me," he retorted.

Johanna sighed. "I think I liked our conversation early this morning better."

"I didn't call you this morning."

"Yes, you did. It was after three in the morning and it scared the hell out of me when the phone rang. You were drinking; and I'm not saying that to make you mad, just as a fact. You talked until you fell asleep."

That would explain why he had woken up to that annoying sound of a phone being off the hook…not to mention that the receiver had been laying on the floor, Jim thought to himself. "I don't remember calling."

She could say something about that being a sign he should pull back on his drinking but she didn't want to anger him when he already seemed angry with her. "That's alright, I kind of figured you wouldn't," she said quietly, her voice void of accusation and it annoyed him for reasons he couldn't fathom.

"What are you doing?" Jim asked.

"Wrapping presents."

"Still!?"

"Yes, I only do so much every night. You know that."

"Yeah, I know it and it's ridiculous. Do it all at once and be done, you make it worse than it has to be."

"I can't do it all in one night, Jim. I have all of Katie's stuff plus gifts for our family…it's a lot."

"Then maybe you bought too damn much," Jim retorted.

"I haven't bought anything more than usual."

"Oh please, every year you go overboard," he stated. "We don't need two and three gifts for each niece and nephew. You don't need to buy your sister more than one gift. You don't need…"

"I'll take some stuff back," she interrupted. "I didn't realize that you had issue with the gifts we buy. You've never said so before…you've always picked out more than one gift for the kids."

"We have our own kid."

"Yes; and she isn't deprived anything because we spend a few dollars on our nieces and nephews. Katie's list is always fulfilled.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" he asked.

"Katie's going to church and the church party with your mother so I'm going to try and get the shopping done."

"Christ, Johanna; what the hell is left for you to get!"

Her eyes stung with tears at his sharp tone. "I'm trying to find something for my grandmother," she said softly; "And something for your mother."

"You need to start earlier in the year, Johanna. You should've been done by now. Tomorrow is the eighteenth and you're still not done! You started back in November!"

"I know; but I also had Katie's birthday and Thanksgiving."

"That's no excuse. You just like to drag it out so you claim you have so much to do. You thrive on that."

"The best sales are in December," she answered. "I just try to get the best prices."

"Like we save anything with the way you shop. You save a few bucks and figure that means buy yet another item with the money you saved on the first."

Johanna forced herself not to lose her temper. "I told you I'll take some stuff back. Next year we can just buy for Katie and our parents and grandmothers. We can put ten dollars in a card for each niece and nephew."

"We're not handing out cash, are you crazy!"

"Fine; we'll give them nothing next year."

"They've got parents and grandparents, they get plenty."

"Fine…but 'my' nieces and nephews will at least get a few dollars of 'my' money in a card," she replied.

"You always have to come out smelling like a rose."

Johanna was quiet for a long minute, the realization setting in that he was acting like the one person she never thought he could be like. He was being as harsh and judgmental as her father could be. It wasn't a good feeling. "Jim, please tell me what's bothering you," she said gently. "Maybe I can help."

"Nothing."

"That can't be true."

"Maybe it's you," he said sharply.

"Okay," she said, her heart stinging as she forced herself not to allow her defensives to rise. "Tell me what I need to work on."

"Not being a nag. Not going overboard for the holidays. Better time management…because if you can't even get the holiday stuff done in a timely manner because you can only do so much at a time, then how the hell do you think you can manage another job?"

"It's not a full time job, Jim. It's a one hour class twice a week."

"Which you'll probably be late for because you have that habit too."

"I'm rarely late for work."

"You have an answer for everything, don't you?"

She sighed. "Chicago must give you a lot of time to think up my faults."

"It's quiet here; you're not yaking every second and Katie isn't carrying on; I can hear myself think for the first time in years."

"You've been away on business before this trip."

"Not for this long."

"I know," she murmured. "It's the longest we've ever been apart."

"Yeah; I almost forgot what it's like to be on my own," Jim replied.

Johanna's eyes closed, emotion surging to the surface. Maybe that was the problem…maybe he wanted out. Maybe he wanted to focus on his career and climbing the ladder and they were standing in his way. He had a taste of freedom being away so long…he probably didn't want to come back; and if she was as terrible as he claimed, she didn't blame him.

"Jo," he said; "Are you there?"

"Yeah…I think I hear Katie moving around upstairs though," she lied, knowing she needed to hang up before she lost control of her emotions. "I better go check on her. If you don't feel up to calling, you don't have to, we're okay."

"Katie's not up," he stated.

"She is," she said; "I hear her footsteps; if she's going to the bathroom, she might come looking for me, I better go before she finds me. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," Jim said, but he found himself speaking the word to the dial tone. He hung up the phone with a deep sigh and moved across the room to open the bar. He took out the bottle of scotch and poured another glass and it wasn't until he had swallowed the first sip that he realized that his wife hadn't told him that she loved him before hanging up. He frowned; he couldn't remember the last time that had happened. Even when he came home late and crawled into bed beside her, she'd stir enough to say she loved him before falling back to sleep.

But then again, she had mentioned that he hadn't said the words to her lately…something that he hadn't realized he had stopped doing until she had mentioned it; but surely not saying the words didn't mean there should be doubt about the feeling. Surely by now she knew; he had married her after all; if that wasn't love he didn't know what was; because anyone who would get married without love was just stupid or crazy.

On the other hand…the words hadn't been spoken in awhile…and now she wasn't saying them either. Maybe she thought he didn't want her affection or the sentiment. She hadn't asked him about when he'd be home either. In fact, she hadn't even asked about his day or his plans. She hadn't cried or whined. She hadn't lost her temper. It was somewhat odd, Jim mused as he sat down in the arm chair and picked up the remote from the stand to turn up the volume on the TV. He sighed, the law firm had made comfortable arrangements for their stay; a five star hotel with twenty-four hour room service, large comfortable suites that were bedroom, sitting room, and bathroom. The bar was stocked with good alcohol and snacks, expensive candies. Expensive sheets were on the queen size bed that he had all to himself and a large TV he could watch whatever he wanted on it without worry about if it was age appropriate or sure to elicit an eye roll from his wife. It was all very accommodating and comfortable.

If it wasn't for work, he'd be thoroughly enjoying himself. The room was nice, the city full of things to do. Jim took another sip of his drink; yes, it was all very nice. There was no one to take care of but himself. No one to answer to but himself. No one pulling him away from his work with demands to play…or demands to talk because they hadn't seen each other all day. There wasn't the noise of a child at play…or the noise of a talkative woman on the phone…and it seemed like Johanna was on the phone a little more than usual lately once Katie was occupied somewhere with her toys. Another sip of scotch washed over his tongue. Maybe Johanna was on the phone more often to cover the silences he left her with when he shooed her away because he needed to concentrate on his work.

Jim blew out a breath; she had asked him what was wrong…and it wasn't the first time she had asked; but the answer he gave was always the same…because how could he tell her what was wrong when he didn't exactly know himself? How could he tell her that he could feel how desperately she was trying to keep things the same…and how he felt like it couldn't be the same anymore. They didn't work together anymore; there were no break room run ins, no casual meetings during time between appointments; lunch dates had become few and far between. They didn't see each other as much as they used to…and now he had moved up and would be traveling, which meant adjustments had to be made and it was more time away while she stayed behind.

His career was on the rise; bigger, more lucrative cases were coming his way, requiring travel, research, more time. He was building up his reputation…and Johanna was still at the bottom of the ladder…basically starting over after nine years at Roche…and it was an extremely slow start. How could he tell her that in hindsight, he felt she had made a mistake by joining Montgomery and Associates…that he thought she should've applied other places instead of settling for the first offer that fell her lap just because they offered her flexibility in her hours in light of her being a mother? She could've found somewhere that would've given her better options, gave her a challenge…but she hadn't thought about the future of her career. Her only goal had been to get back to work as quickly as possible and if they were willing to be lenient so that she could set her own office hours and not be hassled when Katie needed her at home, then that was the firm for her.

He took another drink, Johanna was a good mother, no doubt about that…maybe a little too good, he couldn't help but think. Katie clearly preferred her…and God knew Johanna always placed Katie above all else…but she wasn't good at balance and he felt like that had been the cause of her ultimate downfall at the firm. Roche had liked her and hadn't minded if she needed to leave early to take Katie to the doctor or needed a day off to tend to a sick child. He hadn't hesitated to allow her to close her office at four so she could get home…and a few other mothers in the office had followed suit. He didn't question her refusal to work cases that would take her out of town once Katie was born. Other people in the firm felt Roche was too lenient with the women who were mothers, and those people were the ones who were in charge now; and she was quickly put on the list to go. They felt she wasn't serious enough about the job despite having an excellent record and high dollar clients who opted to follow her to her new firm.

The firm had downsized and shuffled and he had allowed her to believe that she had been on the list to go because some of the people who did the choosing were people who were against her from day one…which was the truth…but her position of 'my child comes first' had been an even bigger reason and he couldn't tell her that. Couldn't bring himself to tell her that the stance, while admirable, would always hold her back and keep her from climbing the ladder with him.

He also hadn't told her that once she had been let go; Stanley Carmichael had said that now they'd see what he was really capable of without Johanna around to distract him. He had proven himself over the summer, earned the promotion. The promotion had been what he wanted…but it was still new, they were still watching closely, he couldn't botch anything. He still had to prove himself because he couldn't get pushed back down the ladder. His career was rising…hers seemed to be setting…and it was hard to watch her flounder; especially when he felt that she was jealous of his success.

Jim breathed deeply…his success…he had wanted the promotion; which was why he hadn't discussed the option of declining with Johanna. He had wanted it…anticipated the big cases, the bigger paycheck…and yes, even the traveling. He liked the idea of getting away, of going somewhere without his family. It sounded terrible and maybe it was…but he couldn't help it. He needed the change…but along with it came more stress, bigger responsibilities; the pressure of succeeding and worrying about what would happen if he lost. He saw that Johanna's penchant for being family oriented had thwarted her career at Roche…and so he couldn't dare risk saying that he worried about the time away from home. He didn't want to lose his job for worrying about his daughter reaching some milestone out of his line of vision and because Johanna might cry that he wasn't around enough to hold her hand or whatever her problem was on any given occasion.

It should bother him though, he figured…and it wasn't that he didn't miss them…he did; he missed Johanna at night, especially when he reached for her and she wasn't there. He missed his chats he had with Katie while Johanna was in the shower or washing dishes; they'd tell each other about their days and she'd crawl onto his lap when the sports news would come on and ask him if 'their' team had won. He missed them…just not as much as he had thought he would. Not as much as he probably should for a man who loved his wife and daughter.

That feeling of not missing them as much as he should bothered him. That feeling of being free for awhile shouldn't feel so good to him. The feeling of wanting to concentrate on his work and succeed shouldn't be coupled with the feeling that he now hated his job as well. Nothing felt right…and he couldn't tell Johanna that like he would've before. She wouldn't understand; she'd cry and blame herself, promise to make life easier in any way she could…because that's how she was; she always accepted blame and tried to fix it. It wasn't one of her better traits…but he wasn't exactly exhibiting his better traits either. All he had to do was look at tonight's call with his wife. She hadn't nagged. She hadn't asked questions. She hadn't done anything wrong and yet their conversation had been nothing but criticisms of her and how she did things.

Jim frowned as he stared down into the liquid in his glass; he had actually given her a list of flaws to work on…that probably wasn't the Christmas gift she had wanted. Christmas…another issue; that damn holiday got so blown out of proportion by everyone everywhere; including with his wife. He had a feeling she wouldn't mind him being gone so much if it wasn't for Christmas. He didn't know if he'd be back in time…and even if he was, he hadn't done any shopping, so he'd be there empty handed, feeling like an ass when she handed him gifts and he had none for her.

But that didn't mean she deserved nothing but criticism and a list of flaws. Maybe he should wait a little while, give her time to get Katie back to bed in case she really had gotten up, and then call back and apologize for the things he had said. He supposed he was being an ass lately…and it wasn't her fault. She hadn't done anything wrong…whatever it was that was making him feel like everything was wrong was primarily about him and he knew he was taking it out on his wife and yet he didn't seem able to stop himself despite the regret that always followed in the silence after he hung up the phone.

A knock on the door pulled him from his thoughts and he sat his glass down to go answer it. He found Zach on the other side and could hear Steve's voice as he flirted with a maid down the hall. "Are you going with us tonight, we're heading out," Zach stated.

He wanted to go…but he felt like he should stay there, think more about calling Johanna back. "No, not tonight…I'm waiting to talk to Johanna."

"I thought you were calling home after dinner?" his friend said.

"I did, but she was trying to get Katie to bed so I told her I'd call back in a little while."

"Alright," Zach said with a nod. "You know where to find us if you want to meet up with us after you talk to Jo for awhile."

He smiled and gave a nod. "I'll probably show up later."

Zach said goodbye and Jim closed the door, another sigh crossing his lips. Why did it have to feel like everything was a mess?

* * *

It was nearly 12:30 that night as Johanna rubbed her hand against the back of her neck after she finished wrapping the gift in front of her. She glanced to the side of the room where bags full of gifts she had been wrapping all evening were sitting. She had one more bag to finish and then all of Katie's gifts would be wrapped with the exception of the things that hadn't been delivered yet. Her back was starting to ache along with her neck but she'd push through like her husband had suggested.

Johanna's chin quivered as she thought of the words Jim had spoken, but she swallowed the lump in her throat and pushed it away. She had already cried and gotten it out of her system. She'd get all of Katie's things wrapped tonight; and if possible, the things they had bought for other family members. She had taken a brief break to sort through the things that had been bought for the nieces and nephews; deciding which gift to keep for each one and placing the ones to return in a bag along with a few gifts she had intended for her sister. Making those returns would be her first order of business once Katie was dropped off to Elizabeth.

With returns made, gifts wrapped and hopefully something purchased for her grandmother and for Elizabeth; she could tell Jim she was finished and maybe he wouldn't bitch at her so much. The thought had no sooner crossed her mind and the phone rang, her stomach filling with dread as she knew it must be him. He probably thought up things to add to her list of flaws.

She reached for the phone with trepidation, dreading a second conversation with him. "Hello."

"Were you asleep?" Jim asked.

"No."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to get this wrapping finished," she answered. "What do you need?"

He ignored the question. "I would've thought you would have called it a night by now."

"Calling it a night doesn't get things done," Johanna replied. "I have one bag left of Katie's stuff until the rest is delivered; but I'm going to get that bag done as soon as I get off the phone. What did you need?"

"Jo…you didn't need to do it all tonight," he said gently.

"I'm working on my time management," she remarked. "But you're throwing it off, so can you just tell me what you want so I can get back to work?"

"I called to tell you I'm sorry," Jim stated. "I shouldn't have said those things."

"It's alright, don't worry about it."

"Jo…"

"The truth hurts sometimes, Jim; but I'm a big girl and I can take it."

"I didn't have any right to say those things."

"You're my husband; you have every right to tell me what you don't like about me so I can fix it. I don't always manage things well; but I'm going to do better, that's why I'm taking your advice about the wrapping. I'll still have family gifts to do after I get Katie's done but I'll get to them. Your mom is keeping her until dinner so I should have time to make returns, get a gift for Grandma and Elizabeth and get home and get things started at least."

"You don't have to take anything back," Jim told her.

"Yeah, I do. I didn't discuss any of it with you…and you're right, most of the money is yours now and I shouldn't spend it on things you don't want it spent on. I guess I'm just used to things being a little more even but I'll make sure I ask your permission from now on when it's something coming from our joint account."

"Jo, you don't have to do that."

"Yeah, I do," she said, her voice cracking. "I've gotten the message; don't spend anything that's yours; and I won't. I know you're angry with me for losing my job and you have every right to be…"

"That wasn't your fault," Jim interrupted; "And you're back to work now, although I told you that you didn't have to rush. You could've stayed home with Katie as long as you wanted."

She scoffed tearfully. "Yeah, sure; then I would've really heard about 'your' money. I'll make my own money. It was my fault I was let go…I know the truth. I know it's because I won't travel…I know it's because I'm a mother."

Jim was silent for a moment. "Sharon had no right to tell you that."

"How do you know she's the one who told me?"

"Phil called me a little while ago and told me."

"Two big mouths together," Johanna remarked. "I guess they are a match made in heaven."

"She should've kept her mouth shut."

"Like you did?" she asked. "Because I'm sure you knew the whole reason…because if Sharon knew, there's no way in hell you didn't."

"I knew," Jim admitted; "But I didn't want you to know."

"Why? I think I'm better off knowing the truth."

"It hurt you enough just to be let go…you didn't need the rest. You are a mother and Katie needs you. You don't need to be traveling all the time. You'd hate it and so would she. You'd hate working for Stanley and all of the rest of them too."

"I know," she said; "And if kissing their asses was the only way to stay there then I'm glad they fired me, because I can't ever do that. I'm sure things will pick up at the office eventually."

"You could always apply somewhere else," Jim stated.

"Why would I want to do that?"

"Because a bigger firm would give you more work."

"Yeah…but there'd be more restrictions too. With Mark and Cathy, they understand that I'm a mother. I got to set my office hours for eight to four…and when Katie starts school, I'll be allowed to go in after I get her off to school. They'll understand if I need to take her to the doctor or if she needs me to be home with her because she's too sick to be dragged out to a sitter if I don't have to be in court."

"You settled for that job because they waved flexible hours at you…and I know, I encouraged you to take it, but in hindsight, seeing how slow it's going, I can't help but think it wasn't a good enough reason for you to accept the offer."

"So now you want me to quit and go elsewhere?"

"Maybe you'd be happier."

"No, I wouldn't be happier. I like knowing I'm working with people who understand that my job isn't my whole life. I like having that flexibility for Katie; especially if you're going to be traveling a lot. Why tell me to take the job and then several months later tell me to find something else…when you already got mad that I took a position at Columbia? Not to mention that Mark and Cathy are our friends and bailing on them after a few months would be ignorant; especially when they were kind enough to make me an offer in the first place."

"I just thought you'd be happier if you were somewhere where you could be challenged and not bored."

"Its not like I don't have any cases at all, Jim. I do have some and I'm adding family law after the first of the year, I'm sure the challenges will come. I'm not leaving this firm. If things haven't changed by the one year mark, then I'll consider applying elsewhere, but until then I'm staying put…and I'm keeping the teaching position."

"Yeah; I figured that," he remarked; "I guess you'll learn the hard way…you always do."

Her chin trembled. "Once upon a time, you would've supported me; you would've told me that you believed in me, that I could do it. Now you just want to keep knocking me down…and I don't know why."

"I'm not trying to knock you down. I told you to keep the job if you wanted it. I think it's going to be too much for you but I'm sure you'll manage, you always do," he remarked.

She was quiet for a long minute, trying desperately to swallow the question forming on her tongue but it wouldn't be quelled. "Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you still love me?" she asked softly.

"Of course I still love you! What kind of stupid question is that, Johanna!?"

"One I needed the answer to," she whispered.

"Just because I don't say it a hundred times per phone call doesn't mean that I don't love you," Jim said sharply. "Christ, that should never even be a question for you. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry," Johanna replied, her voice trembling. "It's just that things have been off between us for awhile now…and I couldn't help wondering. I guess I'm just a typical woman."

"Well try being the one I married instead of being a typical one."

"Fine…when would you like to try to be the man I married? Seems like I only hear from him at 3:30 in the morning when he's so drunk he doesn't even know it's the middle of the night. I got more affection from you in that phone call than I've had in weeks."

He sighed loudly. "I'm sorry I called in the middle of the night."

"I'm not," she remarked. "I didn't want you to be drunk…but it felt like I was talking to the man I know you to be. I didn't care about the time as long as you were alright…and I didn't care about it because it felt like you cared again…like I mattered to you."

"I guess I should've let you and Katie come to Chicago for the weekend," he stated.

"Why? So I could annoy you in person with my neediness? It can't be because you want to see us; it's obvious that we miss you a hell of a lot more than you miss us."

"I don't like feeling that way, Johanna," he admitted.

Johanna paused for a moment, digesting the statement. "You really don't miss us, do you?" she asked softly.

"It's not that I don't miss you at all…I do miss you in little ways; but part of me does like having this much time alone. It's nice to have space…don't you think?"

She scoffed, her voice strained with emotion. "I wouldn't know…the only time I'm ever alone is in the car after dropping off Katie, and when I'm in the shower. I haven't had a night completely to myself in a little over four years. I don't even remember what it's like to have more than a few hours to myself."

"That's not my fault," Jim remarked. "If you traveled for work, you'd understand what I mean…and no, that's not me saying you're wrong for shunning business trips, you're not. You're needed at home…but for me, it is good to get away at times."

"I'm so happy for you," she said sarcastically. "You know, not only do I not want to travel for work; I know I wouldn't be able to even if I did want to, because who would take care of Katie? It wouldn't be you. You got mad when I said you could watch her twice a week while I teach a class."

"I can't promise you that I'll be home to do that," he said sharply. "Which is why we should've discussed it before you accepted it."

"I tried," she reminded him. "You wouldn't listen."

"Because I get tired of listening," he said without thought. "There's always something you need to discuss, cry about, nitpick. You always need consoled or given reassurance. You always need something."

The silence that stretched out across the line was deafening, Jim thought, cringing as he realized that he had said things that he shouldn't have.

"I'm sorry," Johanna said, her voice taunt with emotion. "I didn't realize that I needed too much from you…that I leaned on you too much. I guess I didn't get the hint that you didn't want me to talk to you about things anymore. I'll…uh…I'll back off, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to burden you with things that are only important to me."

"Jo, I…"

"Would you be happier without me?" she asked softly, forcing herself to keep her emotions at bay. "Because all I've ever wanted is for you to be happy…I've tried to make you happy, give you a nice home…but if I'm the reason you're not happy anymore…you don't have to go through all this trouble."

"What do you mean by that?"

Her hand trembled as she held the phone against her ear. "I mean that if you're working your way up to asking me for a divorce, I wish you'd just do it and get it over with."

"I don't want a divorce, Johanna," Jim murmured. "I don't want that at all."

"Why not?" she asked, a few tears breaking free. "I feel like I'm not what you want anymore."

"That's not true."

"How can you say that?" she cried. "For months now you've been distant…you don't say you love me like you used to, we hardly spend any time together because you're always at work or with your friends or whatever else you can think of to stay away from home. You don't tell me anything anymore. I'm lucky if you kiss me goodnight, let alone anything else. You call me from Chicago every night to criticize me and give me lists of flaws…you tell me you're tired of listening to me; that I need too much. So how can I feel like you still want to be with me?"

"I do want to be with you."

"I don't know why," Johanna said, the tears spilling down her cheeks. "From the lists I've been given and the comments from other people in my life, I'm not a great person to be with…so I guess I couldn't blame you if you wanted to move on."

"I don't want to move on," Jim stated, a touch of panic in his voice as he started to worry that maybe he had said enough of the wrong thing and now she was going to leave him thinking she was doing him a favor. "I don't want a divorce."

"Then what do you want?" she asked in aggravation. "What exactly is it that you're looking for right now? Because it seems like Katie and I don't fit into the equation."

"I don't know," he answered; "I guess I just have all this time and I only have to worry about work and myself. I don't have to take care of anyone; I don't have to answer to anyone. I just…I guess I just feel like I need a break or something."

"A break from what!" she nearly yelled. "From being a grown man with a family?"

"I guess in a way," he admitted. "There's always something I need to do at home, someone always needs attention, someone always needs taken care of…I guess having time to myself makes me miss the days when I didn't have so much to do and the only person I had to please was me."

"So you have too many responsibilities at home," Johanna remarked.

"Sometimes…I just need a break; that's why I don't miss being there as much as I should."

She scoffed. "Well since you're so worn down by being a husband and father, I'll see what I can do to lighten your load here at home."

"Jo," he said quietly.

"What?"

"I wasn't trying to hurt you."

She laughed but the gesture held no humor. "Oh, don't you worry; people have been hurting me all my life, I hardly feel it anymore. I'm just sorry that we've suddenly made your life so miserable the last few months…I mean everything was fine over the summer and now it's not what you want…it doesn't make much sense…and I figure that's because you don't want to admit that there's more to the issue than you're saying."

"And what do you think that is?"

"That promotion of yours," she remarked. "I don't think you can handle the stress and so you think you need to push everything away so you don't lose that nice promotion."

"I do have to make sacrifices at times, Johanna."

"Yeah…well I didn't want to be one of them but I guess that's life. I'll do what I can to make things easier for you, Jim."

He was quiet for a long minute before speaking. "You said earlier that you had a bad day," he said quietly.

"I did…thanks for your contribution, by the way."

Jim was quiet again for a moment, feeling chastened but he knew he deserved it in some ways. "What happened today?"

"Nothing important," she answered. "I shouldn't have mentioned it."

"You did mention it though."

"I know, but I wouldn't have if I had known that doing so makes you feel burdened."

He sighed. "I guess I did make you feel that way."

"There's really no other way to take it," Johanna said softly. "You said you get tired of listening…that you need a break from having to console and reassure. I can respect that, Jim."

"But I'm offering to listen."

"Why? You don't really want to…and I'm sure you'll deem it stupid anyway, so why bother?"

"Because I owe it to you."

"You don't owe me anything, Jim," she murmured. "I'm your wife, not your warden. It's okay, I don't need to tell you everything. I'm a big girl; I can take care of myself. I was taking care of myself long before you came along."

Jim sighed deeply; there it was, the tough girl card…she'd been carrying that card since she was a little girl being shunned by her father and she relied on it like a security blanket. "Jo…," he breathed.

"What?" she asked; her voice carrying a touch of tartness along with the vestiges of being tired.

"I'm sorry."

"There's no need to be sorry, Jim. You can't help how you feel," Johanna replied; "I'll do what I can to help you feel better…whenever you find your way home that is, and no, I'm not asking when that will be."

"You can still tell me what happened today."

"I honestly don't want to," Johanna admitted. "I did earlier but I just…I just don't want to go through it because I know how you are here lately and it'll be deemed stupid and whatever else you think up and I think I've had enough news for today, I'm done."

"What news would that be?"

"The real reason I was fired and that my husband needs a break from being married to me," she replied. "I think I've had enough for one day…and I still have a bag of stuff to wrap tonight before I go crawl into bed for a few hours and then have to get up and take Katie to your mother so she can go have some fun and I'll finish up what I need to do in the shopping, returning, wrapping department so that I can move on to the next project on the list."

Regret and frustration warred within him. "Jo, listen…"

"No," she said tiredly. "I just…maybe I need a break too. I'm tired of always having to understand and be patient, and be the punching bag for everyone…I just don't want to hear anymore tonight; so just leave me alone, okay? It shouldn't be hard for you do; you've had plenty of practice lately. Go find your friends; I'm sure they're waiting for you somewhere."

Jim scoffed. "You yell about me drinking and yet you tell me to go find my friends."

"I don't yell about it. I worry about you doing it more than usual because you are…but I figure you're going to do what you want anyway."

"Then maybe I will go find them since you feel that way."

"Whatever you want, honey. I've got to go now, you're interrupting my time management," Johanna stated.

"Goodnight, Johanna," he spat.

"Goodnight, dear," she replied before hanging up the phone. Johanna sighed deeply and reached for another item to wrap. He needed a break, she thought to herself as she roughly grabbed the roll of wrapping paper. A break from what she wasn't sure…she did the majority of child care. She was the one who got up with Katie when she was a baby; she was the one who still got up with her in the middle of the night when she was sick. She tended to her when she was sick. She bathed her, tucked her in the majority of nights. She dropped her off to whichever grandmother was babysitting and picked her back up. She took her with her on errands. She cooked the meals, she did the dishes. She cleaned the house, did the scrubbing, did the laundry. She picked up the dry cleaning, she did the grocery shopping. She did the holiday shopping, with the exception of Jim taking Katie to get something for her grandfathers and for her…and this year, she had taken Katie to do grandfather shopping. She nursed Jim when he was sick; tried to give him everything he needed and asked for. On top of all those things, and she was sure she was probably missing a few, she also went to work Monday thru Friday.

But he needed a break.

She scoffed out loud; apparently taking out the garbage, writing out the checks for the bills and entertaining Katie for the amount of time she was in the shower was just so very stressful in the scheme of his home life…and he hadn't even done any of that for the month of December so far; she had. Well that was okay, she could continue to take out the garbage and write out the bills and she'd shower when Katie went to bed or put her in front of the TV for those ten minutes like she had been doing occasionally since Jim's departure.

Oh, but she had almost forgotten, listening to his wife was apparently classified as a chore too…she needed to talk less. She needed to need him less. She just needed to be less period, Johanna thought to herself.

Fine.

She wouldn't burden her husband with her problems, worries or unnecessary conversation. He had his work and his friends and his drinks…he had to make sacrifices…and he had chosen her to be the one.

Johanna's eyes welled with tears but she didn't allow a single one to fall. She knew he was going through something; that he was using her to take it all out on…but she didn't feel like being understanding tonight. She didn't feel like being reasonable. Tonight she just wanted to let it hurt; wanted to feel the way she did without judgment.

She needed a break from being the patient, understanding wife.

Tonight she just wanted to be the wife who was angry, hurt and confused…and if she needed more than a night, she'd keep on taking her own break, and she didn't care who liked it and who didn't. Why should she care anyway? It wasn't like anyone cared about her feelings in the first place.

* * *

He'd done it again, Jim thought to himself after hanging up from his second call to Johanna. He had called to apologize. He had called with the intent to act like the husband she was used to having…and he had blown it…again. What was wrong with him? Was it the job like she had implied…or was she just jealous of his promotion?

He wasn't sure of the answer; he wasn't exactly sure what was wrong with him. All he knew was that he was letting her down somehow, and he could feel himself blaming her for that too. Maybe she believed in him too much. Maybe she depended on him too much. She thought he could fix everything, soothe every hurt, do it all…but he was the one who had gotten her into the habit of thinking those things, so how could he blame her for doing what she had always done?

Jim blew out a breath; he just didn't know the answers…didn't know why his life suddenly felt suffocating. He was trying to make that feeling go away but he wasn't succeeding…and he couldn't talk to Johanna about it because he didn't understand it, he didn't know what it was, why it was there…and he only ended up hurting her which frustrated him and made him irrationally angry with her. As for the job, as she had mentioned; he did feel more pressured; he was trying to prove himself…and a part of him felt like his days of proving himself should've been behind him. He did worry that with new management, he could be let go easily and he'd have to start over elsewhere and he didn't want that…so he had to prove himself over and over. He had to play ball the way they did…he couldn't risk his career just because he couldn't be home all the time. It was just something they were all going to have to get used to for awhile.

But still, he should probably mind the time away home a little more. He probably should miss them more. Was he tired of being a husband and father? He didn't like the thought of that but he supposed that both titles came with times of monotony. But no one had forced him into marriage or fatherhood. He married Johanna because he loved her. He promised her a baby and they had one because they wanted a child of their own to love…and he did love their daughter. He loved them both…and so it should bother him that he had been away for weeks; that Christmas was closing in on them and he still hadn't packed his bags and wasn't overly concerned about possibly missing the holiday.

Jim sighed deeply and pushed himself out of his chair. Maybe he would go meet up with Zach and Steve, have a drink or two before last call to soothe his thoughts. Thinking too much kept him awake at night and he didn't want to sit up all night thinking about things he couldn't make sense of or solve at the moment. That was Johanna's thing; she was the over thinker and the analyzer; staying awake to all hours. He didn't like that; would rather have a drink or two relax him and help him to forget and to sleep. He grabbed his wallet and his key from the nightstand, shoving them in his pocket and collecting his jacket. He should be able to blow off a little steam before last call.

* * *

The next morning as she sat on Elizabeth's sofa, Johanna fussed with the red ribbon she had fixed in Katie's long hair to match her little red Christmas dress that she was wearing to church. She had barely slept all, Jim's words rolling through her mind on a loop as she laid in their bed alone. The hurt and anger was still bubbling deep inside of her but she had pushed it down all morning, feeding off of Katie's energy as she had chatted happily about spending the day with her grandmother and cousins. "You look very pretty," she told her daughter as she smoothed down the soft material of her dress.

"Are you coming with us, Mommy?" Katie asked.

"No; I'm going to let you have fun with Grammy and Alicia and Danny."

Elizabeth picked up her gloves from the coffee table and began to pull them on, catching her granddaughter's eye as she did so. "You can go to Sunday school with Danny and Alicia. Do you remember going with them before?"

"Yes; they tell us stories."

"That's right, they tell you Bible stories," her grandmother replied. "Today they'll probably tell you about when baby Jesus was born. We celebrate Christmas because it's his birthday."

"I know that, Grammy," Katie remarked. "I learned that before."

Elizabeth gave a short laugh. "Well pardon me, little miss; but I'll bet you'll get to do a little Christmas craft or some coloring in Sunday school today. Do you think you'd like that?"

"Uh huh, I'd like that. They'll let me sit with Licia, won't they?"

"Yes, dear; you can sit with Alicia," Elizabeth replied. "I'm sure Danny will probably find some boys he's friends with and sit with them."

"Sounds like you're going to have a lot of fun," Johanna told Katie as she picked up her small dress coat to help her put it back on.

"Danny, Alicia!" Elizabeth called up the stairs. "Come on now, you've been up there long enough! I swear I've never seen two kids take so long to get dressed, you'd think they had to sew the clothes first."

"Maybe they're having technical difficulties," Johanna replied.

Before Elizabeth could speak, Danny bounded down the stairs, his tie in hand. "Grandma, do I have to wear a tie? I hate it and I can get it to go on right."

"Yes, you do," Elizabeth told him. "We're going to church and you're going to look like a nice young man. It's time for you to learn to wear one on occasion; you'll be a grown man before you know it and you'll most likely have to wear one to work. If your grandfather hadn't run out of here after breakfast, he could've taught you how to do it since your father hasn't done it yet."

Danny cast his gaze toward Johanna, silent pleading in his eyes. She smiled and rose from the couch. "Come here, I'll help you," she told him, beckoning her nephew to her side.

Danny hurried toward her, thrusting the tie into her hand. "Don't worry," she told him with a smile, "I'm a pro at this. I spend a lot of time doing this for your Uncle Jim."

Her nephew smiled as she sat about her work. "Is Uncle Jim coming home soon?"

"I hope so," she told him.

"Me too; Christmas wouldn't seem right if he's not here," Danny stated.

Johanna gave him a small smile as she worked on his tie; Danny had been Jim's number one fan since he was baby. She finished tying the tie and straightened it, making sure it looked neat and tidy before caressing his cheek. "You look very handsome in your suit…in fact, you look a lot like your grandfather and your uncle Jim. What do you think, Liz?"

Elizabeth nodded. "He's definitely a Beckett; very handsome…and he does resemble Robert a great deal…Jimmy and Andrew too."

Johanna grinned at her nephew. "That's a lot of handsomeness you've got in your genes; I bet you just drive all the girls crazy."

"I do not," he said, his cheeks turning pink.

"Oh come on," she told him, unable to resist teasing him a little. "I bet there's some little girl in school who just adores you and doodles your name on her notebook."

Danny shook his head. "No; all the girls like Tommy Hansford."

"I bet not all of them do," Johanna said. "How could they resist a boy as cute as you? I bet they whisper about you. What do you think, Liz?"

"Oh I'm sure he'll be breaking hearts before we know it…just like his grandfather, father and uncles."

Danny's ears were blood red and his shy gaze on the floor. "I don't think girls like me that much."

"Don't be too sure," Johanna said; "Sometimes girls just wait to see if you like them…is there a girl you like?"

He smiled up at her shyly. "I like you, Aunt Jo."

She grinned. "Well, honey, if you were older, you'd have a chance at stealing me away with that handsome face of yours; but I'm afraid you're going to have to aim for one your own age…so who is she?"

"No one," he said with a nervous laugh.

"It's someone," Elizabeth stated; "You got that Beckett man with crush look on your face at the mere thought."

Danny's gaze hit the floor, his cheeks matching the color of his ears.

"Mhmm," his grandmother said; "He's got his cap set for someone."

"No, I don't," he proclaimed, "I don't even know what that means."

Johanna laughed. "It's means there's a girl that you want to be your girlfriend."

He shook his head. "I just think she's pretty."

"Who is she?" Johanna asked.

"Her name is Cassie but she doesn't talk to me or nothing; she wouldn't like me."

"Why not?" she asked. "You're handsome and smart and funny; Grandpa's taught you a few magic tricks. You're a good catch for an eleven year old girl."

He shrugged and slipped into his aunt's embrace. She hugged him tightly. "Just talk to her one day, you might get surprised," Johanna encouraged. "Give her a Christmas card; write a little note in it for her."

"That's not a bad idea," Elizabeth stated.

"But what if she doesn't like it. What if she laughs?" Danny asked, remaining in his aunt's arms.

"Then she's got incredibly bad taste in boys and she's not the girl for you," Johanna stated.

"That's right," his grandmother declared. "If she passes up a nice young man like you than she's not someone worth spending your time on. Don't worry; there will be plenty of other girls for you."

"I don't want girls to like Danny!" Katie declared, hands on her hips.

"Why not?" Johanna asked.

"Because I love Danny!" her daughter exclaimed. "I want him to like me!"

Johanna and Elizabeth laughed and Danny's ears reddened once more. "I see," Johanna said as she knelt down to be on eye level with her daughter. "I didn't realize that you had staked a claim on Danny."

Katie nodded. "I love him. I might marry him."

She smiled. "You can't marry Danny, sweetheart."

"Why not?"

"Because he's your cousin; you're not allowed to marry your cousin," Johanna told her.

Katie sighed. "But why?"

"Because, a cousin is your family; you can't marry someone you're already related to; it's not allowed."

"I can't love him?" Katie asked.

"Of course you can love Danny; you love him as your family," Johanna told her; "But I'm sure Danny is flattered that you'd want to marry him if you could."

Katie looked to her cousin for confirmation of that sentiment. Danny stopped down and hugged his little cousin. "I still love you," he told her. "I always will."

"I love you, Danny," she told him, hugging him tightly before being released.

Elizabeth shook her head. "See, Danny; you've collected your first heart already and you didn't even have to leave the house. Come on Alicia!"

Johanna gave Danny a quick squeeze as they listened to Alicia's footsteps overhead. "Don't worry, Danny; you'll find someone special one day…not as special as my Katie; but close enough," she said lightly.

He smiled and blushed, his head ducking once more as his sister finally appeared in the room. "What was the hold up?" Elizabeth asked her nine year old granddaughter.

"I can't get my shoe hooked," Alicia said, pointing to her shoe. "The pin won't go through the hole on the strap."

"Well why didn't you come down sooner and ask for help?" Elizabeth asked. "Give me your shoe; all you have to do is poke a nail file or an ink pen through the hole to open it up a little more. Don't your parents teach you two anything?"

"No," Alicia," replied as she slipped off her shoe and handed it to her grandmother.

"Well at least your honest about it," Elizabeth stated as she found one of her metal nail files on the stand and used it to poke open the hole on the strap that Alicia had indicated. "There, it'll work now."

"Thanks, Grandma."

"That's what I'm here for," she stated as she picked up her tan dress coat and pulled it on. "Danny, get your coat on and get your sister's coat too."

Alicia hooked her shoe and hurried to Johanna's side, arms reaching for a hug. "Hi, sweetie," Johanna murmured as she hugged the girl. "You look pretty in your green dress."

"Thank you," Alicia replied. "Does my hair look okay?"

"It looks very nice," Johanna told her, slightly adjusting the dark green headband in Alicia's light brown hair before kissing her forehead. "Katie's excited to spend time with you today."

Her niece smiled. "I'll take good care of her."

"I know you will," she told her, allowing her to step back so she could take the coat that her brother handed her.

"Alright, Katie," Johanna said; stopping down to hug her daughter. "You have fun today."

"I will."

"You stay where Grammy can see you; when you're in Sunday school and at the party, you stay with Danny and Alicia, okay? Don't go off on your own, understand?"

"Yes, Mommy."

"Be good and listen to Grammy. Do not try and take your tights off in church again," she told her, looking her in the eye as she did so.

"They itched me," Katie responded.

"I don't care, you do not take them off in church; you wait until you get home."

"Why?"

"Because it's cold out, you need those tights to keep your legs warm; and because it's not nice to take your tights off in church. You wait until you get back. I brought you clothes to change into once you get home with Grammy; and do not fight her about it, you're changing clothes. I want you to be able to wear your dress again on Christmas Eve, understand?"

"Yes; I won't take my tights off at Church," Katie stated.

"Good; because Santa is watching and you don't want to get on the wrong list this late in the game," Johanna stated.

Katie nodded. "I want presents."

"Okay then, be good, have fun. We're going to eat dinner with Grammy and Grandpa, so I'll be here at dinner time, okay?"

"What are you going to do without me?" her daughter asked.

Johanna smiled and gave her a quick kiss. "Trust me, sweetheart; I won't have any fun at all without you."

"Are we ready to go?" Elizabeth asked.

"I'm ready, Grammy," Katie said, hurrying to her grandmother's side and slipping her hand into hers.

Johanna walked out behind them, Elizabeth glancing back at her as they stepped outside. "Have you talked to my son?"

"Oh yeah," she said, a touch of sarcasm in her voice. "We had an enlightening conversation."

Elizabeth gave a small laugh. "Should I pray for him?"

"Yeah…pray for him to get his head back together or pray for me to have the strength not to grab a hold of it and twist it the next time I see him," Johanna remarked.

Her mother-in-law gave her an amused look as they made their way to the cars. "What did he say to inspire that?"

"I'll tell you later," Johanna said; "While Robert has the children occupied during dinner preparations."

"That good, huh?" Elizabeth asked as she unlocked the car and opened the back door for her grandchildren.

She gave a short laugh. "Kept me awake most the night it was so good."

The older woman nodded. "He's a Beckett."

"He's something alright."

"Bye, Mommy," Katie said as she climbed in the car.

"Bye, sweetheart; I love you. I'll see you later."

"Love you, Mommy!"

Once the three kids were settled in the back seat and buckled in, Elizabeth shut the door and she and Johanna rounded the car. "We'll see you at dinner," her mother-in-law stated.

"I'll be here a little before so we can chat."

"Alright; remember not to have fun like you told Katie."

Johanna smiled a little as she made her way to her own car. "Oh definitely not; see you later."

Johanna got into her car and started it, watching as Elizabeth drove off in the opposite direction. She sighed; it always felt weird to be in the car by herself for a few minutes after dropping Katie off. She was so accustomed to her daughter's questions and chatter that it always left a little bit of an empty feeling. She turned up the radio a little and pulled away from the curb; the important thing was that Katie would be having fun though, which is what she had been wanting for her for days. Her daughter hadn't asked about her daddy that morning, so she wondered if that meant she was still mad at him but she hadn't dared to ask yet. She hadn't wanted to spoil Katie's mood…her own mood was spoiled enough, one of them may as well grab any happiness that could be found.

She breathed deeply and exhaled as she headed toward home; she had plenty of things to do while her child was occupied; she had to make those returns, although she hadn't been able to find it within her to only give each niece and nephew just one gift. They'd get two and the smaller items would be returned along with things she had gotten her sister. Colleen could suffice with one gift…as would Madelyn since she had discovered that there wasn't yet a gift for Jim's sister. Madelyn was so damn picky though that she'd probably buy her a gift certificate or something along those lines while she was out that day. She had to get something for her grandmother and gifts for Elizabeth and then her shopping would be complete and she'd go home and finish up the wrapping until the last few remaining packages arrived in the mail.

Then the next time her husband asked her what she was doing, she wouldn't have to listen to the rant about how long it was taking her to wrap gifts. Johanna's fingers tightened on the steering wheel as she thought of her husband; she wondered what he was doing today…wondered if he'd call and talk to Katie later…if he'd talk to her. Sadness pushed to the surface, it was hard to feel the magic of Christmas when your heart held an ache deep within it. She was trying though; she had an idea in mind for something fun that she could surprise Katie with one evening in the coming week. She couldn't rely on Jim at the moment to help give her the joy she was searching for…she was going to have to find it without his help; and she was sure she could, she just had to remember how.

 _A/N: I'll give a peek at Katie's fun in the next chapter…and we'll see what Jim's up to as well. I'm trying to keep these chapters a little shorter than my usual chapters so I can give you quicker updates, hope you don't mind._


	6. Chapter 6

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews! Sorry for the delay; this one was a bit of a pain, hope it doesn't show too much._

Chapter 6

Being out early on a Sunday morning meant that Johanna had beat most of the crowds, she thought to herself as she wandered through Macys. Of course she was also thankful for whoever had thought up the idea of stores opening earlier on the weekend during the holiday season. She had made her returns quickly and without hassle; the excuse of bringing the items back because someone else had already gotten them for the intended person, worked like a dream. Now all she had to do was find gifts for her grandmother and for Elizabeth.

She figured she'd tackle her mother-in-law first; after all, Elizabeth was notoriously difficult to buy for. So far she had collected a gift set of Liz's preferred Chloe perfume and the lotion she liked to use for her hands. There had to be something else though. It couldn't be jewelry; Robert always got her jewelry and Elizabeth seemed to hate for anyone else to do so…but she was tempted to buy her the necklace she had seen, a silver locket engraved with tiny roses and the word Grandma as a gift from Katie. Surely she wouldn't shun the necklace with her granddaughter's name on the card. Chances of that seemed slim, so she figured she'd pick it up on her next pass of the jewelry counter. Katie had already picked her out a box of her favorite candy and a photo album that she insisted that her grandmother had told her she needed. Johanna hadn't felt too sure about that purchase and took it upon herself to ask her mother-in-law about it only to be informed that she did indeed need a new photo album. She shook her head. It didn't seem like much of a gift, although Katie had chosen one with a pretty cover but the necklace would make things seem better in the grandma gift department.

Now she just needed something to add to the things she and Jim would give her. Johanna moved through the store, finding herself in the department where purses were on display. She picked one up and examined it; Elizabeth had been carrying the same purse since she had met her eight years ago and who knew how long she had been carrying it before that. It was something that Johanna couldn't recall anyone else trying to give her…and maybe, just maybe, it would be a gift Elizabeth would like. With that thought in mind, she searched through the selections, picking one that was similar in style to the purse Elizabeth carried, hoping that the familiarity of the style would make it acceptable. She smiled; she would take the risk of giving her a purse…and if she hated it, she'd throw Jim under the bus and say it was his idea and that could be his punishment for his behavior lately. Johanna smiled and picked up the matching wallet as well; Elizabeth was now done.

She only needed a gift for her grandmother now and standing in the aisle with all of those purses, she knew that Sophia would love a new handbag. The woman's purse was legendary and contained everything but the kitchen sink it seemed. The last time she had seen Sophia, her handbag was looking a little worn. With a nod, she moved to the section containing large purses; she'd get her grandmother a new purse and wallet too along with the rose colored robe Sophia had hinted to her that she wanted and a pair of her favorite slippers. Once the items were collected and paid for, Christmas shopping 1983 would officially be over and that would be one more thing to cross off her list, Johanna thought to herself as she set out on her mission. Even better, she'd get home earlier than expected and would hopefully get the rest of the wrapping done. Then she wouldn't have to listen to Jim's complaints about those things anymore which would be like a little Christmas gift to herself…and where her husband was concerned, she was sure that a gift to herself would be the only gift she got in relation to him.

There were plenty of stores in Chicago but she didn't figure that her husband would drag himself into any of them to look for a gift for any member of his family. He would figure that she had taken care of things and he wouldn't need to worry…and he didn't need to worry; she had taken care of Katie and their families and him. Everyone was taken care of…except for her; but she wasn't concerned. Christmas was about giving, not getting…and if her husband didn't want to get her anything…well…then that was just how it was supposed to be. She wasn't a child; she didn't need a gift to prove that he had thought of her…especially when she was sure that he didn't think much of her at all now that he was getting a healthy taste of his freedom.

Johanna sighed as she made a beeline for the robe her grandmother wanted; maybe she better hope that he didn't hand her a gift…the way things were going, he might surprise with divorce papers, contrary to what he had claimed. She frowned; she didn't want to think of that; she was hurt and angry enough from the things he had said the night before. She wished she hadn't answered the phone but there wasn't time to dwell on that; she just needed to get her shopping done and get home and get the wrapping done…then he'd see just how good her time management skills were.

* * *

Jim shivered and shoved his hands deeper into his pockets as he walked toward a department store. It would just figure that Chicago would be having one of its coldest winters on record, he thought to himself as he quickened his stride, hoping to reach the warmth of the store as soon as possible. He must be crazy to be out in this cold when he could be in his warm hotel room, sleeping in, being lazy for awhile before diving into some paperwork. He also must be crazy for being out in the throng of holiday shoppers. What had he been thinking?

A man dressed as Santa Claus ringing a bell near a charity kettle reminded him of what he had been thinking. He had no Christmas gifts for his wife and child and felt like he had to remedy that. It was a task he was now regretting, he thought to himself as he finally pushed through the door of the store. He was sure that Johanna had gotten everything Katie had asked for and that she probably didn't need anything else but he didn't think he should go home empty handed…whenever that opportunity presented itself. The only problem was, he didn't know what to get her…didn't know what Johanna had already bought, didn't know what his daughter wanted. He supposed he hadn't been paying much attention lately…but of course he had been away all month so far as well.

The burst of warm air wrapped around him as he moved away from the door and further into the store and he shook his head slightly, trying to dislodge that nagging feeling of longing and guilt. He had to work and his work now meant travel and there wasn't really anything to be done about that. Travel meant a bigger paycheck, better benefits, bigger challenges for him to tackle…he couldn't just stay home because he wanted to play with his kid and hold his wife at night. He couldn't pass up a better paycheck just because they missed him. He just had to make sacrifices right now and eventually things would settle and even out and it wouldn't seem like such a hardship to his family.

At least he hoped so.

Another shake of his head, a desperate attempt to shake off the jumbled thoughts that seemed to haunt him every day. He needed to find some little gifts for Katie…he needed to find a gift for his wife. He felt even more clueless about what to give her than he did their daughter. He hadn't been listening for hints…he hadn't been paying much attention to her at all if he was being truthful with himself. His work had been first and foremost on his mind lately…there wasn't time to enjoy her usual clinginess. At the moment it was more of an irritation than something he didn't mind; and that feeling frustrated him too.

Jim moved through the store, finding his way to the toy department. He drifted down the aisles aimlessly without much of a clue about what to get his daughter. Whatever he picked would need to be small enough to be crammed into a suitcase…unless of course he bought another small suitcase to carry gifts home in. He could do that…and odds were, he'd need an extra suitcase on his travels anyway. Yes, that was definitely a purchase he'd need to make today, he thought as he mentally added the item to his to-do list.

Now if he could just think of things to put in the suitcase.

He sighed as he picked his way through a crowded aisle. Johanna had said that she'd order the little bike he wanted to give to Katie…but there still needed to be some things that he had chosen, even if Katie did believe that Santa brought the items. A splash of blue caught the corner of his eye and he glanced up at a shelf, spotting a box containing small stuffed Smurfs. Jim smiled, his little girl loved her Smurfs, he knew that for sure. He snatched up Smurfette and Papa Smurf and then grabbed a Smurfs playset from the shelf below it. She would like those things, he was sure of it…he just hoped that Johanna hadn't already bought them.

Jim slowly made his way up and down the aisles, selecting a small set of play makeup and a little Barbie purse with matching wallet. He was sure Katie would like a little purse of her own instead of sneaking one of her mother's from the closet to drag around with her. There was a set of play jewelry he thought she might like for when she played dress-up and he grabbed it, along with a My Little Pony bath set that had bubble bath, soap and lotion in it. He wandered into the little girls clothes section and found her a set of Smurfette pajamas and a My Little Pony t-shirt. He picked her up a Barbie storybook and a Smurf one as well.

Maybe this wouldn't be so difficult after all, Jim thought as he noticed that his arms were now full of gifts for his daughter. Maybe he wasn't as clueless as he thought. He probably could've found more items to add to the pile but he didn't want to push his luck, because sooner or later, he was sure he'd pick up something that Johanna had already bought…if he hadn't already. He made his way to the checkout for the sake of having the items he had selected put into a shopping bag to make carrying easier. He paid for the items and then took another lap around the store; heading for the women's side this time in search for something for his wife.

As Jim passed up item after item, he figured that he should've realized that his ease of finding gifts for Katie would mean that there would be nothing easy about finding gifts for Johanna. He decided to try his luck in another store on the same block and he headed back out into the cold, once again cursing himself for being foolish enough to abandon his warm hotel room for this endeavor.

He made his way into the next store, sure that the handles of his shopping bag were probably frozen to his palm but he figured maybe that wasn't such a bad thing; he'd be sure not to lose it that way. Once again, Jim made his way to the women's side of the store, wracking his brain for what to get his wife. Usually he had some idea…he usually he started looking for her gifts in early November, giving himself plenty of time to find the right thing. Usually he felt perfectly in sync with her and didn't doubt the choices he made.

But it seemed like his brand of usual was missing for the time being. He didn't know what to get her…had no idea what she wanted; although he was sure it wasn't the list of flaws he had given her. Jim grimaced; what did a man get for the wife he had insulted every time he opened his mouth lately? He breathed deeply; chances were he had pissed her off enough that she didn't want or expect anything from him but he couldn't go home without at least something.

Jim spotted the perfume counter and headed toward it; he could at least get her a bottle of her favorite perfume he figured as he looked over the selection. He found Johanna's preferred fragrance and requested it from the woman behind the counter and handing over his credit card so that he'd have the luxury of dropping the item into his shopping bag without the worry of going to jail for unintended shoplifting.

He had to admit though; perfume seemed like the lazy way out…he'd need something to go with it. Jim moved through the store, rejecting scarves and handbags, gloves, dresses and shoes…she had enough shoes; whether she thought so or not. He paused as he neared a mannequin clad in a short, pale pink nightgown of the finest silk, with thin straps and a matching robe. It reminded him of the pretty pink nightgown she had worn during their road trip before they had started dating. Memories of those nights crashed over him with a sense of longing. She'd look so pretty in that nightgown…and it would bring back memories. Maybe it would be a good gift.

Jim spotted a saleslady and asked if they still had the set in Johanna's size and he waited with as much patience as he could muster as the woman went to the back of the store to look. Finally she returned and handed him the box that contained the nightgown and robe. "You're lucky," she told him. "That was the last one in that size."

He smiled. "I guess it's meant to be hers then."

"I'm sure she'll love it," the woman replied. "Anything else I can help you with?"

Jim sighed. "Only if you know what else my wife would like."

The saleswoman smiled. "Well as a woman myself, I can say that you can never go wrong with jewelry."

He nodded. "I was afraid of that."

She laughed. "As long as it comes with love, I'm sure she'll be happy with anything you choose. Let me know if you need anything else."

Jim thanked her for her help and began to wander through the store again…he had a feeling he was going to have to find a jewelry store.

* * *

As the church service dragged on, Elizabeth Beckett was willing the preacher to finish up soon. Her grandchildren had been returned to her after the end of Sunday school and they were growing fidgety in their seats. So far it wasn't too bad, she didn't need to whisper a quiet rebuke to hold still, although admittedly she couldn't blame them for growing bored…she was growing a bit bored herself as the man droned on for longer than usual. She sighed slightly; if he kept this up the kids wouldn't want to join her on occasion anymore…she had already lost Mikey and Angie; they were over the age limit for the children's Christmas party and apparently had no desire to spend time with her unless they had to. She frowned…she supposed she had botched her first two attempts at grandmother-hood. Of course she wasn't all that sure that she hadn't botched attempts three and four as well for that matter.

Her fifth attempt at the grandmother game crawled onto her lap without asking but she said nothing, merely enfolded Katie and cradled her against her as she laid her small head against her chest. Elizabeth sighed softly; somehow things were different with Katie. Katie didn't wait for permission to climb on to her lap. She forgave her bouts of strictness…sometimes even giggled at them, sure that it was all a game being played for her entertainment. Katie didn't fear her. Katie ran into her arms for hugs and kisses, claimed the place on her lap whenever it pleased her, demanded to be played with and wouldn't be put off with the excuses of not knowing how or the fact that her grandmother was too old for nonsense.

No, her typical ways of grandparenting hadn't been accepted by her youngest grandchild. Katie forced her to be different…to be a little softer…to have a little more fun…to enjoy things. It wasn't an easy thing to do at times; she hadn't been raised the way Katie was. She had been raised in the home of a strict father and a meek mother; there wasn't much fun to be had in her childhood home. Her grandparents hadn't been the warm cuddly type…the few memories she had of her father's parents were of two stern, scary beings who yelled if you so much as moved your finger the wrong way. In their home you were to be seen and not heard; you weren't to touch anything. Her mother's parents had been slightly better but still of that seen and not heard belief. She breathed deeply, inhaling the soft little girl scent of her granddaughter; it wasn't easy for her to go against the way she had been brought up. Oh she had done the best she could for her own children; she felt they had good memories, fun times…but she'd really had no choice but to be the disciplinarian with Robert being a big kid himself most of the time. She had earned a reputation, Elizabeth supposed; she was the least favored parent, the least favored grandparent, the in-law no one wanted.

Katie loved her though, she knew that…and for what it was worth, despite their occasional battles, Johanna was a better daughter-in-law than Natalie and Lucinda had ever been or ever hoped to be. Katie was able to look past her moments of sternness and still love her as much as always. Johanna would tell her where to get off when the mood suited her but there never seemed to be lasting hard feelings. It was, perhaps, an odd relationship, but it worked for them. Johanna had asked her if she'd share babysitting duties with Naomi after Katie was born; saying that she'd only feel comfortable going back to work if she knew Katie was in the care of her grandmothers. She had accepted of course, all the while unsure that she'd like the day long duties of child care again even if it was only two days a week unless she needed to cover for one of Naomi's days.

But she did like having her granddaughter to herself a few days a week and it was probably why she was able to be different with Katie; why she felt more bonded with her. Mikey had always preferred his grandfather. Angie had been claiming all her life that she was disliked by her. It wasn't true, she loved Angie…she just tried to curb the girl's flightiness…but apparently it had only garnered her granddaughter's dislike for her. Of course, she could feel Natalie's influence in the feelings of her grandchildren as well. Danny seemed to waver in that grey area of being alright with her and not wanting to be around her much. As for Alicia, she had come out of the womb looking mildly fearful of her, as if Natalie had been coaching her all through the pregnancy. Alicia never hesitated to go with her anywhere she was invited to go; she'd even spend the night even if none of her siblings did…but she always watched her cautiously and quietly; as if she was unsure of her grandmother's affection and likeability.

Elizabeth breathed deeply as she pondered her grandchildren; she tried…it wasn't an easy job; and it seemed like she lost more than she won. She felt someone's gaze on her and glanced to her left, meeting the grey-ish blue gaze of Alicia who was looking at her somewhat longingly, her gaze shifting to her little cousin who was curled up on Elizabeth's lap. Maybe she could still win with Alicia, Elizabeth thought…maybe she just had to try harder to give her the affection that maybe she wanted from her. With that thought in mind, Elizabeth stretched her arm out toward her, beckoning her to snuggle up against her side. She was surprised when Alicia smiled, her eyes warming as she quickly slid down the pew and into the circle of her arm, settling against her, her head resting near Katie's. That was better, Elizabeth thought to herself as she gave Alicia an affectionate pat; her two youngest grandchildren held snugly against her. Maybe she could be loved by two grandchildren at least, she thought to herself, her gaze moving to Danny who was glancing at them and slowly sliding closer. She smiled a little; he didn't want to be left out but was too old to ask for cuddles…especially when other boys might see him being loved up by his grandmother. She could understand that…but maybe later she could hug him for awhile, away from the prying eyes of other children. Maybe there was still hope…and at least she'd see them all for Christmas…which was something she couldn't say for her children.

A frown graced Elizabeth's lips as she thought of her sons. William never wanted to come home; like he was too good to belong to her. Andrew was always jet-setting to this place and that, his care free attitude easily dismissing the holiday and its importance to a mother. Now Jimmy seemed to be following suit…sitting somewhere in Chicago apparently unconcerned that Christmas was quickly approaching and that he was in danger of missing out on being with his family for the holiday. If Jimmy didn't come home, she'd only be able to count on Michael and Madelyn...and who knew if either one of them would stay the whole day. Johanna and Katie would be over for Christmas brunch and they'd stay for awhile and then depart for Naomi's for the late afternoon and evening, which she understood. It was how she and Jimmy had done things since they had been married, giving equal time to both families on the holiday, just alternating who they spent each part of the day with each year.

She supposed she'd have to be happy with whatever she got…as long as she got to see some collection of her children and grandchildren, she'd have to be happy…and cry privately later in the evening as she always did when one of them chose not to come home for at least an hour.

"Grammy," Katie whispered, her small fingers toying with her necklace.

"What?" she asked softly.

"Can we go to the party now?"

"Not yet, the preacher isn't finished."

"He takes a long time," her granddaughter whispered.

"I know…but I think he'll be done soon," Elizabeth told her. "At least I hope so."

"Me too," Alicia whispered.

She smiled and pressed kisses to the tops of their heads. Maybe she'd be the fun grandmother today and they'd go get milkshakes after the party; a little pre-Christmas treat and then they'd go pick out the candy and things to be used for the gingerbread house that she and Katie would construct the next day. She wished Alicia and Danny didn't have to go to school; she would've invited them to join in the next day…she briefly wondered if she could convince Michael to call them in sick…maybe she'd ask. She was sure she'd be disappointed…but she could try; maybe her Christmas wouldn't feel so bleak if she could fill it up with her grandchildren.

* * *

Johanna put a name tag on the last gift on her desk and dropped into her chair with a sigh of relief; her gaze darting to the bags at the side of the room. The gifts for parents, grandmothers, siblings, nieces and nephews were now wrapped. The gifts for her husband were wrapped as well. She couldn't help but wonder if the gifts for him would be deemed acceptable purchases or if he'd think that she had been too extravagant for him too.

Johanna pondered the purchases that had been made for her husband; she had gotten him the leather jacket she had seen him admiring in store advertisements the month before. His briefcase was starting to show some wear from years of use and the abuse of shoving more files into it than he should, so she had gotten him a new one; one that was a little larger and more accommodating for all the things he needed to carry and his initials had been monogrammed onto the soft black leather. She had gotten him the usual staples of cologne and clothes. Katie had seen some shirts bearing the logos of his favorite sports teams and she wouldn't rest until they had picked a few out, along with a new baseball cap. They had gotten him a new travel bag that he could use as a carry on piece of luggage given that his promotion meant traveling, which was another reason she had upgraded his briefcase as well. Higher status meant that he needed newer things to look the role, she thought. Katie had picked him out a green tie because it was the same color as her eyes and she had spotted a book with classic cars on the cover that she had declared that her daddy would want. Johanna smiled; it was a book that was right up Jim's alley and she had also gotten him books by authors he liked, spanning mystery, crime, history and sports. They were giving him cufflinks and a new wallet. She and Katie had decided together that he might like a walkman to listen to music on the plane or train rides and they had gotten him a few cassette tapes as well. Katie had also chosen a keychain for him, one that said #1 Daddy. She had found a model car that was an exact replica of their beloved Camaro Renee and she had gotten him tickets to a car show in the spring.

They had probably spoiled him; but she and Katie were both guilty of going into a store and spotting something they thought he might like. She just wondered when they'd see him open his gifts; because she had a feeling it wouldn't be on Christmas morning like they wanted.

Sadness pooled within her but she forced the feeling away, telling herself she'd rather feel the anger the thought inspired rather than the hurt…but in all honesty; she didn't want to feel the full depths of anger either. She shook off her thoughts and glanced at her watch…only 12:30…she had gotten done much earlier than she had thought she would; but she figured that was what happened when you didn't have to play phone games with your husband and your mother-in-law needed extra grandma time and took your child for the day. She smiled; at least it she was finished…until those last few packages arrived but those things would only require minutes, not hours. She could say that she was done and no one would know the difference…and best of all…she wasn't due at Elizabeth's until around four-thirty…she had free time.

Free time…a few hours of it. Johanna smiled…it was so rare, what was she going to do with it? Should she use it to clean? Her nose wrinkled; the house seemed clean enough for the moment; it was too early to give it that deep holiday cleaning…and besides, she wasn't sure these precious hours should be wasted on cleaning.

She could read instead.

Her smile widened, she could sit down and read a book without being interrupted; she could even pour a glass of wine to sip while she read it. A feeling of giddiness filled her, she'd put the gifts back in their hiding place, pick one of the books she had bought recently and settle down with it and a glass of wine and enjoy her precious few hours.

She was getting a Christmas gift after all.

* * *

Johanna had just settled down on the sofa with a paperback she had recently purchased; her glass of wine within reach and the volume on the television turned down low. She had just pulled a soft blanket over her to make herself cozy when the phone rang, causing her to sigh deeply. It never missed. She shifted and grabbed the cordless phone from its base on the stand, pushing the button to answer the call. "Hello?"

"Are you still mad?" Sharon's voice asked.

Johanna sighed once more; she so did not need a call from Sharon right now. "I'm fine but I'm kind of busy right now, can we chat tomorrow at work?"

"Molly wanted Katie to come over and play for awhile today," Sharon stated, ignoring Johanna's remark.

"Well Katie's not home. She's spending the day with her cousins and grandmother; they went to a Christmas party. We'll be happy to have Molly come over for the day after Christmas though."

"Is that your way of saying that you don't want Katie at my house right now?"

"With Jim away, I feel it would be best for Katie to do her entertaining here at home…seeing as Phil apparently has a hotline to my husband and you don't always watch what you say. I don't want her coming home with a head full of unsubstantiated claims about her father."

"I see," Sharon said tartly. "If Katie isn't home, what are you busy doing?"

"If you must know, I'm wrapping gifts," she replied even though she was finished.

"My housekeeper does that for an extra fifty dollars," her friend stated.

"Wow, Sharon; really? You even pay someone to wrap your Christmas gifts on top of paying her to clean your house? What's next, are you going to pay her to sleep with Phil so you don't have to do that either?"

"I think that was uncalled for."

"I think it's an honest question," Johanna remarked. "You're getting awful lazy, Sharon. I figure one day soon you'll pay your housekeeper to come into work for you."

"Maybe I will!" she exclaimed.

"Go ahead; it sounds like she's a hard worker who does what she's told."

"Okay, I can tell you're still bitchy so I'll just hang up."

"Okay; hurry up and embellish this phone call so Phil can call and report to Jim," Johanna replied; "And don't be late for work tomorrow; we have a client coming in first thing."

"I'll be there on time," Sharon said sharply before hanging up.

She put the phone back on its base, picked up her glass of wine for a sip and then cracked open her book with a satisfied smile.

* * *

Johanna had finished the first two chapters of her book and was starting on the third when the phone rang once more. She sighed; the universe hated for her to read for too long without interruption. She shifted and reached for the phone, snatching it off of it's base and turning it on. "Hello?"

"What are you doing?" Jim asked.

A smug smile touched her lips; her moment of glory had arrived. "I'll tell you what all I've done since talking to you last night. I finished wrapping all of Katie's gifts and put them back into hiding. I got a little sleep and then got up early, got ready for the day, made the bed, made breakfast, got Katie up and fed and then dressed for church. I dropped her off with your mother as planned and then went to Macy's; made some returns, got gifts for Grandma and Elizabeth. I came home, washed the breakfast dishes and wrapped all the gifts for the family and put them away. I accomplished all of this by 12:30 and I'm now enjoying a glass of wine and reading a book; now you can kiss my time management skills, Mr. Beckett."

Jim was silent for a long moment before responding. "Yeah, I guess you can get stuff done quickly when you have something to prove and a babysitter."

The comment wiped the smile off her face. "I would've gotten done even if I didn't have a babysitter…and I didn't drop Katie off for the purpose of me getting things done. I dropped her off because your mother wanted to take her to the church party."

"That may be, but it doesn't take away the fact that you didn't have anything to distract you…not to mention that you were pissed at me and you're always very motivated when you're pissed off, everyone knows that," her husband replied.

"Fine, Jim," she said quietly; "You win, like usual."

He scoffed. "Please; when do I ever win? You decided you were ready for us to date and I wasn't completely ready and yet you won…"

"I didn't force you to date me," Johanna said sharply; "And I sure as hell didn't ask you to marry me so don't even think of going there next. I told you all along that I didn't expect marriage from you. As for the dating, you could've just let me go if you were so set on not being in a relationship. Believe me; if you hadn't been at my door that night, I wouldn't have tried anymore…I was sure it was done and I was going to let it go; but you were there, of your own choice, not because I forced you."

"No, you didn't force me; but you made me feel like I had to do something or lose you completely."

"So now, after all these years, you resent me for the choice you made?" she asked; her voice trembling slightly. "You feel like I forced your hand? You have a mind of your own, I can't make you do anything…I can't even make you clean out your pockets before you put your clothes in the hamper. You could've let me go…maybe you wish you had; maybe that's the problem."

Jim was quiet for a moment. "I didn't call to do this."

"Then why did you call?"

Because he had felt some yearning to hear her voice, he thought to himself. It hadn't been his intention to pick a fight with her but he didn't feel like he could tell her that; she probably wouldn't believe it anyway. "I called to talk to Katie," he lied.

"I told you last night she wouldn't be here, that she was going with your mother," Johanna remarked.

"I forgot," he said sharply despite knowing that it wasn't her fault that he was lying to her about his reason for calling.

"We're having dinner with your mother; we should be home a little after six," Johanna told him, her tone quiet. "I'm sure she'll want to tell you about her party."

Jim stayed silent, remorse filling him at the subtle notes in her tone. She was hurt, she was going to find a way to end the call, sever the connection. He didn't blame her; why should she want to talk to a man who kept belittling her and implying that he had regrets about their life together? He didn't want to lose her…and yet he liked the space and the distance at the moment as well…at least he did until he started to feel like things were missing from his life…like his daughter's giggle and his wife's voice.

Johanna was quiet too, waiting for him to say something and when he didn't for several moments, she forced herself to say his name just to see if he was still there. "Jim? Are you still there?" she asked softly.

"Yeah," he murmured.

Silence fell once more and she felt tears filling her eyes at the feeling of awkwardness that stretched across the line.

"You're not saying anything," Jim said quietly after a minute.

"I don't know what to say," she admitted. "I feel like I have to be careful…if I ask about your day or what you're doing, you might think I'm accusing you of something or nagging you and I don't want to do that…I feel like I can't express how I feel or anything that hints at affection because you might feel I'm trying to cling or being too needy….I just don't know what I'm allowed to say or do anymore."

"I never told you that you couldn't ask questions, Johanna."

"And yet you get mad when I do."

"I don't get mad; I get annoyed because when you don't get an answer you like, you have to start with your nagging."

"Maybe you could give me answers I like," she said, forcing lightness into her tone in hopes of breaking the heaviness that hung between them.

"Because everything has to be your way," Jim said without thought.

"I was only kidding," Johanna murmured. "I…um…I should go; I…should probably vacuum or something."

"I thought you were reading."

"I was…but I can't waste all my time with a book. I'll read more tonight."

Jim suppressed a sigh; he should've left her alone like she asked him to do last night. She had some free time, was finally getting to read without him and Katie bugging her every other page and he had now ruined that mood for her. "What are you reading? Anything I like?"

"Just one of those paperback romance novels…nothing you'd like; you're not interested in romance," his wife replied quietly.

"I am with you," he remarked.

"I wouldn't know lately," she replied without thought, chastening herself as the words hung in the air between them. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that," she stated. "I know you haven't had time for us…and for date nights…you're tired when you come home and now you travel and have to be gone at times and that can't be helped. I understand that things aren't the same anymore and I guess like you've told me before, you really shouldn't have to date me when you're already married to me. I mean…I…I wasn't trying to make you feel guilty or anything. I don't need you to take me out; I can always go on my own if I want to go do something. I just…"

"You're rambling," Jim interrupted.

"I'm sorry."

He breathed deeply and exhaled slowly; she didn't know where she stood anymore and so she rambled and apologized and tried to feign indifference. She tried to pretend that her feelings were of no consequence; that she could adapt and be fine no matter what circumstance he shoved her into. "I knew what you meant," he said quietly; "And I guess it has been awhile…not just for date night but for…everything."

"You've been busy and tired," Johanna said softly; "And maybe I haven't been too appealing to you lately anyway."

"No," he said quietly; "That's not true; you always appeal to me."

"But if I don't…if I've gotten boring…I could try to make changes. I could cut my hair or dye it, change my look or something."

"No!" Jim exclaimed. "Leave your hair alone; I don't want you to look different. I like you the way you are…you wouldn't be you with different colored hair. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I was just offering to make changes if you wanted something different," she answered.

"Well I don't!"

"I'm sorry."

He blew out an aggravated breath and tried not to lose his temper; he was sure that she was only offering to change things about herself because she worried about becoming unattractive to him but that wasn't possible; she was always going to be attractive to him. "You don't need to change anything," he told her. "I want you the way you are."

"Alright, I won't change anything. I just…I thought maybe it would help."

"No, it would only serve to piss me off."

"And I already seem to do that very well without even trying," Johanna replied.

"Did you ever think that maybe it's annoying that you're always so quick to take the blame and try to fix things?"

She was silent for a moment. "No, I guess I didn't think of that…I'll add it to my list of flaws that I need to work on."

Jim closed his eyes, his hand tightening around the phone as he held it against his ear. If he had been home, this would be the point where he'd end the stand off by kissing her…it would be the point where he'd take advantage of having her alone for a few hours while their daughter was in the care of her grandmother. He'd kiss her and take her upstairs…soothe and settle things in their bed. He took a breath; he wished he was there…or that she was with him in his hotel room…wished they could just lose themselves in each other for a little while; make everything feel a little better.

But he couldn't go home and she wasn't there with him…and he didn't quite know how to end the stalemate other than to change the subject. "I went out for awhile today," he told her. "Not the drinking kind of going out, so don't climb onto your soapbox; I just went out to look around."

She swallowed back a retort about the soapbox comment, telling herself that it wasn't worth the battle that would ensue. "What's Chicago like? Is it nice there?"

"It's like any other city, Jo."

"Oh," she murmured. "I just thought maybe you liked it."

"I do like it…but all big cities are alike in some ways."

"Then I guess you feel right at home."

Not totally, he thought to himself…she wasn't there. "It's not home," he muttered.

"Maybe you could send Katie a postcard with a picture of something from the city on it. You know she likes to get mail…and I had to show her on a map where you're at; because you always show her places on a map," Johanna said, keeping her tone soft so she wouldn't be accused of anything.

"Yeah; I guess I could do that."

She grew quiet again, still unsure of what to say; after all it had only been the night before when he had told her that he was tired of listening to her.

"You're not talking again," Jim stated.

"I was waiting on you to pick a topic."

"Why?"

"Because…you said you were tired of listening to me…so I thought I'd leave it up to you."

Jim blew out an aggravated breath. "I guess I'll just hang up because if there's one thing I hate, it's one sided conversations. Go read your book; I'm sorry I bothered you."

"You're not bothering me…I just don't want to make you angry."

"You're not being very successful with that," he said tartly. "I'm trying to talk to you and you're just breathing in my ear."

"You hurt me last night, Jim," she murmured. "You can't expect me not to think about the things you said. I never know who I'm ending up with when I answer on of your calls; you're either yourself, or your mean, or you bounce between both extremes or you're drunk. I don't know what to expect…or how to act; because I feel like I make you mad no matter what I do lately and I'm sorry for that. I just wish I knew what to do to make it better…besides the list of things you gave me to work on last night…and easing your burdens at home."

Jim cringed and rubbed a hand against the back of his neck. "Listen…I'm not mad, but I am going to hang up. I'm going to go get some lunch and find something to do. I'll call Katie this evening."

Tears stung her eyes despite her willpower. "Alright; I love you."

"I'll talk to you later," he replied before hanging up.

The dial tone sounded in her ear and the tears broke free as Johanna felt the hurt of not hearing him say he loved her once again. She knew she most likely needed to get used to it, that her husband was apparently turning over a new leaf and being less demonstrative…but it hurt and the relaxing afternoon that had been in front of her felt ruined as she turned off the phone and put it back on the base. The quietness was suddenly suffocating, the loneliness wrapping around her as she pulled her blanket closer. Her gaze moved over the room, the Christmas decorations looking bright and pretty and largely in contrast to her mood that now felt dark and depressing. Why did this downswing of her marriage have to happen at Christmastime? It was bad enough at any time of year…but somehow it was worse at Christmas.

* * *

Johanna let herself into her mother-in-law's home late that afternoon as she was accustomed to doing when she had been invited to dinner. She could hear the kids voices in the living room with Robert and she quietly hung up her purse and coat in the entryway, breathing deeply and releasing the breath slowly to help push away the dark cloud that had been trying to hover over her ever since her call with Jim. She smoothed down her favorite emerald green sweater and flicked a piece of lint off of her jeans and moved toward the living room.

"Mommy!" Katie exclaimed, bounding to her feet and running toward her, a smile on her face.

Johanna smiled in response, lifting her daughter into her arms for a hug. "Hi, Baby. Did you have fun today?"

"Uh huh," Katie said excitedly. "I won a prize!"

"You did?" she asked. "Where did you win a prize?"

"At the party," her daughter answered, squirming to get down.

Johanna sat her on her feet and watched as Katie ran to the sofa and picked up the stuffed snowman that was sitting there. "Look, Mommy; I won a snowman!"

"Oh my goodness, he's adorable. How did you win him?"

Katie was bouncing on her toes with excitement, her small finger pointing to a candy jar on the coffee table. "I guessed the number of candies in the jar! I won the candies and the snowman!"

"Wow," Johanna said; "It must've been your lucky day. Did you share some candy with Alicia and Danny?"

"Yes," her daughter replied. "Grammy put candy in bags for them from my jar, I said she could; and Grandpa ate some already but that's okay, I said he could. You can have some candy too, Mommy. I got lots of candy."

She laughed. "Well thank you, I might take you up on that after dinner. What else did you do?"

"I gotta show you!" Katie said, running to the stand at the far end of the sofa and grabbing an object. "Look, I made a star like you did when you were a little girl!"

She stooped down to be on eye level with her daughter as she accepted the Styrofoam star covered in blue and silver glitter dangling from a short piece of red yarn. "That's beautiful, sweetheart," she told her. "We'll have to hang that on our tree in a special place."

"You like it?" Katie asked.

"I love it," she replied, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "It's perfect. Did you two make ornaments?" she asked Alicia and Danny.

"Licia made a pretty angel; show her, Licia," Katie said.

Alicia pushed herself off the floor and went to retrieve the small angel she had made and Danny fetched the Christmas tree ornament he had created. "Those are beautiful too," Johanna stated. "I bet your mother will like them."

Alicia allowed her angel to dangle from her fingers. "I think I want to hang mine on Grandma's tree," she admitted, her gaze drifting to Elizabeth's tree in the corner of the room.

Johanna smiled. "I bet she'd like that; did you tell her?"

Her niece shook her head. "I didn't know if she'd want me to."

"I bet she will…why don't you go ask her?"

"Go on," Robert coaxed with a gentle smile. "I think she'll surprise you."

A small smile touched Alicia's lips and she hurried from the room in search of her grandmother.

"What are you going to do with yours, Danny?" Johanna asked.

He shrugged. "I might put it on Grandma's tree if it's alright for Alicia to put hers on…Mikey might make fun of me if I take it home."

She nodded in understanding. "I'm sure Grandma won't mind."

"Mommy," Katie said, pulling her attention back to her as she grabbed a paper from the coffee table. "I colored pictures in Sunday school. This one is for you; Grammy hanged the other one on her fridge with Licia's and Danny's."

Johanna smiled as she took the coloring page from her small hand and examined the nativity scene her daughter had done her best to color nicely. "That's pretty; we'll hang it on the fridge at home."

"I tried to color in the lines but sometimes I went over the line," Katie said, her teeth worrying her lip as she looked at her picture.

She wrapped an arm around her and hugged her. "That's okay; it's still pretty. You did a really good job. Did you have fun in Sunday school?"

"Yes; I sat with Licia and Danny and listened to the story and colored my pages and we got a candy cane. Then we went back to Grandma and that man talked a long time and we couldn't go to the party until he was done. I thought might talk forever," she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in exasperation.

"Me too," Danny agreed.

"That's why I don't go too often," Robert remarked.

'We got presents at the party!" Katie declared, the remembrance coming to mind.

"Oh yeah, what did you get?" Johanna asked.

"I got a coloring book and crayons and a Barbie doll…but Grammy says her name isn't Barbie…"

One of those dollar store fashion dolls like Barbie, Johanna thought to herself, but if it looked like Barbie, then Barbie it would be. "You can still call her Barbie if you want to," she told her.

"Licia got one too," Katie said. "And I got a outfit for my doll and candy…"

"More candy?" Johanna laughed.

"Uh huh," her daughter giggled. "And a orange. Grammy says she got a orange in her stocking when she was a little girl…I don't know why Santa bringed her a orange."

She laughed softly. "Well, when Grammy and Grandma were little girls, they got oranges because they were considered to be a special treat."

"I like cookies better," Katie replied.

Johanna nodded. "Me too. Danny, what did you get?"

"I got a football and candy and an orange and a book," he answered. "Alicia got a book with her doll and doll outfit and candy and an orange."

"We played games too," Katie said, putting herself back in the conversation. "They were fun!"

"It sounds like you had a lot of fun today," she told her.

"You know what else!?"

"What?"

"After the party, Grammy took us to get milkshakes!"

"She did!" Johanna said; "Wow, you must've been good kids at church and at the party."

"Uh huh, we were the bestest; and then you know what?!"

"There's more?" she asked.

"Yeah; Grammy took us to see the Mickey Mouse Christmas movie!" Katie exclaimed. "I liked it, can we go see it, Mommy?"

"Mickey's Christmas Carol?" Johanna asked, recalling seeing the advertisement in the newspaper.

"Yeah, that's the one," Danny said with a nod. "We got popcorn at the movie."

"Can we see it sometime, Mommy?"

"Sure, Baby; we'll try to get there this week; but I'm glad you liked seeing it with Grammy and Alicia and Danny. I bet that was real special."

"Yep; I liked it a lot. Then we went and got all kinds of candies and stuff for the Gingerbread house!"

"It sounds like you had a great day," Johanna said as she gave her another squeeze.

"I did," Katie replied. "It was lots of fun."

Alicia came bounding back into the living room, a bright smile on her lips. "Grandma said I could hang my angel on the tree."

"I told you she'd surprise you," Robert remarked as his granddaughter hurried toward the tree, examining it for the right spot to put her ornament.

Johanna rose from the floor and moved toward her to help her. "How about right here?" she said, pointing to a bare spot halfway up the tree.

Alicia nodded. "Can you hang it so I don't bump the other ornaments?"

"Sure," she said, carefully accepting the angel and hanging it on the branch. "How's that."

"I like it," Alicia said happily.

Johanna wrapped an arm around her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I knew she wouldn't mind," she whispered to her.

Alicia looked up at her, a lightness in her eyes. "Grandma loves me," she whispered.

Johanna smiled. "I could've told you that, silly girl."

Her niece giggled and wrapped her arms around her waist in a hug and then released her and headed back to her brother and cousin.

Johanna followed her. "Danny, do you want me to hang up your ornament?"

"Yes, please," he replied, handing it over to her.

She picked a spot for Danny's ornament and then moved away from the tree. "Katie, you go ahead and play; I'm going to go talk to Grammy for a little bit, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy."

Johanna left the room and headed for the kitchen, the aroma of dinner filling the air. As she entered the room, Elizabeth glanced up from the stove. "You've got very happy grandchildren today," Johanna remarked.

Her mother-in-law smiled. "I do…at least three of them; but I figure three out of five is pretty good."

She nodded and perched on a stool at the island in the center of the kitchen. "I'd say so."

"Did Katie show you what she won?"

"As soon as I got in the living room," she laughed.

"She's very proud," Elizabeth stated with a chuckle.

"She is, and very happy. Thank you for giving her a nice day. I tried yesterday and it got spoiled because of Sharon; so I'm glad she had so much fun today with you and her cousins."

"It wasn't any trouble," her mother-in-law replied. "I had a nice time too…I added some things to the itinerary during the day."

"I've heard," Johanna said with a smile. "Milkshakes and a movie before the candy shopping. Sounds like a good time was had by all."

Elizabeth nodded. "I figured we deserved it…and I wanted to have fun with my grandchildren."

"There's nothing wrong with that, Liz. They love you; they like having fun with you."

The older woman nodded once again. "It's just that Robert's always…you know…more kid friendly, I guess."

"I think you're plenty kid friendly…but you also feel responsible for being the one to keep things in order since Robert is so…kid friendly; but I think you can do both jobs; have fun and keep everyone safe, happy and in line…you did it today."

"You're right, I did," Elizabeth remarked. "At least it's one good memory for this holiday season."

"I think I'm still looking for mine," Johanna remarked with a sigh. "I'm going to have to try harder to find it."

Elizabeth glanced at her as she moved to the cupboard and took down two glasses and a bottle of wine. "I'm sure it's in Chicago," she said before pouring them each half a glass of wine.

Johanna scoffed as she accepted her glass. "I'm not so sure about that…we can't even get through a phone call lately."

"What's going on with my wayward son?" Elizabeth asked as she slipped onto one of the stools opposite Johanna.

"I wish I knew," she stated; "But every time I ask, I'm accused of nagging and he blames me for how he acts."

"Well of course; nothing's ever a man's fault," her mother-in-law said sarcastically. "Didn't they teach you that in grade school?"

She laughed softly. "Yeah, they told me, I just thought I was one of those lucky ones who managed to catch a husband who didn't fall into the line of thinking but he's proving me wrong the last few months."

"They all prove it eventually. Earlier you mentioned something about last night," Elizabeth prompted.

Johanna gave a nod. "I mentioned that he doesn't seem to miss us and he admitted that he doesn't miss us much at all…which of course was hurtful; and in the course of that discussion, he tells me he likes being away because he needs a break."

"From what?"

"From us, I guess," she replied. "He needs a break from all the things he has to do at home."

Elizabeth's brow rose. "What the hell does he do at home?"

Johanna swallowed the sip of wine she had taken. "It took me awhile to come up with his list of household responsibilities…because I had to cross off everything that I do, like the cooking, cleaning, laundry, child care, shopping, and so on. I finally figured out what it is he does. He writes out the checks for the bills. He takes out the garbage. He entertains Katie for the span of time it takes me to shower."

Her mother-in-law laughed. "Well my God, he's just worn out from all that; how much time does that take up in his week…about an hour?"

"About," Johanna replied; "We can say two to be generous…and believe me, it's very generous to say two hours. Oh, and I almost forgot; in the summer, he mows the lawn."

"Well bless his heart," Elizabeth stated.

"I know, I'm such a slave driver, aren't I?"

The older woman shook her head. "He's taking after his father; acting like he does so damn much when he barely does a damn thing. Who the hell does Jimmy think he's kidding? You're the one who always drops off Katie and picks her up; I know you cook and clean and do laundry and anything else that needs done in the house. Hell, I had to jump him after Katie was born because he wasn't lifting a damn finger to help you."

"Yeah, I know…and yet he thinks he does so much at home. I didn't think to ask him what it is he thinks I do. Oh wait, he thinks all I do is complain."

"Well tell him when you're married to a man who has his nerve to admit that he doesn't miss his family, you have a right to complain. He's got a nice home, you take care of him, he's got a little girl who adores him. He ought to be thankful!"

"He needs a break from being thankful I guess," Johanna remarked. "I started to tell him that I had a bad day yesterday and he informs me that he gets tired of listening to me. I always need to talk about something and he's just tired of listening."

"If he doesn't want to listen then why the hell does he call you?" her mother-in-law asked.

"Apparently to pick a fight with me," she replied. "So he needs a break from 'all' that he does at home and a break from being the type of husband who listens when his wife talks to him. He's also on some kick that Katie doesn't love him as much as she loves me; she prefers me; he's been on that one for awhile now."

Elizabeth shook her head. "Katie loves her daddy; she talks about him all the time. I know she's missing him, she tells me so."

"She tells me too…every five minutes; but he still doesn't think it proves anything; I guess because she follows me around."

"She's a little girl; little girls follow their mothers and grandmothers; how else do they learn to be women?"

Johanna shrugged. "Maybe you should explain it to him because I've tried until I'm blue in the face and he doesn't listen."

"I'm still trying to get over the fact that he thinks he does so much at home," Elizabeth stated. "What fairy tale land is he living in?"

"Apparently one where he's a male version of Cinderella or something."

Elizabeth laughed. "Well you need to straighten that out."

"I'm not sure how."

"Tell him to pull his head out of his ass."

Johanna grinned. "That's a good one."

"Feel free to use it."

She sighed a little. "He says he doesn't know what's so hard for me about him being away."

"Because being a single parent in his absence is so easy, right?" her mother-in-law asked.

"I guess in his mind; and let's not forget that aside from everything I already do and without him to ask for help when I need a little extra time to do something, I also have to get everything ready for Christmas. So I have it all on my own to do this time and he thinks nothing is hard on me…that I don't have my own worries about my job, that I don't have worries about him…and us…you know; I'm just whining to annoy him or something. He doesn't think about how much I do and how when he's not home, I have no option of asking for his help…even if it's just to rant about a bad day for a few minutes. I'm just supposed to do it all, keep my mouth shut, feel nothing and just be happy that he rings the phone once in awhile I guess. If I say I miss him, then he takes it as me not accepting this part of his job. He's constantly telling me to get used to it…I will get used to it, but I thought I'd still be allowed to miss him…despite his jackass behaviors."

"Maybe he's the one that can't get used to it," Elizabeth remarked. "Seems like he's changed since he got that damn promotion. I love Jimmy; he's my son, I'm proud of his successes and I know he can handle whatever comes at him…but I don't think he has a handle on this promotion right now and it's making him act like an ass."

"Yeah, he's definitely cornering the market on being an ass. I try to ask what's wrong, I offer to help and it's just turned around and used against me, I'm the problem."

"They always think we're the problem," the other woman replied. "I remember a time when Robert wanted to go to some big party and he wanted me to go and I said I didn't want to; I was tired. He said to me "what are you tired from, you're home all day." It was true, I was home all day…it was summertime and I was home with his five children, and at that time they were seven, six, three, two, and eleven months."

"Oh my God!" Johanna exclaimed. "How could he say that to you; you basically had three babies and two slightly older children…how could you not be tired?!"

"In his mind, I shouldn't have been…I curled his hair for him that day, I can tell you that. He never said that stupid crap to me again," Elizabeth declared.

"You should've slapped him."

"I was severely tempted."

Johanna shook her head. "It's hard to believe him being so thoughtless like that."

"Oh he's had his moments over the years," she stated. "He just seems to save them all for me. It also gets implied that I'm the only one who starts an argument and the only one to do anything wrong."

"I know that feeling. I feel like I can't say anything to Jim lately without it becoming an argument."

"He's probably learned that from his father. The Beckett men don't like to be wrong and they don't like to hear that maybe they have a problem of their own making. Believe me, things weren't always easy between Robert and I when the kids were young…and we still have our moments to this day. When we fight, he goes and hides out somewhere in an apparent attempt to teach me a lesson and make me appreciate him more…like I don't already appreciate him and do everything I can for him. What he doesn't realize is that he doesn't hurt my feelings a bit by leaving; in fact he's doing me a favor by getting out of my sight."

Johanna laughed. "I have always wondered what you really think of his tactic of running away from home once in awhile."

"Well now you know; I'm home in the peace and quiet, watching my soaps or reading a book."

She smiled and lifted her glass for a sip of wine, allowing silence to fall for a moment before she spoke once again. "I've hung up on Jim a few times these last few weeks."

"I'm sure he probably deserved it. He may be my son but I'm not blind to his faults."

"He definitely deserved it," she replied before telling Elizabeth about Jim's comments about her time management skills.

Elizabeth shook her head as her daughter-in-law finished relating the facts. "I can honestly say that I have no idea why he's even going down that road; I don't see where you struggle with getting things done. When you first had Katie you struggled a little as all new mothers do but you found your balance and were fine. You've been late dropping her off once or twice but that was because Katie was sick, not something you did intentionally. When you've been held up at work at the end of the day, you always make sure I'm notified that you'll be running a little behind getting home. That doesn't happen often either, and again isn't something you do intentionally when it does. As for Christmas, everyone gets a little behind at this time of year; it's just part of the process it seems."

"The way Jim acts, I can't handle anything in a timely manner. I told him what all I've accomplished since last night and his response was to say "I guess so when you have a babysitter and something to prove"."

"Boy, he's a real ray of sunshine lately," Elizabeth remarked; "And for the record, I wasn't babysitting; I was spending the day with my grandchildren as a holiday treat to them and myself."

"Yeah, well, we understand that but apparently your son doesn't. He's…"

"He's what?" her mother-in-law asked.

"He's like a stranger lately," Johanna admitted quietly.

The older woman nodded. "He doesn't really seem like himself."

"It's like he's suddenly desperate to push us away," she murmured. "If I say Katie's missing him, he says 'oh she'll be fine, she always wants you anyway'. If I say I'm missing him, I'm not accepting what he has to do. I ask what's wrong, I'm a nag. I do the majority of things at home and yet he needs a break. He doesn't want to listen to me, so he calls and I try to let him carry the conversation and then he gets mad because I'm not saying much…what am I supposed to do? No matter what I do, I'm wrong…and it seems like he wants it that way. He's just all about his work and his friends and his drinks lately and he gets mad when I bring up that I feel like he's drinking more lately."

"That's another thing about Beckett men; they love their drinks and they don't want anyone saying a word about it," Elizabeth said, a touch of bitterness in her voice. "Robert loves his drinks. I asked him to give up drinking after he had that heart attack…but he wouldn't; he's got beer in the fridge in the garage and I know he's got bottles of brandy and scotch hid out there too. His little business meetings are always done over drinks. I just wanted him to give it up for the sake of his health and I got told that no doctor said alcohol was a cause so he didn't see a need to change. I told him to just drink a beer when he wanted something, I could live with that, I think it's the least harmful and maybe an occasional glass of wine or scotch on a special occasion. No, he just hides the bottles and thinks I'm clueless. I just thought backing off from that stuff might benefit him health wise."

"I can understand that," Johanna told her. "No one may have named it as a contributing factor, but no one said it wasn't either."

"Exactly!" Elizabeth exclaimed. "He doesn't know how badly he scared me…but I guess it doesn't matter…what am I saying, of course it doesn't matter. Men do what they want and they don't care how their wives feel about it."

"That's true," she replied. "Jim's been drinking more ever since he got that promotion…and it doesn't always bring out his best sides. He can be pretty damn mean when he's drinking certain things."

"Yeah…I know that feeling," Elizabeth said. "Robert used to prefer whiskey as his drink of choice; but it made him mean…and that's what he'd want when he had a bad day, whiskey; like it could make it better. I started dumping it out until he finally got the point and switched to something that didn't make him an impossible bastard to be around after the kids were put to bed."

"I've tried to tell Jim that I don't begrudge him going out with his friends at times, I don't even begrudge him a drink once in awhile…I just don't want it to be all the time; and lately it seems like it's all the time. He called me at 3:30 the other night, drunk, and the next day had no recollection of calling me at all. The call woke Katie; I had to tell her that Daddy wasn't feeling well and wanted me to talk to him until he went to sleep so she'd go back to bed without talking to him because I didn't want her to talk to him when he was drunk."

"Can't say that I blame you."

"I'm glad someone doesn't," Johanna remarked. "I asked Jim why he's drinking so much and I was told, he has to drink because of his job and to put up with his nagging wife."

"He's big on that nagging thing, isn't he?" Elizabeth replied.

"Yeah; I'm tempted to ask if I should get him a Thesaurus for Christmas so he can find a new term for that word."

Elizabeth laughed. "I bet that would go over well."

"Yeah; he'd probably think up new words on his own then. I just worry about him," she admitted. "The man I married wasn't like this."

"Well, I hate to tell you this, Johanna; but when the honeymoon period ends, they start showing you what they're really capable of," Elizabeth remarked. "You think you got Prince Charming and then you wake up one day and realize that the Prince is capable of being just as much an asshole as every other man in the world."

"It's a bitter pill to swallow."

"It is," her mother-in-law agreed. "Kind of like a bucket of cold water that breaks the spell."

Johanna sighed. "I tell him I love him and he doesn't say it back to me anymore. I mentioned that to him and he got mad about that too; saying just because he doesn't say it doesn't mean the feeling isn't there. I know that's true…but he hasn't exactly made me feel like it's there lately…except for that drunken middle of the night phone call; he was wonderful then."

Elizabeth laughed. "Doesn't that just figure?"

"Yeah; it's how my luck is running lately. He told me he loved me plenty of times in that call…I just wonder when he had to start being drunk to say it."

"Well don't feel bad; do you know when the last time was that Robert told me he loved me?" her mother-in-law asked.

"No, when?"

"Hell if I know, it's been so long I don't remember. I'm thinking it might've been on our anniversary; he usually pulls those words out and dusts them off on our anniversary, so that's probably when it was."

"Robert doesn't tell you that he loves you?" Johanna asked in surprise.

Elizabeth shook her head, a flicker of sadness in her grey eyes. "He used to say it all the time…I used to say it all the time too; and then one day I realized that he hadn't been saying it, even though I still was. I'd mention it, he'd start doing it again and then it would fade away…and I let it, because I didn't want to feel like I was begging for it…and I quit saying it too. I do love him; I always have and I always will…and once in awhile I'll say it first to see if he'll say it back; usually he will, other times it goes ignored in favor of what else he's doing. He used to kiss me goodbye every time he left the house…it's not like that now. Sometimes he kisses me goodbye, sometimes he doesn't. I'm not saying he's never affectionate; just not as much as he once was."

"Why did that happen?" Johanna inquired.

She shrugged. "I don't know…I guess over time they get comfortable and don't feel much of a need anymore. They figure they already won you, so why keep putting in the effort; you've already been caught."

"I don't want it to be that way," she whispered.

"I'm not saying you're doomed to it," Elizabeth told her; "It might just be a downswing for you and Jimmy…men do get distracted and take things for granted."

She sighed deeply. "Why didn't you warn me about these things before I got married?"

Elizabeth laughed. "Well you were determined to have him so I figured take him and learn the hard way like I had to."

Johanna grinned. "Is there any chance he's still under warranty? Maybe I can send him back to you to have some maintenance done?"

Her mother-in-law shook her head. "Sorry; warranty ran out at the end of year one; you didn't purchase the extended plan."

"I wasn't offered one!"

"Me neither; now we're both stuck with Beckett men who are sometimes defective; those are the breaks, kiddo."

She laughed before turning serious once more. "What am I going to do?" she asked softly.

Elizabeth gave her a sympathetic smile. "The same thing all wives do; hang on tight as the roller coaster takes that huge drop…you just have to hang on…and scream when you need to, cry when you feel like it; get mad, get even, fight…give him a taste of his own medicine…be there despite it all. You know, basically everything you already do, just maybe in a different way when circumstances demand it. You just have to hang on."

Johanna nodded. "Thanks, Liz."

"No problem," she said, glancing at the timer she had set. "Dinner will be done in a couple minutes; you want to get the kids washed up and to the table?"

"Yeah, I can do that," Johanna said as she pushed herself off the stool. She didn't have much of a solution…but she felt a little less alone knowing that Elizabeth felt the same way at times.

 _A/N: Frank will return in the next chapter…Sharon too…and who knows what else ;)_


	7. Chapter 7

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 7

"So, do you want to have lunch with me today?" Sharon asked Monday afternoon as Johanna stepped out of her office. "Phil's tied up in meetings."

Johanna shook her head. "I can't; I have plans."

"With who?" her secretary asked.

"I'm having lunch with my father," she answered; laying her coat over a chair so that she could check her purse to be sure she had put her keys inside. Her father had called fifteen minutes before and said he'd be by to pick her up and would treat her to lunch after their errand.

Sharon laughed. "Yeah, right. If you don't want to have lunch with me you could think up a better lie than that."

Johanna glanced at her. "I'm not lying."

Her friend scoffed. "Sure. You and your father are having lunch together…when you can't even stand each other."

She breathed deeply, trying to keep her temper controlled. "Things aren't always as bad as they used to be. There's Katie now…he loves her and enjoys being in her life and I want Katie to have a good relationship with all of her grandparents. We make the effort to be better for her sake and at the moment, we're doing fine with each other."

"Come on, Jo; you two might play nice once and awhile but you've never been the have lunch together type of father and daughter. Who are you really meeting?"

She smirked at her. "Your housekeeper, Sharon. I called her up and told I think she's getting ripped off and I think I can get her a better deal through my sister's mother-in-law."

"Funny," the secretary replied. "I think you're jealous of my housekeeper."

"No, trust me I'm not. I don't care if you believe me or not but I am having lunch with my father."

"Okay, if that's the story for publication…I just hope whoever it is you're meeting isn't someone that Jim will have a problem with if he finds out."

"Jim has no issue with his father-in-law; I assure you of that."

"Okay, Jo," Sharon said, a suggestive note in her tone. "Whatever it is you're up to, I hope you know what you're doing…unless of course you're just lying to get out of having lunch with me."

"No, I'd just tell you to your face that I don't care to eat with you. I've never had a problem doing that before and I don't have one now."

A wrap on the door caught their attention and Johanna turned to find her father in the open doorway. "Is there a problem?" Frank asked.

"No," Johanna said with a smile. "I'm glad you're here."

Frank assessed the atmosphere of the room as he stepped inside. "What's wrong?"

"My secretary thinks I'm a liar…apparently she doesn't believe that I'm someone you'd care to have lunch with."

Frank leveled his gaze at Sharon. "Why the hell would you say that?"

Sharon shrugged, acting unaffected by Frank's stern tone and sharp look. "Well you two don't exactly top the list of father-daughter duos."

"Do you want to explain that?" Frank asked.

The secretary laughed, a nervous note in the gesture. "Well it's never been a secret that the two of you don't get along."

"We do just fine," Frank said tartly.

"Maybe so at times…but I just found the lunch thing far fetched; you're just not that type of family."

Johanna watched quietly as her father moved closer to Sharon's desk. "Let me tell you something, you little twit," Frank said; "Johanna is my daughter and there isn't anything wrong with a man having lunch with his daughter whether they've had some past squabbles or not. I doubt you've gone your whole life without arguing with your father; God knows your mouth never seems to stop running so I'm pretty sure he's had a field day with you. For eighteen years of Johanna's life, I shared two meals a day with her…and I still share dinner with her a few times a month and today we're having lunch; because we are that type of family. You think you know it all and you don't; so keep your damn nose out of our business and start showing some respect; Johanna may be your friend but she's also your employer and I think you take it for granted and believe that her loyalty will always provide you with job security. If I was you, I wouldn't get too comfortable with that notion. Now do I need to clear anything else up for you today, Sharon?"

"She wanted to imply that I was lying either to avoid lunch with her or to cover up something my husband might not like," Johanna remarked.

Frank's gaze blazed as he stared Sharon down. "Were you implying that my daughter was being disloyal to her husband?"

"That's how it felt to me," Johanna remarked; "And I don't appreciate it."

Sharon's eyes closed for a moment. "She just seemed suspicious."

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Frank asked. "You call yourself her friend and think she'd do something like that?"

"I didn't think she was having an affair, I didn't know what she was up to; I just said she better hope it was something Jim wouldn't take the wrong way."

Frank eyed her. "And how would Jim find out what Johanna does on her lunch break? Are you his spy while he's away? Why are you so worried about what he thinks of what his wife does? It's none of your business…unless you've got some stake in this that isn't innocent. Do you have something going on with my son-in-law that we need to know about?"

Sharon's jaw dropped. "Oh my God, no! Why would you even say such a thing?!"

"Why the hell not; you want to accuse my daughter of lying and being suspicious; how do you like it?" Frank asked. "Now I'm going to tell you something; keep your nose in your own business and out of my relationship with my daughter and out of her relationship with her husband. Do you understand?"

Sharon glared at both of them. "Yes."

"Yes what?"

Her glare sharpened. "Yes, sir."

Frank smiled. "That's a good little secretary," he stated before picking up Johanna's coat from the chair and holding it out for her to slip on. "Get your coat on, it's cold out."

Johanna slipped into her coat and buttoned it quickly. "Have a good lunch, Sharon; see you when I get back," she stated.

Her secretary glared at her and said nothing which made her smile a little as she turned away. "I'm ready, Dad."

"Let's go," he said, gesturing for her to exit before him. "If you ever need a new secretary, Bess can send her daughter your way."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Do you need to tell anyone you're leaving?" Frank asked as they made their way down the hallway.

"Just let me stop here and let the boss know," Johanna said before stepping into the office she indicated, finding Mark at his secretary's desk. "Hey, Mark; I'm taking my lunch break."

"You're actually taking one this week?" he said lightly.

"Yeah; I thought I'd shock you," she replied.

"Is Jim back in town?"

"No; not yet. I'm having lunch with my father."

Mark smiled and gave a nod. "Alright; see you when you get back."

Johanna rejoined her father in the hallway. "I'm good to go; are we stopping to look at Mom's gift first or are we eating first?"

"Gift first," Frank replied. "I'm anxious to see it; I hope it turned out the way I wanted."

She smiled. "I'm anxious to know what it is."

"Then we better go end the suspense," her father stated.

* * *

Johanna followed her father through a department store to the jewelry counter; surprised that he had chosen to purchase jewelry here instead of the usual jewelry store he had been using since buying her mother's engagement ring. She stayed quiet as he gave the woman at the counter his information. When the woman turned away to unlock one of the enclosed cabinets beneath the cash register, Johanna glanced at her father. "Are you going to tell me what you got her?" she asked.

"You'll see in a minute," Frank remarked; his own impatience gnawing at him.

Finally the woman found the item she was looking for and she turned back to the counter, sitting a small dark blue velvet box in front of him. "Here it is, Mr. McKenzie."

Frank picked up the box and opened the lid, smiling a little as he gazed at the item inside before showing it to Johanna. "It's a family ring," he stated, anxiousness in his tone.

Johanna studied the wide white gold band that held two rows of small, sparkling gemstones. "That's beautiful, Dad," she said honestly.

"This top row is us," Frank explained. "Your mother's birthstone is first, the light green peridot for August," he said, pointing to the small stone. Then next is Frankie…I didn't think your brother would like being represented by a pearl for June so I picked one of the other birthstones for that month, moonstone…"

"It's pretty," Johanna said; "And I agree, Frankie wouldn't like a pearl representing him."

"And then comes you," her father stated, pointing to the purple stone in the center. "Amethyst for February. Colleen is next with a diamond for April…I'm sure she's pleased with herself for managing to hold off from her late March due date to be born in a month that would give her a diamond."

"Oh you can bet that she's proud of that feat."

"The stone at the end is mine…I don't know why October has to be pink."

She laughed. "You and Frankie got the girly birthstones."

"We did and I don't know what we did to deserve it," Frank remarked.

"What's the second row?"

"The grandchildren," he answered. "The first stone is for Greg, a sapphire for September; but it also represents Brandon who was also born in that month. Then there's another October stone, this time for Lindsay. A ruby for July to represent Claire. A garnet for Samantha; and the orange topaz of November for Katie."

Johanna smiled. "What happens if you have more grandchildren?"

"We'll pray they're born in a month that's already represented," Frank remarked; "I wasn't sure I was going to get all of the current ones on this ring."

"Hey, don't look at me; I only gave you one."

Frank nodded. "You're the smart one."

Johanna smiled but didn't comment as her father lifted the ring from the box to inspect it better. "Josie," he said after a moment; "another reason I wanted you to come is so you could try this on. You have your mother's hands; I know you wear the same size ring so I want you to try it on. If it fits you, I know it'll fit her."

"Alright," she replied; "Which hand?"

Frank shrugged. "Try it on both; I don't know which one she'll wear it on."

Johanna carefully accepted the ring and tried it on her left hand first and then her right, allowing her father to inspect it each time. "Does it feel alright?" he asked. "Is it loose?"

She wiggled her fingers. "No, it fits just right."

"It feels good?"

"Yes; not too tight, not too loose."

"Does it feel heavy? You know your mother doesn't like heavy jewelry."

"No, Dad; it doesn't feel heavy. It feels the same weight as any other ring. It's beautiful; the light is making all the stones sparkle."

"Do you think she'll like it?" he asked; the need for assurance in his voice.

Johanna smiled. "She's going to love it; everything she loves is represented on this ring. You did a good job; she'll be thrilled."

Her father smiled as he accepted the ring from her hand as she handed it back. "I hope so; it isn't something she's asked for but I saw it in an advertisement and I thought she should have one."

"I think it's a great choice, Dad."

He put the ring back in the box and finished his business with the cashier before carefully tucking the bag into his pocket. "How long is your break?" he asked his daughter as they moved away from the counter.

"Pretty much as long as I want at the moment," she replied. "I had two appointments this morning and my paperwork is mostly done because I've been able to keep up pretty well since things are slow. Why?"

"Well I figured while we're here, you could help me pick out a few other things your mother might want," Frank said. "I have the ring and her perfume but I need other things; and if there's something she wants that you know, you can direct me to it."

"There is a dress in here that she's in love with," Johanna said. "And you could get her a couple sweaters…she's been hinting that she needs new ones. I got her a few, plus other things of course, but you could still get a couple and she'd have a good selection of new ones."

"Alright; we'll get those things. What else?"

Johanna eyed him. "You didn't get that big thing she's been hinting at?"

"What big thing?" he asked; panic in his gaze. "I've been too busy planning the ring."

"She wants a microwave," she replied.

"What do you mean she wants a microwave!?" Frank exclaimed. "She always said she didn't want one; that she didn't think they'd cook the food well enough!"

"Yeah; she said that…but that was before I had a house…and a microwave…and extolled its virtues," Johanna replied.

"Of course you did," her father replied.

"Sorry…I think the big sell on it though was when she finally used mine several months ago. I think up until then she had still been undecided."

He sighed. "Do they sell those here?"

"Yeah; I'm pretty sure you can get one here, they have them in their catalog so I don't see why they wouldn't have a few in the store. We'll go look."

They made their way to the section of the store where appliances were sold and found the microwaves. "Christ," Frank exclaimed; "Look at the damn price of these things! Is she crazy! Are you crazy for having one!?"

"These are the big ones, Dad; they cost more. Move on down the row to the smaller ones, they don't cost as much and they'll take up less space. Mom just wants one of the small ones like I have."

Frank grumbled at the price but selected a microwave he believed Naomi would like and asked a worker to hold it at the register until he was done his shopping. "She is so done," he remarked after they collected the clothing that Johanna picked out for her and a pair of earrings, and a set of microwavable dishes, along with a few other small items. "Do you know how much your mother has now cost me this holiday season?" he asked.

"No; but I'm sure she's worth every penny," Johanna answered.

"She may be worth it but it's a good damn thing I can afford it. The ring and the microwave alone are pushing five hundred," he remarked.

"Yes; but think of how happy she'll be…and you'll be able to use the microwave too."

He sighed. "You know this holiday is just a money racket, right?"

"I've heard rumors," she replied; "Does that mean you're not paying to have your gifts wrapped this year?"

Frank smiled as he looked at his daughter. "Why would I want to do that when I have a perfectly capable daughter who can just come down to my office and wrap these gifts on her lunch break one day this week?"

"You don't know if Colleen is available," she quipped.

He scoffed. "Please; I wouldn't let your sister wrap a ribbon around a tree, let alone wrap gifts my name will be on. You'll come wrap your mother's presents won't you? I mean I'll order you lunch to eat while you do it so it's not like you won't be compensated."

She sighed. "Alright; I'll come tomorrow on my break, is that okay?"

"That will be fine….bring wrapping paper; I forgot to buy it."

"Of course you did," she laughed.

"It wasn't on purpose!"

"I know," she said; "I've got plenty at home; I'll put some in the car tonight so I don't forget to bring it."

"Thank you," he stated; "If there's one thing I hate about this holiday, it's wrapping gifts."

"I thought it was putting together toys…you've regaled us with the horror stories over the years."

Frank thought it over. "It's a close race."

"That's what I thought," she answered as they moved up in line. She didn't mind wrapping the gifts though, and if it helped to keep the peace, she'd do it gladly.

* * *

For lunch, Frank had chosen a diner that he and Naomi had always taken the children to for a treat when they were young. He and Naomi stopped in occasionally when they were out running errands but somehow it always felt odd without their offspring at the table, arguing over who got more French fires and what dessert would be had. He had chosen it today for his lunch with Johanna in hopes that it would seem like neutral ground…perhaps the memory of happier occasions instead of the discord that often found them that her nitwit friend had to bring up. His daughter didn't seem bothered but there were times when she was good at masking things…but he didn't want her to feel ill at ease having lunch with him without her mother's presence to keep the peace. They were capable of doing that on their own…besides, he wanted to have a one on one chat with her about the current state of affairs.

He watched his daughter as she laid her purse on the red vinyl seat of the booth and shrugged out of her coat. She was so much like her mother, he thought to himself, observing as she neatly folded her coat and laid it over her purse before unfurling her napkin and neatly laying out her silverware as the waitress approached with their drinks. She smiled politely, thanked the young woman and picked up the red straw and stripped away the clear plastic covering it and stuck it into her glass of Coke. She had her mother's hands, like he had told her earlier; the same size and structure, soft, slender and dainty. Her hands moved with the same grace as Naomi's, unhurried and with ease, completing tasks with confidence.

Her mouth was shaped liked Naomi's as well; giving her her mother's perfect smile; bright, warm and inviting at its fullest; cautious and hopeful at its smallest. She had her mother's nose…and Naomi's habit of wrinkling it when something displeased her. She was the same height and build…she had her mother's heart; her talent at the piano and in the kitchen. She would be a perfect replica of Naomi if it wasn't for her dark hair…her green eyes…the set of her cheekbones, the curve of her chin. He breathed deeply, catching a glimpse of another woman in her face as she turned her head in the direction of some noise heard near the counter, presenting him with her profile. An ancient ache burned low in his soul; Sarah McKenzie had been gone from his life since he was eight years old…fifty-five years had passed since his mother had departed the world and yet she lived on in her granddaughter. She was written in the roots of her dark hair, her green eyes and long, ink colored lashes. She was written across the high cheekbones and in the curve of her chin. She was there every time his daughter laughed. He had almost forgotten what his mother's laugh had sounded like…until Johanna had been a little girl and her giggles brought the memory back from the recesses of his mind.

It wasn't easy to see Sarah McKenzie reflected in his child…he would've much rather Johanna be born with Naomi's blue eyes and light brown hair; but it wasn't to be. No; he was given a reminder…and that reminder was the largest reason behind their discord all of her life; although he had been doing his best to be different since Katie had been born. He loved that little girl and didn't want to be kept at a distance from her…didn't want to excluded from the life of _his_ little girl either. He loved her; he knew she doubted it, but he did. When Naomi had been pregnant and they had been praying for a girl for their second child, he had no idea that he'd be able to love a little girl so much…but then on that cold day in February, two days after her birth, his mother-in-law had laid that tiny bundle in his arms and his heart had been lost; tumbling out of his control with a speed he hadn't thought possible as he had gazed down at that tiny little face, so completely perfect and that small head full of silky dark hair. He smiled; Johanna had had the most hair he'd ever seen a baby be born with. It had all been perfect…and then, hours later, she opened her eyes, revealing the inheritance from her grandmother and it had been a kick in his besotted heart. It had marred things for him…oh he still thought she was perfect; she had been the prettiest little girl and she had grown into a very beautiful woman; but that reminder was always there and sometimes he couldn't shake it away.

"Dad, is something wrong?" Johanna asked, his silence and the weight of his stare a bit unnerving.

Frank shook his head, shaking away his thoughts as well. "No, why?"

"You're quiet…and staring at me."

He allowed himself to smile a little. "Isn't a man allowed to look at his daughter?"

Johanna shrugged. "I suppose. Is my makeup smudged?"

"No; you're fine…I was just thinking about how much you look like your mother, that's all."

A smile touched her lips. "Oh; thank you."

He gave a nod, he hadn't had to spell out the compliment; merely saying that she looked like Naomi was enough. The food arrived, sparring them both from commenting further for the moment.

"What was with the change in the babysitting schedule?" Frank asked, although he knew, but he always tried to find an easy way into conversation with his daughter.

"Elizabeth is making a Gingerbread house for a contest at her church and she wants Katie to help her make it," Johanna explained as she checked her burger to make sure that they had made it the way she had requested. "So she asked to swap with Mom for today. Katie will be at your house tomorrow and Wednesday and then go back to Liz Thursday and Mom on Friday and we'll be back on schedule. I think Mom said she would work on the costumes for the church pageant today since they swapped days."

"She worked on them yesterday," Frank replied; "I think today she's wrapping gifts."

"I finally got that done yesterday," she stated.

"With Katie in the house?"

"No; Liz wanted to take her and two of her cousins to the Christmas party at her church and then do some other things with them as a Grandma day thing. Katie had a lot of fun and I got the wrapping taken care of; I've been doing a little bit each night after she's in bed."

"I'm glad she had fun," he commented.

"Oh, and she can't wait for you to stop by the house one evening," Johanna said.

Frank's brow rose. "Why?"

"Because when we went on Saturday, we got a snowman for on our porch and she's anxious for you to like him," she replied with a laugh.

He smiled, ignoring the pang that the sound of her laughter inspired. "Your mother and I are having dinner with a client tomorrow evening, maybe we can stop by on the way home and I can see it."

"That would make her very happy. How goes your snowman war? Did you up the ante?" Johanna asked.

Her father grinned. "I now have a snowman, a snowwoman and three of those baby ones as Katie calls them."

She laughed. "Wow, a family of five…what does Mom think of this?"

"She likes it; she says it reflects the family; we have three children…and besides; the outside is mine and I'll do what I want," he said lightly. "I've got a whole snow family…see how Parker likes that."

Johanna grinned. "He might run out and add more to his display…then what?"

"Oh I'll think of something," he assured.

"I don't doubt that for a minute."

Frank took a bite of his burger, considering how best to broach his next topic. He figured he'd have to me more careful than he usually was…he wasn't really one to beat around the bush but his daughter was a sensitive being and he'd have to tread into the area with caution. "When is Jim getting back?" he asked.

Johanna dipped a French fry into a glob of ketchup. "I don't know, Dad."

Frank met her gaze. "He will be home for Christmas, won't he? Surely he's going to be back no later than Friday night, right?"

"I honestly don't know," she said, her tone somewhat quiet. "If Sharon's to be believed, she claims that Jim said to her husband that he won't be back in time; but he hasn't confirmed or denied that to me."

"Did you ask him about what Sharon reported?"

"No."

"Why not?" he demanded to know.

She sighed a little. "Because lately, every time I ask him something, he gets mad and says I'm nagging him. We've been arguing enough without Sharon adding to it with something she may have gotten right or might have embellished for the sake of her gossip."

Frank was silent as he chewed another bite of his burger. He couldn't say that he knew all the semantics about why and for how long a lawyer would need to be away from home but it was starting to bother him that his son-in-law had been gone all month so far and wasn't giving any indication of when he'd return. He didn't want to think that Johanna was covering for him; normally it wouldn't be in her nature but she loved him and she might…but it did seem unlikely. He also didn't want to think that his son-in-law was blatantly lying about what he was doing in Chicago but it couldn't be ruled out. He liked Jim; he was a good man…as far as he could tell…but he was a man; and he knew how men were. He swallowed his food and took a drink of his coffee before speaking once again. "He _is_ away on business, isn't he?"

Johanna gave him an odd look. "Yes…I told you, he's working on a case in Chicago."

"It must be a very long case."

"Some of them are; you know that."

Frank debated whether to ask his next question or not…but based on what he had heard from Naomi and Jim's absence with no end in sight, he felt like it needed to be asked even if his daughter didn't particularly like the question. "There isn't anything keeping him in Chicago besides the case…is there?"

Johanna's brow rose slightly. "Not to my knowledge…he does call home most nights."

"That doesn't prove anything."

She knew that, but she really didn't think he was having an affair. "I don't believe he's having an affair, Dad. He is with two colleagues and he wouldn't risk one of them telling someone who would tell me."

"Men cover for each other," Frank stated. "There's a code about such things; and no, I don't know because someone somewhere is harboring secrets about me…I just know how things work. Have you verified that these two colleagues haven't returned yet either?"

"No; I figure if they had, Phil would've told Sharon and she would've taken joy in letting me know."

"I never liked her," her father said. "I didn't like her the first time she stepped through my door. She has no loyalty…you could do better; in fact I'm sure you have better friends."

"I do," she agreed.

"You might one day want to reconsider your loyalty to her…because she might not be worth what you give her."

"Sometimes I do think of that," Johanna admitted.

"Sharon's not really the worry though…even if she is a twit," Frank stated. "We were discussing Jim…these colleagues he's with…they are both men, aren't they?"

"Yes; Zach and Steve. Zach is one of Jim's friends…Steve is usually an adversary but is apparently one of his drinking buddies now."

"When you say it like that, it seems to imply that your husband is doing something you don't approve of," Frank said cautiously.

She shrugged as she took a bite of her sandwich.

"Johanna," he prompted.

"Men do what they want so it doesn't really matter what I think of what he does."

Frank held her gaze. "Your mother mentioned the conversation you had with her the other night."

"What about it?" Johanna asked.

"That you have concerns."

Johanna was quiet for a moment, unsure of why her father was wading into this area…it wasn't like him to get overly involved in her personal life…but a part of her wondered if he'd somehow manage the conversation better than her mother had. "I do have some concerns."

"So what's going on?" Frank asked.

"I wish I knew," she replied. "He got that promotion and things haven't been the same since. He drinks more, he's distant…he can be mean, he…"

"Does he hit you?" her father demanded to know, anger flaring in his veins at the thought.

"No!" she exclaimed. "God, no. He's never hit me, Jim wouldn't do that."

"If he's getting into drinking all the time he might," Frank said; "And that will be his biggest mistake, I assure you of that."

Johanna shook her head. "He doesn't hit me; I swear he's never done that. He's just very distant lately…and he likes being away from us, he told me that much. He says he needs a break."

"From what!?"

"Marriage, I'm assuming."

Frank scoffed. "He hasn't been married long enough to need a break."

"I guess he begs to differ."

"It seems awful sudden," he remarked. "Things seemed normal all summer; the two of you went away together for a few days while we kept Katie…he didn't seem bored or troubled by marriage then."

"I know," Johanna said, her gaze on her plate as she picked up another fry. "We did have a wonderful time on our little vacation and everything was fine and normal…until September when he got promoted. I guess he's just stressed and focused on the job…and I guess Katie and I are a distraction that he doesn't need at the moment so he's pushing us away."

"It seems kind of coincidental that once you're no longer working in the same building that he gets promoted…"

"That's because of the restructuring of the law firm," Johanna interrupted. "Some senior members retired, new management decided to downsize, become more exclusive, as they moved up, vacancies had to be filled. Jim earned the promotion, he's an excellent lawyer."

"I wasn't saying that he was undeserving," Frank remarked; "I hadn't finished my statement."

"Sorry," she replied, her gaze dropping back to her plate.

"What I was going to say is that once you were gone from the same office, he was promoted…and is suddenly acting in ways you're unaccustomed to and pushing you away. He suddenly needs a break…are you certain there isn't anything there that's distracting him now that you're not there to keep such distractions at bay?"

The thought of Melanie flicked through her mind but she quickly flicked it away; Jim wasn't having an affair with Melanie and she wasn't on this business trip with him…she was certain of that; she had seen Melanie prancing around Macy's the day before and had been able to successfully avoid her adversary.

"To my knowledge, there aren't any distractions," she said slowly. "I do still have friends who work there."

"I'm not trying to convince you of the notion," Frank stated carefully; "But I feel like something must be causing him to pull away from his family."

"I agree that there has to be a cause…I believe it's the job; but I don't know for certain," Johanna replied. "He won't tell me…all he does is imply that I'm the problem; but he's already in a bad mood when he calls so how can it be me when I'm not there to bother him?"

"Did you ask?"

"Not exactly…I asked him what I could do to fix things if I was the one who was the problem."

Frank eyed her. "And what did he say?"

She smiled a little. "He gave me a nice list of flaws to work on…guess that's my Christmas present this year."

"What was on the list?"

"Nothing I haven't heard before," she said softly, her fingers curling around her glass as she reached for it to take a drink.

"Meaning what?"

Johanna shifted in her seat; she didn't want to go there…she hadn't argued with her father in awhile and she didn't want to end the streak today, not this close to Christmas, not when Katie was hoping he'd visit for a few minutes to see her snowman. "It's just things people have told me before," she remarked.

"Like what?" he asked, a touch of gruffness in his tone.

She shook her head. "I'd rather not say…I shouldn't have mentioned it; I don't know why I did honestly."

"Maybe because it bothers you," Frank stated.

"It does bother me…but I'll work on the things he mentioned anyway."

"So you have to make all the changes in accordance to his new attitude."

"It's better than doing nothing…which is what Mom suggested," Johanna remarked.

He gave a slight nod. "She has been wringing her hands since you left the other night…she said she wasn't much help to you."

"I shouldn't have brought it up so that's my fault," she replied. "I'm a big girl, I can't expect my mommy to always hand me an answer to my problems. I'm sure things will straighten out one way or another one day."

Frank took a bite of his lunch, she was starting to close herself off, as if she was afraid that he was getting too close to something…something that she wouldn't feel comfortable discussing with him. Usually he didn't pry…he left that up to Naomi but she had fumbled the ball and for reasons he couldn't fathom, he felt like he needed to know; needed to try.

"How bad is it?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"How bad are things between you and Jim? Is he using this trip as a way to subtly leave you and Katie?" Frank inquired.

"It's not good but it's not as bad as it could be," she said slowly. "Traveling for work is giving him a taste of freedom and reminding him of the days when he was single, I guess. His job is more stressful now and I don't know what else may be going on because he won't discuss it with me. All I know is that he drinks more, isn't around as much even when he's home, seems to have found time to make a list of my flaws and admits he doesn't miss us. I don't have any answers because he doesn't want to give me any. He'd rather push me away than tell me what's wrong and let me help."

Frank didn't like the sound of things; it made him uneasy. He liked Jim, had always believed he was a good man; but as he had thought earlier, he was just a man after all…and there could be something besides work making him suddenly turn on his wife. Perhaps some temptation that Johanna knew nothing about; some bad decision he had made that he didn't know how to correct; too much time around the wrong people. He would take it upon himself to make a few calls and make sure Jim was where he was supposed to be and doing what he was supposed to be doing. He wasn't going to get away with an act of betrayal on his watch. He wouldn't stand around while his daughter and granddaughter's hearts were trifled with. If he caught one whiff of stench that things weren't on the up and up, his son-in-law would get a break alright…just not the kind he seemed to desire, Frank thought as he imagined throttling him if he was betraying his daughter somehow.

"Why do men do that?" Johanna asked; breaking his concentration.

"Do what?"

"Push their wife away when something is wrong."

Frank shifted in his seat, Naomi was better at this…usually…he felt like he was walking into unknown territory. He'd never been one of those types of fathers who had given his daughters talks about the ways of men. He'd warn them when they were dating a loser…but they never yielded to that diagnosis and always had to learn the hard way. He hadn't been good at consoling when a heart was inevitably broken; that too fell to Naomi…his words always fumbled in the face of their tears and anguished expressions. He never had a cure for heartbreak or hurt feelings…he wasn't even sure he had any answers that would be considered helpful. "I don't know the answer," he stated quietly.

"But you're a man," his daughter remarked. "You've done it…I don't want to bring up something that will make you angry but you know you have."

Frank gave a slight nod. "I…I suppose that's true."

"So why did you do it?" she asked.

"I don't know, Johanna…I guess I didn't think your mother would understand; I wasn't sure I understood."

"What do men want their wives to do in these instances?" Johanna questioned, squashing the feeling of awkwardness that threatened to consume her by having this conversation with her father.

He shifted slightly in his seat once more. "Sometimes it depends on the situation…sometimes it depends on the man…it's not something I can explain."

Johanna gave him a small smile and a nod, allowing the conversation to slip into silence as she took a bite of her burger.

He wasn't any good at this, Frank thought once more as the Christmas music from the nearby jukebox filled the air between them. He just wasn't good at being a father to a daughter. It was easier with Frankie; it always had been. He had poked into his daughter's business and hadn't offered her anything helpful in return. He sighed, maybe he had to try a little harder this time.

"When these things happen," Frank said slowly; "We rarely want to lose what we have…"

Johanna worried her bottom lip. "But you want her to go away and leave you alone?"

"Sometimes," he answered, cringing slightly as he did so; "And sometimes you just have to keep pushing to make us tell you…sometimes you have to pick your battles…and sometimes you just have to step back from it so that we see how on the verge we are of pushing you too far away."

"What happens if those things don't work and it gets worse?" she asked softly.

"Then you…tell your father and he'll adjust his attitude," Frank said.

She gave a soft laugh. "Really?"

"Yeah," he said with a nod; "Or wham him with a skillet…sometimes just the sight of a woman coming at you with a skillet is enough to put a man back in order."

Amusement sparkled in her eyes. "I know Mom has threatened you with the skillet, but has she ever come at you with one?"

"Once or twice," Frank remarked.

"Oh yeah? What did you do?"

Frank met her eye. "I ran out the backdoor like any other man in fear for his life."

She giggled merrily as she pictured the scene. "You didn't try to get it away from her?"

"Hell no, I wasn't getting near her…but I've learned not to push her to that point now," he said, a small grin playing on his lips.

"She'd probably beg to differ," she said lightly.

"Most likely," he agreed; "But I guess I haven't been any more help to you than your mother was."

"I wouldn't say that; at least I have a little bit of a male perspective on things…and I can keep in mind the tell my father or hit him with a skillet options," Johanna replied.

"Or you can do both," Frank stated.

"That too…but as for help, I guess really the only person who can help me is Jim and he's not inclined right now."

"He better get inclined," her father stated. "He better get home for Christmas; is he even thinking about how crushed Katie would be?"

"He believes that she prefers me and is fine no matter what," Johanna stated.

Frank shook his head. "She needs her father to be home for Christmas."

"I know…but I'm not sure that's going to happen."

"So what are you going to do?"

"The only thing I can do," Johanna replied; "Make sure she has as much as I can so that her Christmas will be happy no matter what happens."

Frank gave a nod. "We'll do what we can to help you accomplish that."

"I appreciate that, Dad; I really do," she said, thinking to herself that she also appreciated these rare occasions when it felt like he was on her side.

* * *

After lunch, Frank made it a point to walk Johanna back to her office despite assurances that it wasn't necessary. He felt that it was, he thought to himself as they made their way down the hallway to her door. He didn't want Sharon giving her one of those smirks as if coming back alone proved some sort of wrong doing. No, the little twit was going to see him walk his daughter back to her office, that way she'd know that Johanna had been with him the whole time.

"She's coming through the door now," Sharon said into the phone, her gaze landing upon Johanna and Frank as they stepped inside the office. "Hold on."

"Who is it?" Johanna asked.

"Your mother," her secretary replied, a bit of tartness in her tone.

She moved toward the desk and accepted the phone, her father following close behind. "Mom, is something wrong?" she asked.

"No, just something I wanted to ask you; but first how was lunch with your father?" Naomi asked.

"It was nice," she answered.

"Did he take you to see about my gift?" her mother questioned.

Johanna smirked in amusement, catching her father's eye. He nodded, letting her know that he had heard what his wife said. "Yes; there may have been a stop to look at a gift," she replied.

"And?"

"And what?"

"What did he get me?!" Naomi exclaimed. "I'll act surprised."

"He got you a gift," Johanna replied.

"Oh come on, tell me what it is. Just give me a hint or something."

Frank took the phone from his daughter's hand. "You'll find out on Christmas morning," he told his wife; "And not a moment before…and before you gear up to snoop; just know that I will not be hiding it in the house."

"Oh, Frank!" Naomi exclaimed. "What are you doing there?"

"We just got back; I walked our daughter to her office just in time to hear your call requesting information."

"That's not the only reason I called," Naomi replied.

"Fine," Frank said, "I'll give her back the phone but I'm staying until you're finished because now I know I can't trust you."

"Suit yourself," his wife told him.

Frank handed the phone back to Johanna. "Your mother isn't finished yet."

"What's next on the list, Mom?" she asked.

"I got a call from one of the women I'm working on the pageant with at the church," Naomi stated. "A few of the kids have come down with chicken pox and won't be able to be in the show. I already signed Greg up to take the place of a Shepard and I want Claire and Katie to take the places of two of the little angels….would that be alright with you?"

"What all would she have to do?"

"It's just singing," Naomi stated; "Just a little angel choir so to speak; the costumes are already made, I can take them in a little if they're too big. Katie probably already knows most of the words for the songs; Away in a Manger, The First Noel, and Joy to the World. I'll work on them with her while she's here this week. She'd be so cute in that little dress with angel wings and a halo, don't you think?"

"Of course; I think she's cute in anything," Johanna remarked.

"Well, can she do it?"

She thought about it for a moment, the pageant might be a good distraction for Katie. "Yeah; she can do it…but I'm going to ask her when I pick her up to be sure it's something she wants."

"Be sure to tell her that Claire is going to be in it," Naomi replied. "You know those two are thick as thieves."

"Oh I'll tell her," she said with a laugh. "I'm sure she'll probably want to do it, she loves to be with Claire and she'll love the idea of Grandma playing the piano while she sings with her cousin. I'll call you later tonight though and let you know what she said."

"Alright, dear; I'll let you go for now so you can send your father on his way…it is a good gift, isn't it?"

"Yes; it's a good gift, you'll be very proud of him," Johanna said. "I'll talk to you later."

They said their goodbyes and Johanna hung up the phone, turning back to her father. "Mom wanted to be sure it's a good gift."

"Like I've ever given her a bad gift," he said with a scoff.

"She doesn't want you to break the streak."

"Apparently so. Thanks for going along," Frank told her.

"No problem," Johanna replied, feeling that awkwardness that always crept up whenever they had to say goodbye without her mother there to mediate. "Thanks for lunch; it was nice to go back to that diner…it hasn't changed in all this time and I'm glad."

Her father gave a nod. "Me too…we've had good times there."

"Yeah, we have," she said, shifting a little on her feet.

"Tell Katie I'll see her snowman tomorrow night."

"I'll tell her."

Frank debated how to make his departure and then, deciding that things had been nice and hadn't gone down in flames as they often could at times, he stepped closer and pressed a kiss to his daughter's forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow, Josie."

She smiled. "See you tomorrow, Dad."

He left the office and Johanna turned back to her secretary. "Any messages while I was gone?"

"No."

"Mail?"

"Just payments for your services," Sharon remarked, her tone clipped.

Johanna smiled a little. "What's wrong, Sharon? Are you still mad?" she asked, mimicking Sharon's words to her the day before.

"Yeah, I am. I don't appreciate you letting your father speak to me that way," her friend replied.

"Well, sometimes I don't appreciate the way you speak to me," Johanna stated. "Now we're even."

"Phil told Jim about you not wanting Katie at our house."

"For the record, I said just while Jim is away. When did Phil tattle for you? I talked to Jim yesterday and he didn't mention it."

"He told him this morning when Jim called about something to do with the office."

She nodded. "And just so I know, how embellished was this call so I can be prepared?"

"Phil only told him the facts…and Jim said he doesn't know what your problem is lately but he'll speak to you about it."

Johanna eyed her. "Since when is it your job to tell my husband everything? For that matter, since when do you get to stick your nose in my business and report everything to anybody like you're a hall monitor at school?"

"I can't help what Phil says to Jim," Sharon remarked.

"Oh, I think you could," she replied; "But that's alright, I have no problem telling Jim what I said to you and why if he asks. As for you, I'll just be extra careful what I say around you since I can't seem to trust you anymore."

"Oh, Johanna; don't be like that…it's not like that."

"Maybe it feels like it to me," Johanna stated; "And whatever it is, I'm not putting up with it. So put that in your final report to Phil that he can make to Jim; because this well is going dry."

Sharon rolled her eyes. "I'll be glad when Jim gets back so you'll stop being a bitch."

"Hey, Sharon; I'll stop being a bitch when you start showing me some respect," she retorted. "I don't call your husband every time you say something, nor do I have my husband report to him. I don't accuse you of lying. I don't accuse you of anything…except for being a busybody lately. Now I'm done with this game of yours. You don't want to listen to me as a friend when I say I have a problem; but you're all for telling your husband my business so he can report it with your exaggerations. I'm tired of it, I really am. Just like the other day when I found out you've been running your mouth to Mark; telling him things I didn't say. You never used to be like this and I don't know why you are now, but until you get it under control, I'm just going to be careful what I say around you…because you're not acting like my friend lately; you're acting like a two faced bitch, and you know how I feel about them."

The secretary leaned back in her chair. "Is that why you let your father treat me the way he did."

"I don't control my father, Sharon. If he wants to call you a twit he will, no matter what I say…but if you're wondering, yes, I did enjoy watching the moment."

"I figured you did," Sharon replied. "Since when are the two of you so close?"

"We have our moments," Johanna remarked. "We're both getting older; we're not entirely the same people we use to be. We make the effort for Katie; she helps keep things calm between us."

"That's a lot to heap on a four year old."

"Nothing is heaped on Katie! I was talking about her presence in our lives; she's our common ground."

"It won't last forever, it never does," Sharon stated.

Johanna knew that but she didn't spend her time dwelling on discord that had yet to happen. She'd rather just enjoy these calmer moments with her father; these moments when he didn't mind her being around, where she got to watch him be a loving grandfather who got competitive with the neighbors over holiday decorations and who would make an appropriate amount of fuss over a snowman to make his granddaughter happy. She didn't need Sharon's attitude right now…she had enough on her plate.

She was about to move into her office and close the door between them but Cathy stepped through the door, making her pause in her tracks in the outer office. "Hey, Cathy," she said. "What's going on?"

"Well I thought maybe one of you could help me with something," Cathy remarked.

"What is?" Johanna asked.

"I won a radio contest over the weekend for tickets to see the Rockettes Christmas show tonight at Radio City Music Hall. I wanted the tickets for my sister; I've already seen the show this season. I find out she's already got tickets…so I wanted to see if one of you wanted them. I don't want anything for them; I just don't want them to go to waste."

"I don't want them," Sharon said. "I've sent those shows enough times when I was a kid. My mother dragged us there every year."

"So did mine," Cathy stated; "I like it, it's not Christmas if I don't see it."

"You can have it," Sharon replied. "I've had my fill for a good long time."

The show sounded like a good idea to Johanna; she had fond memories of seeing it with her mother and Colleen during her childhood…and she and Jim had seen it during the weekend they had gotten engaged. She could take Katie; she was sure she would love it; she had liked seeing the routine the Rockettes did at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

"I'll take them," Johanna said. "I'd love to take Katie to see the show. My mother always took me."

Cathy smiled. "I bet Katie will love it; the tickets are for this evening, so if you need to leave a little early tonight so you can get both of you fed and ready, you go ahead, I'll take care of it with Mark," she said as she handed Johanna the tickets.

"Thanks, I appreciate that…if I left about an hour early, I could at least run home first and maybe go ahead and get my shower and fix my hair before picking Katie up. It's an extra trip home but at least I could do those two things without hurrying," she said with a laugh.

Cathy nodded. "And without worry about what she's getting in to while you do it."

"That too," Johanna replied.

Her friend smiled a little sadly. "I hope to find out what it's really like one day."

She gave her a sympathetic smile, knowing that Mark and Cathy had been struggling for years to start a family. "Not to be nosy, but have you considered other avenues?" she asked gently; knowing that Cathy had bulked at the idea early on.

The other woman nodded. "Yeah…we've decided that after the New Year, we're going to start the adoption process. We know that it could take awhile before we get a baby, but we've waited this long, we can wait a little longer."

Johanna smiled warmly. "That's great; I just know there's a baby somewhere that's just meant to be yours. You'll be such a wonderful mommy."

"Thank you," her friend replied, her hand brushing her arm in gratitude. "When the day comes, I might need some mommy advice."

"Anytime," she told her. "Hopefully it won't be out of date by then."

"Oh you never know, you might have another one by the time they find me a baby."

"I don't know about that; nothing's happened so far. Katie might be my only one; but I'm okay with that."

"One day, if you ever decide you're not okay with it; I'm sure there'd be a baby out there for you to love too," Cathy told her.

Johanna laughed softly. "I've yet to meet one that I can't love so I don't doubt that."

"You and Katie have fun tonight; and like I said, take off early if you want so you can get ready since I kind of caught you on late notice."

"Thanks for the tickets; are you sure you don't want anything for them? I'm willing to pay you for them."

"No," Cathy said with a shake of her head. "I won them on the radio…tell Katie they're a Christmas present from Aunt Cathy and Uncle Mark."

She smiled. "I'll do that, thanks."

"You're welcome; I'll let you get back to your work."

Johanna glanced down at the tickets in her hands, her discord with Sharon forgotten. She had been looking for something special to do with Katie and now she had found it; this would be just the dose of excitement they needed…at least for tonight.

* * *

Johanna had taken Cathy up on her offer and left the office an hour early to go home and start getting ready. She laid out Katie's red Christmas dress and her tights and dress shoes, figuring they'd make it a special girls night, complete with dinner out and dressing up to add to the excitement for Katie. After her daughter's clothes were laid out on the bed, Johanna retreated to her own room and picked a dark red dress of her own to wear and sat out the matching pair of heels. She got her bath and fixed her hair and smiled when she noted that she had enough time left to do her makeup without being late to pick up Katie. Her husband could definitely kiss her time management skills, she thought to herself as she swiftly swiped on her lip gloss. All that she'd have to do after collecting Katie was to bring her home, give her a quick bath, get her dressed and her hair fixed; change her own clothes and they'd be ready to go.

She had a handle on things; Christmas shopping was done, gifts wrapped, girls night planned with Katie; they had cookies to bake later in the week, Katie would most likely like the idea of being in the pageant so there would be that to look forward to, getting her ready and the actual event. She could fill in the time that wasn't occupied; they were going to be fine...everyone would see that; they were fine…despite the ache that stayed in her heart and that feeling of loneliness at night after Katie had been tucked into bed.

Johanna finished her makeup and rose from the bench of her vanity, gathering up her purse and keys. Jim had called Katie the night before but he only talked for about two minutes. Katie had started to tell him about the party she had gone to and changed topics in the middle of the discussion, asking when he was coming home. He had made some excuse to hang up, leaving Katie without answers about when she'd see him again and disappointed that she hadn't gotten to finish telling him about the fun she'd had with her grandmother. She sighed as she pulled on her coat, Jim also hadn't called back to speak to her as he usually did when he called Katie at bedtime.

She had a feeling he wouldn't call tonight…that he'd make himself scarce in hopes that Katie would forget to ask that all important question the next time he spoke to her. Johanna sighed as she left the house, locking the door behind her. She didn't know what Jim's issues were but she wished he'd either tell her or get over them so that Christmas wouldn't be marred by his new found attitude…and possible absence.

* * *

"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" Katie said excitedly, running into the entryway as Johanna stepped inside her in-laws house.

"Hi, sweetheart," Johanna said as she sat her purse on the stand.

"Come see it!" Katie exclaimed, grabbing her hand. "It's amazing!"

"What's amazing?" she laughed.

"The house me and Grammy made; come on!"

"Alright, where is it?" she asked.

"In the dining room," Katie said tugging her along.

Her daughter's excitement was off the charts, Johanna thought to herself as she followed her into the dining room.

"Look, Mommy!" her daughter said, pointing to the creation on the dining room table.

"Oh my God, Liz," Johanna stated, her eyes taking it in. "You said you were making a house…this is a castle!"

"I know," Elizabeth said with a nod. "I got ambitious."

"We're gonna show that Ginia Hammy," Katie declared. "We got the bestest gingerbread house in the world!"

"Ginia Hammy?" Johanna asked.

Elizabeth wrinkled her nose. "Virginia Hamilton Conway."

"Oh," Johanna said with a nod, Virginia was her mother-in-law's arch nemesis. "I didn't realize she was entering the gingerbread house contest."

"Neither did I until Mary told me last night when she called to verify that I was still entering," Elizabeth remarked. "Virginia Hamilton Conway was a last minute entry."

"When did she start sticking Hamilton in her name?"

Elizabeth scoffed. "When she joined the Daughters of the American Revolution."

"You've got to be kidding me," she laughed.

"Oh no; everyone in the tri-state area has been regaled with her tale of being related to some Revolutionary war hero," she said with a roll of her eyes.

Johanna shook her head. "He was probably really a traitor who didn't get caught."

"I'd buy that," her mother-in-law remarked. "Katie beat her grandson for that door prize at the Christmas party yesterday…and I'm taking her down come Wednesday night."

"Do you like it, Mommy?" Katie asked.

"I love it," Johanna said; the castle was big and magnificent, taking up most of a large sheet of sturdy cardboard, beautifully decorated, a small gingerbread iced to look like a princess, another a prince; and some made to look like palace guards. Katie excitedly pointed to candies she had placed and showed her where she had been allowed to use the icing to decorate. It was adorable, Johanna thought, and a showcase of Elizabeth's talent and hardwork…and Katie's helpful little fingers too. "You did an amazing job, Liz; and so did your special helper," she said, running her hand over Katie's hair.

"I couldn't have done it without her," Elizabeth said; "She was very helpful and she was a good listener, did everything I told her to do and didn't put up any fuss when I had to help her using the icing."

"Good girl," Johanna told her. "You and Grammy made a beautiful castle."

"I hope we win and beat that Ginia Hammy," Katie declared.

"It's not Hammy, sweetheart."

"Hammy is quite fitting actually," Elizabeth declared. "I can't believe she has the same first name as my mother…there ought to be a law against it."

Johanna laughed softly. "Well…I share a name with you."

Elizabeth glanced at her. "I like you better than Virginia Hamilton Conway."

She smiled. "I'm glad to hear that," she replied, thinking to herself that it was a good Christmas gift to hear those words.

"Mommy, how do you share Grammy's name?" Katie asked.

"Grammy's name is Elizabeth and my middle name is Elizabeth," Johanna explained.

"And Grandpa's name is Robert," Elizabeth stated; "And your Daddy's middle name is Robert."

Katie giggled. "Why isn't my middle name the same as anyone's? Why isn't it Elizabeth?"

"Yes, why is that?" Elizabeth asked. "Katherine Elizabeth has a nice ring to it."

"Daddy picked your middle name," Johanna told her; "He wanted you to have a unique middle name."

"What does that mean?"

"It means he wanted you to have a name that isn't used a lot. Remember, I told you I named you after a movie star?"

"Uh huh; the one you got a picture of that she signed?"

"That's right; her middle name is Houghton too. You're Katherine Houghton Beckett and she's Katharine Houghton Hepburn."

Katie smiled. "Then I got the same name as someone too."

"That's right, it's a special name."

"I still say it should've been Elizabeth," her mother-in-law remarked.

"Sorry, Liz," she told her; "But I do love your castle…you better hope Robert doesn't nibble on it."

"If he does, he'll be spending Christmas in the hospital."

She laughed. "When is the judging?"

"Wednesday night."

"Can we go see the contest, Mommy?" Katie asked.

"When is it?" Johanna asked.

"Wednesday night at six-thirty," Elizabeth answered; "It's open to everyone, so if you want to come, you're welcome to do that."

She nodded. "We'll be there…I wouldn't want to miss it if you happen to beat ole Virginia…I'm sure that would be a Kodak moment."

"That reminds me, I have to remember to have Robert bring the camera…we'll want photos to remember the moment with."

Johanna laughed. "I'll bring my camera too for back up."

"Good idea."

"Now, I have two things to discuss with you, Miss Katie," Johanna said to her daughter.

"Am I in trouble?" her daughter asked.

"No, Baby; Grandma called me earlier and told me that two of the little girls who were going to be in the Christmas pageant are sick and won't be able to do it; so Grandma is hoping that you'll want to be in the pageant with Claire; you two can wear the pretty angel costumes and sing Christmas songs with the other little kids who are playing angels."

Katie's eyes brightened. "Claire is going to be in the pageant?"

"Yes, and Grandma will play the piano while you all sing. You get to be in the pageant on Christmas Eve at church. Do you want to sing with Claire and the other kids? Grandma will help you learn the songs this week."

Katie nodded. "I want to be in the pageant! Do I get wings?"

"Yes, you'll have wings and a halo."

"Can Grammy come see me sing?"

"Of course she can," Johanna replied.

"Grammy, I'm going to be in the Christmas pageant!"

"I heard," Elizabeth said lightly. "I bet you'll be the prettiest angel there. Do you know what songs she'll be singing?"

"Away in a Manger, The First Noel and Joy to the World."

"We listened to Christmas songs all day while we worked on this project, she's probably all set for the role," Elizabeth remarked. "We heard those songs a few times."

"Will Daddy come see my pageant?" Katie asked.

Johanna's heart dropped; why hadn't she seen that question coming? "I don't know for sure, sweetheart," she said gently. "Hopefully Daddy will be home by then."

Katie's bottom lip poked out. "I want Daddy to see me sing with Claire."

"I know, baby…and there's still time; he might get back in time. We'll just have to wait and see."

"Have you talked to Jimmy since the call you mentioned yesterday?" Elizabeth asked.

"He called last night to talk to Katie but had to conveniently hang up when she asked when he'd be back."

"He didn't call you back later?"

"No," Johanna answered; holding her mother-in-law's gaze as a silent 'I don't think he'll be home' message passed between them.

Elizabeth gave a slight shake of her head. "That boy," she muttered.

"What boy, Grammy?"

"Your daddy," she told her. "I'm his mommy and I'm going to have to have a talk with him one day soon."

"You gonna put him on time out?" Katie asked.

"I just might do that," Elizabeth stated.

"Please do," Johanna remarked; and then hoping to keep Katie's mood from plunging further, she decided to give her a surprise. "I've got a surprise for you, Katie Bug."

Her daughter's face lit up once more and she bounced a little in excitement. "What!"

"When I was at work today, Aunt Cathy gave us a Christmas present."

"What is it!?" she asked excitedly.

"She gave us tickets to go to Radio City Music Hall tonight to see the Rockettes Christmas show!"

"The dancers I saw on TV on the parade?!"

"Yes; the Rockettes; we're going to see their whole show tonight, what do you think of that?!"

"Yay!" she exclaimed. "I like that!"

"And you know what else?" Johanna asked.

"What?"

"Me and you are having a girls night; we're going to go home and get dressed up and go out to dinner and then go see the Rockettes and then afterwards, we might get ice cream," she told her.

"Let's go now!" Katie exclaimed.

"We have to go home first and get ready," she laughed. "The show doesn't start yet; we're going to have dinner first."

"Okay, Mommy."

"Sounds like you're going to have a fun evening," Elizabeth told her granddaughter. "I want to hear all about it when you come see me at the contest."

"I'll tell you everything, Grammy," Katie promised.

Elizabeth swept her up in her arms for a hug and a kiss. "Thank you for being my special helper."

"I like helping you, Grammy," Katie said, squeezing her in return.

"It's a shame Michael wouldn't let Danny and Alicia play hooky for a day to help out," Johanna remarked.

"It is," Elizabeth stated; "You know those kids aren't doing anything important in school this week; they don't have the attention span for it with Christmas just days away."

"I agree," she told her; "They wouldn't have missed anything; but I'm glad Katie had fun helping you with it."

"We had a lot of fun…now I just have to guard it from Grandpa's grabby fingers," Elizabeth stated before giving her granddaughter one more. "You and Mommy have fun tonight and I'll see you later."

"Okay, Grammy, love you."

"I love you too," Elizabeth told her as they left the dining room to collect Katie's belongings so they could leave. "Johanna, let me know if you hear anything from you know who about what his plans for the holiday are."

"Oh you can count on that," Johanna told her. "You'll be the first call I make once I have that answer."

"I've trained you to be a good daughter-in-law after all," Elizabeth remarked.

She gave her an amused smirk. "Christmas miracles all around us, Liz."

"Yeah," Elizabeth laughed; "We just got to keep hoping for the big one."

"That's the truth…and I guess we'll find out the answer by the end of the week," Johanna remarked.

"It better be the right one," the older woman stated.

"My thoughts exactly," she said in agreement; until then, she'd just try not to think about it too much…not that was her strong suit, but she'd try.

* * *

"How was your lunch with Johanna?" Naomi asked her husband that evening as they ate dinner.

"It was fine," Frank replied. "No arguments, I swear."

She smiled. "Good. Did you ask about Jim?"

He nodded. "He still hasn't given a date of return."

Naomi sighed. "She'll be hurt if he doesn't come home for Christmas."

"I think he's already hurting her with the way he acts lately."

"She has said that things are off between them," she remarked. "I'm sure it's just one of those things…all marriages go through their phases."

"That may be," Frank stated; "But I made a few calls to make sure he's where he's supposed to be and doing what he's supposed to be."

"Frank!" she exclaimed. "I don't think Johanna or Jim will be happy to hear that."

"I don't really give a damn what Jim thinks," he remarked. "That's my daughter and granddaughter he's playing games with. I like him but I'm not just going to give him the benefit of the doubt when I hear he's suddenly pushing her away and drinking more and apparently isn't anxious to return home. I don't owe him any loyalty, but he damn sure owes my daughter loyalty."

Naomi stayed quiet for a moment as she swallowed the bite of pasta she had taken. She couldn't berate him for behaving like a father who loved his daughter…because regardless of what he or Johanna believed, she knew without a doubt that Frank McKenzie loved his little girl. She couldn't say another word about it blurring the line of right and wrong and meddling…and it was one occasion, where if Johanna found out, she had a feeling she'd look at it not as meddling, but as someone having her back. "What did you find out?"

"He is in Chicago," Frank stated; "And his colleagues are still there too…good damn thing for him. As far as I can tell from the little I was able to learn, they are still working the case."

"But you're not satisfied with those answers even though you know he is where he claims and is doing his job?"

"No, I'm not entirely satisfied. If Johanna feels something isn't right, then it isn't right. I just don't know what to do about it when I don't know what the problem is…I don't want him hurting her and Katie. He told her he needs a break from marriage; he hasn't been married long enough to need a break!"

"It's something they're going to have to work out between them, Frank," she said gently.

Frank eyed his wife. "If he breaks her heart…if he doesn't come home for Christmas, he'll answer to me."

Naomi gave a soft smile, nodding slightly as she did so. "I'd expect nothing less from you."

"He will regret it," her husband remarked.

"No doubt in my mind."

"I was thinking though, with him being away all damn month, he wouldn't have taken Katie to get a gift for her mother…so I'll come home after lunch tomorrow and we'll take her out to get something to give to Johanna."

"That's a good idea, Frank; I hadn't thought of that," she replied. "Why don't we just go out to lunch together?"

He had already asked Johanna to come to the office on her break to wrap his gifts for Naomi and he couldn't change that. He could call his daughter in the morning though and see if she could take her break around eleven or eleven-thirty. "I can't, Naomi; I have some business to take care of at a lunch meeting but I'll be home right after it. We should have plenty of time to take her out and get a gift and get back home before Johanna gets off work."

"Call when you're ready to leave the office and we'll be ready when you get here."

"I will," he told her; "And in between teaching her the songs for the pageant, ask her if her mommy has mentioned something she wants for Christmas. I'm not going to take a chance that Jim didn't get her anything and there be nothing in that house for her to open on Christmas morning. I'll get something and stick his name on it so at least it'll look like he cares."

"I'm all for doing that," Naomi replied; "But I don't think Katie should see you get it."

He shook his head. "Of course not; if she knows something, we can stop and get it after dinner with my client tomorrow."

"That would work…but how do you propose to get it into her house?"

"I've got a little bit of an idea about that," he stated; "I'll let you know when I work it all out."

Naomi smiled. "Seems like you've been doing a lot of thinking about gifts today."

"I have…and I'm still not telling you what yours is," Frank remarked; "And neither is Johanna so don't even think about trying to get the information out of her again."

Naomi smirked at him. "I won't…she's as stubborn as you, I know she won't budge."

"Lucky for both of you," he quipped. "But at least we can take care of some small things so her Christmas won't be totally ruined if her husband doesn't come home."

Naomi gave a small nod. "I hope he makes it."

"I hope he does too…because if he doesn't, he's not going to have a happy New Year, I promise you that," Frank stated.

 _A/N: We'll hear from Jim again in the next chapter…among other things ;)_


	8. Chapter 8

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews! Merry Christmas everyone!_

Chapter 8

Johanna felt relaxed that evening as she sat in an ice cream parlor with Katie. Their dinner at a more upscale pizza place had felt fancy and fun. The show at Radio City had been entertaining and just what they had needed. Katie had been enthralled and enjoyed every second; talking about it nonstop ever since the end of the program.

"Mommy, how do those ladies kick so high?" Katie asked as she scooped up a bite of her vanilla ice cream that was topped with Christmas sprinkles.

"They practice a lot and work really hard to learn all of their dances," Johanna replied. "They make it look easy but they work really hard."

"Can you kick high like they do?" her daughter asked.

She smiled as she picked up a spoonful of her ice cream. "A long time ago, when I was a cheerleader in school, I could kick pretty high."

Katie smiled. "Show me!"

"Not here," Johanna laughed. "Maybe at home…but I'm probably not as good as I used to be."

"You can do it, Mommy," Katie said as she took another bite of her ice cream.

"We'll see," she said with a soft laugh. "Are you excited to be in the Christmas pageant?"

"Uh huh. I want to sing Christmas songs with Claire."

"Grandma will help you learn your songs tomorrow."

Katie nodded. "Me and Grandma are going to make cookies."

"I bet Grandma will have a lot of baking for you to help with this week."

"When are we going to make cookies at our house?" she asked.

Johanna thought about it for a moment. "It'll probably have to be Thursday or Friday evening, sweetie. Wednesday we have to go see Grammy's gingerbread house in the contest and I'm not sure what we're doing tomorrow; I know Grandpa and Grandma might come visit and see your snowman."

"I hope so," Katie said. "I want Grandpa to see my snowman."

"I bet Nona will be at Grandma's by the end of the week," Johanna remarked. "I think Grandpa might go pick her up Thursday which means she'll be there when you go to Grandma's Friday."

"I love Nona!" Katie said happily. "Will she bring 'scotti?"

She laughed softly. "I know you love Nona, I do too; she's my grandma and your great grandma. I don't know if she's going to bring the biscotti with her or if she'll make it at Grandma's, we'll have to wait and see."

"I like Nona's 'scotti."

"I'm sure Nona will make sure you get your own little box of biscotti."

"Will Grandma Lilly be at Grammy's house?" Katie asked.

"I don't know if Grandma Lilly is going to be at Grammy's on Christmas or not; she might go to Daddy's Aunt Linda's house; if she does, we'll go see her the next day so we can give her her presents, okay?"

"Okay…but I hope she comes to Grammy's house."

"Me too," Johanna replied. "Are you finished your ice cream?"

"I got some more bites left."

"Okay; finish up and maybe we'll look in some of the stores next door before we go home."

Katie glanced at her. "I don't have to go to bed now?"

Johanna laughed. "Not yet; you're allowed to stay up a little later on girls night, silly."

"I like girls night!" her daughter declared.

"Me too," she smiled. "Finish your ice cream, sweetheart."

They polished off their ice cream and put their coats on once more and headed back outside; colorful Christmas lights illuminating the store windows near the ice cream parlor. "Look, Mommy," Katie said, pointing to a window as she pulled Johanna with her. "Look at those elephants."

"I see them, they're cute," Johanna said as she looked at the glass elephants her daughter had spotted in the window of a thrift shop.

"That big one in front of the line must be the daddy," Katie said; "And there's the mommy and then the baby ones."

"That's right," she told her; "They're a family; just like you and me and Daddy are a family."

"I like that elephant family; they're pretty," her daughter said. "We should take them home."

"Well…you know, I need some things for my office because it's not decorated yet," Johanna remarked.

Katie glanced up at her. "You could put them on your desk!"

"I could put them on my desk," she agreed; "And then when I look at them, I'll think about how they're a family and we're a family."

"Let's go get them!"

"Alright," she laughed as turned her toward the door; "Let's go buy them and maybe we can find some more things for my office in there too."

They entered the shop and Johanna picked up the elephants from their spot in the window and took them to the counter and asked the man to hold them for her. "Last minute Christmas shopping?" the man asked kindly as he sat the elephants aside.

"No," Johanna replied; "I managed to get that all done."

"Mommy needs to decorate her office," Katie supplied.

The man smiled at her kindly. "I see; well hopefully you'll find some things you'll like. Are you going to decorate for your mommy?"

"Yep, I'm good at it."

He laughed as he glanced at Johanna. "I guess you're in good hands, but if you need anything, let me know."

"I will, thank you," she replied.

They drifted around the store looking at various objects until Katie spotted another small glass elephant. "Mommy, you need this elephant too; we can't leave her here, she'll miss her friends."

Johanna smiled, running a hand over Katie's head. "We wouldn't want her to be sad," she said as she picked up the elephant. "We'll take her home too."

"Mommy, can I come to your office and help you decorate?"

She mentally reviewed her schedule in her head. "Yeah; I'll come get you from Grandma's on Friday at lunch time and you can come help me at my office, okay?"

"Okay."

"There's something else you can do for me too," Johanna told her.

"What?"

"You can draw me some pictures this week while you're at Grandma's or Grammy's and I'll hang them in my office."

"I can do that!" Katie told her.

"I knew I could count on you," Johanna said, spying a pretty rug on the floor off to the side of the store. It was fashioned like an oriental rug but was white with rose colored designs through it. It would like nice in her office and would add some softness, she thought to herself. "Come to the counter with me, sweetie, I was to ask about this rug."

By the time they were finished browsing in the store, Johanna had a box containing the elephants, a few other knickknacks, an artificial flower arrangement and a small framed piece of artwork; along with rug she had fallen in love with and a small rug that matched it. It was a good start at making her office more homelike she thought as she paid for the items and accepted the man's offer to carry the rugs to the car for her so she could keep hold of Katie's hand while balancing the box in her other arm.

They drifted into a few other stores, finding a few things to add to her stash for the office and Katie found a few old Christmas storybooks that Johanna was sure that she had during her childhood. After the third store, she noticed her daughter trying to hide a yawn. "I think it's time for us to head home, Katie bug."

"Why?" Katie asked.

"Because I'm getting tired and I bet you are too…and I have to work tomorrow and you got things to do with Grandma so we better go home and put our pajamas on and get ready for bed."

"Do I still get a story?" her daughter asked as they headed back to the car.

"Yes, sweetheart; you still get a bedtime story…maybe two if you're still awake after the first one."

"Okay; let's go home, Mommy."

"I'm glad we came to an agreement," Johanna laughed while unlocking the car. "We'll have girls night again."

"I hope so, I like it. Do you think Daddy will call us?"

"I don't know, Baby. If he doesn't, he'll call you tomorrow," Johanna told her as she helped her into the car, hoping that the evening they'd had would keep Katie from dwelling on her father.

* * *

Jim sat at a table in a barroom, his mood foul and his temper on the rise as he clutched his glass of whiskey.

"I'm sure they're fine, Jim," Zach commented after taking a sip of his scotch.

"It's after eight in New York," he stated. "Katie should be getting ready for bed. I don't see Johanna having her out this close to bedtime."

"Just because you don't see it doesn't mean they aren't out. It's Christmastime, maybe they went to do some holiday themed activity."

"No, she's probably just not answering on purpose," Jim spat before picking up his glass and taking a sip. "I know her; every once in awhile she likes to play games…and then she wonders why I don't mind being away from home."

"I don't think Johanna would be letting the phone ring if she's trying to get Katie settled for the night; besides, I'm sure Katie probably waits on your calls."

He scoffed. "Only so she can mimic her mother by saying "when are you coming home?'."

Zach rubbed his hand against the stubble forming on his cheek. "You're not the only one getting that question. Claudia asks at least twice per phone call; plus Matthew asks…and I'm sure if the baby could talk, he'd ask too. Claudia's ready to have a fit."

"Tell her to go start a club with Johanna," Jim said bitterly. "They can gripe together. Even when Johanna doesn't ask; I can feel her thinking it."

Zach gave a short laugh. "Claudia will gripe to anyone who will listen, from her mother down to the lady running the register in the check out."

"They act like we delayed this case on purpose just to annoy them…like listening to them bitch is the highlight of our lives."

"That's because they're afraid we're having fun after work without them," his friend replied. "You know how they hate for us to have a good time that doesn't involve them."

"That's the truth," Jim remarked. "My wife seems to think I should just bask in her existence and have no life of my own."

Zach laughed. "Well, you wanted her."

"Yeah; I know. I don't know why she wants me home so badly; I mean she claims I don't do anything so why do I need to be there? According to her, she does it all. Plus she has Katie, she has plenty to do playing mother of the year to her."

His friend chuckled lightly. "Maybe she gets bored after putting Katie to bed…then she needs you around to occupy her."

"That would be alright if it was just the fun kind but you know women, they have to talk you to death first."

"That's the truth," Zach said with a nod. "Sometimes I'm not even sure Claudia takes a breath between topics."

"Do any of them?" Jim asked.

"It doesn't seem like it."

"Johanna acts like I'm staying in Chicago to make her life difficult…I don't know what the hell is so hard for her about me being away. She's sleeping in her own bed, eating her own food; she's got a car and can go where she wants. She's got a light case load right now. So what does she have to complain about?"

"Oh you know women, Jim," Zach remarked. "They always find something to complain about. Even when there's nothing, they find something."

He nodded. "You got that right. I swear, everything I say to her lately she starts crying."

"Maybe she's hormonal."

"If that's the case, it's lasting longer than usual."

"Pregnant?" Zach suggested.

Jim shook his head. "No; she wouldn't keep that a secret; she'd use that to get me to throw my career under the bus and come home."

"Good point."

"She's just…clingy sometimes. I know I've been gone all month so far but she acts like I've been gone for a year."

"Claudia acts like I've been sent off to war."

Jim took a sip of his drink. "They really should start a club."

"Maybe they should live together when we travel."

"No; then they'd really drive us crazy," Jim remarked. "They'd prepare for the calls; tag teaming who gets to ask what…no…we don't need that."

"You're right, we've got enough problems."

"Why did we ever get married?" Jim mused aloud.

"They lured us," Zach replied. "We were promised home cooked meals, convenient sex and laundry service…we fell into the trap."

Jim nodded. "They left out the part about being nagged about everything."

"Of course; we wouldn't have jumped in the net if we knew about the nagging."

"True…it's been somewhat nice to get away," he replied. "I can hear myself think. I don't have to take care of anyone. I don't have to listen to anyone. I don't have to answer to anyone…"

"At least until you call home," Zach laughed.

"Yeah…that's why I skip it sometimes. I get tired of hearing it."

"You sound like you're fed up with being married, Jim."

"Aren't you?"

Zach shrugged. "Once in awhile…but you sound like you're gearing up for the divorce."

He shook his head. "I don't want a divorce…I just don't want her to make a big deal out of everything. She has to get used to this…and be a little less clingy and needy."

"That's hard for women to do."

"I've noticed," Jim remarked as he finished his drink in one gulp. He fished another quarter from his pocket and rose from the table.

"Where are you going?" Zach asked.

"To call my wife."

"She's not home."

"Well she better get home…or get sick of hearing the phone ring and answer the damn thing."

Zach shook his head a little as he watched his friend move across the bar to the payphone. He sipped his drink, watching as Jim dialed and then waited, his features contorting with annoyance as moments passed. Finally he slammed the phone down and stalked to the bar, ordering another drink and accepting it before returning to the table.

"Still no answer?"

"No," he said sharply. "I don't know what the hell she's doing. I'd call my mother and ask what she knows but I don't want to listen to her gripes either."

"Yeah; mother gripes are even worse than wife gripes."

Jim took a drink and then smacked his hand against the table. "Where the hell is she? They should be home! She knows I don't like for them to be out in the dark on their own. What the hell is she doing?"

"I'm sure they're fine," Zach said for what he felt was the hundredth time. For a man who was somewhat tired of marriage, he sure did want to know his wife's whereabouts and what she was doing.

"She's going to answer that damn phone," Jim stated; "Even if I have to call her at two o'clock in the morning, she's going to answer that phone and tell me where the hell she's been all night."

"Sounds like a plan," his friend replied; "Now try to relax; it'll be fine."

Jim frowned as he looked down at the contents of his glass; it didn't feel that way to him.

* * *

The phone rang as Johanna pulled back the covers on Katie's bed. "Pick out your storybook and climb in bed, sweetheart; I'll be back as soon as I get the phone," she told her daughter.

"Okay, Mommy," Katie said as she moved toward her small bookcase that was packed full of storybooks.

Johanna hurried across the hallway to her bedroom and grabbed the phone from the nightstand. "Hello?"

"Where the hell have you been all night?" Jim asked angrily.

"What?" she asked, taken aback by his tone.

"You heard me, where the hell have you been? I've been calling for hours!"

"Is something wrong?" Johanna asked, a slight feeling of panic in her stomach. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine; I was just calling to talk to you and Katie like always," he retorted; "Now where the hell were you?"

She sighed softly. "I took Katie out to dinner and then we went to see the Rockettes Christmas Spectacular. After that we went and got ice cream and then looked around in a few shops near the ice cream parlor."

"Do you think it's wise to be out all damn night when you have to work tomorrow and she's got to be with her grandmother? She's up past her bedtime and she'll be cranky for my mother and then she'll bitch and you'll be pissed about it."

"I've been out late on work nights before," she retorted; "You should know that since I've been known to stay out with you half the night…or stay up half the night at home with you. I'm fine. Katie will be fine too and she'll be with my mother tomorrow…"

"Why?" he said, interrupting her.

"Because she was with Elizabeth today; they traded days so she could help your mother make her gingerbread house for the contest she's entering. If Katie's tired in the morning, she can take a nap at Mom's; it's not a big deal."

"You know I don't like for the two of you to be out at night by yourselves!" he exclaimed. "How many times do I have to tell you that it's not safe?"

"It's not like we walked," she retorted. "I drove us to dinner. I drove us to the show…"

"Yeah; and I just bet you were parked real close."

"Close enough," she snapped. "I carried Katie to the door so she wouldn't get stepped on in the crowd on the sidewalk. After the show, I drove us to get ice cream, and yes, I was parked very close there, in a well lit area. I'm not stupid, I've lived in this city all my life; I'm capable of going out with my child in the evening. We're fine. We just wanted to go out and have some fun."

"You didn't mention these plans to me."

"Well, number one, I don't recall you asking. Number two, we didn't talk last night; and number three, they were last minute plans. I just got the tickets today."

"Did you ever think maybe going to that show is something we should've done as a family?" Jim asked.

"No, I didn't consider that seeing as how you're not here to go do family things with us. What are we supposed to do, stay locked in the house until you come home? We had the chance to go tonight and we took it."

"I bet you paid enough for the tickets."

"I didn't pay anything for them. Cathy won them in a contest and gave them to me because she had already seen the show this season."

"Boy, you and Mark and Cathy sure are chummy, aren't you?" Jim stated, his tone tart.

"What are you implying, Jim? I've always been friends with them; so have you. Now if you're trying to accuse me of wrongdoing, you better just spell it out."

He scoffed. "It must be nice to be so chummy with the boss; you get free tickets, take off work when you want, long lunch breaks, leave early. It must be real nice…it makes me wonder what you're doing in gratitude for these favors."

"How dare you," she seethed. "How dare you act like I'm doing something wrong?! The only thing I do is my job! I go to work every day; I have the days between Christmas and New Year's off, but I've been there every day since the beginning of September. I don't leave early all the time; I left early the other day because I hadn't taken a lunch break in over a week, so technically, I already worked those hours."

"You left early today too."

"Oh, you've been talking to Sharon," Johanna stated. "Well did the bitch tell you that I only left an hour early and that I did not ask for the privilege, it was given to me by Cathy because she had given me the tickets for tonight's show."

"No, I was talking to Phil, and I didn't hear anything about any tickets or show."

"Of course not, it makes a better story if they leave out details; well let me tell you something that you can tell your little flunky the next time you talk to him; if Sharon doesn't keep her nose out of my business and keeps spreading her little tales of half truths, she's going to be out of a job come January because I'm sick of it. So you make sure you share that little piece of information."

"I hear you don't want Katie at their house."

"Did they tell you why?"

"No."

"I told Sharon I didn't want her over there while you were away because she can't keep her mouth shut about you. She already had Katie in tears over the weekend by telling her that you're not coming home for Christmas…and you know what, maybe I should start wondering why Sharon is so keen to be your little spy. Is there something going on I should know about?"

"Don't even go there!" he yelled in her ear. "I wouldn't take her if someone paid me too; why would you even think that!?"

Johanna scoffed. "What's the matter, Jim; don't like being unfairly accused? Neither do I; how do you like it?"

"I don't like it; I've never given you a reason to insinuate that kind of thing!"

"Neither have I!" she yelled back; "Now do you want to lecture me about saying I don't want Katie at Sharon's right now?"

"No, I don't want her going there if they're going to upset her but maybe you could've made that feeling clear in a different way."

"I don't kiss asses, Jim."

"Where were you on your lunch break today? I hear it was a long one," he stated, ignoring her comment.

"I was with my father and Sharon knows it; and you can call and ask him. I was helping him pick out gifts for my mother and then we had lunch; and just so you know, tomorrow I'll be with my father on my lunch break too; I'll be at his office wrapping my mother's gifts if you'd care to call there and verify my whereabouts. In fact, please do, I'm sure he'd like that."

"I know you were with your father, I just wanted to see what you'd say."

"Yeah; I want to see what you say when I plug up your little well of information."

"If you're not doing anything wrong, why get pissed off that someone tells me your business?" Jim asked.

"I get pissed off because Sharon embellishes things or leaves things out and then you act like I've done something wrong. Who did you eat lunch with today?"

"Zach and Steve," he said sharply. "Why?"

"Can anyone who isn't your flunky verify that? I mean how do I know you all haven't picked up a pack of bimbos to make your holiday away from home merry and bright?"

"You know that's not true!"

"If you don't want me to accuse you, then don't you accuse me…because I often find that when the husband makes irrational accusations it's because of his own guilty conscience, so you keep that in mind, jackass."

"I will; and if you're going to be out half the damn night with my kid I want to know about it!"

A commotion in the background caught her attention, halting the words she had been about to say. "Where the hell are you?" she asked; having a feeling she knew.

"In a bar; and don't even start your lecture because I don't want to hear it."

"You lecture me about having 'our' child out this evening and yet you're calling us from a bar…you lecture me about being out with our child when I have to work in the morning and yet you're in a bar drinking even though you have to work tomorrow? Yeah, you're a good one to be judging people."

"I told you I don't want to hear it," he retorted. "Let me talk to Katie."

Johanna said nothing, listening as Jim was instructed to put more coins in the phone to continue his call. "I hope that doesn't eat into your cash for drinks," she stated.

"Put Katie on the phone."

She made her way to her daughter's bedroom, seeing that Katie was in her bed, looking at the pictures in her storybook. "Here, Katie; it's Daddy."

Her daughter smiled and took the phone. "Hi, Daddy!"

"Hi, Katie," Jim said, his tone still somewhat gruff. "What are you doing?"

"Looking at my storybook."

"It's past your bedtime, do you know that?" he asked.

"Uh huh, but Mommy said it's okay cause it was girls night. We saw the Rockettes, Daddy!"

"Did you?" he asked.

"Yeah; it was fun. I wish you coulda went with us."

"I wouldn't have been allowed if it was girls night," he remarked.

"We would have let you come even though you're a boy," his daughter replied. "We got to eat out; I got my own little pizza and Mommy got pasta. We got ice cream too."

"That sounds nice," he told her.

"We got stuff for Mommy's office too; we're going to make it pretty. I'm going to make her some pictures tomorrow. I'll make a picture for you too, Daddy."

"I'd like that," he told her. "I'll hang it up in my office when I get back."

"Are you coming home tomorrow?" Katie asked.

"No," he said with a heavy sigh.

"Why not?" she asked sadly.

"Because I'm still working."

"I want you to come home!" Katie whined. "I don't want you to be far away anymore. Come home now!"

"Hey, Katie," Jim said sharply; "I'm going to tell you like I tell your mother, I'll be home when I'm finished my job and not a minute sooner. I have to work; I have to pay the bills and buy you the things you need. I can't just stop because you want me to come home and play with you; that's not how it works."

"But I want you to come home," she said, tears forming in her eyes.

"I'll come home when I'm done. Unlike your mother, I don't have the luxury of picking my hours and walking out of work whenever I feel like it. I'm going to be away from home at times, Katie; and you and your mother are going to have to get used to it and get over it. I can't be there all the damn time."

The tears spilled down cheeks, a small sob breaking free. "I just want you to come home, I miss you," she cried.

"And I told you I can't," he said gruffly. "You're just like your mother, you think if you cry and whine enough you'll get your way."

"Mommy," Katie cried, thrusting the phone away from her.

Johanna had heard her husband's words and her blood was boiling. "It's alright, honey," she soothed as she took the phone. "I'll take care of it."

"Daddy's being mean," she sobbed.

"I know, baby. I'll be right back, okay? Will you be fine?"

Her daughter nodded and Johanna stalked from the room, the phone gripped in her hand. "What the hell is wrong with you?" she seethed as she closed her bedroom door once she was inside.

"I only told her the truth, Johanna. I can't just drop things at her whim or yours."

"No one asked you to, you jerk. How could you do that to her! She's a little girl, she doesn't understand why you have to travel; it's new to her. You could've explained it to her without being an ass; but no, you have to be the biggest jackass on the planet!"

"She needs to know how things are," he retorted; "She's old enough to learn. You like to sugar coat everything to keep her babified."

"She is a baby, your baby! And I swear to God if you ever treat her like that again, you'll live to regret it. She loves you, she misses you, she doesn't understand; but all you care about is yourself and how you don't want to hear it, how you need a break and whatever else your sob story is. Well I need a break too; only I need it from your attitude problem. We had a nice time tonight and now you've ruined it for both of us; because you had to be a bastard; now she's in tears and I'm so angry that I swear to God if you were in front of me, I'd punch you right in the face for being a prick. Now that you've called and done all your bitching and ruined our evening, why don't you go crawl back into your bottle and let it keep you warm tonight; and don't call here from a bar again…in fact, if you're going to act like this every time you ring the phone, then don't call at all. Now you go drown in your booze and have a real nice evening, you jackass; and don't even think of calling back because I'm not answering," she stated before ending the call and throwing the phone on the bed.

She made her way back across the hallway and into Katie's room, getting into bed next to her and drawing her close as she cried on her bunny. "It's alright, baby," she soothed. "I've got you."

"Daddy doesn't like us anymore," her daughter cried.

"That's not true. Your daddy loves you; he's just not a happy person right now, Katie."

"Did I make him sad?"

"No, honey; his job is making him unhappy and he doesn't want to admit it. That's why he's being mean to us. I'm sorry that he was mean tonight; if I had known that he was going to be that way to you, I wouldn't have let him talk to you. I'm sorry."

"Daddy should be sorry," she sniffed.

"You're right, he should be. Hopefully the next time he calls you, he'll apologize for hurting your feelings and making you cry."

"How long is Daddy going to be unhappy?" Katie asked.

"I don't know," she murmured. "I hope it won't too much longer…but I think it would be best if we don't ask him when he's coming home. It upsets him for some reason so we're not going to ask anymore, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy."

Johanna pressed a kiss against her head. "It'll be okay…no matter what, everything will be okay," she told her. "Let's read some stories and try to forget about that phone call, okay?"

Katie looked up at her with tearful eyes. "Will you stay with me, Mommy?"

Her daughter's heart had been wounded and she needed to cling to her for comfort, Johanna thought to herself. It was a feeling she knew all too well. "Get your bunny and pick out a few more books, we'll go get in my bed, it's bigger," she told her.

"I can sleep with you all night?" her daughter asked.

"Yes, baby; you can stay with me tonight."

Katie picked out her additional storybooks and Johanna turned off the light and led her daughter to her room. She grabbed the phone and put it back on its base on the nightstand and laid the storybooks there as well before pulling back the covers. She picked up Katie and hugged her tightly before depositing her in the bed. "Katie, I'm going to go get a glass of water, I'll be right back," she told her, handing her the first book on the stack.

Johanna left the room and headed downstairs, anger still flickering in her veins, along with hurt over Jim's attitude and his words to Katie. Knowing he was in a bar all evening told her that he had been drinking…he might not have been drunk but it was clear that the alcohol was taking affect, along with the fact that he had obviously been stewing. There was no excuse though to be harsh with a four year old. He needed to save his anger for her, not their daughter. She made her way to the kitchen and got a small glass of ice water and then got a small cup for Katie, knowing if she didn't, her daughter would want a drink too.

She carried the cups back to the bedroom, found some tissues to clean Katie's face and then settled into bed and took the book from her child's hands. It took four stories and soft murmurings to think happy thoughts about the show they had seen that evening to get Katie to sleep. She waited a short while to make sure her daughter was down for the night and then clicked on the TV to watch the Tonight Show; knowing that sleep would most likely allude her for most the night. Katie rolled over and her gaze jerked toward her, checking to see if the television had disturbed her but it hadn't, she had merely rolled onto her side, finding her bunny in her sleep and curling up with it. She tucked the covers more securely around her and leaned back against her own pillow, hoping sleep would find her sometime soon as well.

* * *

"Come on, Jim," Zach said later that night; "We need to head back; we've got to be in court in the morning and you're not going to be in good shape for it if you don't quit while you're ahead."

"I made her cry," he muttered, staring down into his empty glass.

"It'll be alright," his friend told him.

He shook his head. "I made her cry…she's just a baby, she didn't deserve that. She's going to grow up and hate me."

"Katie's not going to hate you," Zach told him. "We all yell at our kids once in awhile and they cry; it's part of being a parent."

"I don't want to make her cry, she's just a baby."

"She's four, she's not a baby."

"She's my baby," he retorted.

"I know," Zach replied, patting his shoulder; "But she'll be okay; you can tell her you're sorry the next time you call her; and you know how kids are, they forget things once something else gets their attention. She'll forgive you."

"Johanna won't," he mumbled.

"She will."

He shook his head. "She's starting to hate me."

"That's not true, Jim. Jo's crazy about you; you were mad because you couldn't get her on the phone and you let it get the best of you and cause a fight. She'll forgive you too."

"We fight all the time lately," he muttered.

"I know the feeling," Zach remarked. "Things haven't been all sunshine and rainbows with me and Claudia ever since this promotion business. She says I'm never home…and this month I haven't been so far, so I can't blame her for saying it although it frustrates me. She knows I have to work to take care of her and the kids, but I guess she gets lonely…and that's probably all that's wrong with Jo; she's just lonely for you; you two have been together a long time, she's not used to being without you for so long."

"I feel like I don't miss them as much as they miss me," Jim stated, his hand still wrapped around his glass.

"That's normal," his friend replied; "I love my wife and kids but I like getting away at times too. It doesn't mean anything other than that you're a married man who hasn't been away from home too much since your child was born."

"I should miss them more."

"Well come on, let's go back to the hotel and you can miss them all night while you're in your room; and tomorrow you can get up and miss them some more, okay? We need to get going…Johanna wouldn't like it if I left you here, do you want her to yell at me next?"

"No," he said as he rose from his chair and picked up his coat. "But she probably wouldn't care…I keep making her mad."

"Well you might want to try to tone it down or she won't buy you anything for Christmas," Zach said lightly as he nudged his friend toward the door.

"I don't know what to get her for Christmas; all I have are two little ordinary gifts…nothing special."

"Well you've got a few days, maybe you can find something."

"She's probably going to divorce me by New Year's."

Zach shook his head. "No; she wouldn't do that. You know, Jo; she always gives you another chance. You'll tell her you're sorry and she'll forgive you like always."

"What if she doesn't?"

"You'll buy her jewelry," his friend stated. "It's going to be fine; you just need to get some sleep; everything will look better tomorrow."

Jim followed Zach obediently, the alcohol in his blood keeping him from noticing the cold air smacking his face. How could things look better tomorrow when he was sure his girls were angry with him?

* * *

Johanna was finally drifting to sleep around two with Katie snuggled up against her side. She allowed her body to relax as she carefully shifted away from her daughter for a moment so that she could lay on her side and then she allowed Katie to roll back up against her. She adjusted the covers and draped her arm over her daughter and allowed her eyelids to slide shut; the hazy edges of sleep pulling her under…and then the phone rang.

She was going to kill him…because she knew it had to be Jim. Annoyance flicked in her veins and she twisted around to yank the phone cord out of the base of the phone in effort to silence it.

"Momma," Katie murmured in her sleep.

"Shhh," she whispered, running her hand over her hair. "Mommy's here."

Her daughter settled back into her dreams and the ringing phone downstairs ceased its noise. She tried to relax and settle back down to sleep but before she could accomplish the feat, the phone downstairs rang again. Her jaw tensed and she knew she'd have no choice but to answer or he'd call all night. Carefully she slipped away from Katie and got out of bed, hurrying from the room and downstairs to the dark living room where she clicked on the lights and grabbed the phone. "Hello," she said sharply.

"Jo," her husband said; his voice whiskey soft.

"Go sleep it off, Jim," she told him before disconnecting the call.

She was halfway to the stairs when the phone rang again. She moved back to the stand and answered it once more. "What do you want?" she asked.

"You," he said.

"You've got a funny way of showing it."

"I'm sorry," her husband stated. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make her cry."

"Well you did," she retorted. "She thinks you don't like us anymore; are you happy now? You got your point across really well that you don't want to be here."

"That's not true; I love you, I love the baby."

"Yeah, well, it's a little hard to believe when you only call here to yell at us or complain about what we say or do. Seems like you only love us in the middle of the night when you've had too much to drink and need someone to talk you to sleep. Well I already met my quota of bedtime stories tonight, Jim. I'm not easing your conscience or helping you sleep tonight; so call room service and start getting some coffee in you so you can function at work tomorrow. I'm going to bed; don't call back, because I'm not answering."

"Jo, don't go," he pleaded. "Talk to me."

"I've said all I'm going to say to you for the night, Jim. Now either get some coffee or go to bed and sleep it off."

"Please; I love you."

"I'm not so sure about that anymore," she told him.

"I do; I love you, I love Katie…do you love me?"

Johanna scoffed. "Yeah, I love you, Jim…but tonight I don't like you very much. Now I'm done. Don't call back, I mean it," she told him before hanging up.

She turned the lights off and headed back upstairs as the phone rang again. She ignored it, her heart aching a little as she did so but she was too angry tonight to console him in the midst of his guilt. She was too angry to accept his whiskey soaked apologies.

Tears burned her eyes as she climbed back in bed and put an arm around her child. She too wondered how long this phase of Jim's would last. How were they supposed to have a happy Christmas if he wasn't home? How were they supposed to have a happy Christmas if he was home but in the same constant foul mood? She couldn't help but wonder if he was treating them poorly so she'd tell him to stay in Chicago for Christmas…well it would be a cold day in hell before he got her blessing to do that.

He needed to come home for his daughter. Katie needed her daddy there on Christmas morning. They always had fun together on Christmas. He helped her open the boxes her toys were in and they'd play with them together. Katie always handed him his gifts to open, excitement making her wiggle when he'd tear the paper off of something she had chosen for him. He always read her Twas the Night Before Christmas on Christmas Eve. It was special…it was tradition. Katie wouldn't be little forever; she wouldn't believe in Santa forever or have toys under the tree that she wanted daddy to play with with her…but while she was small, Johanna wanted her to have as many of those moments and memories as possible. He needed to come home.

Jim needed to come home for his mother too, she thought. Elizabeth needed to know that she mattered to some of her children. William blatantly disregarded her year after year and Andrew was lingering on his business trip so he could lay on a beach for Christmas instead of being home where he belonged. She'd be upset if Jim made excuses to stay away on Christmas too. He might not realize it but she knew that he was Elizabeth's favored son, and his absence on Christmas would be a blow to her soul. The woman was already hurting over the abandonment of two sons; she didn't need her favorite twisting the knife as well.

Tears slipped down Johanna's cheeks; he needed to come home for her. Christmas was extra special to her because of Jim. That Christmas before they started dating, they had done shopping together, he had given her a pair of emerald earrings that she wore every Christmas…and when they had escaped from their families on the evening of Christmas, they had met up at her apartment and share their holiday tales in the glow of her Christmas tree lights.

It was during the early part of the following holiday season when Jim asked her to marry him. It was their first Christmas as a couple…the year they began creating their traditions. They went shopping together. He indulged her need to find the perfect peppermint cake and after eight attempts, they finally found their peppermint bliss cake that she baked every year as promised. They ate takeout on Christmas Eve…a tradition they still followed. He had spent his first holiday at her mother's table and it had all gone smoothly and at the end of the evening, they had gone home to her apartment and exchanged their gifts.

They had been married for a few months by the next Christmas, and Johanna smiled slightly in the darkness as she recalled them trying to hide their gifts to each other in that apartment that didn't have many available hiding places. She remembered them putting up the tree together, hanging that glass heart shaped ornament her grandmother had given them that said 'Our First Christmas as Husband and Wife' near the top of the tree. They worked out the arrangement for how to spend the holiday with both of their families without anyone feeling slighted.

Their second Christmas as husband and wife had brought the family questioning of when they'd have a baby. Every time she turned around that season, someone had asked that question of 'when?' until her heart ached and her arms felt empty. Jim had consoled her that Christmas night when they had gotten home. He assured her that there would be a baby one day, when the time was right. He promised her that before she knew it, she'd be wrapping toys for a child of their own…that Christmas would be even more special. He promised…and he made love to her in the glow of the Christmas lights, slow and tender, easing the ache in her heart and filling it with hope.

He hadn't lied…the following year, they weren't in their apartment, but in their new home…putting up their Christmas tree and hanging an small glass teddy bear wearing a pink Santa hat and a bib proclaiming 'Baby's First Christmas' on the tree as their two week old baby napped in the bassinet nearby.

Johanna pressed a soft kiss against Katie's hair; more tears sliding down her cheeks. She had felt like a mess that Christmas, her hormones still unsettled, her baby a night owl…but it had still been perfect; and she smiled a little, remembering how she and Jim had put Katie in her carrier and sat her by the tree as they opened her presents for her, holding up rattles and baby toys and clothes for her to see. The next year Katie had been a year old, still unsure of what was going on around her but feeding off the excitement, enthralled by the lights and the ornaments dangling from low branches of the tree. She smiled as she remembered that they had found her once curled up beneath it on the tree skirt, sound asleep. When Katie was two, she was catching on to what was happening and on that Christmas Eve, they hadn't thought that she'd ever get to sleep…of course the same was true when she was three.

Johanna swiped at the tears on her cheeks. Last year, Katie hadn't fallen to sleep until midnight and was up at 5:30; bounding into their room and jumping on the bed until they got up and gave in to her demand to go downstairs. They were tired, but Katie was happy and they had been too. That was all she wanted for this year…for Jim to come home; for them to be happy and warm and cozy on Christmas like every year so far.

But she wasn't sure that Jim wanted to cooperate with the notion of a happy family Christmas…and a part of her worried that the traditions might be coming to an end. Instead of lightness and joy filling her heart for the season, she was worried that their family Christmases might be slipping from her grasp along with the man she knew and loved. He need to come home, not just for her and Katie and his mother…maybe he needed to come home for himself too. If he could just come home and relax; have Christmas and let them love him through whatever it was that was going on with him, maybe things wouldn't look so badly…maybe he'd be himself again. She could make it all better if he'd just come home; she was sure she could...if he'd just let her instead of pushing her away as he had been.


	9. Chapter 9

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews as always!_

Chapter 9

"Grandpa!" Katie said happily that morning as she spotted her grandfather on the sidewalk as Johanna helped her out of the car.

"You're a little early this morning," Frank said as he stooped down to catch his granddaughter as she ran to him.

"That's cause I want Grandma to make me scrambled eggs," she told him.

"I see," he said with a smile. "Grandma does make the best eggs…but your mommy makes the best pancakes."

"I know," she replied with a giggle before something caught her eye. "Grandpa, you got more snowmans!"

Frank laughed. "That's right, I did. Go take a look at them."

Katie hurried into the yard to examine the additions to Frank's display and he moved toward his daughter. "Are you still coming to the office?" he asked her.

"Yeah, I've got the wrapping paper and stuff in the trunk so Katie wouldn't see it," Johanna answered.

"Good; do you think you could come around 11:30?" he asked. "I'll still get you lunch, I'll have it there when you get there; but I have some things I need to take care of in the afternoon."

"I can come around eleven if you want," she told him. "I didn't have breakfast, so eating an early lunch will be fine with me."

"Why didn't you eat?" her father asked.

"I just wasn't hungry and Katie wanted to eat here so I didn't want to cook just for me."

Frank gave a nod of understanding. "What do you want me to order you for lunch?"

"A salad; one of those ones with strips of chicken in it and Italian dressing."

"Alright, I'll get you a sandwich to go with it."

"I'll be fine with the salad…and a soda."

"Fine, a salad, soda and a sandwich," her father stated. "You can always take the sandwich back to your office with you and eat it later."

"Fine," she relented. "I'll be there around eleven."

"Alright, Josie; I'll have your lunch ready when you get there. I better get going, I have an early meeting."

"I'll see you in a little while, Dad," she told him.

"Katie, come give me a hug," he called to her. "I have to go to work."

Katie hurried back to him and gave him a hug. "I like the new snowmans, Grandpa!"

"I'm glad," he said lightly. "Tonight, I'll come see your snowman."

"We'll light him up," she told him.

"Good; I like them best when they're lit up. I'll see you later, little one," he told her, giving her a pat on the head before heading to his car.

They told him goodbye and Johanna took Katie's hand and led her up the sidewalk to the door.

"Do you feel okay?" Naomi asked Johanna as she and Katie stepped into the house.

Johanna gave her a puzzled look. "Yeah; why?"

"You look tired," her mother said as she brushed her fingers against her forehead and cheek, checking for signs of fever.

"I didn't sleep much," she replied. "I thought the makeup hid it better."

"It'll fool most people but not your mother," Naomi remarked.

"I dreamed the phone was ringing a lot," Katie said as she unzipped her coat and took it off.

"Yeah, I did too," Johanna said, catching her mother's eye with silent acknowledgment that it wasn't a dream.

Naomi gave a slight nod. "Katie, Grandpa left the comics from the newspaper on the kitchen table for you."

"Grandma, will you make me some scrambled eggs?" Katie asked.

"Of course, darling; as soon as I finish talking to Mommy. Go ahead and look at the comics."

"Okay," she replied as she headed for the kitchen.

"I offered to make her scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast," Johanna remarked as she hung up Katie's coat in the entry way and carried her small backpack to the living room to sit by the sofa. "She wanted Grandma's eggs and jelly toast. I hope you don't mind."

"You know I don't mind," her mother remarked. "I like making her breakfast when she asks me to. What's going on at home?"

Johanna sighed a little. "Well, Katie and I went out for a girls night last night. We had dinner, went to see the Rockettes, got ice cream, did a little shopping."

"That sounds nice, I bet she enjoyed it."

"We both did…and then we went home and got ready for bed and the phone rang. It was Jim; he called to yell at me for not being home all evening and not informing him of our plans; telling me if I'm going to be out all night with 'his' kid, he wants to know about it."

Naomi's brow rose. "His kid? I wasn't aware of the fact that he gave birth to her."

"Neither was I; I mean I have vivid memories of twenty-two hours of labor and pushing her out of my body but apparently she's 'his'," she said with a scoff. "He's so mistaken. If anyone gets to lay solo claim to her, I'm sure it's me."

"You've got that right," her mother agreed.

"So we had some words about various things, including things Sharon told Phil that Phil told Jim; and those two love to embellish or leave key things out of the story so when I get to work I'll be telling off my secretary because I'm sick of her meddling in my marriage."

"She needs to mind her own business," Naomi stated. "Your father told me about his little lecture to her yesterday."

"Yeah; she didn't like that…she's going to like today even less. Then Jim wanted to talk to Katie so I put her on the phone; turned out to be a big mistake."

"Why?"

"Because she asked him when he was coming home and he got highly offended, started yelling at her about how he has to work to pay bills and provide for her, that unlike me, he can't just leave work whenever he wants, that she's just like me, she thinks she can cry and whine and get her own way; he was a complete ass to her and she started crying so I had to tell him off again."

"Oh my God; what in the world is wrong with him?"

"I don't know but I'm getting tired of it; and to top it off, he called us from a payphone in a bar," Johanna remarked.

"Lovely," Naomi replied.

"Isn't it? Katie was already up past her bedtime because we lingered and enjoyed our evening but then Jim had her upset so she stayed with me last night and it took about four storybooks to put her out. She might want to go back to sleep after breakfast which is fine, just don't let her nap too long."

"I won't," her mother said; "But what is this business of hearing phones ringing all night?"

"Because my husband decided to call back at two in the morning. I unplugged the phone in the bedroom but you could still hear the one downstairs. I answered it twice and told him to quit calling and then ignored the phone, he called about three more times…I think the last one was about 3:30 this morning. He's going to be wonderful in court today…I'm sure that will be my fault too."

Naomi gave her a sympathetic look. "I don't understand what's gotten into him."

"I think it's the damn job," she muttered.

"But he's always had this job."

"No; I mean the promotion; it's more stress and as he told me the other day, he had a chance to decline but didn't…nor did he bother to discuss it with me. He wanted it, he took it, and now I think he's unhappy with it and he's going to take it out on us, like we're in his way or something."

"Well you can't let him do that," Naomi remarked.

Johanna scoffed a little. "Oh yeah, because men are so easy to control."

Her mother smirked at her a little. "You're tired and frustrated so I'm going to overlook that."

"I appreciate it," she replied. "I'm sorry."

Naomi shook her head and pulled her into a hug. "No need to be sorry; I understand."

"Grandma, I'm hungry," Katie called from the kitchen.

Johanna laughed softly as she hugged her mother tightly. "You better get to the stove, you've been summonsed."

"I better, the child is hungry," Naomi laughed.

"I better kiss her goodbye and get to work," she said as she followed her mother into the kitchen.

"Did you have breakfast, Bambina?"

"No, I just drank a little bit of coffee while we got ready. I figured we'd just get an earlier start than usual since she wanted you to make breakfast."

"I could make you something."

Johanna shook her head. "I have to get going, I have to have that talk with Sharon," she said before moving to the kitchen table where her daughter was looking at the comics. "I'm going to work now, sweetheart. Eat all of your breakfast, okay?"

"Okay," Katie replied. "Grandma, do you have purple jelly?"

Naomi gave her an amused look as she took the eggs and bread from the fridge. "Yes, I have purple jelly as you call it."

"Good; cause Mommy only has red jelly and sometimes I like purple jelly on my toast."

Naomi laughed. "Your mommy never has liked anything grape flavored."

"That's not true, I like wine."

"I'm not sure that counts as grape flavored."

"It comes from grapes though," Johanna remarked.

Naomi shook her head and gave her attention to her granddaughter. "Your mommy likes strawberry jelly."

Johanna ran a hand over her daughter's hair. "I didn't know that you suddenly liked grape jelly, but the next time we go to the store, I will buy a jar just for you so you have it at home when you're in a purple jelly mood, okay?"

"Okay," her daughter giggled.

She smiled. "Give me a kiss; I have to go to work now."

Katie kissed her goodbye and wound her arms around her neck for a hug. Johanna squeezed her tightly for a moment and then released her. "Be good for Grandma."

"I will, Mommy."

"Alright, I'll see you after work. I love you."

"Love you, Mommy."

"I'll see you later, Mom."

"Alright, dear. I love you."

"I love you too," Johanna said before leaving the kitchen.

"Grandma, what are we going to do today?" Katie asked after they heard the front door close.

"Oh we've got some things to do," Naomi replied as she stepped away from the eggs in the skillet to drop some bread in the toaster.

"What kind of things?"

"We're going to practice your songs for the pageant and we're going to decide what cookies to make tomorrow."

"I helped my Grammy make a Gingerbread castle!" Katie exclaimed.

"Did you?" Naomi asked, infusing surprise in her tone.

"Uh huh; it's gonna be in a contest; we're going to win."

She laughed softly. "I hope you do, sweet pea."

"What else are we going to do today?"

"Let me finish your breakfast and I'll tell you," her grandmother remarked.

Katie waited quietly while Naomi put the eggs on a plate and spread grape jelly across the toast. She sat the plate and a fork down in front of Katie and then went back to the cupboard to grab a small plastic juice glass. "What do you want to drink, sweetheart?"

"Orange juice, please."

Naomi got her a glass of orange juice and put it on the table and then sat down next to her granddaughter. "Can you keep a secret?"

Katie nodded. "I can keep a secret."

"Are you sure?"

"Uh huh."

"Okay, today, Grandpa is going to come home from work early and we're going to take you to pick out a present for you to give Mommy on Christmas. What do you think about that?"

"I think Mommy needs more than one present," Katie replied.

Naomi smiled. "Okay, we'll pick her out a few things and we'll buy them; and I'll wrap them for you and then on Christmas you can give them to her, alright?"

"Yeah; I want to give Mommy presents."

"We'll get you some darling. Now, do you know what Mommy might like Santa Claus to bring her? Something special he can put under your tree for her?"

Katie swallowed a bite of her eggs. "Mommy wants a kitten-aid mixer."

Naomi smiled. "I think you mean Kitchen-Aid."

"Yeah; that's the one. My Grammy has one and Mommy likes it a lot. It's got a big bowl and you can mix up all kinds of things in there…except play-doh…Grammy says you can't put play-doh in there."

Naomi's eyes widened. "Did you put play-doh in Grammy's mixer?"

"No; I asked her if I could but she said no; you can't do that. I just wanted to make play-doh food…but she said maybe Santa will bring me some play-doh stuff to her house that will make it look like food."

"I see," her grandmother replied. "So Mommy wants one of those mixers?"

"Yeah; she told me to tell Santa she wanted one. I hope he brings one; we'll make lots of cakes."

"I guess we'll have to see if Santa is able to get one," Naomi remarked. "Do you know anything you want to get Mommy?"

Katie thought about it as she nibbled on her toast. "Maybe a necklace. Mommy likes necklaces."

She smiled. "That's a very nice gift idea. I bet Mommy would like that. What else?"

"She likes books!"

"Alright, we'll see if we can find a book for her."

"Grandma; Mommy likes bubble bath; can we get Mommy some bubbles?"

Naomi laughed. "We'll see if we can find something; we might be able to find her a gift set of her favorite soap and lotion and bubbles."

"She'd like that," Katie said with a nod. "And a scarf; cause Mommy can't find her scarf she had last year."

"We'll find her a pretty scarf. What color do you think she'd like?"

"Red. She likes red a lot."

"Okay; we'll look for a pretty red scarf and the other things you mentioned. I bet she'll be very happy."

"I hope so, I want Mommy to have nice presents because she's the best mommy in the whole world."

Naomi nodded. "We'll make sure she's taken care of, sweetheart. But remember, it's a secret, you can't tell Mommy that we went and bought her presents today. We'll tell her we went out to look for a present for my friend, okay?"

"Okay, Grandma. I won't tell her."

"Good girl; now eat your breakfast and then we'll work on your songs for a little while," Naomi stated, thinking to herself that their shopping trip should go well now that they had ideas in mind.

* * *

Johanna arrived at work with a cup of coffee in hand, having given herself permission to stop at the coffee shop nearby for the indulgence of a 'fancy' coffee as her husband always called it. The cup was warm against her hand and the scent comforting as she made her way to her office. She figured she had earned a little treat…and even if she hadn't, she was having that treat anyway and she didn't care who liked it or who didn't. The door of the office was still closed and the window dark, making her frown slightly as she dug her keys from the pocket of her purse to unlock the door. Clearly, Sharon hadn't arrived yet; which meant she'd have to wait a little longer to have that word with her secretary.

She entered the office and turned on the lights, bypassing Sharon's desk for the moment and heading to the door that lead to the inner office. She unlocked it and moved inside, turning on the lights and placing her cup of coffee on her desk. She dropped her briefcase in the chair and hung up her coat and purse in the closet before drifting back into the outer office. Johanna checked the answering machine for messages from clients or from her secretary but found nothing. Francis stepped inside the office long enough to tell her good morning and to hand her the mail, including a package that was one of the last gifts she had ordered for Katie that she had been waiting for. She put the package and her share of the mail in her office and put the rest on Sharon's desk, glancing at the clock as she did so, wondering when her secretary would waltz through the door.

Johanna headed back into her own office, unpacking her briefcase and sorting out her work before she sat down and got started. By the time Sharon breezed through the door, it was twenty minutes after nine and Johanna had already finished her cup of coffee and had two and half pages of notes for the case she was working on and had already called in requests for records, which she usually delegated to her secretary. She pushed away from her desk and moved into the outer office once more.

"I know, I'm late," Sharon said as she met her gaze. "We forgot to set the alarm and slept in. I had to make a quick breakfast and get Molly dropped off at kindergarten, and since we were late, I had to go into the school and sign her in."

"You couldn't call?" Johanna asked.

"I didn't have time to play with the phone. I had to get Molly ready for school and she was cranky. You know I'll get here eventually."

"Sit down, Sharon," she stated. "We're going to have a little talk."

Sharon rolled her eyes as she put her purse in the bottom drawer of her desk. "Really? You're going to lecture me about being late? It's not like you've never been late before…you don't even stay a whole day lately; so I really don't want to hear it. I'm not in the mood. I mean you have a copy of the schedule, there's really not much going on and you're capable of answering the phone. I think you'll survive without me until I get here. Let's not make a federal case of it."

"It's not about your lateness," Johanna said coolly. "It would be nice to be informed that you're going to be over an hour late, but as you've mentioned, I'm capable of functioning on my own; which is probably why I've gotten a good start today. This little discussion is about you meddling in my marriage."

"I don't meddle in your marriage," the secretary remarked as she picked up the mail.

"Oh but you do," she stated. "You have to tell Phil your little stories and one of you or both of you, has to leave out details or imply things when you feel the need to repeat them to my husband, like you're his little spy while he's away. Well I'm sick of it."

"I can't help it if Phil repeats things I say."

"Oh I think you could…but you don't want to; in fact, I feel like maybe you're encouraging it lately. Then my husband calls me to bitch about things he's heard and wants to accuse me of things I haven't done…and I feel like he wouldn't be doing that if it wasn't for his special little chats with Phil that have your influence written all over it. I'm tired of it, Sharon. I don't know what your problem is lately but when you stick your nose in my marriage and have my husband believing things that aren't true or that are only half true, then we have a problem. It's going to stop. It's going to stop today; because if it doesn't, you're going to be out of a job come January."

"You can't be serious," Sharon remarked.

Johanna braced her hands on the desk and leaned close so she could be eye to eye with her. "Oh I'm very serious. I don't like your little games you're playing lately. I don't like how you think you can just do what you please and not face any consequences; that you shouldn't be taken to task for it, or face any type of comeuppance. Well, you're wrong. This little tattle to Jim game you have going on is only showing me that I can't trust you. You tattle to my husband with your half true stories, you tell my employer things that I never said and God only knows what else you do that I don't know about. I can't have that here; because if you're willing to tell my personal business to anyone who will listen; if you're willing to tell the boss things that aren't true, then I have to take into consideration that the confidentiality that my clients expect and that the law entitles them to is in jeopardy; because for all I know, you may have no qualms telling people the details of my cases. So consider yourself on probation, Sharon. If I hear one more story from Jim that has come from you or Phil, who is an extension of you; you're out of here and I mean it. Friendship only goes so far and you've done pushed me to the line and I'm not putting up with it anymore. You're not irreplaceable, I can find another secretary, and for the interim that I'd be without one, well as you told me a few minutes ago, I can get along without you easily. So you think long and hard before you go running your mouth some more; because I mean it, Sharon; if I hear one word from my husband, my boss, or anyone else about you telling tales; you're fired."

"I don't tell anyone about your cases!" Sharon cried in outrage.

"How do I really know that?" Johanna asked; "You've shown me time and time again lately that I can't trust you; and I can't have my clients and cases jeopardized. So you heed my warning; because I'm serious; and so you won't feel tested on the first day of your new 'mind your own business' program, you don't need to worry about having Phil tell Jim that his wife was mean to you. I informed him last night that I'd be dealing with you today."

"The day you fire me is the day our friendship is over," Sharon told her, anger and tears glimmering in her eyes.

Johanna gave a bitter laugh. "You say that like you've been much of a friend lately; guess what, you haven't been. You've been more like an on and off friend ever since you and Phil got engaged and you know it. I'm expected to be there for you every time you need something or need a shoulder to cry on, but when I need you, you're not there. You just tell me I'm being dramatic or that it's my fault or whatever. The days of you listening and being a comfort seem to be gone for the most part; they've been gone since you got married, because that stick Phil has up his ass has found it's way into yours, that's why you think you walk on water and can do what you please and I'll just overlook it; well I'm not anymore. I'm not here to be your doormat. I'm not the fodder for your personal little gossip column. I don't go tell Jim every conversation we have so he can report it to Phil. I don't call Phil when you leave early. I don't call him when you go off on your lunch break alone and insinuate that maybe you're doing something wrong. I respect you and your privacy and I expect you to do the same for me. I've loved and treated you like my sister since we were seventeen…and I have to tell you, Sharon; for the last several years, it's felt a bit one sided. The friend I knew rarely peeks out; she's now someone who reports my every move and word like I'm some kind of suspect. I would never do that to you…just like I don't just write off your problems when you tell me you have one. I try to support you and be there for you; I let you get away with way more than a lot of people would….especially here at work, and when I do say something to you about it, you have to go whine to Phil and he has to bitch either to my face or through my husband and that's going to stop too. I'm the boss here, that's my name on the door, my office will be run the way I say; if you're running late, you call. What goes on here is my business unless I tell you otherwise; when I say I want something done, it's going to be done on time, not when you get through talking to Phil on the phone. We're going into a new year soon, Sharon; and things are going to change or you're going to be gone and the threat of losing your friendship isn't going to be enough for me to brush it under the rug anymore. So go ahead and call me a bitch, think what you want, but this is your warning."

"You know," Sharon said sharply; "For someone who claims to be so innocent, you sure are afraid of anyone saying anything about you…like you've got something to hide."

"I don't have anything to hide, Sharon; but my business is mine to share, not yours. I'll tell my husband anything he wants to know; he doesn't need a report from you. Just like if Mark wants to walk in here and question me about my job and my feelings regarding it, I'll tell him what he wants to know. The key word is 'I'…not 'you'. There has to be trust…and I used to trust you more than anyone; but I don't anymore and I find that concerning…and so should you; but then again, you did tell me that you have job security; remember, if I fire you, Phil will get rid of Bonnie and hire you in her place; so don't worry, you'll be alright. You won't be here, but you'll be alright. Bonnie will be alright too, because I'd be more than happy to hire her; maybe she's not into the petty junior high type bullshit that you seem to be interested in lately. Now, have I made myself clear?"

Sharon's jaw was tight with tension. "Crystal clear, Mrs. Beckett."

Johanna smiled coolly. "Good. Now that you've finally arrived, Mrs. Harper; please get to work on those files I gave you yesterday and check the status of the reports we requested from the publishing company. I'd like to have them before our Christmas break."

"I'll get on it right away," her secretary said tartly. "Anything else?"

"I'll be taking my lunch break at eleven today; we have a client coming in at one to give a deposition, in case you've forgotten. If you choose to have lunch here while I'm on my break and my husband would happen to call, please tell him that he can reach me at my father's office. Also, since my hours are a concern to you, please know that I will be here until four today like usual."

Sharon looked like a chastened teenager as she glanced at Johanna. "I can see what spending time with your father does for you…it makes you act just like him; and I'm sure he's egged on this little come to Jesus speech of yours."

"No, honey; when I make a come to Jesus speech, it's of my own making, no one else's. My father doesn't egg me on to do anything. I get egged on by people constantly pissing me off and you're one of those people. Now if you do as I ask and learn to mind your manners, you have nothing to worry about in regard to your job. If you can't do that, then you better tell Phil to get Bonnie out of the way because you're going to need her desk. Anything else you'd like to express?"

Sharon smirked at her. "Plenty; but it would probably get me fired."

Johanna nodded. "So you're not all that comfortable with job security from Phil; good to know. Get to work."

Johanna turned away from the desk and headed back to her door, hearing the softly muttered 'bitch' as she went. "Yes, Sharon; I am a bitch," she stated; "Because some people push and push until I have no choice to be one. If it makes you feel any better; I called you one last night."

Sharon reached for the files on her desk. "I'm only speaking to you about work related topics for the rest of the day."

She smiled. "That suits me just fine," she stated as she moved into her office and shut the door. It didn't make her feel good to have to put Sharon in her place like that, Johanna thought as she made her way to her desk; but she felt like she had been backed into a corner and had no choice but to lay the cards on the table. She just couldn't take it anymore.

* * *

It was a little after eleven when Johanna got off the elevator on the fifth floor of McKenzie-Thorton Industries and made her way down the long hallway to her father's office, a shopping bag containing scissors, tape, bows and name tags dangling from her wrist as she carried rolls of wrapping paper and the package containing Katie's gift, figuring she'd go ahead and wrap it while she wrapped her mother's gifts.

Her father's secretary looked up from her desk and smiled as she drew close. "It's been awhile since I've seen you here," Bess said warmly.

"I know," she said with a smile. "Did you miss me?"

"Of course," the older woman stated. "You have good timing today; your lunch was just delivered a few minutes ago. Your father's waiting for you, go on in."

"Thank you," she told her.

"How's Katie?" Bess asked as she made her way to the door.

"She's doing good; she's with Mom today; learning her songs for the Christmas pageant."

Bess smiled. "I'm sure she'll do just fine. Is she getting excited for Christmas?"

"Yeah; she's excited. I've got one of her gifts here, I'll wrap it while I do Mom's," she said with a laugh.

"I told Frank he didn't need to run you down here; I would've done it; but he said he had already recruited you," the secretary remarked.

"Oh that's alright; I don't mind. At least I have someone to have lunch with today."

"Good point," Bess said warmly. "Go on now, go eat your lunch."

Johanna turned the handle of her father's door and slipped inside, pulling it shut behind her. Her father was standing by the small table that sat off to the side of his spacious office and he glanced up at her as she moved into the room. "I was just putting your lunch on the table," he told her.

"Thanks, Dad; I am a bit hungry now. Did you get your lunch?"

"Yeah; I went ahead and ordered mine with it," he told her. "It's on my desk; so you'd have room over here."

She nodded as she laid down the rolls of paper, the package and the bag. "Do you have anything in your desk for a headache?" she asked.

"Yeah," he replied as he went to his desk and opened a drawer, taking out a bottle of Tylenol. "You probably have a headache from not eating breakfast," he said with a pointed look.

Johanna gave him a slight smirk as she shook a tablet from the bottle. "Careful, you're sounding like Mom."

"Hazard of marriage," Frank quipped. "Eat some of your lunch before you get started, get rid of the headache. Did you tell Sharon you were coming here?"

"Oh I told her plenty of things this morning," Johanna remarked as she opened her package of plastic utensils.

"Like what?"

"Like if she doesn't start learning to keep her mouth shut, she's going to be out of a job in the New Year."

Frank smiled a little. "How did she take that?"

"Well she said the day I fire her is the day our friendship ends…which I told her it's not like she's much of a friend lately anyway; so she's not speaking to me about anything other than work…and I could care less."

"So you laid down the law?"

"I did…it didn't feel entirely good doing it but I'm sick of her games."

"Sometimes you have to make your stand, Josie," Frank remarked as he unwrapped his sandwich. "Sharon's been in need of a lesson for a long time; now she's gotten it. Let her stew, she'll get over it."

"I don't really care if she does," she said before taking a satisfying bite of her salad. "She thinks you've influenced my chat with her."

Frank scoffed. "You're a grown woman; I don't tell you how to run your office. She needed put in her place and it was time you did it. My only suggestion is that if she ignores it, you stick to your word and boot her snotty ass out."

"I intend to stick to my word," she replied as she reached for a roll of wrapping paper and opened it.

"Good; that's what you have to do in business. That's why I need to hire another electrician. I had to let one go yesterday."

"What happened?"

"He seemed to think that he was going to be off all winter; but you know I don't do layoffs; I do my best to keep everyone busy with indoor projects, maintenance and upkeep."

"Yeah, I know that."

"This guy was a good worker all during the summer and fall and then he expected to be laid off and didn't want to show up for work now that winter is here. He's an electrician, he can work year round; not just at construction sites; but he doesn't see it that way. He was always calling off with lame excuses. I warned him Friday that if he did it again, he was fired. Yesterday he called and said he wouldn't be in; I told him he didn't need to worry about coming back, I'll hire someone who wants the job," Frank remarked. "I like to keep at least four on the payroll at all times; I don't want to be caught shorthanded if there would be an emergency."

"I understand that," Johanna replied as she cut a sheet of paper. "If I hear of anyone looking for that kind of job, I'll send them your way."

"Please do. Have you heard from Jim?"

She scoffed as she moved across the room and grabbed some of the smaller gifts from the leather sofa. "He called last night and spread his special brand of sunshine."

Frank's brow rose as she set about wrapping the first gift. "Meaning what?"

"Meaning that he called us from a bar and he was pissed off because we weren't home the first few times he called. He had new little tidbits from Sharon and Phil…"

"Which is why you told her off?" Frank said with a laugh.

"Exactly," she replied, a small grin playing on her lips.

"What else?"

Johanna gave him some of the highlights of the call and how Jim had upset Katie. She told him about telling him off for the misdeed and that Jim called several times in the middle of the night with his alcohol laced remorse.

"What are you going to do?" Frank asked.

She glanced at her father as she put a nametag on the gift she had just wrapped. "What do you mean?"

"I mean what are you going to do about your husband?"

"I don't know, Dad. There isn't much I can do right now, except hang up on him when he's being an ass and let the phone ring when he calls back. I told Katie not to ask him when he's coming home anymore, because that sets him off. I'm not sure she'll remember, but I'll try to remind her not to. I'm not going to sit home every evening just to appease him; Katie and I are going to Elizabeth's contest tomorrow night; and I'm going to take her to see that Mickey Mouse Christmas movie she wants to see again; I figure we'll do that after we eat dinner tonight. It's not as long as a normal movie so I'm sure we'll be home before you and Mom stop by."

"We probably won't get there until around eight," Frank replied. "We'll try not to keep Katie up too far past her bedtime."

"We went out last night and she was up past it; which my husband also didn't like, but that's too bad."

"He seems to be in a controlling mood this week."

"No, he's in a jackass mood," she responded as she picked up her fork to take another bite of her salad before starting on the second gift.

"Well he better be getting over it soon; there's no sense in upsetting a four year old because she asked when he'd be home."

"That's my belief as well…he's like a stranger lately and I hate it. I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that he's going to find a way not to come home for Christmas."

That would be his biggest mistake, Frank thought to himself. "Maybe his case will wrap up and he'll have no choice but to come home."

"That's what I keep hoping. I hope he'll bring his normal personality with him when that day comes."

They grew quiet for awhile as Frank finished his lunch and Johanna multitasked eating hers while she wrapped gifts. The phone rang but she paid it no mind until she heard her father saying "Yeah, she's here; are you checking up on her?"

Her gaze rose from the package in front of her and met the gaze of her father who hadn't yet beckoned her forward as he listened to the reply on the line. "Well just so you know, so you don't get any ideas in your head of falsely accusing my daughter of wrongdoing; she was with me for her entire break yesterday. I can tell you where we shopped and where we ate. I can even show you the receipts if you require proof," he said firmly.

"I don't require proof," Jim said tiredly. "Just put my wife on the phone."

"I'll put her on when I'm good and damn ready," Frank remarked. "As for you; I've got a little piece of advice for you."

"What's that?"

"You better pull your head out of your ass or when you come back to New York, I'm going to grab hold of it and yank it out for you…and I won't be gentle," he stated. "Do you get the picture?"

"Yeah, I got it," Jim retorted. "I want my wife on the phone."

"Johanna, it's your husband," Frank stated; "If you don't want to take the call, I'll be happy to hang up for you so you can finish your lunch."

"That's alright, Dad; I'll take it," she said, wondering why Jim would be calling this early in the day.

Frank handed her the phone and she tried to quell the churning in her stomach, sure that he had probably called to verify where she spent her lunch break. "Calling to make sure I'm where I said I would be?" she asked.

"No."

"Sure."

"Jo," he breathed.

"I thought you were supposed to be in court?" she said, her tone cool.

"I am; we're on a recess."

"This early in the day? It's too early for lunch recess in Chicago," Johanna remarked.

"It's not for lunch. The other side had a matter to resolve, is that alright with you?"

"Sure," she answered; "But what's wrong, you don't like being questioned like you're doing something wrong?"

Her husband sighed deeply. "Listen, I'm sorry about last night."

"You should be," Johanna replied; in no mood to brush it away as if nothing had happened. "But I'm not the one who needs apologies."

"I'll apologize to Katie tonight."

"Are you going to do it from a payphone in a bar again?"

"No," he spat. "I wish you'd get off that. I'm allowed to have a damn life, Jo."

"I never said you couldn't have a life; I just don't want you to be drunk half the time."

"I wasn't that drunk last night."

"Really? Do you remember ringing the phone half the night starting at two?"

"Yeah, I do," he said tartly. "I felt bad; I wanted to make it better."

"I hope it ate at you all night long," Johanna said, anger still simmering in her veins. "Because I had to hold your daughter while she cried. I had to convince her that she's wrong when she said that you don't like her anymore. It took four storybooks and letting her get in bed with me to get her to sleep after her little chat with you. So if you think I'm going to feel sorry for you feeling bad in the middle of the night, you've got another thing coming."

"Believe me, Johanna; I don't expect sympathy from you. All of your care goes to Katie; I'd say I don't know what you need me for, but you did need my assistance in getting pregnant so you could have what you always wanted."

"Don't you even go there," she said, her tone low and dark. "Don't you act like I'm some neglectful wife who doesn't give you any attention, affection or regard. If that's the way it was, you wouldn't be able to accuse me of nagging you because I wouldn't care what you did. You're the one who hasn't wanted anything to do with me lately."

Jim was quiet, he supposed that was true. He had been pushing her away.

"Don't worry," Johanna said softly. "Katie won't ask you about your plans anymore. I've told her she's not to ask when you're coming home…just like I've stopped asking. So now you don't have to live in fear of that dreaded question…maybe it'll improve your mood when you call her."

"You didn't have to do that."

"I think I did," she remarked. "I'm not going to have you yelling at her every time she asks; so it's best if she doesn't ask at all. Just for the record, to follow up something you said to her last night; I don't just walk out of work whenever I feel like it. I inform my boss of my lunch break; and I don't leave early every day. You also told her that she cries and whines like I do; I'm sorry we've disturbed you by having feelings. You used to have some yourself."

"I said I'm sorry; what more do you want?" he asked. "Do you want me to write it in blood?"

"No…I just wish you'd find my husband; because the person you've been lately isn't him."

"Johanna, can you just give me a break?" Jim replied. "I call to tell you I'm sorry about last night and you're still harping about everything under the sun."

She smirked slightly. "Sure, I'll give you a break. I need to finish wrapping my mother's gifts before my lunch break is over, so is there anything else you need today?"

"I was hoping for forgiveness for last night."

"Fine; I forgive you," she stated. "Anything else?"

He breathed deeply, squeezing his eyes shut as he did so. "Maybe we can find a neutral topic tonight."

"I tried that the other day when I didn't ask questions; it just annoyed you."

"Fine," Jim said sharply. "I guess we have nothing to say to each other anymore so I won't waste my time calling you."

"Did you really think I wasn't going to still be pissed off at you this morning?" she asked; annoyance building within her.

"I was hoping you would've cooled off."

"It's hard to cool off when someone is ringing the phone in the middle of the night even after you told him not to."

"Fine; how about for Christmas I just write out a list of my sins and apologize for them on bended knee before you. Would that make you feel better?" he said sarcastically.

"No."

"Then what do you want? Tell me what you want so I can give it to you and you can quit being this way," Jim stated.

"I'd just like to answer the phone once and hear you being yourself…without your new attitude problem, without the influence of alcohol…I'd just like for you to not take everything out on us. I get that you're stressed; but it's not our fault and it would be nice if you could remember that."

"Like you don't take your mood swings out on everyone," he replied.

"You just miss the point completely!" Johanna yelled without thought. "You ask me what I want; I tell you and all you can say is 'you've taken your mood swings out on people'? Really? You have to once again turn it around on me? Couldn't you just say that you'd make that effort? Couldn't you just say anything but that?"

"Why? You don't like to be reminded that you've done the same thing."

Suddenly she felt weary, unable to conjure up the energy to wage the battle. "I'm going to go; I need to get finished and I'm sure you have things to look over during your recess."

"Jo," he said with a deep sigh.

"What, Jim?" she said tiredly.

"Nothing…I just…"

"You just what?" Johanna asked; "Come on, my break is ticking away and I'm only half done the gifts and my lunch."

He hesitated; the words telling her that he loved her stuck in his throat for some unfathomable reason. The words had always been second nature to him and now lately he seemed to struggle to say them and he didn't understand. His feelings hadn't changed; he was still as in love with her as he always had been.

"Don't call until after eight tonight," Johanna said, taking his silence as indication that he wasn't going to finish his statement. "I'm taking Katie to a movie after we eat dinner. Don't say I didn't inform you of our plans."

"Have fun," he told her.

"We will, bye," she remarked before hanging up the phone, not giving him a chance to prolong the conversation again.

"You okay?" Frank asked as she walked back to the table.

"Yeah; I'm fine…I don't know why he bothered to use his break to call me; we just can't seem to have good conversations lately."

"Maybe he's starting to feel guilty," her father suggested.

Johanna shrugged. "Whatever it is, I'm not really in the mood for it today. I just feel fed up with so many things right now."

"You need to relax a little," he told her. "Have some fun with Katie and take some pressure off."

"I did that last night; we had fun, we were happy…then the phone rang and it all went to hell again."

Frank met her gaze. "Maybe you need to stop answering the phone."

"For some reason, I find it hard to do that."

"You know the reason."

"Yeah…I love him; although he's not making it easy."

"Maybe he's starting to come back around," Frank stated; "We can hope so at least."

She gave a nod of agreement, thinking to herself that she was running low on hopeful vibes.

* * *

"Are you sure this is all you want?" Johanna asked Katie early that evening as she sat a bowl of macaroni and cheese on the table in front of her.

"Yes," her daughter replied, a smile on her lips as she regarded her favorite meal, spoon already in hand.

"It's not much though," she said; despite the fact that she had made sure the bowl was full. "I could fix you a hot dog to go with it."

"Nope; just macaroni," her daughter replied, her tone light as she sunk her spoon into the bowl.

Johanna fixed herself a bowl of macaroni and cheese as well, figuring there was no sense in making a big meal if she was the only one who was going to eat. "Are you feeling okay?" she asked her daughter as she returned to the table.

"Uh huh," she managed to say around a mouthful of macaroni.

She wasn't so sure, her child had declined breakfast…but in that case she had declined in favor of her grandmother's cooking for the morning. "Did you eat your breakfast that Grandma made for you?"

"Yep; I had scrambled eggs and two toasts with purple jelly and I shared a orange with Grandma."

Johanna nodded; so she had ate well for breakfast which was good. "What about lunch? Did you eat lunch?"

Katie nodded as she shoved another spoonful of macaroni into her mouth.

"What did you have?"

"Grandma made me a grilled cheese sandwichs and we had some chips," her daughter said with a giggle. "I had the ones Grandpa likes."

"Barbeque chips," Johanna remarked.

"Yep. Grandpa bought me a slushie!" Katie exclaimed. "It was cherry; it was really good. We had a big pretzel too."

Johanna smiled; it was no wonder she only wanted a bowl of macaroni and cheese. She had ate a good breakfast, had a normal lunch and her grandfather had treated her to a big pretzel and a slushie; she probably didn't have much room left for dinner. At least her mind was eased in regard to her child's appetite. "How come Grandpa went shopping with you and Grandma?"

Katie shrugged. "So he could buy me a slushie."

She laughed, sure there was probably some other reason besides buying his granddaughter some cherry flavored ice. "Did Grandma call him to come home and drive the two of you?"

"No. Grandpa just wanted to come with us."

It seemed somewhat odd, Johanna thought; considering that he had asked her to come to his office around eleven because he had some things to tend to in the afternoon. When she had picked up Katie, he had merely shrugged and said that he was the boss and felt he had a right to take an afternoon off to spend time with his wife and granddaughter. "What did Grandma buy for her friend?" she asked; after all, that had been her mother's tale; that she had been shopping for a few of her friends.

Katie shrugged. "Stuff."

"What kind of stuff."

"No toys," her daughter said with a sigh.

She smiled a little. "No toys, huh? You didn't get one little thing?"

"Just a slushie and a big pretzel; but I liked them," Katie declared.

"Who did Grandma say the presents were for?"

"Her friend."

"Which friend?"

"I don't know," Katie replied.

Johanna took a bite of her dinner; the story felt somewhat suspicious but Katie was giving the standard answers that she'd expect from a four year old. "Did you and Grandpa play when you got back?"

"Yeah; we played," her daughter said happily. "We played with the blocks at Grandma's house."

"I bet that was nice. Grandpa likes to build things."

"Grandpa showed me a building he built."

"Did he?"

"Uh huh; it's a big building. Grandpa builds lots of buildings."

"That's right; Grandpa's company builds lots of things."

"Me and Grandma are going to make cookies tomorrow."

"I bet you're all excited for that," Johanna remarked with a grin. "I'm sure you'll come home stuffed full of cookies."

Katie giggled. "I like cookies."

"I know, you've liked cookies since you learned to chew," Johanna replied; noting that her daughter hadn't asked about her daddy all day; and according to Naomi, she hadn't said anything about him to her either. She didn't know whether to be relieved or worried; unsure if Katie's lack of questions about him meant that she was distancing herself from her father in regard to the phone call from the night before. No matter what it was, she was still somewhat worried…worried that Jim would end up doing detrimental harm to his relationship with Katie. The last thing she wanted was for their daughter to have the kind of childhood that she had endured, growing up with a distant father who at times was harsh and unfeeling. She didn't want that for Katie. She didn't want it for Jim either.

"Mommy?"

"What, baby?"

'What are we going to do tonight?"

"Well, after you finish your dinner, I thought we'd go see that Mickey Mouse movie that Grammy took you to; you said you wanted to see it again. Would you like to do that?"

Katie smiled brightly. "Yeah; let's do that, Mommy!"

"Alright; and then when we get home, Grandma and Grandpa are supposed to stop by for a few minutes so they can see your snowman."

"Okay, let's go, Mommy."

"Not yet," she told her. "We can't go until dinner is finished and you've gotten your face washed."

"Alright, but I want candy at the movie."

"I think your belly is probably going to be too full for candy."

Katie shook her head. "It's never too full for Skittles, Mommy."

"We'll see," Johanna replied. "Eat your dinner now and then we'll get ready to go."

* * *

"When is Grandpa coming?" Katie asked later that evening after they had gotten home from the movies.

"I'm sure they'll be here soon," Johanna told her, pulling her pajama clad daughter away from the window behind the couch. "Settle down here and watch TV with me."

"Can I have more of my Skittles?"

"No; you've had enough today. You can finish them tomorrow," she stated.

Katie sighed and snuggled against her for a few minutes and then returned to her watch at the window.

"Katie," Johanna said, pulling her down again.

"I'm just waiting on Grandpa!" her daughter exclaimed.

She counted to five in her head so that she wouldn't take her lack of patience out on her daughter. "You know you're not supposed to be standing on the furniture like that. Not to mention the fact that you've got the curtains a mess from pushing them aside."

"I'll fix them," Katie said stubbornly.

"No, you're going to sit on your butt like you're supposed to if you're going to be on the couch. Why don't you look at your Highlights magazine, there's probably a maze in there for you to do."

"I don't want to; I want Grandpa."

"He'll get here when he gets here," Johanna remarked. "Play with your toys if you don't want to look at your magazine."

Her daughter huffed and scooted off the couch and climbed up into the recliner where her bunny was laying. Johanna smiled a little. "You're not going to sit with me?"

"No," Katie said, hugging her bunny close.

"How come?"

"Because you won't let me watch for Grandpa."

She sighed. "Honey, I don't like for you to stand on the furniture; you could fall and get hurt."

"No, I won't."

"You could."

"I won't."

Apparently her daughter was feeling those argumentative genes she had inherited from her father, Johanna thought to herself as she lapsed into silence, unwilling to spar with her four year old tonight. "I didn't say you couldn't play with your toys," she said after a few minutes.

"I don't want to," Katie remarked, her small fist rubbing her eye.

"Alright," she replied, hoping her parents hurried if they were going to stop; clearly her child was getting sleepy.

Ten minutes passed and Johanna subtly watched Katie curl up on the seat of the chair with her bunny held close as she watched TV; it wouldn't be long and she'd be asleep, she thought to herself, but then a knock sounded at the door and her daughter rolled off the chair, landing on her feet and racing to the door. "Grandpa!"

So much for being half asleep, Johanna mused as she followed her. She peeked out the window to make sure it was her parents on the porch and then unlocked the door and allowed them inside.

"Grandpa, do you see my snowman?" Katie asked, wrapping herself around Frank's legs before he could step inside.

He laughed as he picked her up. "I see him, rosebud. I like him a whole lot. You picked a very nice snowman."

Katie beamed happily, hugging him as he stepped into the house. "Grandma, do you like my snowman?"

"I do," Naomi declared. "I like all of your decorations outside."

"Me and Mommy did it," she said proudly. "Daddy didn't help us because he don't come home anymore."

That was a worrying sentiment, Johanna couldn't help but think. "Daddy's working, Katie; you know that."

Katie ignored her and carried on her conversation with her grandfather as he carried her into the living room.

Naomi brushed a hand against her daughter's back. "I think she's just mad at him, dear," she said softly. "She has a right to be, just like you do."

"I just worry about their relationship becoming strained," she murmured as they stood in the entry way.

"I don't think that's going to happen…not unless he's going to be away like this all the time," Naomi remarked. "She's just upset with him right now; mad that he's been away so long, upset that he wasn't kind to her on the phone last night. She's just a little girl, she doesn't know what to do with all those feelings."

"Big girls don't know what to do with those feelings either," Johanna replied.

"I know, dear," her mother said; "But remember; life never delivers something we can't handle."

She conjured up a small smile for her mother. "Dad Katie nap this morning?"

"No; I offered her a cozy place on the couch; I even told her she could sleep in your old bed or mine; she didn't want anything to do with a nap so we practiced her songs and played a little before we went out."

Johanna nodded. "That's probably why she's getting cranky. We went to a movie and she's been a little contrary ever since we got home…she's also been waiting for Dad."

Naomi smiled. "The dinner ran a little longer than either one of us wanted…one of those clients who talks and talks and no one else can get a word in."

"I know the feeling," she replied with a laugh. "I've had a few of those meetings."

"We won't stay too long though so she can get to bed; we do have cookie baking to do tomorrow."

"So I've been told," Johanna quipped. "We're going to Elizabeth's contest tomorrow evening too."

"Yes, she told me. She's sure they're going to win."

"I hope they do; or at least beat Lizzie's adversary," she said with a laugh.

"Grandma, come on," Katie called from the living room, "I got to show you something."

"Alright, dear," Naomi answered as they moved into the room and found her and Frank by the Christmas tree.

"Look, Grandma," Katie said, pointing to an ornament on the tree. "I went to Sunday school and made a star like my mommy did when she was a little girl."

"Oh my, that's pretty," Naomi remarked. "You did a good job."

"That's a pretty tree to," Frank stated.

"Me and Mommy did it," his granddaughter declared. "No one helped us."

He smiled as he ruffled her hair. "You and Mommy did a good job; Santa will like your tree a lot. I bet he puts a lot of presents under it."

"I hope so," Katie declared. "Is he coming soon?"

"It won't be long," Johanna said; "He comes Saturday night."

"That's only a few days away," Frank stated. "You better be extra good."

"She was being a little crab apple waiting on her grandfather," Johanna stated lightly.

Frank chuckled as he lifted his granddaughter into his arms. "Is that true?"

"I missed you," Katie told him.

Frank hugged her tightly. "I missed you too; but I'll see you again tomorrow. Grandma and I better get home so you can go to bed."

"Read me a story first, Grandpa; please?"

He smiled; he never could seem to say no to that sweet little face. "Alright, little one; go pick a story and I'll read it to you," he said as he sat her on her feet.

Katie hurried from the room and Frank took his reading glasses from the inside pocket of his coat, picking up Katie's bunny as he sat down in the recliner. "You look tired too, Josie," he stated.

"I guess I am a little," she admitted as she and her mother settled down on the couch.

"Maybe you should go to bed after you get Katie put down," he suggested. "There's no since sitting up all night worrying about things you can't control."

"He's right about that," Naomi remarked. "You can't wear yourself out, Johanna. You have to find a way to relax and rest…and find some enjoyment. Katie isn't the only one who needs the fun you've been trying to provide her with. You need a little fun too."

"I had fun last night until I got home," she said with a slightly bitter laugh.

"Maybe you need to try again."

"I'll see what I can do," Johanna replied as she heard Katie's footsteps on the stairs.

"Read this one, Grandpa," Katie said as she hurried into the room and handed him the book.

"Let's see," he said as he lifted her onto his lap. "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer; oh, that's a good one," he declared as he opened the book.

Johanna couldn't help but smile a little as she watched Katie snuggle against her grandfather…and she couldn't help but start to relax as she listened to her father's voice read the story aloud. The house didn't feel so empty with her parents there. Her father's presence gave a feeling of safety and security and she briefly wondered if she could convince them to stay in the guest room so that she'd sleep peacefully knowing there was a man around; but she disregarded that notion. Her father had to work in the morning and she was too old to need her parents there to make her feel secure as she slept in her bed.

Frank finished the story and laid the book aside, kissing Katie's head as he did so. "Alright, little one," he said gently; "Now you've had your bedtime story; Grandma and I are going to go home and you and Mommy are going to go to bed; no arguments, okay?"

"Kay, Grandpa," Katie murmured; her fist rubbing her eye.

He kissed her once more and rose from the chair with her. "Give Grandma a kiss goodnight and we'll see you in the morning," Frank stated.

Katie hugged and kissed her grandparents and went willing into her mother's arms as they escorted her parents to the door. They said their goodbyes and Johanna locked the door as her father stood outside it, listening for the sounds of the locks tumbling before he led Naomi away.

"You're a sleepy girl," Johanna remarked softly as she returned to the living room long enough to pick up Katie's bunny and hand it to her.

Her daughter accepted her bunny and sagged against her as she climbed the stairs with her in her arms. She sat her down outside the bathroom and gently pried her bunny away from her. "Go pee before you get in bed," she told her quietly.

Katie did as she was told without comment; a sure sign that she was ready to settle down for the night, Johanna thought once she returned from the bathroom and slipped her hand into hers. She led her into her room and pulled the covers back for her, helping her into bed. "Mommy?"

"What, sweetheart?"

"Will you read me another story?" she asked sleepily.

Johanna nodded and found a book, knowing that she'd probably only have to read a page or two before her daughter was out completely; but then the phone rang and she sighed deeply. "I'll be right back, Katie."

She moved across the hallway and grabbed the phone, knowing it had to be Jim. "Hello?"

"Let me talk to Katie," Jim stated.

"She's half asleep, Jim; can you call her in the morning."

"That's awful convenient," he remarked. "You tell me to call after eight, so I do; and now she's half asleep and you want me to call tomorrow."

"I didn't know I had the ability to make her sleep at will," she replied; "I wish I had known that trick when she was an infant."

"Just let me talk to her for a few minutes."

Johanna clamped her lips shut and made her way back to Katie's room with the phone. Her sleepy eyed daughter was waiting for her but she hadn't opened her storybook. "Katie, Daddy's on the phone."

Katie frowned. "I don't want to talk to him."

"It's alright," she told her; "Just talk to him for a minute."

"I don't want to," she whined.

Johanna sighed and put the phone to her ear. "She's not in the mood to talk."

"What have you been telling her?" Jim asked. "She always wants to talk to me; what did you say to her?"

"I didn't say anything to her; if she doesn't want to talk to you it's probably because of last night when you called."

Her husband blew out a breath. "Just make her get on the phone. You're her mother; you make her eat broccoli, you can make her talk on the phone."

"Jim, we're tired," she said quietly.

"So am I!" he snapped.

"Katie," Johanna said; "You have to talk to Daddy."

"I don't want to! I want to hear my story and go to sleep."

"Come on, honey; just do it so we can go to bed, okay?" Johanna said, forcing the phone into her hands. "Just remember what we talked about last night, okay?"

Katie pouted a little but took the phone. "Hi," she grumbled.

"Hi, Katie," Jim said; trying to keep his tone gentle. "Are you ready for bed?"

"Yes; I want to hear my story."

"I know you do," he said quietly; "But listen; I'm sorry I yelled at you last night, honey."

"You were mean."

"I know; I was mean to you and mommy."

"You're mean all the time now," Katie stated. "I don't like it."

Jim bit back a sharp retort, reminding himself that she was just a little girl who thought everyone who raised their voice was being mean to her. "I know," he said instead. "I'm sorry; I'm going to try hard not to be mean when I talk to you, okay?"

"Guess so."

"I was just tired," he explained. "I was tired and I was worried about you and Mommy because I didn't know where you were."

"We were having fun," Katie remarked.

"I know…I'm glad you had fun. Did you have fun today?" he asked.

"Grandpa bought me a slushie and Mommy took me to a movie."

"That's nice," Jim replied; feeling awkward as his daughter wasn't her normal, chatty self.

"Grandpa read me a story before he went home."

"Sounds like Grandpa's taking care of things," he replied; thinking about how Frank was clearly in protective father mode earlier and now was in his usual doting grandfather mode.

"Grandpa loves me," Katie stated.

"So do I," Jim stated. "I love you more than the moon; you know that, don't you?"

"Guess so."

He sighed. "You're mad at me, aren't you?"

"Uh huh. I don't like when you're a mean daddy. I cried."

"I know," he murmured. "I'm sorry I made you cry."

"I think mommy cries," Katie remarked.

"Why do you say that?"

"Cause her eyes look like they cried sometimes."

Johanna felt her cheeks burn with shame; she tried her best to keep her emotions hidden from Katie but apparently her daughter was more astute than she realized.

"I'm sorry I made mommy cry," Jim told Katie. "And I didn't mean to hurt your feelings last night. Will you forgive me?"

"I guess so," his daughter replied. "I'm done talking now."

"Katie," he sighed.

"What, Daddy?"

He didn't know exactly what to say, didn't know how to fix what he had done the night before and he was sure the three additional presents he'd shoved into the suitcase for her that evening wouldn't really compensate for his lapse in self control. "I love you."

"Love you, Daddy. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Katie. Put Mommy on the phone; tell her I'm still on here."

Katie held the phone out to her mother. "Daddy wants you."

Johanna accepted the phone wearily. "Yeah?"

"Can I call back after you get her to bed?" Jim asked.

She hesitated. "I was planning to go to bed."

"This early?" he scoffed.

"I'm tired," she murmured, feeling like the month was catching up with her, along with the stress and her emotions.

"That seems convenient too."

"It's not," she said, doing her best to keep her tone patient.

"What the hell have you been doing that suddenly made you so tired?" he asked sharply; angry that his wife apparently didn't want to talk to him when he'd made sure to be in his room with no drinks proceeding his call.

"Everything," she answered; because it was true. She was doing everything alone without his support for the last few weeks.

He scoffed. "Well you claim you do it all anyway so why are you suddenly tired?"

Because she was worried, stressed, somewhat sleep deprived from a drunken husband's middle of the night calls. She was tired because she had done all of the holiday preparations herself plus her normal routines. She was tired because she had a four year old to keep entertained all on her own; she had to keep her spirits up, keep her occupied instead of dwelling on her father's absence. She was tired because she worked and put up with Sharon's snide comments all day. She was tired just because she was a woman who rarely got to stop for a moment; there were always plans to be made, things to be cooked, clothes to be washed; paperwork to do, a child to tend to, groceries to buy. There was always something that needed attention…and there was the loneliness of not having the man she loved at home with her, to coax her into putting things off until tomorrow; to listen to her worries and soothe her hurts. It wasn't something she could explain to him apparently; although she was sure there had been a time when he would've understood, but it felt like he was disconnected from her lately and she didn't know how to bridge the divide.

"I'm just tried, Jim…it does happen, you know? I'm not trying to get rid of you, I just…I'm just feeling it today; everything creeping up on me. I just want to go to bed early…and then maybe tomorrow we'd both be in a better place to have a better conversation than we've been having lately. There's no harm in wanting that, is there?"

"Fine," he muttered. "Go to bed; don't say I didn't try."

"Jim," she said softly.

"What? You say you want something, I try to give it to you and you want to shove it off because you're suddenly tired. You want to play games."

"I don't," Johanna replied. "Honestly I don't. Listen; just let me get Katie to sleep and then call back."

"I thought you wanted to go to bed."

"I do; but not at the risk of having you be angry with me over it. I'll be fine," she said, her tone wavering as she felt emotion clawing at her; another sign that she was overly tired, she couldn't help but think to herself.

Jim heard the crack in her voice and the layer of frustration in her tone; he was being an ass again; holding it against her that she was tired and wanted to go to bed early. He had no right to insinuate that she wasn't tired; he was sure that she was…he could hear it in her voice despite his effort to ignore the tell tale signs. "I won't be angry," he said quietly. "Go to bed."

She shook her head, feeling like she was helping to sink her marriage if she did. "No; I'm fine; just give me about twenty minutes, okay?"

"No," he said gently. "Get some sleep, alright? We'll try again tomorrow."

"I'm sorry," Johanna murmured.

"You don't need to be sorry for being tired. It's alright."

"I love you," she whispered.

Jim felt a measure of loneliness wash over him. "I love you too."

Her chin quivered; her heart aching with longing as he finally said the words that had been absent from his sober vocabulary for awhile. "You'll call tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Kiss Katie for me. Make sure the house is locked up and go to bed, sweetheart. It's alright…I'm not mad."

She forced herself to hold back tears as they said goodbye and she turned off the phone, turning back toward her daughter's bed but finding that Katie had curled up with her bunny and was fast asleep. She tucked the covers around her securely and softly kissed her twice before turning off the lamp and leaving the room.

Johanna made sure the lamp in the hallway was on for Katie if she'd get up during the night and then she made her way to her own room, putting the phone on its base and pulling back the covers on the bed. It was only a little after nine and she fully intended to check the locks, turn everything off and go to bed. Her cold, lonely bed, her traitorous mind recalled; but she banished the thought, telling herself that she had to think happy thoughts.

* * *

Naomi McKenzie rolled out a large piece of wrapping paper on the kitchen table that night as her husband stood by with a gift in hand. "Set it down in the center of the paper, Frank," she instructed.

He did as he was told, carefully positing the box containing the Kitchen Aid mixer in the space she had indicated. "How's that?"

"Good," his wife replied with a smile. "I'm surprised you were willing to spend so much on this."

He shrugged. "It has to be the kind of gift a husband would give a wife; Jim usually gets her something expensive…and since she likes to cook and bake; this is a practical, expensive gift."

"Yes; but she's not your wife."

Frank gave her a sharp look. "No; she's my daughter; and since her husband isn't living up to his former greatness, I'm not going to risk that she ends up with nothing under her tree on Christmas morning. She doesn't deserve that."

"No, she doesn't," Naomi replied as she pulled the paper up over the box and taped it. "I'm just very proud of you for taking this step and making sure she has something with his name on it; you're a good, loving father…whether you like to admit it or not."

He brushed a kiss against his wife's temple. "I do try once in awhile."

She smiled. "You've been very good to her lately; it's something I enjoy seeing…and I'm sure she enjoys experiencing."

Frank ignored the remark, not wanting to wade into the deeper waters his wife was probably heading for. "Did you get the gifts wrapped that Katie picked for Johanna?"

"Yes," she said with a nod at the bag on the floor that held the gifts. "I just hope Katie doesn't spill the beans."

"I think you had her pretty well rehearsed," Frank stated; "But that's why I didn't get the mixer until tonight."

Naomi laughed softly. "This would probably be harder for her to keep secret."

"Most likely," he agreed; "But I want them both to have a good Christmas, regardless of who's here and who isn't."

"We'll see to it that they have a good Christmas," Naomi remarked. "We just won't accept anything less than that."


	10. Chapter 10

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 10

The next morning, Johanna was feeling a little better. She had slept through the night peacefully and felt more rested than she had been in the last few days. Katie had apparently slept well too…and was still sleeping as she got ready for work. She'd have to wake her soon, she thought as she put her jewelry on. She mentally reviewed her schedule for the day, reminding herself of Elizabeth's contest that evening that they were supposed to go to and she remembered that she hadn't gotten a chance to mention to Jim that they'd be out in the early evening so that he could call around Katie's bedtime.

She worried her lip and pondered the situation; she hadn't liked Jim's behavior when he demanded to be informed when they were going to be out in the evening but she thought maybe if she called and showed that she was taking his feelings into consideration that maybe it would count for something. She glanced at the clock; it would be a little after six in Chicago; Jim would most likely be up getting ready for work so that he could have breakfast before heading to court.

Johanna crossed the room to the nightstand where the phone sat but hesitated once more; a feeling she hated. She shouldn't have to have second thoughts about calling her husband and yet she did in light of recent circumstances. Another internal debate was waged, and as she glanced at the clock she knew she had to make a decision quickly before it was time to get Katie up. She snatched up the phone and dialed the number for Jim's room, carrying the phone with her as she moved around the bedroom to finish getting ready.

"Hello," Jim's tired voice answered.

"Are you still in bed?" she asked.

The muted rustle of sheets sounded across the line. "Yes, I'm still in bed; it's barely after six! Where else would I be?"

"I figured you'd be up getting ready for work so you can eat breakfast before court."

"I don't have to be in court until ten," he spat. "Why the hell are you calling so early?"

Her stomach knotted, this had been a bad idea after all. "Because I didn't get to tell you that you should call later in the evening tonight because Katie and I are going to that contest your mother entered," she answered; her tone quiet.

"And you had to tell me that at six in the morning?" Jim asked.

"I didn't know when else to reach you," she replied. "I don't know what time you go to court. I don't know what time you get back or what time you go to dinner. I don't know if you eat in your room or go out to eat…I can't call you while you're in court, and I figure by the time I got home from work, you'd either still be at work or out for your dinner. You said you wanted to know where we go if we're going out in the evening."

"I don't want to know at six in the morning," her husband muttered.

"I'm sorry, Jim; I didn't mean to wake you. I really thought you'd be up by now…I figured you'd have to be in court at eight or eight-thirty and you'd need time to eat before then."

"I like sleep better than breakfast," Jim remarked.

"You haven't been eating breakfast?"

"Not every morning; it's not a big deal."

"You should eat breakfast, it's…"

"Don't start nagging me this early in the morning, Johanna."

She swallowed her words and kept her thoughts to herself. She had a feeling he wasn't eating breakfast some mornings because of the intake of alcohol on the nights before…he probably didn't feel up to eating on those mornings. "I'm sorry I woke you…I was just trying to do what you asked me to do."

He scoffed tiredly and she had to ignore the stir of emotions that welled within her; she knew she had woke him but there had been a time when he wouldn't have cared. There had been a time when he'd recall that he never hesitated to wake her, whether it be by reaching across the bed and shaking her or by ringing the phone at two in the morning. She breathed deeply; he didn't seem like the man that had said he loved her and promised to call and talk about better things. "I'm sorry," she murmured once again. "I better go get Katie up; hopefully you'll fall back to sleep. Good luck in court today."

Her husband breathed deeply, as if trying to find his patience. "Jo."

"Yeah?"

"Be careful tonight…don't stay out too late, alright?" he asked; his tone gentler.

"We won't…we'll be back before Katie's bedtime," she answered, her tone soft and unsure as if she was speaking to a stranger instead of the man she had loved for nearly a decade now.

Jim sighed quietly, knowing he had put her off once again. "I'll call tonight like I said I would," he assured. "I promise."

"Alright," she murmured. "Can I ask one quick question since I have you on the phone?"

"What?" her husband asked, trepidation in his tone.

"Do you want me to go ahead and give Sally her Christmas bonus from you or do you want to wait until you get back?"

He let out a breath. "Go ahead and give it to her; she might need it for the holiday. I always give her cash so she doesn't have to worry about going to the bank."

"I know," she replied. "I do the same for Sharon. Are you giving her the usual amount?"

Jim thought about it for a minute. "Maybe you better add a few dollars for her annoyances this month."

"Alright, I'll get the money out of the bank today and I'll get it to her."

"Anything else?" Jim asked.

"No," Johanna answered. "I'll talk to you tonight."

He said goodbye and hung before she could utter another word. She frowned a little as she turned the phone off and put it back on its base, telling herself that it didn't matter that he didn't tell her he loved her…that he hadn't given her time to murmur the words to him. She sighed deeply and shook her head; she didn't have time to dwell on it. She had to get Katie up, dressed and fed so they could be on their way.

* * *

Johanna sighed with disappointment that afternoon as she looked in the fridge in the break room. There wasn't any soda and she was desperate to sip a cold Coke so that the hit of caffeine would chase away the dull headache that had been building up all morning as she dealt with a complicated piece of a case, Sharon's brooding and silent treatment and an appointment with a client. She was also in need of a snack since she didn't feel like going out to lunch but the break room was apparently low on everything.

"We're out of coffee," Mark stated as he searched the cabinets beneath the coffeemaker.

"We're out of soda too," she informed him.

"What about snacks?"

"Nada; unless you count rice cakes," Johanna remarked.

Mark grimaced. "Who brought rice cakes?"

"Maggie; she's on a diet."

"That explains her mood," Mark replied. "She's hungry."

Johanna nodded. "I hope she gives it up soon; she doesn't need to diet."

"I agree," her boss stated. "Do you have anymore clients today?"

"No; I've been getting them in in the mornings when I can and then I just work on paperwork the rest of the day."

"If I give you the money; will you go to the market and buy some stuff for this place? I'd send Cathy but she's in court."

"Yeah; I can do that," Johanna replied. "What all do you want me to get?"

"Get coffee; soda…snacks…anything you think we might want or need. It's barren in here," Mark stated.

"It does seem that way," she remarked. "Would you mind if I stopped at the bank while I'm out? I need to take care of something for Jim; it'll only take a few minutes."

"I don't mind," he told her. "I'll go get you the money; I think I left my wallet in my jacket pocket this morning when I stopped to get breakfast."

Johanna nodded. "Bring it to my office; I'll go get my coat and purse."

"Okay," Mark stated. "By the way, what's going on with you and Sharon?"

"What do you mean?"

He smiled. "It's been a bit quiet and chilly between the two of you since yesterday."

"We had words," Johanna admitted.

Mark's brow rose. "Oh?"

"She overstepped her bounds one too many times."

"Is there going to suddenly be a problem with the two of you working together?"

Johanna smiled. "No. We had our squabbles at Roche; they pass in time."

Mark gave a nod. "Alright; I'll leave that between the two of you."

"Don't worry, Mark; we don't let these things affect the work to be done," she assured.

"Oh I know that, Jo. You've always been very professional when it comes to the job; I'm not worried about that."

"I just wanted to make sure you knew that I don't let those things interfere," she said lightly. "I don't want to lose a second job this year."

Mark smiled. "Don't worry; that's not going to happen here. I'll go get the money for the market; I'll meet you at your office in a few minutes."

She nodded in agreement and made her way back to her office, feeling a little better with Mark's assurance that her job was secure regardless of squabbles with Sharon.

* * *

As Johanna did the shopping a short while later, she kept running across a mother and her two little girls who looked to be about two and four. She couldn't help overhearing the children's cries of disappointment every time they were denied a treat, nor their mother's hushed murmur that they couldn't afford treats right now. Johanna had been one aisle over from them when she heard the kids chattering about Santa's impending arrival and their mother's voice telling them not to get their hopes up too high, that he might not be able to make it this year. Her heart clenched as she heard the anguish in the woman's voice.

She passed them once again in the canned food aisle and she saw the mother searching for dented cans that would be discounted…and she couldn't miss that the woman was fighting tears as she did so. Something was wrong in their world, Johanna thought to herself. Clearly hard times had found the trio; she could tell the woman was unaccustomed to shopping with stricter limits in mind. She could tell she wasn't used to denying her kids a treat and dashing their hopes. Johanna wanted to stop, wanted to ask what was wrong, if there was anything she could do to help but she didn't want to embarrass the woman and make her day even worse by prying into her life. She wished there was something she could do though; she hated the thought of those little girls not having a Christmas.

Eventually she made her way to the checkout and as luck would have it, she ended up behind the mother and her two girls. The oldest child was pleading for a box of animal crackers as her mother checked the price, seeing that they were two for a dollar. She relented and picked up two of the small boxes. The smaller child sitting in the seat of the cart smiled at Johanna as she unloaded her items onto the belt and she smiled back until she saw the mother's face blanch at the total the cashier had given her.

"Some of those items were on sale," the woman stated, her tone shaking. "You overcharged."

"No, ma'am; the sale ended last night; they just haven't changed the tags yet."

Anger flickered in Johanna's veins; they had pulled that stunt on her before and she wasn't going to watch them do it again today. "The price on the shelf is the price she gets charged," she said firmly. "You left the tags up which means you misled her about the price by doing so, and now the store must adhere to the policy that the price on the shelf is the price that gets charged; that will teach you to stay on top of things. Now charge her the sale price."

The cashier glared at her. "That's not how it works."

"Oh but it is," Johanna retorted. "I shop here often and you pull this little stunt all the time; and every time you've been caught at it, the manager overrides it and charges the sale price because that's your policy; I know, because I don't like being ripped off and I make it my business to be accustomed to policy. Now it's not the customer's fault that someone didn't do their job this morning; that's your manager's problem. Now you either redo the sale items and charge her the sale price or call your manager; but either way; she's going to be charged what the tag said."

The cashier began rescanning the items and correcting the prices. "Who do you think you are, the market police?" he muttered.

Johanna glared at him. "Better; I'm a lawyer…and I know all about businesses who like to take advantage of consumers and pull these cute little tricks…eventually it adds up to a big lawsuit; your manager might want to ponder that."

The cashier returned his attention to the job and the woman glanced at Johanna, a trembling smile on her lips and mouthed 'thank you'. She returned her smile and nodded but saw the woman's face pale once again as she heard her new total and looked down at the money she had pulled from her wallet. "Can you take some things off?" she asked. "I…I don't have enough."

"Oh for God's sake," the man behind Johanna exclaimed.

"Ma'am, I have other customers, I can't spend all day adjusting your order to the amount you feel willing to pay," the cashier said snidely.

"I just need to drop a few things, I need to take twenty dollars off," she said, emotion in her tone. "I'm not trying to inconvenience anyone; it's just that I don't have enough."

The cashier shook his head. "What do you want to leave behind?"

"The animal crackers," the woman started to say.

"No," Johanna said as she took twenty dollars from her wallet. "Don't take anything off; I'll cover it."

The woman glanced at her, tears in her eyes. "You don't have to do that, ma'am."

She shook her head and handed the money to the cashier. "It's okay; don't worry about it."

The man behind her scoffed. "People like that count on bleeding hearts to pay their way. Maybe she should go get a job and then she can afford her groceries."

"It's not like that," the woman cried.

"Sure it isn't," he sneered.

"Hey," Johanna said, turning to face him. "Do you know her?"

"No," he said snidely.

"Then you don't know her circumstances or her story; so don't stand there and judge her for something you know nothing about. As for the money I gave her, as long as it isn't coming out of your wallet, keep your damn mouth shut and mind your own business."

The man glanced at her left hand and noted her wedding rings. "Your husband needs to take you in hand."

She laughed. "The man hasn't been born that can take me in hand. Perhaps your wife should take you in hand."

"I'm not married."

"Big surprise," Johanna replied as she turned away from him; watching as the woman in front of her lifted the last bag into her cart, her eyes still full of tears. "Thank you," she told Johanna.

"No problem," she told her.

The woman left and Johanna paid for the groceries Mark had asked her to get for the break room, ignoring the mutterings about bleeding hearts from the man behind her as she put the bags in her cart. She left the store, making her way through the parking lot to her car and was unloading the bags into the trunk when a voice called out to her.

"Excuse me," the woman said as she drew near, her youngest child on her hip and the oldest hanging onto to her hand. "If you could tell me where to send it, I'll pay you back the twenty dollars as soon as my husband gets back to work."

Johanna shook her head. "Don't worry about it; it's fine."

The woman swallowed hard. "I swear it isn't the way that man in there made it seem."

"I didn't think it was," she assured.

Her chin trembled. "My husband lost his job back in August and money has been getting tighter and tighter…his family won't help us because his father said he should've kept his mouth shut and played ball with the boss and then he wouldn't be in this shape."

"That's harsh," Johanna said. "What kind of work does your husband do?"

"He worked for Bruce Leonard; he did some construction but he's primarily an electrician. He called out Bruce for cutting corners on things; he didn't feel it was safe; so Bruce fired him."

Johanna nodded. "Yeah; that's his m.o.; I know all about Bruce Leonard."

"You do?"

"Uh huh," she said; the man was her father's adversary. "He's one of the biggest jerks in the world and known for cutting corners…and your husband's right, it isn't safe."

"Bruce is blackballing him with all the other construction companies."

A light bulb went off in Johanna's head, her father had mentioned needing a new electrician. "You said your husband is an electrician?"

"Yes; he has all of his certifications; he's very skilled but no one wants to hire him because of Bruce spreading the word that he's a troublemaker; and he's not, I swear…he just cares about things being safe. But Bruce Leonard is going to cause us to lose everything we have…and now it's Christmas; and everything's a mess…we can't even afford things for the holiday because we're trying to keep the car in case we have to move out of state for him to find work. Everything is a mess," she cried, her feelings pouring out.

"Maybe I can help," Johanna replied.

"You already did; you covered my groceries and you're listening to the rambling of a stranger who probably looks like she's having a breakdown."

"What's your name?" she asked her.

"Lacey," she sniffled.

"Lacey; do you have your car with you?"

"Yeah; it's right there," she said, pointing to the next row.

"Can you put your girls in the car so they're out of the cold and wait for me; I'm going to go there to the pay phone and make a call; I might know where your husband can get a job."

Lacey's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Really; and believe me, he won't give a damn about what Bruce Leonard says; he hates his guts so his word holds no weight with him. What's your husband's name?"

"Tom Conner," she replied. "He's a very good electrician; I swear. He's got all of his papers and certifications."

"Alright," Johanna told her as she put the last bag in the trunk. "Just give me a few minutes."

"Okay," Lacey said as she took her girls back to their car.

Johanna went to the payphone and dialed the number for her father's office and asked his secretary to put her through to him regardless of who was in his office.

'What's wrong, Johanna?" Frank said when he came on the line.

"Nothing's wrong; but I need to know if you still need a new electrician?"

"I do; why?"

She explained what she had learned from Lacey and asked if he'd interview her husband. "Tell her to tell him that if he can be here at two; I can interview him today," Frank answered. "If he can't make it, tell him to call and schedule a time with Bess. If he can come today, he needs to bring his papers."

"Alright, I'll give her the information; hopefully it'll work out for both of you."

"It would be nice to have this position filled quickly," Frank remarked.

"I told you I'd send someone your way if I found someone."

"You did," he laughed. "Go give her the information; I'll let you know how it goes."

"Alright, Dad; thanks," she said before hanging up. She dug in her purse and pulled out one of her business cards and flipped it over, writing her father's name, business address and phone number down so that she could give it to Lacey. Hopefully her husband would get the job but there was still the matter of helping those kids have a Christmas…and with that thought in mind, she thought of how she had stopped at the bank before the market and got the bonuses for Sally and Sharon. She slipped her hand back into her purse and pulled out the envelope that contained Sharon's bonus…those little girls needs a Christmas more than Sharon needed a bonus.

With her decision made, her clutched the card and envelope in her hand and made her way back across the parking lot where Lacey was standing next to her car, looking hopeful as she kept an eye on the kids inside. "Do you think your husband could be at an interview at two o'clock today at McKenzie-Thorton Industries?" Johanna asked.

Lacey's eyes widened. "Yes; he can be there…they'll see him?"

She smiled as she nodded. "The president of the company, Frank McKenzie, is my father; and he just told me yesterday that needed to hire another electrician. He's anxious to fill that position. He said if he can come today, to tell him to bring all of his papers. I wrote down the information on this card. If he can't make it today, call the number and his secretary will schedule a time for him later this week."

"He'll be there today," Lacey said as she took the card. "I swear he will be; he'll be so happy…he's felt so badly, especially with Christmas coming and knowing the girls will be disappointed…he's trying to make them a doll house so they'll at least have something," she murmured. "It's been very difficult."

"I understand," she replied as she handed her the envelope. "Take this too," she said, dropping her voice so she wouldn't be overheard. "There's enough there that you can get them each some things for Christmas."

"You don't have to do that," Lacey said; "The grocery money and a job interview is plenty of help."

"Take it," Johanna told her. "I have a little girl; she's four and she's going to have a Christmas and I want your girls to have a Christmas too. This sort of thing can happen to anyone at any given moment, and if it was happening to me, I'd want someone to help me give my daughter a Christmas. So take that and get some things for them; consider it a Christmas gift…you're not taking anything that I need, I promise."

"What's your name?" Lacey asked, her voice thick with emotion.

"Johanna."

"I'll pay you back, Johanna," she replied. "I promise we will."

"No; you don't pay back a gift," Johanna told her. "It's fine, I promise…I just want to know that they have a nice Christmas; that's all I need. All little girls need a happy Christmas. Don't worry about it. Go home, tell your husband to get ready for his interview; I hope it all works out."

Lacey gave a nod, a trembling smile touching her lips. "Thank you; all of this means a lot to me."

"You're welcome," she told her before saying goodbye and heading back to her own car. She didn't have an ounce of regret about giving away Sharon's Christmas bonus and she prayed that her father would hire Lacey's husband so their lives could get back on track. She understood the feeling of everything being a mess; it seemed to be the year for it, she mused as she got into her car; but her problems were small compared to Lacey's. She took a breath; her marriage felt rocky but she was better off than some people and she needed to remember that.

With that thought in mind, she started the car and pulled out of her parking spot and headed back to work.

* * *

The clock had struck four and Johanna was packing up her stuff to go home, Sharon still wasn't speaking to her about anything that wasn't work related and she couldn't find it within herself to care at the moment. The phone rang on Sharon's desk and Johanna cringed, hoping it wouldn't be a client who would delay her in picking up Katie.

"Your father is on line one," Sharon called out; "And I'm leaving. See you tomorrow."

"Bye," Johanna remarked as she picked up her phone. "Hello?"

"I'm glad I caught you before you left," Frank stated.

"Something wrong?"

"No; I wanted to let you know that Tom Conner showed up…a half hour early, as a matter of fact. You found me a good man; he's highly skilled. I gave him the job."

"Oh, that's great, Dad," she said, a smile spreading across her lips. "I'm sure he was grateful."

"He was; he's eager to work and I know how Bruce Leonard treats people who call him out for his shady tactics so I don't doubt his story at all. I told him he can start when we reopen after Christmas; that'll give us time to get the paperwork processed."

"I'm glad it worked out for both of you," she replied.

"He told me to thank you for him," Frank stated. "He said his wife told him that you covered the money she was short at the market."

"Yeah; I did…they have two little girls, I can't let little kids go without if I can pay for something."

"It was a nice thing you did."

"I'm just glad I was there and that you had a job opening for him."

"Tom also told me that you gave his wife an envelope of money to buy their girls Christmas presents."

"Yeah…I did…," she said; wondering if she was about to be chastened.

"I hope that won't cause you an issue with Jim," her father remarked.

"It won't…it was the money I took out of the bank for Sharon's Christmas bonus," she admitted. "I figured those kids need it more than her."

Frank laughed. "That's beautiful…you helped little girls have a Christmas and gave Sharon some comeuppance as well. Good for you, Josie."

She smiled. "She doesn't know yet."

He chuckled. "The news ought to jingle her bells real good."

"I'm sure I'll hear an earful; but it's worth it."

"He said they'll pay you back."

"I told his wife it was a gift, not to worry about it."

"I told him he wouldn't have much luck with that endeavor," Frank stated. "But I wanted to let you know how things went because I won't be there when you pick up Katie; I have a late meeting. I notified your mother but can you tell her to expect me closer to six, I know this guy…he'll talk my ear off before I get out of here."

"Yeah; I'll tell her. I'm about to head out as soon as I get my coat on."

"Alright, Josie. Thanks for finding the electrician."

"No problem; it kind of fell right into my lap," she laughed. "I'll talk to you later."

They said goodbye and she hung; finishing her task and pulling on her coat before grabbing her purse and briefcase. She had solved a few problems for Lacey and Tom Conner. She had solved a problem for her father. Now if she could only solve Jim's problem which would in turn solve her problems. She gave a soft shake of her head; maybe he was coming around; he had promised to call and she was looking forward to trying to have a better conversation with him; one that wasn't so charged or heated. It would be her reward for a long day; but first she and Katie had to go to that Gingerbread contest and see Elizabeth beat her enemy.

* * *

"Is Grammy here?" Katie asked as Johanna helped her out of the car that evening.

"I'm sure she is," she answered, taking Katie's hand and leading her to the door of the church's recreation hall.

"Will Grammy get a prize if our castle wins?"

"I don't know, sweetheart; we'll have to ask her when we find her."

They made their way into the building and carefully picked their way through the crowd in search of Elizabeth Beckett. "There's Grammy," Katie exclaimed, her small finger pointing to the front of the room where Elizabeth was supervising the placement of her creation on the table that bore her name.

Johanna kept hold of her daughter, stopping her from bolting off toward her grandmother. "Wait until Grammy's finished and then we'll call for her."

Katie waited patiently until her grandmother turned away from the table and then she called out to her. "Grammy!"

Elizabeth's gaze searched the room until she spotted them, a smile coming to her lips as she moved toward her granddaughter, stooping down to accept her hug. "You made it," she said, pressing a quick kiss to Katie's cheek.

"I told you we'd be here," Johanna replied. "I'm glad to see your castle made it in one piece."

"That wasn't an easy endeavor," her mother-in-law remarked. "Robert was doing a lot of muttering."

"He'll get over it."

"That's what I told him. I don't ask him to participate much when it comes to these things I do. If he thinks getting that castle in the car was difficult, he should've gone through five labors and deliveries like I did; then he'd know pain."

"That's the truth," Johanna laughed.

"Did we win yet, Grammy?" Katie asked.

"Not yet; the judging hasn't started yet; people are still arriving," Elizabeth answered.

"What do you get if you win, Liz?" Johanna inquired.

"Fifty dollars and a big gift basket of those fancy candies from one of those high price candy shops up town."

"Nice," she grinned. "I'd like to try a piece of that fancy candy if you win."

"We'll all be trying a piece…we can see if it tastes like the cheap candy we're used to," Elizabeth remarked.

"When are we going to win?" Katie asked.

"Soon, I hope."

"We gotta beat Ginia Hammy."

"Believe me, darling; I've been praying all day long that the glory of beating her will be mine," Elizabeth stated.

"Me too," Johanna said. "I want to see her face when she loses."

"It would be a perfect Christmas gift," the older woman stated. "One I've been waiting on for years."

"I think today will be your day, Liz. I've got a good feeling about it."

"I certainly hope so."

"Where's Grandpa?" Katie asked.

"He's over there talking to a man he knows," her grandmother answered. "He always finds someone he knows everywhere he goes. Did you have fun with your Grandma today?"

"Yes; we made cookies and I practiced my songs. Grandma says I know all my words good but we'll keep practicing to make sure I don't forget."

"That's good," she said before giving her attention to Johanna. "Any word about when Jimmy's coming home?" Elizabeth asked.

"Grammy," Katie exclaimed before Johanna could say a word; "We're not allowed to ask that anymore!"

Elizabeth's brow arched as she looked down at her granddaughter who was still holding on to her hand. "Why not?"

"Because it makes Daddy mad and mean," her granddaughter stated. "He's not coming home no more."

Elizabeth's gaze widened as she looked to Johanna. "What?"

Johanna released a breath. "Katie; no one said that Daddy isn't coming home. He will; eventually."

"But we're not supposed to ask him," Katie stated.

"Johanna, what the hell is going on?" Elizabeth demanded to know.

She sighed a little. "A phone call that went awry. Katie asked Jim when he was coming home and he got angry and yelled at her. She cried, I told him off and hung up on him. I told Katie it would be best if we didn't ask him anymore because it makes him angry."

"I see," her mother-in-law replied. "And he's not volunteering any information about his return?"

"No; not a word," Johanna stated. "But I have a feeling I know when it won't be."

"I'm getting that feeling too," Elizabeth remarked. "It's going to be a quiet Christmas. No William; No Andrew; possibly no Jimmy. Now Michael's hinting that they won't be at the house long on Christmas."

"Why? They're always there."

"Because apparently Natalie's parents have decided to skip their annual Christmas season vacation in favor of a 'family' Christmas."

"I wonder what's up with that?" Johanna asked. "Her parents are never around on the holidays."

"I don't know; but I find it somewhat suspicious."

"It does seem suspicious," she agreed; "And he's hinting at it awful close to the holiday."

Elizabeth nodded. "I think Natalie just doesn't want to come this year…which is fine; she can stay home and my son and grandchildren can come."

"It doesn't seem to be our year, Liz."

"No, it doesn't…I'm torn between wishing we could delay it and wanting it to get here and get over with."

"I know that feeling," Johanna replied. "I feel the same way at times."

"Grammy," Katie said; tugging on her hand. "Grandma taught me Mommy's favorite Christmas song."

"Oh?" Elizabeth replied. "What is it?"

"A Merry Little Christmas," Katie answered.

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," her mother gently corrected.

"Yeah; that's the one. What's your favorite, Grammy?"

"I don't really have one," Elizabeth answered.

"But you got to, Grammy," her granddaughter insisted.

"Well…I guess if I have to really pick one, I'll say Do You Hear What I Hear."

"I like that one," Katie remarked. "My Grandma's got lots of favorites."

"You didn't make her pick just one?" Elizabeth teased.

Her granddaughter giggled. "She said she couldn't pick just one."

"Mom's favorite Christmas song changes with every record change on the radio," Johanna remarked.

"Katie, why don't you go over there and make sure Grandpa isn't pulling any of the candies off our castle," Elizabeth stated, pointing her granddaughter in the direction of her husband. "Stay with him, make sure he doesn't nibble on it."

"Okay, Grammy, I'll watch him," Katie said before racing off across the room to her grandfather's side.

Elizabeth glanced to Johanna. "I had to send her off for a minute so I could tell you that the bike you ordered arrived today."

"Oh good," Johanna replied. "I was worried that it wouldn't make it in time."

"It got there shortly before we left this evening. Robert put it in the garage; he said if I got you alone tonight to tell you that he'll put it together for you and slip it into the house on Christmas Eve while you're in church if you want; he just needs to know where to hide it."

"That would be great if he could put it together; that's usually Jim's contribution."

"That's what we figured," Elizabeth remarked; "And it doesn't seem like we can count on Jimmy to get it done."

"That's true. Tell Robert to do that and he can hide it in the dining room. She doesn't bother with that room and we'll probably get home late enough that she'll get a snack, a show to watch and then off to bed; so she's not going to be running around much."

"Alright; I'll tell him that," Elizabeth replied. "He'll put it together on Christmas Eve."

She nodded. "Katie got her angel costume today for the pageant."

"What does she think of it?"

"She's excited to have wings," Johanna laughed.

Elizabeth chuckled. "How is she really doing with her songs?"

"She's doing good; she's a fast learner. She has a dress rehearsal Friday night so I'm sure she'll be even more excited then, especially since two of her cousins will be there."

"You'll probably have a hard time getting her to bed that night. She'll be excited about the pageant and the impending arrival of gifts."

"I hope it's not too hard of a time," Johanna replied, her gaze following her daughter as she walked around the room with her grandfather. "I want to do some cleaning while she's in bed."

"This holiday requires more cleaning, cooking, shopping, and covert maneuvers than any other day of the year," Elizabeth declared. "Your house only stays clean until that first wad of wrapping paper hits the floor…and soon you're buried under an avalanche of paper, boxes and bows. You spend hours baking and cooking and the results are demolished in minutes and no one offers to help with the dishes…"

"I always help you with the dishes," Johanna interrupted.

"You're the only one; but the point is, all the work you do for this one occasional and it's gone in a matter of minutes."

"I can't argue with that," Johanna replied. "I just remembered that I wrote down a list of batteries that Katie's toys will require. I put the list in my purse and then forgot to buy them."

"You've got time," Elizabeth stated. "Get them after work tomorrow; I don't mind if Katie's there a little longer than usual."

"Alright, I'll do that, it shouldn't take me long to do that. Which gingerbread house is Virginia's?" she asked, nodding toward the long table at the front of the room where the entries had been placed.

Her mother-in-law smirked. "The one that looks like a church."

"Well if that isn't sucking up, I don't know what is," Johanna declared as she looked at the creation Elizabeth had indicated.

"Isn't that the truth? I'm surprised she doesn't have a gingerbread Jesus suspended over top of it and some lambs outside the door."

Johanna laughed softly. "She probably didn't even make that herself. She probably paid someone or found it one of those fancy bakeries uptown."

"I wouldn't doubt that for a minute; I know how she operates."

"Speak of the devil, there she is," Johanna said, nodding discreetly at a woman across the room.

Disgust flicked across Elizabeth's face as she eyed her adversary. "I swear, if she gets her face pulled any tighter, her eyes will be in the back of her head."

Johanna smirked in amusement. "Maybe her mouth will end up back there too and then she can bend over and kiss her own ass instead of expecting every one else to do it."

Elizabeth burst into laughter, making Johanna giggle in return. It wasn't easy to make her mother-in-law laugh out loud that way; the sound loud and merry, her features light, allowing her true beauty to shine through.

"I'd pay to see that," Elizabeth gasped between giggles.

She continued to laugh with her. "So would I."

"What are you girls laughing about?" Robert asked as he and Katie joined them.

"Just sizing up the enemy," Johanna replied.

"Virginia?" he asked.

"Is there any other?" Elizabeth remarked.

"When it comes to you, Lizzie; there's always the possibility that someone has joined your list."

Elizabeth shot him a glare. "Would you like to join it?"

"No today, my prickly rose," he said with a grin before looking to Johanna. "How's Jimmy?"

She shrugged. "Still in Chicago."

"And he's mean and mad all the time," Katie added.

"Oh, I'm sure that's not the case all the time," Robert said, ruffling her hair.

"It pretty much is," Johanna remarked. "He's always up for a fight lately."

"Well that's to be expected; he has a difficult job, you know."

She looked at him incredulously. "And I, who am also a lawyer, don't have a difficult job?"

"I'm not saying that," her father-in-law remarked; "But Jimmy's gotten a promotion and he's got bigger fish to fry than you do so of course he has more stress."

Irritation flickered within her. "He has a lot more drinks to deal with that stress too."

Robert waved a hand. "Oh that's nothing to fret about; all men have drinks…you're not starting to take after Lizzie, now are you?" he asked with a smile.

"I do happen to agree with Liz on the topic of men and their drinks; I believe moderation is best for everyone…because eventually, every tiny thing becomes an excuse to drink."

"Oh it does not," he laughed. "You girls get so up in arms over everything. He's a man, he's entitled to blow off steam; I'm sure he knows his limits."

Johanna wasn't so sure of that but she decided not to say more on the topic.

"Of course you think it's fine," Elizabeth stated; "You've been known to do too much of it yourself."

"Now, Lizzie. I work hard, I'm entitled to a drink; all men are."

"That's your opinion," Elizabeth remarked; "But Jimmy needs to be getting home, Christmas will be here before we know it."

"He'll get home when he can," Robert remarked. "Right, Johanna?"

"All I know is that he gets angry when asked about it," she responded. "He's in a terrible mood all the time."

"Well maybe you're asking too much," her father-in-law remarked. "Maybe he'd be in a better mood if he felt you were being more supportive of him."

Her brow arched. "Excuse me? I am supportive of my husband."

"Now, honey; don't get your feathers ruffled; but I know how wives are; you all tend to nag a little when things aren't working out as planned and as quickly as you'd like," Robert said jovially. "Jimmy's out earning a living, supporting his family. He's the breadwinner, he has to be shown that he's appreciated for what he provides you."

Johanna licked her lips, trying to keep her temper in check. "First of all; I can win my own bread…I did before we were married and I'm still earning it. Second; he's not the only person supporting this family; I contribute…"

"Yes; but you did take a pay cut at this new firm," he replied; "That's probably extra pressure on his shoulders."

"My pay wasn't cut to the extent that you're alluding to," Johanna replied; "And I'm going to be teaching a class at Columbia for the spring semester which will be bringing in another paycheck."

"That's good of course," Robert replied; "But Jimmy is the man, he's the head of the family and responsible for supporting it. He's rising in his career and if you're complaining about his schedule and him being away, then he probably feels unappreciated."

Johanna glanced at Elizabeth. "I didn't know that saying I love you and I miss you meant that you didn't appreciate someone. I didn't know that all I do to give him a nice, happy home, meant that I didn't appreciate him."

"I guess we're both learning today," Elizabeth said, cutting her husband a dark look.

"Now, don't go getting excited," Robert stated. "It's just the way things are and have always been; men take care of their families, go out and work the hard jobs, and yes, sometimes we need to have some drinks to get through it but it's all our nature; while women are nesters who want to make a home and fuss and have everyone tucked under her wing at night. There's nothing wrong with that of course; I'm just saying if you want Jimmy to be in a better mood; then perhaps you should be more supportive, not ask so much about his homecoming; show more interest; keep topics light to ease his burdens. After a long day arguing in court, I'm sure the last he wants is to have a quarrel with his wife."

"Could have fooled me," Johanna stated.

Robert smiled. "Just being a little more supportive, show him you appreciate him. Don't nag him about how he blows off steam; just appreciate the work he does to give you and Katie a nice home and things you need."

"I do appreciate those things," she said tartly. "We'd just like some acknowledgment once in awhile; we'd like to see him, spend time with him…"

"Sometimes men have to make sacrifices when providing for their families, Johanna," her father-in-law remarked. "You need to understand that and be more supportive right now and not make so much fuss; I'm sure then Jimmy's mood would improve."

Johanna looked at Elizabeth. "Well tonight when I get home, I'll get out my needle and thread and sit in the corner and stitch a sampler like a good little woman and when Jim calls, I'll be sure to stroke his ego for an appropriate amount of time, and go right back to my stitching. Would you like to join me by the fire, Liz? We can be good little wives together."

"Oh I would," her mother-in-law declared; "But I have to churn the butter and bake a loaf of bread for the morning meal; the menfolk need nourishment so they can go out and fend for us frail women at home. Perhaps if I finish early enough, I'll get out my knitting needles and knit us some woolen stockings with wool I spun myself."

Johanna nodded. "Don't forget to kill a chicken for dinner."

"Oh yes, is it your turn to pluck the feathers or mine? I'd ask one of the men but they're blowing off steam down at the saloon and I wouldn't dare bother them with such a tiny little issue."

"Alright, that's enough," Robert declared. "I didn't say you had to act like you're on Little House on the Prairie."

"Well you sounded like a sexist ass from that generation to me," Elizabeth declared. "I'll nag and question you all I want; that's my right as your wife and if you don't like it, you can just go…"

"Little ears," Johanna said, nodding down at Katie.

Elizabeth swallowed back the words she was going to say and changed course. "You can just take your rifle out on the prairie and be alone with it," she said, her tone low and full of suggestion about what she really meant by the statement.

Robert smiled. "You girls get so excited."

"I appreciate and support my husband," Johanna remarked. "I think I have a right to ask when he's going to be home and no one is going to tell me otherwise. All of you men stick together and think everything you do is fine and dandy and justifiable; well sometimes it isn't. I didn't tell him to take this promotion that's clearly making him miserable; that was his choice…his choice that he now takes out on us; so while you're out on the prairie, why don't you think about that before critiquing the kind of wife I am."

"I wasn't doing that," he stated.

"You were," Elizabeth replied.

Robert sighed. "I was trying to explain a man's position."

"Oh I know all about man's position," Johanna remarked.

"Yeah;" Elizabeth agreed; "The position of having their heads shoved up their backsides."

"Alright," Robert said; "I think I'll go sit with my friend for awhile and leave you ladies to your feminist rally."

Johanna glanced at her mother-in-law. "I see what you mean about him."

"I told you," Elizabeth remarked. "I told you he had his moments."

"Yeah…now I know where Jim gets them."

"I could've told you that years ago but I didn't think you'd listen."

"My ears are wide open now, Liz," she replied. "Feel free to inform."

"I'll keep it in mind," her mother-in-law stated. "Let's go find a table to sit at; my feet are starting to ache."

* * *

Right before the judging of the contest was to begin, Robert joined the table they had chosen near the front of the room. He wisely kept quiet as the women chatted and finally the announcement came that it was time to reveal the top four winners of the gingerbread contest. Johanna's foot tapped nervously against the floor as Elizabeth drummed her fingers on the table.

"In fourth place," the head judge stated; "We have Mrs. Fran Burrowes."

They clapped along with the audience as the woman in question stepped forward to accept her ribbon and a small box of candy.

"In third place; Mrs. Amelia Brittner."

"Please let Liz win," Johanna silently pleaded as Katie fidgeted in the seat next to her.

"In second place; Mrs. Jean Sinclair."

"Oh please," Elizabeth murmured, her eyes closing.

"And our grand prize winner is…"

The Beckett women held their breaths, waiting impatiently as the announcer took a dramatic pause.

"The winner is Mrs. Elizabeth Beckett."

"Grammy, we won!" Katie exclaimed as Elizabeth's eyes widened.

"You did it, Liz!" Johanna said happily. "Congratulations!"

"Good job, Lizzie," Robert said proudly.

"Go get your prize, Grammy," Katie said, excitement radiating through her small frame.

Elizabeth smiled brightly, rising from her chair and lifting Katie into her arms as she moved to the front of the room to accept her prizes.

Johanna smiled, watching as Elizabeth posed for a picture with her castle and the judges, Katie perched on her hip. She glanced across the room at her mother-in-law's enemy and couldn't help but laugh. "Virginia looks like she's sucking on a lemon."

Robert smiled as he nodded. "Lizzie will be crowing about this for a long time."

"I'd say she's earned it," Johanna declared.

"Of course she has."

"Then make sure you make her feel supported and appreciated," she remarked.

Robert cast her an amused glance. "Alright, honey; I'm sorry I ruffled your feathers."

"I'll overlook it…it's Elizabeth's moment."

Eventually Elizabeth and Katie returned to the table along with the big gift basket of candies and her prize money. "Did you see Virginia?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yeah," Johanna laughed; "She was pissed."

Her mother-in-law giggled with glee. "She didn't even place in the top four."

"That's got to be killing her," she responded.

"We beat that Ginia hammy; didn't we, Grammy?" Katie asked.

"We sure did, baby," Elizabeth replied. "You pick a candy out of the basket for you to take home; you earned it. I couldn't have done it without you."

Katie selected a small box of colorful candies and Johanna opened them for her so she could try one.

"Here, Johanna; you'll probably like these," Elizabeth said; handing her a box of chocolates that contained peppermint centers.

"Oh, those look good," she replied. "I do love peppermint candies."

"What do I get?" Robert asked.

"With all the complaining you did about getting it in the car, you shouldn't get anything; but I wouldn't want you to be unappreciated," Elizabeth stated; "So take a candy bar; the rest is ours."

"It's a Beckett women prize?" he asked.

"That's right, it's a Beckett women victory…the contest was won; and the enemy lost soo badly," Elizabeth said happily before popping a chocolate into her mouth.

Johanna smiled. "Merry Christmas, Liz."

"Merry Christmas indeed," her mother-in-law replied; "Maybe things are looking up."

"We can hope," she agreed. She was hoping every moment of the day and night.

* * *

Impatience gnawed at Johanna later that night as she paced the kitchen, waiting for the phone to ring…but she had been waiting all evening since getting home. Jim had said that he would call. He said he wasn't mad the night before when she had been tired…he said that morning that he'd call, he promised. But the hours were ticking away and the silence of the phone seemed to mock her. She frowned as she pinned her gaze to the phone on the kitchen wall. "Ring, damn it," she muttered to herself; but the offending device remained silence and a feeling of anguished frustration welled within her.

Johanna blew out a breath and walked the length of the floor again, going to the back door and pulling back the thin white curtain and looking out into the darkness. She had put Katie to bed at the usual time, read her two bedtime stories and tucked her in. Her daughter had gone to sleep without a single question about her daddy. A soft sigh crossed her lips as she caught sight of a snowflake floating by the window. She had a feeling that Kate had resigned herself to the idea that her father just wasn't coming home anymore. The notion made her heart ache and she once again willed the phone to ring; needing to find some quiet assurance from her husband that it wasn't the case at all. The night before he had been closer to acting like himself than he had been in awhile…at least after a certain point.

He had told her that he loved her without coaxing and he had sounded sober when he said it. He had called her sweetheart…the cherished endearment that he hadn't been using much the last few months, making her heart ache in response every time it was left unspoken. He said he'd call…but the hours had been steadily ticking by and now it was a little after ten and she was too agitated to settle down. Her husband had insinuated that he wanted to have a better conversation; and she had translated that as being a call that would be void of fights and hurt feelings. She had been anticipating it, ready to give the effort, to let the fights and hurt feelings lie where they were and move on to better topics that could get them back on track.

But the phone didn't ring.

Why didn't it ring? Had he just lied to her the night before, putting on a show that he wanted to get past the discord that had been dogging them for weeks? Or had she just been gullible and read too much into the statement? She didn't like this uncertainty that constantly lingered in her marriage lately; didn't like having to question her husband's actions, motivations and feelings. She didn't like feeling as though he had disconnected himself from them. She didn't like so many things right now.

Johanna moved to the cupboard where she kept the cleaning supplies and took a few clothes and supplies out. She wasn't going to fall asleep anytime soon so she may as well get some cleaning done while Katie wasn't underfoot. She should be able to get the rarely used dining room cleaned and the office too. She cast one more loathsome glance at the phone on the wall and headed for the dining room.

Once in the dining room; Johanna swiftly polished the furniture and dusted the few pieces of framed artwork that hung on the walls. The room still lacked warmth even after four years of being in the house, she thought to herself. She didn't care for the muted color of the walls but Jim always put her off when she'd ask him to paint the dove grey walls white as she preferred so that she could change décor without having to paint every time she needed a change. He always told her they didn't use the room enough to go through the trouble…but she hated those ugly walls…and she figured she'd just have to take it upon herself one day when she found some free time and a babysitter so her daughter wouldn't be covered in paint in an effort to help her.

She sighed as she looked over the room; it could use some improvements; not just in paint color but in embellishments. The room needed new carpet; something prettier than the hold over from the previous owner, but Jim always bulked at that too; again with the excuse that they didn't use the room enough for the expense. At least the dining room table was pretty…and familiar; as it had been the one her mother had used until she had bought her a new one with some on the money she had inherited from her grandfather. Her aunt Bridget had given her the buffet that matched nicely with the table; and Lilly Beckett had gifted the china cabinet. It was a room made of family hand me downs and previous owner ugly colors. She loved the furniture…just hated the rest. Oh well, there was nothing to be done about it at the moment, Johanna mused as she moved to the buffet and pulled open a drawer, intending to grab a table cloth but then she thought better of it. Usually on Christmas Eve, she would take Katie out on some errand and Jim would haul her gifts down from the attic and hide them behind the locked door of the dining room. Katie never went in there anyway and it kept her from hearing the noise of them carrying things down from the attic in the middle of the night.

She supposed she'd have that task to do too this year; she'd have to make up some tale to tell Katie and leave her with her grandmother for an hour so that she could carry down the gifts and hide them behind the locked door; and while she had the time; she could carry the gifts for the family down and put them in the office. There, now she had a plan for Christmas Eve, Johanna thought as she gathered her cleaning supplies and turned off the light, exiting the room through the door that led to the hallway and moving across it to the office.

Johanna slipped inside the office, turning on the lights and then busied herself with cleaning her end of the room. She sorted through the papers on her desk, leaving out what needed her attention and putting the rest in the drawers. She dusted the bookcases, file cabinet and the desk; the pictures on the walls. With her side cleaned, she moved across the room to Jim's side of the office and repeated the same routines until she settled down in his chair, intending to organize the mail that she had been leaving on his desk every day.

She sorted it into neat stacks and then reached for his files and papers to straighten so it wouldn't be the usual pile of mess he always had on his desk. When the task was finished, her gaze fell to the drawers of the desk and she found herself tempted to pull them open…to look for clues about his recent behavior…make sure he wasn't hiding anything.

But that would be wrong…that would be like saying she didn't trust him. She hadn't lost trust in him…but she had concerns…she was concerned about him…and that might make it acceptable; wouldn't it?

Johanna reached for the handle of the top drawer but then pulled her fingers back. What if he hid a gift for her in there? She'd be compelled to look at it and that wouldn't be right. She scoffed; who was she kidding? Jim hadn't bought and hid any gift; he always procrastinated about Christmas shopping; he wouldn't have had time before he left on the first. She didn't have to worry about seeing gifts.

But maybe she would see something else. Maybe she'd find a clue, an answer…or best of all, nothing.

With that thought in mind, she pulled the drawer open before she could talk herself out of it. The top drawer was littered with the same things as her top drawer, pens, pencils, paper clips, scraps of paper, business cards. Nothing suspicious to be found in there. She closed the drawer and began opening up the others; looking through old bills, receipts, papers for work. She found the planner he kept at home and flipped through it but found nothing out of the ordinary. She was careful to put everything she touched back the way she had found it and finally she was finished with the search.

She hadn't found anything…she was relieved to have found nothing; but also felt sick for stooping so low. She wrung her hands and looked at the phone on his desk; it was still silent and she felt horrible inside, not only because he hadn't called but because she had looked through his things and she had no right to do that.

Johanna pushed herself up out of his chair and moved away from his desk quickly. She grabbed her cleaning supplies and took them back to the kitchen to put them away and then paced some more. Why didn't he call? Didn't he realize that when he didn't call that she worried about him? What if something had happened? Someone would've called her, right? Unless he had asked them not to and she couldn't rule that out at the moment. She sighed deeply and went toward the phone, picking it up and dialing the number she had memorized. She'd just call him and see what was going on…and confess that she had snooped, because she'd feel badly if she didn't tell him.

But the line rang endlessly and he didn't pick up.

Johanna slammed the phone down; he wasn't in his room…he was probably back out in the bars and hadn't called because she told him not to call from bars anymore. So much for wanting a better conversation; going out was probably more important than trying to fix whatever was going wrong in their marriage.

It hurt; it always did when he didn't at least call for long enough to tell her that he was fine; but she supposed that would be one more think Jim would tell her that she had to get used to, along with the traveling and extended stays in cities far from home.

She began turning off lights and checking the locks on the doors. The house was settled for the night, but she was far from settled.

Johanna made her way upstairs and went through her bedtime routines and then slipped through the ajar door of her daughter's bedroom and checked on her. Katie was sleeping soundly, her bunny clutched tightly against her and the covers half kicked off. She straightened the blankets and tucked them over her once more and then quietly left the room; making her way to her own bedroom.

She turned on the lamp on the nightstand and pulled back the covers on her bed and settled in, longing filling her for Jim as she slipped between the covers; wishing she could curl up against his side; breathe in his scent and feel his warmth…hear his voice, quiet and loving near her ear…feel his lips against hers in a kiss goodnight. She closed her eyes, feeling the anguish…and the anger that he had lied to her and hadn't called. Why couldn't he have given her just five minutes of his time and consideration?

Johanna sighed and reached for the remote; clicking on the TV and finding one of the late night talk shows to watch. There was no pint on dwelling, she thought to herself; she couldn't change the outcome of the evening…and she was growing tired of this game they seemed to be playing. She wasn't going to let it keep her up all night…she would sleep; and if the phone rang in the middle of the night; well maybe she wouldn't answer it. She wanted him to acknowledge that she was his wife at all hours; not just at two in the morning when he was drunk and needed a warm voice murmuring in his ear. She turned onto her side, her hand moving across the empty space he usually occupied before she pulled his pillow close and breathed in the traces of his scent on it; she closed her eyes, God she hoped he'd come home soon…be the man she knew he was…the one that loved her and made her feel cherished.

She missed him.

She was worried that the man she had always known and loved was slipping from her grasp and there was nothing she could do about it. Maybe she needed a Christmas miracle of her own.


	11. Chapter 11

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews! Sorry for the delay!_

Chapter 11

The ring of the phone early in the morning made Johanna groan, her tired eyes flicking open. The room was still largely dark as she reached out from under the blankets to grab the phone, her eyes glimpsing the time. If Jim was calling her at 5:15 in the morning as some sort of payback for her accidentally waking him the morning before, he was going to be very sorry…especially since he had lied to her about calling the night before.

"Hello?" she murmured, her voice gritty with sleep.

"Jo," a woman's voice replied.

Her brow furrowed. "Who is this and why are you calling me at five in the morning?"

"It's Cathy."

"Cathy?" she repeated, her sleep addled brain having trouble catching up.

"Yes; Cathy, that you work with."

The statement finally resonated. "Oh; Cathy. Sorry."

"It's alright," her colleague said with a soft laugh. "I'm sorry I woke you but I didn't want you to get up and get ready for work for no reason. We're not opening the office today."

Johanna raked her hair back from her face. "Why not?"

"If you look out your window, you'll see that we got a lot of snow overnight."

She pushed herself out of bed and moved across the room to the window. "It was only flurries when I went to bed."

"They accumulated," Cathy remarked.

"I'd say," Johanna replied as she pulled back the curtain and looked outside.

"We don't want anyone trying to get to the office; according to the weather, it'll be moved out by tonight, so we'll open tomorrow to take care of things before the holiday. I know you're taking off Tuesday thru Friday, since we'll be closed Monday."

"Yeah; I did put in for that but I can come in if it's a problem."

"It's not a problem," Cathy stated. "You haven't taken a day off since we opened. Go back to bed and get some sleep, I have some more calls to make. Do you want to call Sharon or would you rather I do it? Mark mentioned that the two of you had words."

"I would appreciate it if you'd call her, Cathy; that is if you don't mind."

"I don't mind; go back to sleep until Katie gets up. I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow," she told Cathy before ending the call and slipping back under her covers. She'd have to let the alarm set so she could call Elizabeth and tell her that she didn't have to go to work….but at least she could sleep until then, and if she was lucky, sleep some more afterwards.

* * *

Johanna had slept until the alarm went off and than called Elizabeth to inform her that she wouldn't be going to work and then she had checked on Katie before crawling back into bed and fell back asleep. Awhile later, she woke once more, but this time it was to the sensation of a small warm bundle curling up against her back, small fingers clutching the material of her pajama top. Johanna carefully turned over, meeting the sleepy gaze of her daughter. "What's wrong, baby?" she asked.

"Don't we gotta go to Grammy's?" Katie asked as she rubbed her eye.

"No; Cathy called; Mommy doesn't have to go to work today."

"How come?"

"Because it's snowing. That means we can sleep late if you want."

"Can I stay here?" Katie yawned.

"Yeah; you can stay here," she said, allowing her to snuggle close once more. "When we get up, we'll eat breakfast in bed like fancy ladies."

Her daughter smiled. "Okay, Mommy."

They fell back asleep for a couple more hours and then as promised, Johanna made breakfast and put it on trays that she carried upstairs to the bedroom.

* * *

"Katie," she said as she got them situated; "I know you're a big girl and you don't like to use your sippy cup anymore; but since we're eating in bed, I think you need a cup with a lid…just for breakfast, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy; I'll use it just for fancy breakfast."

She smiled. "Good girl."

Johanna settled in beside her daughter, laying the remote on the comforter between them and pulling the rubber band off the newspaper.

"You gonna read me Snoopy?" Katie asked around a bite of scrambled eggs.

Johanna took a quick bite of her breakfast. "Yes; we'll read Snoopy first," she told her before leafing through the pages to find the comics. Once she found it, she folded the paper so Katie could see the pictures as she told her what was happening in the comic strip. "They're still at their Christmas pageant," she told her. "In the first picture, Linus is telling Charlie Brown that the sheep have finished their part and that Sally is on next. In the next picture, Sally is on stage in her angel costume…"

"Like I'm going to be!" Katie exclaimed.

"That's right; and see Sally is thinking about her line, she's trying to remember it. Do you remember what Sally is supposed to say? We read it yesterday."

Katie's head bobbed as she chewed a bite of egg. "Sally's supposed to say "Hark!"

"Right. Now in the third picture, Sally says "Hockey Stick"," Johanna said with a laugh,

Katie giggled. "She forgot the right word!"

"She did," Johanna laughed; "And in the last picture, Linus and Charlie Brown are saying 'Hockey Stick!' They can't believe she said that."

Katie continued to giggle. "That's a funny one."

"It is," she agreed before laying the paper down to take a bite of her breakfast.

"Is Charlie Brown Christmas going to be on TV again?" her daughter asked as she took a bite of pancake.

"I'm not sure, honey; if it is, it might be on on Christmas Eve before you go to bed."

"I hope so, I like it a lot."

"Me too."

"Did you sleep good, Katie?"

"Uh huh; I didn't hear no phones ringing."

"Me neither," Johanna said, although she wished she had heard one.

"Did you sleep good, Mommy?"

She smiled; her daughter liked to mimic questions. "Yeah; I did until Cathy woke me up when she called but I was glad that she did so we didn't get up for nothing."

"I'm glad we're staying home and having fancy breakfast," Katie remarked.

"It is nice to have a snow day," Johanna replied. "I get to stay home with you all day and that's my favorite thing, you know?"

"Uh huh, cause I'm fun." Katie remarked as she pushed a piece of pancake into some syrup on her plate.

Johanna laughed softly. "That's right, you're lots of fun, sweetheart."

"What are we going to do today?" her daughter asked.

"Oh don't you worry; we'll find some things to do during the day. For now, we have to eat our fancy lady breakfast."

"How come fancy ladies eat their breakfast in bed?"

She smiled. "So they can feel pampered; and so they can relax and watch TV while they eat…and if they don't feel like getting up yet, they can set the tray aside and just lay in bed for awhile being lazy."

"Are we gonna be lazy?" Katie asked mischievously.

"We might be a little lazy and watch some TV after breakfast; what do you think of that idea?"

Katie nodded. "I like being a fancy lady."

"It is a nice treat once in awhile," Johanna agreed. "Eat your breakfast, sweetie; we'll figure out what we're going to do later."

* * *

After they finished breakfast; Johanna sat the empty plates on the nightstand so she could use her tray for the newspaper and she gave Katie the piece of the paper containing the comics so she'd have a piece too but her little girl was soon engrossed in an episode of Wheel of Fortune.

"Big money, big money!" Katie called out with the contestant that had spun the wheel; her sippy cup in hand, her eyes glued to the screen.

The tone sounded that signaled that the player landed on bankrupt. "Oh no, bankrupt!" her daughter exclaimed.

Johanna smiled, her attention going back to her newspaper as her daughter once again chanted 'big money, big money'. She picked up her cup of tea and had just taken a sip when Katie exclaimed "Call a G, you jackass!"

She nearly choked on her tea, hurriedly spitting it back into her cup as her gaze swung toward her daughter. "Katherine Houghton!" she exclaimed.

Katie glanced at her. "What?"

"You don't talk like that!"

Katie shrugged. "That's what Grammy says when we watch the Wheel of Fortune."

"Well Grammy is a grown up and she's allowed to say it; you're not."

"I'm a big girl," her daughter insisted.

"Yes; but not big enough to say bad words."

"Grammy says only say it during the Wheel of Fortune."

"You are not supposed to be using that kind of language, Katherine."

Her daughter sighed in disgust. "But that jackass needs to call a G."

"Katie!" she exclaimed.

"Grammy said it's okay during the Wheel of Fortune."

"So you and Grammy call people on Wheel of Fortune names all the time?" Johanna asked.

"Only if they're a jackass," she replied. "He needs to call a G!"

Johanna sighed deeply. "Okay; first of all, there's no G in that puzzle."

"Then he should call a K…K is for Katie!"

"It is; but don't get me off topic by reciting your alphabet. You don't use that language."

Katie huffed, gesturing with her sippy cup. "I only say it during the Wheel of Fortune!"

"It's Wheel of Fortune; there's no 'the' in the title," Johanna replied; "And it's not a nice word for little girls to say."

Her child sighed in disgust once more. "I wish Grammy would come over and watch the Wheel of Fortune with me."

"Why? So you can say jackass?"

"Yep," her daughter said before taking a sip of her juice, her gaze back on the screen. "Big money, big money!"

Johanna reached for the cordless phone and dialed her mother-in-law's number.

"Hello," Elizabeth said when she answered.

"Are you watching Wheel of Fortune?" Johanna asked.

"Yes; why?"

"Because your granddaughter just yelled 'call a G, you jackass' and apparently that's a thing you do together," she remarked.

"Oh don't worry about it," Elizabeth stated; "I told her to only do it when Wheel of Fortune is on."

"Liz! Do you really think it's appropriate to tell her to call people jackass?"

"Well you call people jackass," her mother-in-law replied.

"I'm an adult."

"Don't get up in arms about it, Johanna; she only says it during the game. I told her it's bad the rest of the time. Besides; some of these contestants are jackasses…I mean sometimes the puzzle is so damn obvious and yet you get some jackass calling a 'z' like it really fits in the word."

Johanna sighed. "But still?"

"She's not hurting anybody; I told her she can't say it anywhere else and only during Wheel of Fortune; clearly you're watching Wheel of Fortune, so she feels she's within her rights. The novelty will wear off one day and she won't say it. Don't make a big thing out of it."

She supposed that her mother-in-law had a point, the novelty of saying the word in such a restricted way probably would wear off; and as long as it wasn't happening constantly; she could probably overlook an occasional lapse instead of starting a battle with Elizabeth that she didn't want. "Alright; but…could we try to tone down the usage of the word? Maybe one day soon you can think up an age appropriate substitution?"

"Yeah; I'll see what I can do," Elizabeth remarked; "I've got to go now; I don't want to miss the next round."

"Bye," Johanna said as she clicked off the phone and put it back on the base; her gaze returning to her daughter. "Katie; no more saying jackass today."

"I'll just say it at Grammy's when we watch the Wheel of Fortune," her daughter remarked matter of factly.

"Fine; when you're at Grammy's you follow her rules; here you follow mine, because I'm the boss here. I'm not going to be mad at you for saying it today but I don't want to hear it anymore, understand?"

"What if it's a accident?" Katie asked.

She side eyed her. "It better be a believable accident."

Katie eyed her as she took another sip of her juice.

"If I was you, I'd remember that Santa is coming in a few days," Johanna remarked; "You don't want to lose gifts at the last minute, do you?"

"No, I don't want to do that," her daughter remarked.

"Then you better be careful with your words, little miss."

Katie giggled. "Are we going to play in the snow?"

"Yes; well go out and play when I finish reading the newspaper, okay? I don't have much left…and that way you can finish watching Wheel of Fortune."

"Okay."

"Maybe we can make a snowman," Johanna commented.

"I'd like that!"

"Then that's what we'll do," she promised.

* * *

After Katie finished watching Wheel of Fortune, they got up and made the beds and deposited the breakfast dishes in the sink. They dressed in old, warm clothes and then scoured the house in search of things to use for the snowman they were going to make.

"We can use my bucket for a hat," Katie said as she found one of her sand buckets in the basement.

"That's a good idea," Johanna replied. "I think we can use these old pinwheels for arms if you're done playing with them. I can get you a new one next summer; what do you think?"

"Yeah; we can use those," Katie replied. "I'll get a new one when it's warm again."

"Alright," she said as she put the pinwheels in the bucket. "What else do we need?"

"A nose!"

"We've got carrots in the fridge; we can use one of those for his nose."

"He needs eyes," Katie stated.

"You're right, we need something for eyes; let's go upstairs, we'll put the carrot in your bucket and then I'll check the sewing box Grandma gave me and see if there's some big buttons in there we can use."

They headed back up to the kitchen, making a stop at the fridge to grab the carrot and then Johanna led the way to the office where she opened the bottom cabinet door of the wall unit and pulled out the sewing box. "You're in luck," she told her. "Here's two big black buttons, they'll be good for eyes."

Katie smiled and held her bucket out for her mother to drop the buttons into it. "He needs a mouth."

"That might be trickier to think up," Johanna remarked. "We'll come back to that; is there anything else we need?"

"A scarf," Katie exclaimed.

"We don't have any old scarves, sweetheart; Mommy can't even find the one she bought last year."

"I know what we can use!" her daughter exclaimed as she raced off.

"What?" Johanna called after her, hurrying to her feet to follow her daughter.

Katie raced upstairs and into her parents bedroom, moving to the closet door and opening it. She spotted a few of her father's ties and pulled down a burgundy colored on that caught her eye. "We can use this," she said as Johanna came into the room.

"That's daddy's tie," Johanna remarked.

"He's not using it," she declared.

"I know…but still, it's his tie."

"He's got more," Katie remarked; hand on her hip and serious expression on her face.

"Well, that's true," she replied; "And he doesn't wear that one much…I guess we could use it. We can just buy him a new one to replace it if it gets yucky."

"Yay," Katie exclaimed as she dropped it into her bucket. "We still need a mouth."

Johanna thought about it for a moment; usually people used rocks but they were going to be hard to find in the snow. A thought struck her though as she glimpsed Jim's burgundy tie in the bucket. "I know…you know those gross raisins Daddy likes to eat?"

Katie made a face of disgust. "Uh huh."

"There's a box of them in the cupboard downstairs…we can use those."

Her daughter smiled. "We'll buy Daddy new ones."

"Right."

"Let's go build a snowman!" Katie exclaimed, bouncing on her toes.

She laughed. "We'll get the raisins and head out."

After collecting the last item needed for their snowman, Johanna and Katie headed outside and got to work, rolling the snow into three balls and assembling it into the body of their snowman. Johanna stuck the pinwheel sticks into the snowman, the colored pinwheels making cute looking hands in her opinion. She lifted Katie so she could stick the carrot into the center of his face and then she took the buttons and box of raisins and the tie so Katie could place the bucket on his head as a hat.

She sat her daughter back on the ground and then placed the buttons for his eyes and then opened the box of raisins, shaking some of them out into Katie's mittened hands. Carefully, she spaced the raisins into a smile and then they stood back and admired their handy work. "He looks nice, doesn't he?" Johanna asked.

"We forgot to put his scarf on," Katie said, holding up the tie.

"You're right, we forgot that," she said as she took Jim's tie and carefully put it around the snowman's neck and tied it loosely so it wouldn't blow away.

Katie giggled. "I like our snowman, Mommy."

She smiled. "I do too; let me get my camera off the porch and we'll take some pictures of him."

They retrieved the camera and Johanna snapped a few solo pictures of the snowman and then had Katie pose next to him.

"Do you think Grandpa will like our snowman?" Katie asked.

"I'm sure Grandpa will think he's a fabulous snowman," Johanna replied. "If he doesn't get to come see it, we'll show him the pictures."

"Do you think Daddy will like him?"

"Of course he will," she said as she put the camera back on the porch swing where it would be safe. Although she wasn't sure Jim would like that his tie had been used but since he was big on making sacrifices lately, he could just add his tie to the list.

'What are we going to do now, Mommy?" Katie asked. "We don't gotta go in already, do we?"

"Nope," she replied; "There's something very important that we have to do first."

"What?"

Johanna scooped up a little bit of snow and tossed it at her. "Snowball fight!"

Katie shrieked and scooped up some snow, throwing it back at her mother. They chased each other through the front yard, throwing snowballs at each other until they fell down together in the cold snow. "I like snowball fights," Katie said breathlessly, her cheeks red from the cold and excitement.

"Me too; me and Daddy had a snowball fight a long time ago."

"Who won?"

"I'm not sure," she said; "But that's when Daddy asked me to marry him."

Katie smiled and then started moving her arms and legs in the snow. "Snow angel," she declared.

Johanna smiled as she watched her make a few snow angels around the yard and then began to wonder how the shoveling was going to get done. She was glad she had parked out front the evening before instead of in the driveway. She blew out a breath as she pushed herself up out of the snow, Katie playing on her own for the moment, drawing shapes in the snow with a stick she had somehow found.

The neighborhood was crawling with kids, the sound of their amusement and excitement over the snow day echoing in the air along with the scrape of shovels. "Mrs. Beckett," a voice said.

Johanna turned to see the two teenage boys that lived next door. "Yes, Josh?" she asked.

"My brother and I are going around shoveling; can we shovel for you? We'll shovel your car and your walk and steps; your driveway too if you want."

She smiled; problem solved. "Yes; if you and Justin would like the job, it's yours. I'll pay you of course."

They smiled. "We'll get started now."

The boys split up the work to be done and she felt the burden slip from her shoulders as Katie watched the kids pulling each other on sleds. A little boy stopped and asked if she wanted to go for a ride and her daughter turned her hopeful gaze toward her. "Go ahead; but stay where I can see you," she told her as she moved closer to the sidewalk.

Katie beamed happily and climbed onto the sled with a little girl who lived a few houses down. The boy pulled them up and down the sidewalk, increasing his speed and taking them over small lumps of snow to make them squeal with excitement. Johanna watched, a smile of her lips, watching the scene as she chatted with the mother of the boys who had asked to shovel. She learned that they were trying to earn money for their school trip and made a note to herself to pay them well so they'd have a good start on their earnings for the day.

Finally she started to shiver in her wet clothes and she called to Katie. "One last ride, Katie, and then it's time to go in and get warm, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy."

The boy took off for one last trip and then brought her back. Johanna held out her hand to her. "Tell your friend thank you."

"Thank you, Bobby," she told him. "Bye, Laura."

"Bye, Katie," Laura said.

Bobby gave a nod. "Catch you later, dude."

Katie laughed and allowed Johanna to lead her away. "Did you have fun?" she asked as they made their way into the house.

"Yes; I had lots of snow; but I'm a little cold now," Katie admitted.

" I'm going to pay those boys who are shoveling and then we'll go hang these wet clothes up in the bathroom and dry off," she told her, nudging her toward the stairs. "We'll put on some warm, dry clothes and make some hot chocolate; that will warm us up."

"Okay," she replied; "With marshmallows?"

"Of course with marshmallows you silly girl," she teased. "Would I give you any other kind?"

"I hope not," Katie replied. "I like marshmallows."

"You'll have marshmallows, sweetheart; I promise."

* * *

Later on, after they had changed and dried their hair with the hair dryer; they drank their hot chocolate and alternated between watching TV and playing rounds of Barbies and building blocks until it was time to start dinner.

"Katie; what do you want for dinner?"

"Can we have sghetti o's?" she asked.

The idea was appealing, Johanna thought to herself; it would be quick and easy and then they could start on the project Katie had been waiting on all week. "You want spaghetti o's?"

"Yes, please."

She nodded. "Our special snow day definitely deserves spaghetti o's for dinner," she stated; "You know what we can do after we finish eating?"

"What?"

Johanna leaned close and whispered in her ear. "Bake cookies."

"We can bake cookies!?" her daughter exclaimed.

"Yep; we can bake those Christmas cookies."

Katie smiled. "This day is so good!"

"It is," she said with a nod. "Do you know why?"

"Cause it snowed and you didn't have to go to work."

"That…and because we're together having all day girls day," Johanna replied, pressing a kiss to her cheek as they got up from the couch. "Let's go make dinner and then get those cookies started."

"I'm so excited," Katie declared as she ran off to the kitchen.

Johanna felt a swell of lightness in her heart; for once this month, she had spent a whole day so far feeling happy.

After they ate their dinner of spaghetti o's; Johanna gathered the ingredients they'd need for the various cookies they were going to make. She took down the mixing bowls and told Katie to get the cookie sheets out of the cupboard.

"Let's see, do we need anything else?" Johanna asked as she opened her recipe book.

"Christmas music!" Katie declared. "We can't make Christmas cookies without music."

"You're right, they won't taste extra special without the right soundtrack," Johanna quipped as she turned on the radio on the counter and flipped through the stations until she found one that was playing only Christmas music. "Are we ready now?"

"I'm ready," she said; "But do I have to have this towel pinned to me?"

"Yes; you wanted to put your pajamas on when we were changing clothes and I want them to stay clean so you can sleep in them," she told her. "The towel will be your apron and keep your shirt clean."

"How come you don't got a towel on your shirt?" Katie demanded to know.

"Because I'm not as messy as you," she told her with a laugh.

"That's not fair, Mommy."

"That's how it goes sometime, kiddo," she told her. "Get on your chair so we can get started. Which cookies should we make first?"

"Chocolate chip," Katie replied.

Johanna nodded and flipped to the recipe for the chocolate chip cookies.

"This is one of Grandma's favorite Christmas songs!" her daughter exclaimed as she watched her mother begin to pour some of the ingredients into the mixing bowl.

"Is it?" Johanna asked; knowing it was.

"Yep," Katie said, swaying to the upbeat melody of the tune. "Haul out the holly," she sang; "Put up the tree before my spirit falls again."

"Fill up the stocking," Johanna said, singing the next line. "I may be rushing things but we need to deck the halls again…"

"We need a little Christmas," they sang together; "Right this very minute! Candles in the window, carols at the spinet…"

"Mommy, what's a spinet?" Katie giggled.

"I have no idea," she replied; "But it's still a good song."

"It's one of my favorites too," her daughter declared as she continued to sing along.

Johanna smiled; today was the little bit of Christmas they needed…it felt like a little magic had been interjected into the air with the arrival of snowfall and now Christmas songs on the radio, cookies to be made. This was better, she thought; this felt like Christmas.

* * *

It was after eight and they were dancing around the kitchen to Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree as the last batch of cookies baked in the oven. The phone rang, interrupting their giggles and forcing Johanna to turn down the music on the radio before grabbing the phone. "Hello?"

"Is Katie still up?" Jim asked.

A small flicker of anger boiled in her blood as her husband didn't even say hello to her or bother to mention the fact that he hadn't called her as promised the night before. "Yeah; she's up; hold on," she said, her voice slightly strained. "Here, Katie; it's Daddy."

Katie accepted the phone, still wiggling a little to the beat. "Hi, Daddy."

"Hi, Katie," he replied. "Are you ready for bed?"

"Nope; I'm baking cookies with Mommy."

Jim checked his watch. "It's time for you to be in bed hearing your story."

"I get to stay up a little later tonight."

"Why?"

"Cause Mommy said so," his daughter stated. "Mommy didn't have to go to work today; she stayed home with me all day."

"Why didn't she go to work?"

"Cause it snowed, Daddy!" she exclaimed happily. "Me and Mommy got to sleep in and we had fancy lady breakfast."

"What's fancy lady breakfast?"

"When you eat breakfast on a tray in bed," Katie explained. "It was good; and we read the funnies and watched the Wheel of Fortune; and then you know what?"

"What?"

"We went outside and played in the snow. We made a snowman and had a snowball fight and the nice boy pulled me on his sled. We had lots of fun; it's too bad you don't have fun with us anymore," Katie stated.

Johanna's eyes widened but she kept her lips clamped shut as she hoped her husband wouldn't blow his stack at their four year old again.

"I'm glad you had fun," Jim said, a slight edge in his tone as he took offense to what his daughter said.

"When we came in, we had hot chocolate and we ate sghetti o's for dinner and now we baking cookies and dancing and singing; we're having so much fun. I wish you had fun with us, Daddy; but you don't come home anymore so you don't get to have fun. I gotta pee so I catch you later, dude."

"Catch you later dude?" Jim repeated. "Katie…"

"Here, Mommy; I gotta pee."

"Go pee and then you can tell Daddy goodnight," Johanna said with a laugh.

"What the hell is 'catch you later, dude?" Jim demanded to know.

"Oh she picked it up from the boys outside today; it's no big deal," she laughed.

"What are you doing letting her around boys!"

"Oh my God, Jim; all the kids were out playing in the snow; the adults were out too, shoveling, supervising, playing. The little boy that lives two houses down on the other side of the street saw her watching the sled riders and offered to pull her on his sled for a few minutes; she rode on it with the little girl down the street. I was present the whole time; I promise she was not tainted by a ten year old."

"She doesn't need around boys!"

"She's been around boys before; some of her cousins are boys," Johanna remarked. "All he did was pull her up and down the sidewalk on his sled with that other little girl; she was never out of my sight. She had fun."

"Unlike me," he stated.

"She's just a little girl, Jim; she doesn't always realize how words come off."

He scoffed. "Did you get the shoveling done?"

"Yeah; those two teenage boys next door were looking to make money doing snow shoveling so I paid them to do it."

"How much?"

"Twenty dollars each."

"Are you crazy!" he exclaimed. "You should've only paid then ten dollars each, if that!"

"It's a lot of work," she replied; "Besides, I figure if I pay well, they'll come back if it snows again when you're out of town."

"How about instead of you shelling out forty dollars and instead of playing in the snow like a child; get off your ass and pick up a shovel and do it yourself!"

"Hey, Jim; you can kiss my ass," she told him. "I'm entitled to enjoy a day with my daughter when the opportunity presents itself. Those kids wanted to work and I paid them, get over it. If you're so worried about it, haul your sorry ass home, put down your beer bottle or glass of whiskey and do it _yourself._ "

Jim was silent for a long moment and so was she, a measure of hurt rippling through her. "I'm back, Mommy," Katie announced.

"Did you wash your hands?" she asked, trying to keep her tone steady.

"Yes," she said, holding up her hands that were still a little damp because she hadn't dried them enough.

"Tell Daddy goodnight," Johanna said, handing the phone to her.

"Goodnight, Daddy," Katie said as she took the phone.

"Goodnight, Katie; you better get to bed soon," Jim told her.

His daughter huffed. "I'll go to bed when the cookies are done; Mommy said I'm allowed up! She's the boss here."

"I'm the boss," Jim remarked.

"No; you're not; Mommy is," Katie retorted. "Mommy lives here."

"So does Daddy, Katie," Johanna remarked. "Just tell him goodnight before he gets mad again."

"Night, Daddy."

"Goodnight, Katie; give the phone to your mother."

"Here, Mommy," she said, thrusting the phone toward her.

Johanna took the phone. "Goodnight, Jim."

"I'll call you back," he stated.

"Yeah; I heard that story before," she remarked; "So don't bother lying to me again; just go on about your business like you always do. I have to go; the timer is about to go off," she said; hanging up before he could say a word.

Katie looked at her seriously as she turned away from the phone. "Are you sad now, Mommy?"

She managed to bring a smile to her lips. "Of course not, sweetheart; I'm with you and we've had a fun, happy day…nothing to be sad about. Are you sad?"

"No, Mommy; I had lots of fun today!" she exclaimed, a smile on her lips. "Can you stay home tomorrow?"

"I wish I could," Johanna told her; "But I'm sure the snow is over and I'll have to go to work tomorrow; but remember, I'll pick you up at lunch time so you can help me decorate my office, okay?"

"Okay," Katie said as she raised her arms, hinting that she wanted to be picked up.

Johanna lifted her onto her hip. "Are you getting sleepy?"

"Uh huh," she said with a yawn. "Cookies almost done?"

She glanced at the timer. "They've got one minute left; when I get them out, I'll take you up to bed and tuck you in, read you a story, okay?"

"Okay," Katie told her as she melted against her, her arms and legs wound around her.

"I'm going to have to put you down until I get the cookies out, sweetie," Johanna said, rubbing her back soothingly; "Then I'll pick you up again."

Her daughter nodded and allowed her to put her down. The timer went off and Johanna went to the oven and pulled out the last batch of cookies and sat them on the counter to cool and then picked Katie up once more. "Alright, sweetheart; they're all done; you did a good job."

"They look good," Katie agreed with a yawn.

"They do; we'll eat some tomorrow."

"Do I go to Grandma's or Grammy's tomorrow?"

"You go to Grandma's tomorrow; and you have rehearsal for your pageant tomorrow night; but don't worry, you'll see Grammy when we visit over the weekend for Christmas."

"Is Daddy coming home for Christmas?" Katie asked, her fingers toying with her mother's hair as she was carried upstairs.

"I hope so, honey," she murmured; "But don't worry; no matter what, we're going to have a happy Christmas, okay?"

"Okay."

Johanna took Katie to her room and tucked her into bed. Her daughter was asleep before she finished the first story and she softly pressed another kiss to her forehead before carefully rising from the bed. She made sure her daughter had her bunny next to her and straightened the covers, making sure she would be warm and then she turned off the lamp on the nightstand and left the room, leaving the door ajar so Katie would see the light in the hallway if she got up in the middle of the night.

* * *

Johanna got all the cookies put into containers and the counters and table scrubbed down. She swept the floor and decided to put off mopping until the next night after Katie was in bed. She washed the dishes and was in the process of putting them away when the phone rang. She squeezed her eyes shut, wondering if she should really answer it but her heart overruled her brain, making her toss aside the dish towel and grab the phone. "What?" she asked; having a good feeling that it was her husband.

"Hello to you too," Jim said tartly.

"Well it's not like you said hello to me earlier," Johanna stated.

Jim bit back a sharp retort. "Is Katie in bed?"

"Yes."

"You shouldn't keep letting her stay up late; she'll get in the habit of it."

"I let her stay up late twice this week for special occasions, I'm sure she'll be fine. She went to sleep with no problem."

"I like how what I think is always disregarded in favor of your parenting ideas."

"Well considering that I'm the only parent at home right now, I get to make the decisions," Johanna retorted; "And if you're calling to critique my parenting skills; hang up now because I'm not listening to it…I will not for a single second listen to you tell me that I'm not a good mother."

"I didn't say that…I just think you spoil her sometimes."

"She's my baby to spoil," she said sharply. "I only have one and if I want to let her stay up a little later than usual to bake Christmas cookies I will and I don't give a damn if you like it or not. Now pick a new topic because I'm getting pissed off and you're not going to like what I have to say if you keep going."

Jim breathed deeply. "What are you doing?"

"I got off my ass and cleaned the kitchen," Johanna retorted.

A beat of silence fell across the line. "I'm sorry, Johanna; I shouldn't have said that earlier. You did overpay those kids who did it but I shouldn't have acted like you're lazy, you're not."

"I paid the kids what I felt the job was worth. They shoveled out my car, cleared the sidewalks, steps and did the driveway. They earned what I have them and they appreciated it."

"I'm sure they did…they'll also have you pegged as a sucker now. Every time they want to make some money they'll say 'go knock on Mrs. Beckett's door; she pays the big money."

"They will not!"

"Sure they will; they'll want to shovel the snow, mow the lawn, wash your car; whatever else they can think of."

"Well you should like that since you complain that you have too much to do around here," she replied with a touch of sarcasm. "Maybe I can get them to take out the garbage too."

"Don't start," he said sharply. "I just don't want you taken advantage of."

"The didn't take advantage of me; they were going to every house and asking to shovel; when they got here, I said yes; they didn't name a price; I just paid them what I felt the earned. They were out shoveling to make money for a school trip; their mother told me so while I was watching Katie take her sled ride; now shut up about it."

"You're too damn trusting, Johanna. You believe every sob story you here."

"I do not! I know the truth from a lie. You're the once who expects the worst out of everyone…look at how you treat your wife lately; nothing but criticism from everything from how she parents to how long it takes her to wrap gifts to how much she pays for snow removal. Every time you call here you have something to bitch about in regard to what I'm doing; like I'm not good enough for you anymore."

"I never said that."

"You don't have to say those exact words; it comes through loud and clear. It's like you have different personalities lately; one call, you try to act like the man I'm used to, actually say you love me and act like you want to try to improve whatever the hell is going on between us and the next call you're back to being an arrogant ass and I never know what to expect…although the ass seems to show up more than the real Jim Beckett."

"I have a stressful job," he snapped.

"So does everyone else!"

"Well mine's more stressful than yours at the moment!" he shot back.

"Jim; why don't you just give up the promotion and go back to how things were?"

"Are you out of your damn mind!?"

"No; but I think it's too much pressure for you right now."

"Well I don't recall asking your opinion," he stated; "And I'm not going to back out and look like an ass that can't handle more responsibility and bigger cases that bring in more money. I'll adjust and so will you and I don't want to hear another word about _that_."

"Fine," she replied. "I won't mention it again. I did wait for you to call me last night like you said you would…I even tried to call you."

"Yeah; I figured you'd be mad about that."

"I'm not mad," Johanna said quietly; "I was just hurt…you promised me twice."

"Hey; you're the one who didn't want to talk the night before."

"It wasn't that I didn't want to talk to you, I was tired, Jim. I waited all day to talk to you…I wanted to talk to you…have a better conversation than we have been. I waited…and I tried to call you and you didn't answer."

Jim sighed. "Listen, I didn't do it on purpose. I intended to call you but I knew I had to wait until Katie was in bed so I went out with Zach and Steve for awhile. I intended to come back early to call you but I lost track of time and forgot."

"So why couldn't you call tonight with the good intentions that had been planned for last night? Why instead of trying to be yourself, you call and criticize me and make me feel like I'm stupid and worthless?"

"You're not those things."

"It seems like it in your eyes."

"I'm not even justifying that delusion with a response. This is why I hate calling home."

Johanna fell silent, trying to find words that wouldn't offend but she wasn't sure what to say other than to apologize. "I'm sorry."

"You always are."

"I'll add it to my list of things to work on. I'll let you go, you probably have papers to look over or something and I need to finish putting the dishes away."

"Jo," Jim said quietly.

"What?"

"Don't go."

"Why not?" she asked; a soft cry rippling through her tone. "I just annoy you…I don't know what to say anymore because we don't seem able to talk about anything."

"We can talk about whatever you want," he said, trying not to lose his patience with her…because he didn't totally understand why he kept doing that anyway.

Johanna wished that she knew a safe topic to pick but she wasn't sure what it could be. "You pick something," she murmured.

He blew out a breath, as if the request was more than he could handle. "What do you have planned for tomorrow?"

"Going to work…I'm going to eat lunch at Mom's because Katie wants to come to my office for a little while and help me decorate it a little so it'll lose that 'newness' quality and feel more like mine," she stated softly. "After we get done at the office we'll probably head home because I don't have any clients in the afternoon and I'll be on break for a few days between Christmas and New Year…but I have paperwork and files I can work on at home; it won't be like I'm slacking off completely," she hurried to say.

"You always take off between Christmas and New Year's since having Katie," he said; "It's nothing new."

She hesitated. "I know…I just…anyway," she said, changing course. "If you need picked up from the airport, we should be home a little earlier than usual, so call and we'll be there to get you."

Jim said nothing, the pause echoing across the line. "What kind of cookies did you make?" he asked after a few moments.

Her eyes closed and she tried not to scream as he made no mention of what his plans for the holiday were going to be. "The usual kind, peanut butter, and chocolate chip and sugar cookies."

"What about fudge?"

"We're making it tomorrow when we get home," she replied. "We do have to go to Katie's rehearsal for the Christmas pageant; but Mom said that should only be an hour, hour and a half at most. We'll be back by six-thirty."

"What rehearsal for what pageant?" he asked.

"Oh…I guess we haven't gotten to mention it," Johanna said; "Katie's going to be an angel in the Christmas Eve pageant at the church. She's doing it with Claire…Mom's playing the piano for it."

"I'm so glad I get to stay informed about what goes on in your lives," he remarked.

"Well we'd probably get to say more if you didn't get mad right off the bat and give us reason to hang up."

"When did this pageant business happen?"

"Monday; she's been practicing her songs all week. Rehearsal is tomorrow tonight…and there might be a run through Saturday morning, I have to double check about that."

"Sounds like you'll be busy."

"Not too busy to come and get you if you need us to…or want us to. Even if it's late…I can have Liz come sit with her and I could come get you."

"Are you getting a Christmas bonus?" he asked.

Avoidance of the topic once again, she thought to herself. "I don't know; I figure not this year since we haven't been open all that long; why?"

"I was just wondering; you always got one at Roche."

"Yeah, I know," she said with a touch of bitterness. "Maybe next year Mark will give a bonus, if not; it's not a deal breaker."

"Did you get Sally's bonus to her?"

"Yes; I got it to her. She said to thank you and she hopes you're back soon…she's bored when you're not there to yell at her."

"Did you collect my bonus?" he asked.

"No; you didn't ask me to get it."

"It wouldn't have hurt you to."

"It wouldn't have hurt you to tell me to either. If you want me to get it tomorrow, then call Sally and her get it and I'll pick it up from her before I head home."

He huffed. "Really? You can't just go in and ask for it?"

"Fine; I'll call Sally in the morning and ask her to make arrangements for me to pick it up before I go to lunch; alright? I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself by making something easier for me once in awhile," Johanna retorted. "Now do you want me to take it to the bank or put it in your desk for you to take care of?"

"Take it to the bank; I don't want a check lying around the house for Katie to color on."

"Like I wouldn't put it away in a safe place," she remarked; "But fine, I'll take it to the bank; I'll call your father and make sure they'll allow me to do that since my name won't be on it…which will complicate matters."

"You can sign my name to it; it's not like I'm going to have you arrested for forgery. Just do it; you're just depositing the money, it's not like you're cashing it."

"Fine. Anything else you want me to do?"

"Not that I know of," Jim replied.

Johanna was willing to bet that the only reason he had called back was because he was worried about making arrangements for his bonus to be picked up. "I'll take care of it."

"I appreciate it."

"Yeah, sure."

"Jo."

"Sorry," she murmured.

"Take a few dollars of it and buy you and Katie dinner with it since I'm adding to what you need to do."

"That's alright; I don't need paid to be a wife."

"Jo; just do it."

"I don't want your bonus."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jim asked.

"It means I don't like my husband acting like he's compensating me for providing a service."

"I'm not trying to compensate you."

"If you want to use some of it to buy Katie and I dinner, we'll wait until you're here to go with us as a family."

"You have to be so damn hardheaded."

"Jim…what's wrong with wanting to go to dinner with you if it's going to be your treat?"

He was quiet for a moment. "Nothing, I guess."

Silence fell across the line once more. She didn't know what to say and she was still stinging from his avoidance in regard to her remarks about him coming home.

"You said you're going to decorate your office," Jim stated; "What are you going to do?"

"Put down some rugs, hang some pictures, put out some knickknacks," she answered. "I bought a few things at a thrift store…I didn't spend much."

"I didn't ask about the cost."

He hadn't asked but she wanted to be sure that he knew that she hadn't splurged too much. "How was your day?" she asked; shifting the attention away from her.

"Lousy as always."

"I'm sorry; is there anything I can do?"

"Just collect my bonus; I don't want them conveniently forgetting to pay me."

Johanna smirked a little. "Is that the only reason you called me? You just need me to go pick up your bonus?"

"It's part of the reason," Jim replied; "But not the whole reason. Sometimes I like to hear your voice…at least until you start getting mad."

"Do you think I like being angry with you?" she asked; "Because I don't. Seems to me, you're the one who likes to pick fights lately."

"I'm going to go," he said. "I'm tired."

She bit her tongue, not bothering to throw his words back in his face from when he had accused her of lying about being tired. "Alright; get some rest. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Goodnight," Jim stated before hanging up.

Johanna sighed deeply as she hung up the phone, her heart aching a little more than usual. He had refused to acknowledge her remarks about him coming home and she couldn't understand why. Was he waiting until the end of his work day to let her know? Maybe he wouldn't be able to leave until early Saturday morning but wasn't sure yet. He was going to come home…wasn't he? Surely he wouldn't be so cruel as to stay in Chicago over the holiday…would he?

 _Author's Note: Next chapter is the day before Christmas Eve…it's getting closer!_


	12. Chapter 12

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 12

The next morning, Johanna let herself and Katie into her mother's house. "Grandma, I'm here," Katie called out as she sat down her small backpack and then plopped down on the floor so Johanna could help her take her boots off.

"You're here?" Naomi asked as appeared in the doorway of the living room. "Are you sure?"

Katie laughed. "You're silly, Grandma. I'm here."

"I'm so glad," she told her. "I miss you when you're not here."

"Mommy stayed home with me yesterday," she told her grandmother as she unzipped her coat and handed it to her mother. "We had a snow day."

"I bet you liked that," Naomi replied, watching as Johanna picked up her daughter's bag to carry it into the living room. "How are you this morning, dear?"

"I'm fine," Johanna replied; "I'm just glad I'm off for several days after today."

Her mother smiled as she nodded. "I'd say you've earned a little break. Katie, there's a surprise in the kitchen."

Katie raced off to the kitchen. "Nona!" she exclaimed. "Mommy, Nona's here!"

"And now she knows Katie's here," Johanna said with a laugh as she and her mother made their way to the kitchen.

"She's been waiting on her," Naomi said. "Your father picked her up last night and brought her on home for the weekend."

"There's the bambinas," Sophia stated as Katie crawled onto her lap for hugs and kisses.

"Hi, Grandma," Johanna said as she moved to the table to kiss the old woman's cheek.

"How are you, mi cara?" Sophia asked.

"Oh, I'm alright; how about you? Are you feeling better?"

"Yes; I'm fine. It was just a cold and everyone gets up in arms about it," her grandmother said with a wave of her hand. "I've been over it for weeks now; which you'd know if you had called."

"I call you all the time," Johanna laughed.

"I've only heard from you twice this month, missy."

"I'm sorry, Grandma; I've just been frazzled. Jim's been in Chicago since the first and I've had everything to do on my own. I'm off next week though, so I'll bring Katie and come spend the day with you, if that's okay?"

"Of course it is," Sophia said, smiling brightly as she hugged her great granddaughter tightly. "You can come visit Nona anytime. How are you, little bambina?" she asked Katie.

"I'm good…did you bring biscotti?" Katie asked.

Sophia laughed. "Ah, you are a true Italiano, little bambina. No, I didn't bring the biscotti with me; I'm going to make it after I finish breakfast; you can help me and Grandma."

Katie hugged her. "I like helping to make things."

"Good; we'll put you right to work," she said. "Are you excited about Santa coming tomorrow?"

"Uh huh; and I'm gonna be in the Christmas pageant. Are you gonna come see me sing, Nona?"

"Of course I am, darling; I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"You can practice your songs while we bake," Naomi stated.

Sophia gave her attention back to Johanna. "Just when is that husband of yours planning to get home?"

"I don't know, Grandma; I'm hoping no later than tomorrow but I haven't been told of his plans yet."

Sophia eyed her knowingly. "Do I need to put the eye on him?"

She smiled. "I'll get back to you on that."

"You just say the word, darling; and I'll fix him."

"Oh believe me; I'll keep that in mind," Johanna remarked; "Because there have been moments when I'm tempted to call upon your expertise."

"Any time," Sophia replied as she looked her up and down. "You're wearing pants to work?"

She smiled as she glanced down at her black dress pants. "Yes, I do wear pants to work sometimes…it's cold out there, Grandma."

Her grandmother chuckled. "I know, dear; you're just usually always in a skirt for work."

"Well I thought I'd shock you," she teased.

"I wish you could stay with us, Mommy," Katie said; "You could make biscotti with us."

"I wish I could stay for that too; but I'll come eat lunch with you."

"That would be nice," Naomi remarked with a smile. "What would you like to have? I'll have it ready for you when you get here."

Johanna thought for a moment. "Do you have any of your vegetable soup in the freezer?"

"You know I do; I'll have a nice hot bowl of it ready for you, bambina," her mother told her.

"Thanks, Mom. After lunch I'm going to take Katie to the office with me; she wants to help me do some decorating so my office doesn't seem so new."

"We don't get the little bambina for the whole day?" Sophia asked, giving Katie a squeeze. "I was looking forward to having her here all day."

Johanna kissed her cheek. "We'll come back when I get off work; chances are since it's the Friday before the holiday, I'll get to leave early."

"Johanna, why don't you and Katie just have dinner here tonight," Naomi stated. "We're going to eat a little early because of the rehearsal; Valerie will be bringing Greg and Claire over too. We'll just all go together."

She nodded. "Alright, we'll do that. I'll get her after lunch and then when I get off work, we'll just come back here and spend time with Nona and have dinner and then go with you to rehearsal. It'll save some running back and forth."

"My point exactly," Naomi remarked; "There's no sense in you two going home when you can just eat here. You know I'm always happy to have you both here."

"I know, Mama. I better get going though; I have some things to take care of this morning since I'll be off next week. Katie, be good for Grandma and Nona," she said before kissing her.

"I will, Mommy."

"Okay; I'll see you for lunch," she told them before accepting her mother's hug goodbye and the squeeze her grandmother gave her hand.

Naomi followed her as she made her way back to the door. "Didn't Jim call last night?" she asked softly.

"He called but he ignored certain pointed statements about being available to pick him up."

Naomi eyed her knowingly. "That doesn't seem very promising, does it?"

She shrugged. "I'm just hoping that he was avoiding it because he doesn't know an exact time…maybe he wants to see what time he gets out of court today and when he can get a flight. Who knows, he might not be able to fly out until the morning."

"I hope he lets you know soon…that little girl in there will be heartbroken if he's not here."

"I know," she murmured.

Her mother caught her eye. "And so will you."

"Yeah…and it wouldn't be the first time he broke my heart…but I'm praying it won't be the case. I mean surely he's going to get here."

"I hope so," Naomi said as she cupped Johanna's face and kissed her forehead. "You go on now and get your work done. We'll see you at lunch."

Johanna managed a smile for her. "See you at lunch," she said before pulling open the door and stepping back out into the cold; her mind swirling with thoughts of her husband…and her determination to believe that he'd call with good news.

* * *

It was nearing time for Johanna's lunch break when Sharon poked her head in the door. "Jim's on line one," she stated before allowing the door to shut.

Johanna moved away from her file cabinet, her heart pounding a little faster as she wondered why her husband would be calling her so early in the day. A flicker of hope sprung to life that maybe he was calling to say he'd be home tonight. She snatched the phone up and pushed the button to connect the call. "Hey," she said lightly; convinced it would be good news. "You're calling early; did you get things wrapped up?"

"No…we're on a break," Jim stated.

"Oh," she said, confusion coloring her tone. "If it's about your bonus, I haven't gotten there yet, I'll be taking my break in about ten minutes, I'll get it then."

"No, it's not about that."

Trepidation slid down her spine. "What's going on?"

Jim sighed. "This case is one disaster after another."

"Is there something I can do to help you?"

"No…but listen…this isn't going to be finished today."

Her stomach knotted a little but she stubbornly held on to a thread of hope. "So you'll have to go back after Christmas…you mentioned before that it was a possibility."

"Jo," he breathed.

She clenched the phone. "Don't say it, Jim."

"I…"

"Tell me you're not going to say it."

"I'm not going to make it back for Christmas."

Johanna squeezed her eyes shut, anger rushing through her body with the intensity of fire. "There is absolutely no excuse for you not to come home for Christmas. Christmas is Sunday and the courts are closed Monday. There's no excuse."

"Yes, there is," he countered; "My work here isn't done. I can't just up and leave."

"You expect me to believe you're going to be working on the holiday weekend? You're not going to be doing anything that you couldn't do at home in the evening. So try again to justify to me why you can't leave at the close of business today."

"Because I'm not done here and the firm isn't going to pay for me to fly home for a day and then turn around and fly right back. I'd have to pay for that myself, Johanna."

"So pay for it! You've got credit cards in your wallet; use one, we can afford it. We have the money."

"Just because we have it doesn't mean I should spend it on a round trip ticket to come home and turn around and go right back; that's stupid. I also have my room to consider. I don't want to lose my room, the hotel is close to the courthouse, I don't have to waste money on cabs. I also don't want to lose it because then I have to find another one and pay for it myself."

"Bull," she retorted; "As long as the law firm knows you're needed there, they're going to continue to pay the hotel bill. The hotel isn't going to give your room away as long as the bill is being paid and you can confirm that at the desk; so what's your next excuse?"

"Tomorrow is Christmas Eve; I haven't even attempted to make arrangements because I had no idea how any of this was going to play out," Jim said sharply. "There's no guarantee that I'd be able to get a flight."

"And you don't want to bother to try, right? You don't want to make calls after you get out of court today and find out. If you can't get a plane, there are trains and buses and rental cars; try one of those."

"Yeah, right," he scoffed. "And what if I do come home and the weather turns bad and I can't get back here, then what?"

"Then I guess they'll have to give you a continuance," she said mockingly. "It is done in those circumstances."

"Johanna, you need to understand, it's not worth the hassle or expense to come home for one day just because that day happens to be Christmas."

"Tell that to Katie when she's crying on Christmas morning because her daddy isn't there; because he can't play with her, because she can't see him open up the gifts she picked out for him. You tell her that."

"Katie will be fine; she'll have you and her grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, ect; not to mention being in a haze of new toys. She'll survive."

"She wants you."

"Well she can't have me this time, it's not like it's her first Christmas."

"I don't care if it's her first or her tenth; you're her father, you're supposed to be there!"

"Johanna, you're both going to have to understand."

"Oh, I understand," Johanna said angrily. "I understand perfectly that you have no legitimate reason for staying in Chicago this weekend. I understand that you could come home but you're choosing not to because you don't want to come home. It's not because it would only be for a short amount of time, it's not your precious money or your hotel room. You don't want to be bothered making arrangements because you don't want to come home. You want to spend Christmas alone in your hotel room without your nagging wife and rambunctious daughter; because as you told me before you like the space and don't really miss us."

"Jo, come on," he sighed; "Don't make this bigger than it has to be."

"I'm not the one who has created a big deal," she retorted; "You have with your stupid excuses not to come home and be with your family for the holiday."

"No; I gave you logical excuses; and if you'd think about it that way instead of flying off the handle over sentimental crap, you'd understand," Jim shot back.

Tears filled her eyes. "Tonight I'm going to tell Katie that you're not coming home…while hoping you'll have a change of heart, but knowing the ass you are lately, I know it's doubtful. So after her rehearsal, I'll take her home and break her heart…but don't worry, I'll make you sound real noble. I won't tell her that her daddy isn't going to be there on Christmas morning because she isn't worth his hassle or expense of finding a way. I'll tell her you feel really bad about it and that you tired really hard even though I know you didn't lift a finger, nor did you try…but I'll lie to her…because she already seems to think that you don't care and I don't want to confirm it. I'll make you sound contrite and just as upset as she is…I'll lie really well to cover your ass."

"Johanna…"

"And as for me," she said; "I've got this to say, Mr. Logic; if you don't come home for Christmas; don't come home at all."

"You don't mean that," Jim stated.

"Oh, I think I do," Johanna said; her voice cracking. "You've made it clear that you don't want to be here. You've made it clear that you need to make sacrifices for your career and you've chosen us to be those sacrifices; and if that's the way it's going to be then honey, let's just go the whole nine yards…when you're finally forced to crawl back to New York; call my office and notify me and I'll have your clothes packed and ready for you to pick up. Go live in your office since your job and climbing that ladder is all that matters to you. Don't worry about us; you've already made me a single parent; I do just fine."

"Don't talk like that," he said angrily.

"Then you better find a way home," she seethed. "I am sick and tired of this, Jim. I've been the doormat you've been wiping your feet on for months and now you don't even want to come home for Christmas to be with your daughter and for what? Do you think it makes you look good; that it proves something? You've already proved yourself, you got the promotion; now prove to us that you're still the man we know and love instead of finding fault with us and pushing us away. You made a comment that I need you too much; well you've got it wrong, I don't _need_ you; I _want_ you…I know I can make it on my own; I know if you're bound and determined for me to end up being a single parent due to your 'sacrifices' that I can do it, I have been doing it; but I don't _want_ to. I want you; we both do…but apparently you don't care."

"Jo, you'd do the same thing if you were in my position."

"No, I wouldn't!" she yelled. "I would never sacrifice Christmas with my baby for an empty hotel room! I would find a plane, a train, a car; I'd hire a sled and a pack of dogs to pull it if I had to to get home to my family! So tonight, while you're sucking down your drinks, you make your decision…you either come home this weekend and spend Christmas with your family or don't come home at all," she cried; "And if you choose to stay there, don't you even think about calling my house on Christmas thinking you're going to extend warm holiday greetings because you can shove them up your ass."

"It's my house too."

"No, if you don't come home; it's mine…mine and Katie's. You can have your car; I'll put your stuff in it; I'll even be nice and include your pillow so you'll be comfortable sleeping in it."

"Johanna," he sighed; "I wish you'd just understand…it doesn't make any sense to come home for such a short amount of time. Even if I can find a way home, I might not even get there until late tomorrow night…so I'd be there all day Christmas and have to fly back out Monday; what's the point in that?"

"The point," she said tearfully; "Would be that it shows you care about us…but you do what you got to do, Jim. Make your choice and then I'll make mine…don't bother calling tonight…no one in my house is going to be in any mood to talk to you. Go soak up your space."

"Steve and Zach are staying too," he stated, hoping it would smooth things somehow.

"I don't give a damn what they do; Steve is twice divorced and brags about how he doesn't care if he sees his kids or not so no surprise that he's not going home. As for Zach; I'm sure when he crawls home, Claudia will be waiting to tear him into little pieces for shunning her and their children as well…so you all get real chummy this Christmas; maybe you can be roommates in the new year."

"Baby…"

She scoffed. "Don't you even go there; you know calling me baby has never gotten you anywhere. I have to go now; I'm going to go pretend to be happy while I eat lunch with my daughter before I bring her back to the office with me…and as for your bonus check; you better hope Sally keeps it safe for you, because guess what, I'm not picking it up, I mean I would, but it's just not convenient for me to do so. It would mean stopping there, and making a run to the bank when I didn't expect to and what if the weather changes and it starts to snow? You wouldn't want me driving in that would you? So yeah, I'm not going to get it…and I don't care if you ever get it."

"Jo; don't do that; go get it. That money is just as much yours and Katie's as it is mine."

"No…it's not ours and we don't want it; we're fine. It's really not worth the hassle I'd have to go through to collect it…and besides, I'd be tempted to rip that check into a million pieces and throw it out the window because that's what you deserve. So, yeah; it's a no, I'm not picking up anything for you. You'll get it when you get it and if you don't get it, oh well, you'll just have to understand that when you're not here to collect it yourself those things happen…sacrifices, darling, sacrifices; now you have a real nice day, and just in case I don't see you, have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year," she said before slamming the phone down as hard as she could.

Johanna dropped into her chair and burst into tears, her hands covering her face to muffle the sound so that Sharon wouldn't hear. Her snide remarks and smirks were the last thing she needed when she had to face telling Katie that her daddy wasn't coming home for Christmas. It wasn't right…it just wasn't right or fair of him to do this to them. How could he just cast them aside so easily and chalk up the holiday as sentimental crap?

How could he plunge that knife into her heart with so little regard for her feelings and try to pass it off as logic? Since when did it become logical to shun your wife and child on Christmas? The hurt rippled through her and struggled to keep her cries quiet as she glanced at the clock. It was almost time for her to leave for her lunch break…she had to go home to her mother's and pretend everything was fine, that she was living in ignorant bliss so she could avoid telling Katie until later that night. Johanna sniffled, trying to force the tears to stop so she could make it out of the building without someone seeing that she was in the midst of an emotional breakdown courtesy of her husband.

It took a few minutes and what seemed like half a box of tissues to get herself under control and then she grabbed her purse and coat and hurried from her office, telling Sharon that she was going to lunch without even looking at her. She made her way to the ladies room and washed her face and reapplied her makeup. She figured she looked presentable again…now she just had to get through lunch with her daughter…and the two women who could always see right through her.

Johanna sighed as she left the bathroom; if she was lucky, Katie would dominate the meal with her chatter about her day so far and that wouldn't leave much time for Naomi and Sophia to read the depths of her soul.

* * *

After lunch, Johanna was struggling to keep her emotions suffocated as she and Katie rode the elevator up to her office. Her daughter was chatty and happy from spending the morning with her grandmother and great grandmother, being loved up and allowed to sample various baked goods including her Nona's biscotti. She was doing her best to feign happiness for Katie's sake…but it wasn't easy with Jim's words cycling through her brain. He had really chosen to stay in Chicago over being with them for the holiday. She couldn't believe it…despite all her attempts to prepare herself for that outcome, her heart hadn't allowed herself to believe it would be true…and now that naïve heart of hers felt like it had been sucker punched. How could he do that to them? How could he put her in the position of having to tell their daughter that her daddy wasn't coming home for Christmas?

How could he?

Johanna felt a sense of weariness wash over her; what a year it had been…and it seemed as thought it draw to a close with her marriage hanging in the balance. She had a feeling that New Year's would be yet another holiday she and Katie would spend without Jim.

"Mommy! You're not listening to me!" Katie exclaimed; her fingers squeezing Johanna's as she clutched a folder of her drawings with her other hand.

"I'm sorry, baby," she murmured as the doors slid open. "What were you saying?"

"Grandpa gave me a folder," Katie declared. "It's like you use for work."

She smiled as she glanced at the file folder Katie held proudly. "It is just like my folders for work."

"They're for 'portant papers," Kate said.

"That's right."

"Grandma helped me write my name on it."

"I see that," she told her; "And you put stickers on it."

"Uh huh; it's my special grown up folder."

"We'll make sure we take it home and put it in your room for your important things," Johanna remarked as she led her to the office.

Sharon barely acknowledged them as they passed by her desk but Johanna couldn't be bothered to care. She had enough problems without Sharon's contribution.

"I already brought all of our stuff in this morning," Johanna told Katie as she closed the door behind them.

"I'm ready to decorate, Mommy."

"Let's take our coats off first," she stated; "Put your folder on my desk for now."

Katie laid her folder on the desk and then unzipped her coat and shrugged out of it, handing it to Johanna to put in the closet. "What are we going to do first, Mommy?"

Johanna surveyed the room. "Let's put the rugs down first. Can you help me push the chairs out of the way?" she asked as she pointed to the two chairs in front of her desk.

"Yep, I can do that," her daughter proclaimed as she hurried toward the nearest chair and started to push it back toward the door. Johanna pulled the other chair out of the way and then she grabbed the largest rug and dragged it to the center of the floor.

"Help me unroll the rug," she told Katie.

Katie hurried to help her, giggling as they pushed the rug and it unrolled across the floor. "That was fun," she said.

Johanna laughed as she rose from the floor to straighten the rug and make sure it was centered. "It doesn't take much to amuse you."

"You're silly, Mommy."

"You're silly," she told her with a grin.

"I know," Katie laughed.

"What do you think of the rug?" Johanna asked.

"I like it, it's pretty."

"I like it too," she replied, feeling like it had improved her office already.

"Let's put the chairs back."

They put the chairs back where they belonged and Katie noticed the matching rug was still rolled up on the side of the room. "Where are we going to put that rug, Mommy?"

"Under the table; but we might have to get Uncle Mark to help move the table so we'll do that last," she told her. "Let's put out the stuff in the boxes."

Katie hurried to the largest box and pulled out the elephants she had spotted in the store window. "I think these should go on your desk, Mommy."

"Okay, my desk is big enough that they can go there…put them here," she said, pointing to the center of the front edge of the desk. "I don't have a nameplate so we can put the elephants there."

"What's a nameplate?"

"It's a little sign that people have on their desk that says their name…but Mommy's name is on the door, and on my diplomas on the wall, so I don't need one."

"Where we gonna put the other elephants?" Katie asked.

Johanna took one of the smaller ones from the box. "We'll sit this one beside your picture on my desk," she told her as she placed the elephant next to the framed photo of Katie that sat on the corner of her desk along with a framed picture of her and Jim.

"What about the other one?"

"He can sit here on the book case," Johanna replied, placing the elephant in front of a few law books on the top shelf.

They placed a vase of artificial flowers on a stand near the window and a small centerpiece of artificial flowers on the table and scattered a few other knickknacks on the various book shelves and stands. Johanna hung up the small framed pieces of art work and then carefully taped up the drawings Katie had made for her.

"What do you think so far?" Johanna asked her daughter.

"Your office looks pretty now, Mommy," Kate remarked.

She nodded. "It does look a lot better."

A knock sounded at the door before it cracked open. "Can I come in?" Mark asked.

"Yeah, we're in need of a man's help," Johanna said with a smile.

"Yeah, we need help, Uncle Mark."

"You do?" Mark asked as he slipped inside the door. "What can I do for you ladies?"

"We want to move the table to put the rug down," Johanna remarked; "But I think it's too big of a job for my lovely assistant to help me with."

He nodded. "No problem."

"I'm helping Mommy decorate her office," Katie stated.

"I see that," Mark said as he and Johanna moved the table out of the way.

"Do you like it?" Katie asked.

"I do; it looks very nice. I'm glad that your Mommy is settling in and making it her own. She's lucky to have you as a special helper."

"I like helping my Mommy."

Johanna rolled out the rug and then helped Mark put the table back in place. "What can we do for you, Mark?" she asked; figuring he had a reason for being there.

He reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out an envelope. "I wanted to give you your Christmas bonus; I gave Sharon hers before I came in."

"Mark, you didn't have to do that," she said as she accepted the envelope. "We haven't been open all that long and business has been a bit slow getting started."

"I know," he replied; "But we're doing alright and I know next year we'll do even better. Cathy and I want those of you who came with us to know you're appreciated and that we have faith that things will pick up. It's not as large of a bonus as we're used to from Roche; but hopefully next year things will be better and we can give bigger bonuses."

"I'm not worried about bonuses," she told him. "I'm just grateful you and Cathy asked me to join here."

"Were glad to have you, you've earned your bonus so take it with no argument," he replied before turning to Katie and reaching into his pocket. "And you, Miss Beckett; since you're such a good assistant and decorator, you get a bonus too. Here's a five dollar bill just for you."

"Thank you, Uncle Mark," Katie said as she accepted her gift.

"You're welcome, sweetie."

"Look, Mommy; I got a bonus!"

"I see," she laughed. "You can put that with your Christmas money from Uncle William and Aunt Lucinda. Remember, you only spent your birthday money, you still have your ten dollars Christmas money; and now you have five more…you have fifteen dollars now."

"Wow," Katie exclaimed.

"What are you going to do with all that money?" Mark asked lightly.

"I don't know; I have to wait until Santa comes and see what he don't bring me."

Mark laughed. "Good strategy; maybe you can be a lawyer when you grow up."

"I want to be like my Mommy when I grow up."

"Your Mommy is a lawyer," he told her.

Katie nodded. "I'll be a lawyer like my Mommy."

"That would be very nice," Johanna said; "But you've got time to think about it; you might change your mind."

"No; I'm gonna be like you, Mommy."

She smiled. "That will drive Daddy crazy."

"Jim should've known that was in the cards when he signed the marriage license," Mark quipped.

"What was in the fine print of your license, Mark?" she asked.

"A lot of things," he laughed. "Just ask Cathy."

"I'll do that one day. She said after the new year you're going to start the adoption process."

"We are," he said with a nod. "Hopefully it won't be long and we'll have a playmate for Katie to meet."

"I'm sure it'll work out," Johanna replied. "It might take some time but it'll be worth the wait."

"I think so too," Mark agreed. "I'll let you ladies get back to your decorating and I'll finish delivering these bonuses."

"Thank you for helping with the table and for the bonus," Johanna told him.

"No problem; let me know if you need any more help," he said before leaving the office.

"What are we going to do now, Mommy?" Katie asked.

"I'm going to put my bonus in my purse," she answered; opening the envelope to see that Mark had given her a check for two hundred dollars. "Do you want me to put your bonus in my purse so you don't lose it?"

"Yes, please."

"Okay, I'll put it in your Christmas envelope. I keep it in a safe spot in the inside pocket of my purse…I want you to know in case I'd forget where it is," she told her.

"What are we going to decorate after you put our bonuses away?"

"Well, we'll hang up those curtains I found at home," Johanna remarked; thinking of the sheer rose colored panels she had found in a drawer. The sun came in her windows so brightly at times that it bothered her eyes and she hated to have the blinds half closed. A curtain would help, she figured and so she had brought a curtain rod and intended to put it up. "You can hold the curtain for me while I put up the hooks for the curtain rod," she told her daughter as she pushed a chair across the room to stand on.

Katie stood by, dutifully holding the curtain as Johanna installed the hooks for the curtain rod and then she held one end of the curtain as her mother slid the other end over the rod, scrunching it down until it was all on the rod. Johanna climbed back up on the chair and put the curtain rod up, stretching the thin curtain panels across the window. It would be easy to open them on days when the light was muted; and when it was too bright, she could pull them together and block some of it out. It would work well and it looked nice with the rugs she had chosen.

"I think that looks nice, what do you think?" Johanna asked once she put the chair back and put the hammer back in the closet.

"I like it; it's pretty."

Sharon opened the door of the office. "Mr. Harrison is here to see you," she remarked.

"Send him in," Johanna replied as Katie moved to her side.

"Who's coming, Mommy?"

"One of my clients…a client is someone I work for," she told her. "When Mr. Harrison has a problem that has to go to court, I go to court and try to make the problem go away for him. That's part of what I do."

Katie nodded, her hand slipping into Johanna's as the old man entered the office. "Johanna, it's nice to see you," he stated with a warm smile.

"You too, Mr. Harrison."

"Oh, and I've picked the right time it seems," he stated as his gaze fell upon Katie. "You've got the little one visiting you today."

Johanna smiled. "Yes, I do; she's helping me decorate the office. Say hello to Mr. Harrison, Katie."

"Hi," she said somewhat shyly.

He smiled, shifting the wrapped package in his hands. "The last time I saw you, you were still a baby," he told her; "Now you're a big girl."

"Uh huh, I'm a big girl…I'm four now," Katie stated.

"Four?" he said with mock surprise. "My goodness, you're just growing up so fast."

"Do you need my Mommy to go to court?" Katie asked.

"Not today," he said with a laugh; "I came to give her a Christmas present…and do you know who this present is for?" he asked, showing her the wrapped box.

"Who?" Katie asked, her eyes wide with anticipation.

"It's for you," Mr. Harrison said with a wink.

"For me!"

"Yes, it's for you," he replied, moving closer to hand her the box.

"Mr. Harrison has been giving you a Christmas present since you were born," Johanna told her. "You know your baby doll that you call Haley? He gave you that last year, remember me telling you?"

Katie nodded, her eyes brightening. "Thank you for Haley," she told him. "I love my baby doll."

"I'm glad you like her; I hope you'll like this present too."

"Can I open it now, Mommy?"

"Ask Mr. Harrison."

"Go ahead, love," he told her; "I cleared it with Santa; he said an early gift is fine."

Katie settled down on the floor with her gift and ripped the paper off. "Look, Mommy!" she exclaimed. "It's the Care Bear Play-Doh set!"

"Oh wow," she told her; "That's what you wanted for your birthday and I couldn't find it. How did you find it, Mr. Harrison?"

He settled down in one of the chairs across from her desk. "Now, Johanna, you know you can call me Jason. As for the toy; let's just say I know someone," he said with a wink. "If there's ever something you're looking for and can't find for her, let me know, I'm sure my contact in the industry can acquire it."

"I'll keep that in mind," she said as she settled down behind her desk. "Katie, don't forget to say thank you."

"Thank you, Mr. Harrison. I like play-doh a whole lot; and I like Care Bears."

He smiled. "I was hoping you would. My wife said little girls probably love Care Bears. She does so enjoy picking out a gift for your little one. We don't have any little granddaughters yet," he told Johanna; "We're hoping the grandchild due in the spring will be our long awaited for girl."

"I'll keep my fingers crossed for you," Johanna told him.

"I'd appreciate it," he said as he took the envelope from his pocket and slid it across the desk to her; "And that's for you, dear; a thank you for another year of hard work on my behalf."

She smiled. "Thank you…I'm just glad you were willing to follow me to my new firm."

"Did I hesitate?" he asked.

"No, you didn't."

"And I never will," he replied. "You're the best lawyer I've ever had, I'll follow you anywhere. I'm always pleased with your work, Johanna; even if it's a case we can't win, you always manage to make the payout fair."

"I do my best," she replied.

"I know you do. I am going to have a few things for you to take care of in the next few months. Malinda and I will be traveling for New Year's but we'll be back the second week of January and I'll be in to see you. The usual new year, new contract things, but also a few things I want you to look at and see if we have a case or if we can settle some matters without the need to sue…I have a few people who breeched their contracts."

Johanna nodded. "I'll be glad to take care of all of that; when you get back to the city, call and Sharon will put you on the schedule."

"I will, dear. How have you been doing here; I've only been here twice since you moved here."

"I like it here," she told him; "It's a little slow starting out…I'm going to expand a little; take on a few family law cases in addition to my other areas of concentration to help things along."

"That's a good idea; it's always good business to be able to expand the horizon. I'll pass the word along that you're available for those types of cases as well; maybe I can send more business your way."

"I'd appreciate that," Johanna stated. "I'm going to teach a class at Columbia for the spring semester too."

"Very nice," he remarked. "Columbia doesn't pick just anyone for those jobs…I know; they're my alma matar."

"Mine too."

"That's why you're such a good lawyer," he quipped; "And why we get along so well. I'm glad you're not from Harvard; they're too full of themselves."

"I've heard that," she laughed. "How's your wife?"

"She's in her usual Christmas preparation tizzy," he chuckled; "But she's doing well. How's your husband?"

"My Daddy's in Chicago," Katie stated. "I want him to come home."

Mr. Harrison looked to Johanna. "Jim has been in Chicago for a case since December first," she answered.

"Oh my," he said; "I'm sure that's been a bit trying for you with the holiday coming up."

"Yeah," she sighed. "It has been…these past three weeks feel more like six."

"We miss Daddy," Katie said as she looked at the pictures on the box her gift came.

"I'm sure you do, little one," he remarked. "I'm sure he misses you too; hopefully he'll be home very soon so he can have Christmas with you."

"I hope so," Katie replied.

Johanna's stomach clenched, knowing the true answer but she couldn't let on. "I hope so too," she stated. "Jim got a promotion so he's going to be taking more out of town cases…we're not used to being without him so much."

The old man gave her a sympathetic smile. "I can understand that; hopefully those cases will be far and few between so you don't have to be without him too often."

"We hope so too," she said wistfully.

"Well, I hope no matter what, that you have a Merry Christmas, Johanna."

"I hope you have a Merry Christmas as well; and please tell Malinda, I said hello."

"I will," he said as he rose from his chair and extended his hand to take hers, which he brought to his lips and pressed a soft kiss against it. "And I'll be seeing you in the New Year," he said, patting her hand that he still held. "Putting you to work."

"I'm glad," she smiled. "Thank you for the bonus and for Katie's gift."

"No problem, my dear," he said before turning and stooping down in front of Katie and offering her his hand. "And you, Miss Katie; you be a good girl for your Mommy."

"I will," she said as he kissed her small hand. "Santa comes tomorrow."

He laughed. "Oh yes, the big man is coming; be extra good; and you have a very Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," Katie told him happily.

Mr. Harrison rose to his feet. "I have a few more errands to run before I head home to Malinda so I'll leave you ladies to your decorating; it looks very nice by the way, very welcoming."

"Thank you," Johanna told him as she walked with him to the door. "I'll see you when you get back from your travels; be safe and get home in one piece."

"Oh I will," he chuckled; "Don't you worry. I'll be back with a stack of contracts for you to examine and those other things that need taken care of."

"Good," she laughed; "I'm looking forward to it."

Mr. Harrison told them goodbye and went on his way and Johanna closed the door and made her way back to her desk to peek into the envelope he had given her. As usual, he had given her cash, and she quietly counted five one hundred dollar bills. He was a very generous man, she mused. Johanna put the envelope in her purse, figuring a trip to the bank could wait until after Christmas. It would be less hectic then and she'd be able to concentrate. She'd put a hundred of her bonus from Mark into Katie's bank account and the other hundred into her joint account with Jim. She'd keep some of her cash bonus for herself and put the rest in her own savings account.

"Mommy; do we have more decorating to do?"

"No, we're all done, sweetie. This is my last day at work until after the New Year, because I'm going to stay home with you next week; so I need to pack my briefcase with the files I need to take home…because I'll do a little work at my desk at home."

"Do you want me to help you?"

"Sure you can help me, do you want to hold my briefcase open for me?"

"Uh huh," Katie said as she hurried to her mother's side.

Johanna opened her briefcase and gave it to Katie to hold as she opened one of the drawers of her desk and took out a small stack of files and slid them inside the briefcase.

"Is that all?" Katie asked.

"No; I have a few in this other drawer I want to take too," she said as she grabbed the files and slipped them inside too. "Now I'm done."

"Can I put my special folder in your briefcase?" Katie asked.

"Sure you can," Johanna said as she picked up Katie's folder. "I'll put it on top so we find it easily."

The door of the office opened and Mark poked his head inside. "Hey, if you're finished for the day, go ahead and head home," he told her. "Cathy and I are going to take off early too."

"We're finished," Johanna stated; "Thanks."

"Okay, you have a nice Christmas and I'll see you after New Year's."

"You have a nice Christmas too, Mark," she replied.

"Do you get to be done work now?" Katie asked.

"Yes, we're all done," she said as she picked up the wrapping paper that Katie had torn off of her gift. She tossed it in the trash can and set the empty boxes in the closet and then took out their coats. "Now we can go back to Grandma's and spend some time with Nona."

'And eat dinner," Katie said as Johanna helped her put her coat on.

"Yes, we'll eat dinner at Grandma's so we can go to your rehearsal with her."

"Good; cause Grandma is making macaroni and cheese."

"The box kind or Grandma's special homemade kind?"

"Grandma's special kind."

Johanna smiled, comfort food, just what she needed, especially when she was harboring a secret. "I'm glad to hear that, I love Grandma's special kind. What are we having with it?"

"Chicken," Katie answered. "Nona wants chicken tonight."

"Sounds good," she said as she dug her keys out of her purse before hooking the strap over her shoulder. She picked up Katie's gift and her briefcase and then took her daughter's hand and made their way to the door, turning off the lights as they went. She locked her office door and met Sharon's gaze in the outer office. "Have a nice Christmas, Sharon. Give our love to Molly."

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Sharon asked.

Johanna's brow furrowed. "Not that I know of; Katie go give your Aunt Sharon a hug for Christmas."

Katie obediently hugged her godmother and told her Merry Christmas and then returned to Johanna's side, her hand slipping back into her mother's. "See you later, Sharon."

"Wait," the secretary stated. "What about my bonus?"

"You got a bonus from Mark," Johanna replied; "And Mr. Harrison always gives you a hundred dollar bill when you he comes to give me my Christmas bonus."

"Yeah," she said with a small laugh; "But you know you always give me a bonus too."

Johanna smiled. "Not this year."

Outrage colored Sharon's features. "Seriously!" she yelled. "You're not giving me my bonus because you're ticked off at me? That's pretty petty, Jo; even for you."

"No; it has nothing to do with our conversation the other day," Johanna remarked. "I intended to give you a bonus."

"Then where is it?"

"I felt the money could be put to better use by a family I met who needed it more than you," she replied. "They have two little girls who were going to be disappointed this weekend."

Sharon's eyes narrowed. "And just how did you meet this family?"

"At the market when I gave the children's mother the twenty dollars she was short for her groceries in the checkout line."

Sharon shook her head. "Oh my God; you got conned by some sob story."

"No, I didn't get conned."

"Sure you didn't; they probably laughed their ass off about how they got money off the rich bitch at the market…and now they're out blowing my bonus! What does Jim think of you giving money away to strangers?"

"Number one, watch your mouth in front of my daughter," Johanna stated; "Number two, Jim doesn't tell me what to do with money I took from my personal account. Number three, I wasn't conned. The woman told me her husband has been out of work and that he was looking for a job as an electrician. I got him an interview at my father's company the same day; he went, with all of his credentials and my father gave him a job. The story checks out; he even told my father about the money I gave his wife for their kids Christmas."

"I can't believe you gave my bonus to some charity case!"

Johanna's eyes narrowed. "Hey, Sharon; it wasn't charity, it was helping someone I was in a position to help. That situation can happen to anyone, including you. They were in need and I had the cash in my purse so I gave it to them so those little girls would have a happy Christmas. You don't need that money as much as they do right now. You have a job, a home, your bills are paid. You have a husband that makes more than enough to support you, Molly and a maid. Your child is going to have a nice Christmas just like my child is, and those little girls deserve the same privilege."

"I can't believe you did that to me!"

"I'm not required to give you a personal bonus," she retorted. "Someone else needed the money and I gave it to them; because I would want someone to help me if that happened to me. You got a bonus from Mark; you got one from Mr. Harrison, that's plenty. Maybe you need to remember that old adage that greedy people end up with nothing."

"And maybe you ought to learn that you're not the caretaker of the world and you can't solve everyone's problems. Maybe you ought to learn not to buy into every sob story you hear. That was my money!"

"No," Johanna said sharply; "It was my money. I may have intended to give it to you but until it left my possession, it was mine, not yours. There are people out there who are worse off than you, Sharon. Maybe you need to remember what it's like to be a compassionate human being. Now that's all I'm saying on the topic; we have to be on our way. Make sure you lock the door when you leave," she said before leading Katie away.

"Mommy; why is Aunt Sharon mad?" Katie asked as they walked down the hallway.

"She's mad because I didn't give her a bonus. I gave that money to a mommy who needed help taking care of her little girls. Their daddy didn't have a job so they didn't have enough money to have Christmas. I wanted them to have a happy Christmas like you're going to have so I gave them the money that I was going to give Aunt Sharon…because she doesn't need it; and Grandpa gave those little girls daddy a job so he can take care of them again."

"They'll be okay now?"

"Yes; because we helped them."

"I'm glad you and Grandpa helped them be okay, Mommy."

"Me too; you should always help someone if you can…like when Chrissy lost her favorite teddy bear and Aunt Maggie couldn't find it; and you gave her yours that looked like it and Chrissy felt better and you felt good for doing something nice for her. It's nice to help people."

Katie nodded. "Aunt Sharon needs to be nice."

"You're right; it's not good to be greedy."

"Santa might not bring her anything," her daughter said as they boarded the elevator.

"He might bring her a lump of coal," Johanna remarked; "But don't worry about her; we're going to go to Grandma's, eat dinner, go to your rehearsal and then go home and make fudge and maybe cake too if we have time."

"I'm ready," Katie exclaimed.

Johanna gave her hand a soft squeeze, thinking to herself that she also had to break the news to Katie that her daddy wasn't coming home for Christmas…and she was nowhere near ready for that.

 _A/N: It's not over yet…we'll hear more from Jim in the next chapter; which is almost finished; I just have a few more scenes to write for it!_


	13. Chapter 13

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 13

"Did you talk to Johanna?" Zach asked that evening as he and Jim sat at the hotel bar.

"Yeah, I talked to her," Jim replied as he stared down into the amber colored liquid in his glass.

"What did she say?"

"She said if I don't come home for Christmas that I don't need to bother coming home at all."

Zach swallowed a sip of his drink. "I'm sure she didn't mean it."

"Oh I think maybe she did," he remarked. "What did Claudia say?"

His friend scoffed. "What didn't she say would be a better question. She's not happy…and she thinks my reasons for staying are stupid. She thinks I just don't want to be there; that I don't want to deal with the holidays and the fact that the baby has a cold and he's fussy. She says I don't care that she's done everything alone this month; that I clearly don't care about anything. She said it isn't right…and then after she hung up, she called me my mother and I had six scathing messages from her when I got back to the hotel."

"If it wasn't for Christmas; none of this would be a big deal," Jim remarked.

"That's the truth. All I keep hearing is that it's Alex's first Christmas and that Matthew isn't going to be little and excited forever…that she's lonely, she doesn't want to spend Christmas alone…and bringing up that she's never alone because the kids are there wasn't a good thing to do."

Jim sighed and took a drink. "Johanna doesn't like my reasons either; she says they're just excuses. She said I just don't want to be there; that I've made her into a single parent…and of course the part about saying if I'm not there she'll have my stuff packed and ready for me when I do 'crawl back to New York' as she said."

Zach took another long sip of his drink. "Why don't they understand how stupid it is to fly home for one day?"

"Because they're using women's logic," he remarked.

"Why can't they use regular logic?"

"I think it might be biologically impossible eighty percent of the time," Jim replied.

Zach sighed deeply. "So what are we going to do?"

"I wish I knew," he stated as he signaled the bartender to refill his glass.

They were silent for a few minutes as they drank and contemplated the consequences of each choice. "What are the chances of us getting a flight this late in the game?" Zach asked.

"Probably not good."

"How long of a drive is it?"

Jim sighed. "Too long…from what I hear, if you don't stop along the way it can be done in about thirteen hours…but now you have to factor in holiday traffic so if we left now; we might be lucky to get there sometime tomorrow night."

Zach blew out a breath. "Well…I guess there are trains if planes are out of the running, which they aren't but you know, just in case."

"That's not going to be as quick as a plane."

"Maybe not but it's better than driving nonstop."

"So, are you going?" Jim asked.

Zach shrugged. "I don't know…I don't know what to do. I hate the thought of going and turning around and coming right back after a day; but I don't want my wife to hate me either…and my kids aren't always going to be little…I don't know what to do."

"Neither do I," he replied. "It does feel stupid to go home for that little bit of time…and I also feel like if I give in and go home because Johanna laid down a threat that I'm giving her power to do that all the time. I don't want her to think she can just throw down that threat and I'll come running no matter what. I know Katie's not going to be little forever…but it's not like I make missing occasions a habit."

"Maybe they're afraid we will make missing occasions a habit," his friend stated.

"I don't want to make it a habit…I just feel like it's a difficult situation this time with this amount of distance involved. I mean who wants to go through all the airport hassle, a flight that's several hours long; possibly not get back until sometime in the evening on Christmas Eve and then get up and put up with all the holiday stuff when you're still tired from the traveling and then sit there all day, knowing you're going to be doing it all over again the following day. I just don't know…I don't know if it's worth it…and I'm just going to have to hope that Johanna didn't mean what she said if I'm staying here."

Zach gripped his glass. "I think we better hope this case gets done before we end up in court for our divorces…I think I'm going to have to agree with Claudia; it's getting ridiculous. I think they're deliberately holding things up with their supposed new discoveries that need investigated before the trial can move forward. It's starting to piss me off; I have a caseload in New York waiting on me and it's all going to get shoved back some more; I'm going to be backed up forever, not to mention that I have to go to Delaware in February for a case."

"I know; my case load is getting back up too…it's going to mean a lot of long hours and more traveling. I have to go to Vermont in February with Jeff, Steve and Melanie for a case."

"Jo's going to love that."

Jim took a drink. "I'm not telling her that Melanie is a part of that case or trip."

"You're going to live dangerously keeping secrets like that."

"She's not going to find out, she doesn't work with us anymore."

"No; but Phil does…and Phil tells Sharon everything and everyone knows that there's three modes of delivering information in this world, telephone, telegraph and tell Sharon."

"Yeah; well, I've got a way to keep Phil's mouth shut…I know something he wouldn't want Sharon to know; so he'll keep my secret if I keep his."

"Good ole blackmail," Zach remarked; "Now that's a real holiday type gift."

Jim nodded. "It gets the job done."

"I just wish this one was done," his friend replied.

"Me too; it's a pain in the ass."

"Yeah…and then we have that bigger problem…do we go home for Christmas or stay here like we had planned on because it was more practical?"

Jim downed his drink. "I wish I knew the answer, Zach; but I just honestly don't know what to do."

"Neither do I…I want to stay instead of a lot of travel for one day; but on the other hand, like I said, I don't want my wife and kids to hate me."

He nodded; he could understand that…he was sure Johanna was already starting to hate him and it probably wouldn't take Katie long to follow suit. Somewhere along the way he felt like he had lost control of things and he wasn't sure how to get it back. "I don't have a nice gift for, Johanna," he commented, hating that silence left him too much time to think. "Every time I went out to get her something, I just couldn't find something that was right. I bought her a bottle of perfume and a nightgown…ordinary gifts I give every year; there's nothing special. I didn't know what to get her…I don't know what she wants and I can't ask…and it's too late now anyway."

"I thought you were going to get her jewelry."

"I was…but nothing seemed quite right."

"Well, if you're staying here, you'll have time to find something before we go back."

"She won't want it then," Jim replied; "She's liable to shove it down my throat as she throws my clothes and car keys at me…she says I can keep my car."

"Jo's always been diplomatic like that," Zach said with a laugh. "At least you can't say she'd take you for everything."

"Yeah; I guess that's something. I don't know; I guess I have to figure out what the hell I'm doing before I worry about a gift that she's probably not going to be in the mood to accept no matter when I get home."

"What about Katie, didn't you say you found things for her?"

"Yeah; I have stuff for her. Did you get the boys some things?"

"Yeah; and I got Claudia a necklace and a few other things…which she may throw at me depending on when she gets them; so…you know…I might be parked next to you wherever it is that husbands that live in their cars park."

Jim laughed. "At least we can keep each other company."

"Yeah; but I do hope it doesn't come to that."

"You and me both," Jim muttered. "You and me both."

* * *

By the time they got home that evening, Johanna felt the stirrings of a headache and she had a feeling it was going to be a long night as her daughter was a bit hyper and growing cranky. It wasn't often that she had to chasten Katie and tell her to settle down; but sometimes when she was with her cousins, they got a bit rambunctious in their joy of being together….especially with Christmas drawing closer with every minute. Katie was also excited about the pageant; she had thoroughly enjoyed the dress rehearsal and singing with Claire and the other children.

She loved to see her excited; was glad that she was full of happiness…but she was bouncing off the walls with energy it seemed and she needed to settle her a bit if she ever hoped to get her to bed tonight.

"Can I open my play-doh now?" Katie asked as she carried the box into the living room.

"No, honey; not now. Why don't you set it under the tree and you can open it when you get your other presents."

"But I want to open it now!" her daughter demanded.

Johanna eyed her. "And I said no. It's getting late, Katie; you need a bath and then I'm going to make the fudge; you can help me or you can just sit in the kitchen and watch me but we are not getting play-doh out tonight…and we're not doing it tomorrow either; we're going to be too busy and I don't want play-doh smashed on the floors for Christmas; now that's the end of it."

"That's not fair; I want to play!"

"You can take some of your blocks into the kitchen after you get a bath; or your dolls. We're not opening the play-doh tonight and if I have to keep saying that, I'm going to take it and put it up on the closet shelf until after Christmas; now put it under the tree."

"Fine," Katie muttered as she stomped off to the tree and put her gift beneath it.

Johanna sighed, she needed a glass of wine but figured it would have to wait until after Katie was in bed for the night. "Come on, let's go get you bathed and into your pajamas."

"I don't want to get a bath, I want to play!"

"You can play after your bath," she said, raising her voice. "Now head for the stairs and don't make me tell you again. You're getting cranky."

"No, you are," Katie stated as she stomped up the first few steps.

"Hey, don't you back talk me, little girl," Johanna said sharply. "Do you want me to call Santa Claus and tell him not to stop here?"

"No!" she whined.

"Then you better settle down, Katie. What's gotten into you tonight?"

"I wasn't ready to leave Grandma's! I want to play with Claire and Greg!"

"You did; you all played together before dinner; you played after rehearsal. You'll see them again tomorrow and Sunday."

"I didn't want to leave yet!"

"Well I did," Johanna said. "It was time to come home. I know you were having fun; I know you're excited; but it was time to come home; it's time for you to settle down for the night…and if you want to keep back talking and not listening, you'll go to bed right after your bath. Now what do you think of that?"

"No," Katie replied. "I don't want to do that…I want fudge."

"Then you better listen to me; you're going to get your bath and get into your pajamas and then I'll make the fudge. When it's cool, you can have one piece…you've had enough sugar today at Grandma's."

"Can I have bubbles in my bath?"

Johanna sighed; bubbles would mean that Katie would want to be in the tub for an hour and it was already getting late. "Not tonight, honey; it's late."

"I can't do anything!" Katie exclaimed as she stomped into the bathroom.

"Sweetheart; you can have bubbles on another night, okay? You don't realize how long we were at Grandma's. I want to get the fudge made and if you aren't sleepy after that, we'll bake one of our Christmas cakes, okay…so you'll get to stay up a little later if you behave yourself, okay?"

"Guess so," she replied with a pout.

Johanna smiled. "I'll let you lick the spoon if we make the cake."

A small smile tugged at her daughter's lips. "Okay."

"Alright; let me go get your clean clothes and then we'll get your bath started."

"I want my Snoopy jammies," Katie declared.

"Alright, I'll get your Snoopy ones," Johanna stated. "Go ahead and take your socks and pants off and put them in the hamper; leave your other clothes on until your water is ready so you don't get cold, okay?"

"Kay."

Johanna sighed as she left the bathroom on the mission of getting Katie's clean clothes; it was definitely going to be a long evening…and she still hadn't told her about Jim yet. She was hoping she could get her settled down a little before she told her but she wasn't sure if that was going to happen.

* * *

Later that night, the fudge had cooled and Katie seemed more settled. Johanna cut the fudge into pieces and gave Katie a piece and had a small piece for herself as she tried to work up the nerve to tell her that Jim wasn't coming home.

"That's good fudge, Mommy," Katie said. "We did a good job."

"We did," she said with a smile.

"Fudge is Daddy's favorite; he'll like it too," her daughter commented. "Grandma said maybe he'll come home tomorrow since Santa Claus comes tomorrow night."

Johanna sighed; maybe the time had come. "Katie; before we start making our cakes; I have to talk to you."

"What are we going to talk about?"

Johanna pulled Katie's chair closer to hers and turned toward her. "We have to talk about Daddy."

"What about Daddy? Is he going to call us?"

"Probably not," she remarked. "Daddy called me at my office today…before I came to get you."

"What did he say?" Katie asked.

She breathed deeply as she took Katie's hands. "Daddy said that he tried really hard to get his work finished but it's still not done…and since his work isn't done, he's not going to be able to come home for Christmas, sweetheart."

Katie was quiet for a long moment, her chin quivering as tears pooled in her green eyes. "Daddy's not coming home?"

"No, baby; he's not coming home for Christmas."

"But why!" she cried, the sob escaping.

"Because he's not finished with his work in Chicago; he has to stay there."

"But I want Daddy to come home! I don't like it when he goes away…he's never coming home," her daughter cried.

"He'll come home when he's finished," Johanna said, her thumb moving against Katie's hands.

Katie shook her head. "I want Daddy to come for Christmas…I want him to play with my new toys with me. I want him to open his presents; Daddy won't have no presents in Chicago."

"I know…but you can give them to him when he does come home."

"No!" her daughter exclaimed. "Daddy needs to come home now!"

"Honey; Daddy tried really hard…you know that he'd rather be here with you than anywhere else in the world. He's sad too that he can't come home and be with you; he really is," she said while her brain screamed that she was a liar. "He loves you so much and he hates to make you sad and he doesn't like missing Christmas with you but he said he's going to have to stay. I'm sorry."

Her daughter pinned a stern tearful gaze on her. "You make him come home!" she cried.

"If I could, I would…but I can't."

"Yes, you can; you're Mommy! You're the boss!"

"Unfortunately there are times when Mommy doesn't get the final word, sweetheart. Daddy can't come home right now and there isn't anything I can do about it."

"But I wanted him to come home," she sobbed.

Johanna pulled her onto her lap and held her tightly. "I wanted him to come home too; I miss him just as much as you do," she said softly, tears in her eyes. "But Daddy doesn't want us to be sad."

"But I am sad," Katie said, tears seeping through her mother's shirt. "Daddy won't see me be a angel with Claire."

"I know…and he's sad to miss that too."

"He won't get to eat his fudge that we made him."

"I know."

"He won't get to see my new toys."

"You can show him when he comes back."

"I don't think Daddy's ever coming home."

"He will," she soothed before falling silent and allowing her daughter to cry as she pressed kisses against her hair. When Katie's sniffles slowed, she hugged her tightly. "Daddy wants you to have a happy Christmas even though he can't be here. He wants you to have fun with your new toys; he wants you to have fun with your cousins and grandparents. He wants you to play and be happy. He doesn't want you to be sad on Christmas. He loves you and he's sorry."

Katie shook her head. "Daddy's not sorry. If he was sorry, he would come home."

"That's not always how it works, Katie."

The phone rang before her daughter could say another word and Johanna sat her back down on her chair before getting up to answer the phone. "Hello?" she sighed.

"Let me talk to Katie," Jim stated.

"What did I tell you earlier?" she snapped. "I just got done telling her your news."

"I don't give a damn what you said; I want to talk to my daughter, now put her on the phone."

Anger simmered in her veins as she held the phone out toward her daughter who had crawled down from her chair. "Katie, Daddy wants to talk to you."

"No!" her daughter exclaimed. "I'm not talking to him no more!"

Johanna could feel her patience wearing thin. "Katie; your father wants to talk to you, now get on the phone."

"No! If he's not coming home, I'm not talking to him!" she cried.

Johanna breathed deeply. "Just talk to him, Katie; maybe you'll feel better."

"No!" her daughter screamed shrilly. "I'm not talking to him ever again!"

"Katherine Houghton!" Johanna yelled back. "You knock off that screaming right now!"

"No!" Katie yelled back, anger written all over her small face.

"Get on the phone now," she told her.

"No!"

Johanna surged toward her and her daughter ran across the kitchen, dropping to the floor, out of her mother's reach as the phone cord wouldn't stretch that far. "Katherine!" she yelled sharply. "Get up off that floor and stop your screaming right now!"

"No! Not til Daddy comes home!"

"Katie; you've got ten seconds before I put this phone down and come over there, and if I have to pick you up off the floor, I'm going to smack your ass for you, now get up and get on the damn phone and talk to your father! Now!"

"It's alright, Johanna," Jim stated; "Don't make her come to the phone."

"No," she retorted, bringing the phone back to her ear. "You couldn't listen and called here, you wanted to talk to your daughter, now you're going to talk to her. This is your doing and now you can deal with it; she's getting on this phone and there better not be a dial tone in her ear so don't you even think about hanging up now, you got me?"

"Johanna," he sighed.

"No. No; I've had it," she snapped. "I am sick and tired of every single thing right now and I am done. I am out of patience and I'm ready to scream _my_ head off. You called, and you'll get what you want, so hold on, because she's getting on the phone. You wanted her, you'll get her," she said, before letting the phone dangle from the cord as she crossed the room.

Katie saw her coming and hurriedly scrambled to her feet. "Don't smack my butt!"

"Get over there and talk to your father right now," Johanna told her as she took her hand; "And then you're going to bed; we're not baking anything else tonight if you're going to act like this."

"Good," Katie retorted; "I don't want to help you no more! You're mean like Daddy!"

"That's why we got married, Katie; because we deserve each other," Johanna remarked as she picked up the phone. "Now talk to your Daddy and then you're going to bed, no story either; you can just lay there and think about how you've been acting tonight, this tantrum you just threw and how Santa Claus saw all of it, you think about that," she told her before handing her the phone.

"Hello," Katie sniffed as she took the receiver.

"Hi, Katie," Jim said; "I'm sorry I got you into trouble."

"No, you're not," his daughter told him. "You're mean; you won't come home and see me be a angel and play toys with me. I don't want to talk to you; I just go to bed cause everyone is mean to me," she cried. "I want my Grandma to come get me."

"I want her to come get me too," Johanna remarked; "But we're both out of luck."

"I don't want you to go with me!" Katie shot back.

"Talk to your father," Johanna said sharply.

"Katie," Jim said, remorse filling him. "You know I love you."

"Nope," she said; "You don't like me and I don't like you anymore."

"Katie," Johanna said tersely; "Don't you say that; that's your father and you love him."

"I'm not talking to you!" she yelled at Johanna.

Jim breathed deeply, listening to the chaos as his child continued to defy her mother and backtalk. "Katie, don't talk to your mother like that," he told her. "I know you're upset but you can't talk to Mommy like that; do you want her to be sad?"

"I'm sad," she cried.

"I know, honey; I'm sorry I made you sad."

"You're never coming home," Katie sniffed. "Don't you want to be my Daddy anymore?"

"Honey, I'm always going to be your Daddy; that's one of my favorite things in the world…I know you don't understand that I have to work and it takes me away from home sometimes; but I'm really sorry."

"Who's going to play with me?" she cried; "Santa's bringing new toys."

"Mommy will play with you."

"What about me being a angel?"

"Mommy will be there, she'll see you."

Katie sniffled. "We made you fudge."

Jim sighed. "You and Mommy can eat it for me."

"Santa's bringing your presents here; you won't have no presents," she said.

"It's alright; I'll see them when I get to come home…Christmas is different for grown ups," he told her.

Katie's chin quivered. "I don't want to talk to you no more. I'm done talking."

A lump grew in his throat. "Alright, honey," he said quietly. "I love you; goodnight."

"Night, Daddy," she said before handing the phone to Johanna.

"Are you done?" Johanna asked her.

Katie nodded. "I don't want to talk anymore."

"Fine," she said; "Are you through, Jim?" she asked as she put the phone to her ear; "Or would you care to make my evening worse somehow?"

"Jo…."

"No, don't 'Jo' me now…it's been 'Johanna' all day, like it always is in these moments. I told you not to call; you did, and now I get to punish our daughter for a tantrum that will probably repeat itself over the next few days every time you're mentioned; so thank you so much for not caring about what I say; now you have a real nice evening," she said before slamming the phone down.

She turned toward her daughter, anger still simmering in her blood. "And now you, little miss, are going to bed," she said firmly as she took her hand and led her through the house.

"I don't want to go to bed; I want to bake cake," Katie whined.

"No, you don't," she retorted; "Remember, you don't want to help me anymore; so you're going to bed and I'm going to do it myself."

"I want to do it!"

"No," she said sharply as she tugged her up the stairs and paused in front of the bathroom. "Go pee and wash your hands."

"I don't have to pee."

"Go try anyway."

Katie stomped off into the bathroom. "You're mean like Daddy!"

"Yes, I know, you've mentioned it," Johanna remarked; "And you're just as stubborn as your Daddy, so now we're even."

Her daughter returned to her side a few minutes later and followed her to her room where she clicked on the light and pulled back the covers. "Get in," she told Katie.

Katie grabbed her bunny from the small rocking chair and climbed into bed. "Will you read me a story?" she sniffed.

"No; I'm mean remember," Johanna said as she pulled the covers up over her. "Mean mommies don't read stories. Go to sleep."

"I'm telling Grandma on you," Katie cried; "She'll put you on time out."

"Good; tell her to make it a nice long one," she said as she kissed her daughter's forehead. "I love you. Don't even think of acting this way tomorrow or there will be no pageant and I will call Santa and tell him to drop some things from his bag for you."

Katie cried and hugged her bunny. "Read me a story, please."

"No; go to sleep," she told her; kissing her once more before clicking off the light and leaving the room, pulling the door halfway closed behind her.

Johanna moved down the hallway hearing Katie cry in her room and she felt like she was somewhere between a monster and a woman at the end of her rope. She made her way back downstairs, intending to bake at least one of the cakes that Katie was supposed to help her with. She roughly grabbed ingredients and put them on the table before going to the cupboard and reaching for one of the mixing bowls. It slipped from her fingers, bouncing off the counter before shattering on the floor at her feet.

She dropped to her knees, feeling a piece of her heart shattering as she picked up a large piece of the mixing bowl. Jim had given it to her the first Christmas they were married…in fact he had given it to her early so that she could use it while preparing her Peppermint Bliss cakes. The tears filled her eyes and poured down her cheeks, the bowl was white and had been decorated with small candy canes and holly leaves; she had used it every Christmas and now it was broken…much like her life felt at the moment. She sobbed as she held the piece…she wouldn't ever be able to replace it. She had other mixing bowls, but they weren't as special to her as this one and now it was gone and Jim wasn't coming home and she had yelled at her daughter and punished her…everything was terrible and falling apart.

"Mommy," a timid voice said from the doorway. "Did you get a boo-boo? Do you need a band-aid?"

Johanna turned her gaze to where her daughter stood at the entrance of the kitchen. "No," she cried; "I didn't get a boo-boo."

Katie started to come forward but she scrambled to her feet. "No, Baby; don't come in, your feet are bare and there's glass," she said hurrying toward her and lifting her into her arms.

"What happened, Mommy? I heard a loud noise."

"I dropped our Christmas bowl," Johanna cried. "Now it's broken and I'm sad."

"Don't be sad; I'll buy you a new one," Katie told her.

She tried to conjure up a smile for her child but failed, her tears falling rapidly. "I'm afraid it's not that easy," she replied. "That bowl was special to me because Daddy gave it to me before you were born; it was a special present…that's why it was my favorite."

Katie wrapped herself around her in a tight hug. "I'm sorry I was a bad girl," she said softly.

Johanna held her tightly. "I'm sorry I was being mean," she told her; "I'm just sad that Daddy isn't coming home and it makes me mad…you can't scream and throw yourself on the floor but Mommy didn't act much better with you. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Mommy; I forgive you."

"Thank you, sweetheart; I forgive you too…we're just having a bad night."

"It's all Daddy's fault," Katie muttered.

She nodded. "It is Daddy's fault."

"Did you make cake without me?" her daughter asked quietly.

"No, honey; I broke the bowl before I could start. We'll make cake tomorrow, okay?"

Katie nodded. "What are we going to do now?"

Johanna tried to bring her emotions under control. "We're going to go read stories…and when you get up tomorrow, we're going to have breakfast and then we're going to make our peppermint cakes and we're going to have a happy Christmas Eve no matter what, okay?"

"Okay…we're really going to read stories?"

"Yes," she told her as she carried her toward the stairs. "We're going to read stories and try to feel better before we go to sleep."

Katie nodded as Johanna carried her upstairs and into her room; she would read to Katie until she fell asleep and then she'd go back downstairs and sweep up the shattered remains of her mixing bowl and mop the floor…try to forget that her husband had chosen convenience over his family…that he didn't seem the least bit sorry that he had disappointed them.

* * *

An hour later, Katie was still awake and Johanna had to abandon her spot next to her for long enough to go to the bathroom. The phone rang while she was gone and Katie bounded out of her bed and ran across the hallway to snatch the phone from her mother's nightstand. "Hello," she answered.

"Katie," Jim said; "Why are you still up?"

"Because Mommy is reading me stories."

"I thought she said no story?"

"That was before we said sorry," Katie replied. "We're still mad at you; it's all your fault."

"Where's Mommy?"

"She's peeing; you can't talk to her."

"Maybe when she's finished I can talk to her."

"Nope," she said; "Mommy's sad; her bowl broke."

"What bowl?"

"Her special Christmas bowl!" Katie said matter of factly. "It fell and broke on the floor and Mommy cried a lot because it's her special bowl and now it's all broken. It's all your fault, Daddy."

"How's it my fault; I didn't break it!"

"Because you're being bad and not coming home," she told him. "You made me and Mommy be sad and bad and we had to say sorry and cry and it's all your fault. You need to go on time out, I'm telling Grammy; she will make you sorry."

"Yeah; Grammy's good at making people sorry," Jim said with a scoff.

"I'm gonna tell her; I hear Mommy coming so I got to go now. Bye."

"Katie; who was on the phone?" Johanna asked as she entered the room.

Katie put her hand on her hip. "It was Daddy!"

"What did he want?"

"He wanted you but I told him he can't talk to you."

She laughed a little. "You did?"

"Uh huh; I told him it was all his fault that we were bad and sad and that I'm telling Grammy on him and she's going to make him sorry."

Johanna couldn't help but smile. "I already told Grammy all about him; I called her when I went in Grandma's room earlier tonight."

"I will tell her too and she'll put him on time out."

"I hope she does; because she's not happy with him either," she replied. "Let's go read some more; are you feeling sleepy yet?"

"Little bit," Katie confessed as she allowed her mother to lead her back to her own room.

"Alright, maybe another story or two will help you get to sleep," Johanna said as she reached for the next book on the nightstand and settled back in with her daughter. "Thank you for answering the phone though."

"You're welcome, Mommy."

Johanna allowed her snuggle up against her side and began to read the story she had chosen. By the time she reached the end of the second book, Katie was more asleep than awake and she shifted, cuddling her daughter as she hummed softly, lulling her the rest of the way into her dreams. When she was sure that Katie was down for the night, she slipped away from her and tucked the covers around her before clicking off the lamp and leaving the room.

She went back downstairs and cleaned up the broken mixing bowl, shedding a few more tears as she dumped the pieces in the garbage. She moved the kitchen chairs into the hallway and got out the mop and the bucket, intending to scrub the floor but the phone rang and she knew in the pit of her stomach that it was Jim.

"What?" she answered as she picked up the phone.

"Katie hung up on me," Jim stated.

"I'm so sad for you," Johanna retorted. "Let me get my violin and play you a tune."

"No need to be sarcastic; I didn't expect any sympathy."

"That's good, why are you ringing my phone? I asked you not to call."

"I know…but I…"

"You what? You get off on irritating me and making things worse?"

"No."

"Then why?"

"I don't know," he sighed; "You're my wife."

"Would've been nice if you remembered that the other night when I wanted you to call," she retorted.

"I already apologized for that."

"Jim, just hang up; because I don't have anything to say to you tonight. I heard everything you had to say today, you made your choice and it is what it is; I'm not going to make you feel better about it. I hope you enjoy your peaceful, quiet Christmas without us; I really do. Katie and I will enjoy our Christmas together; it'll be a little odd without you but we'll get used to it, don't worry about it."

So he could be written off so easily? Jim mused as his stomach churned. "Katie said you broke your mixing bowl…what did you do; pretend it was me and throw it at the wall?"

"No," she said sharply; her voice cracking; "It slipped out of my hand and hit the counter and then the floor. If I wanted to pretend something was you, I'd throw your golf clubs in the driveway and drive over them."

"You haven't done that, have you?" he asked.

"No," she sniffed. "I just wish it had been something of yours to break instead of mine."

"It's just a bowl, Jo."

"No, it's not," she said angrily; "It was special to me and you know it!"

He sighed. "I'm sorry it broke."

"Yeah, right; you're not sorry for anything lately," she muttered; "I don't even know why I'm still talking to you."

"Jo; I just wish you'd understand my position."

"I already heard your position, Jim; we're not convenient at the moment. Your hotel room and your money are more important than spending a day with us. Your job comes first and we now come last. I was so proud of you when you got that promotion," Johanna said wistfully. "I was so proud that they recognized what a great lawyer you are…but now I wish they had let you slip by unnoticed because I didn't realize that this promotion was going to mean that Katie and I have a father and husband in name only. But it's fine; you stay there with your work in your nice hotel room and be all alone and listen to yourself think; because remember, you told me you've been able to do that now for the first time in years. If you're waiting for me to pat you on the back and say it's perfectly fine that you're not coming home for Christmas, you're going to have a long wait, because it's not fine. I haven't seen you in twenty-three days…I've been on my own with our child; and yeah, I can do it just fine…but I miss you. I miss having a husband. I miss being able to say things to you without you taking my head off about it. I miss going to sleep with you. I miss watching you play with Katie. I miss kissing you goodnight…and kissing you good morning. I miss being secure in the knowledge that we matter to you…I miss a lot of things; and I just can't make you feel better about this one, Jim. I can't and I won't…you might think Christmas is some sentimental holiday that I make too much of but I'm going to be the one who has these memories of Katie for this holiday and you won't…you think it's not a big deal; but one day you'll blink and she'll be fourteen and none of this will be magical to her anymore and she won't care if either one of us is around because she'll want to be with her friends. We're not going to have these moments forever…they're not just disposable because there's always next Christmas…she's not going to believe forever; she's not going to be little and excited all the time…she's not always going to cry because Daddy isn't there to play with her. One day you're going to want her attention and she's going to wave as she heads out the door to get in some car to go out on a date or to some school dance…and you're going to wish you hadn't thrown these moments away."

"Thanks for the guilt trip," he muttered.

"It's not a guilt trip; it's the truth."

"Seems like guilt to me."

"Call it what you want, Jim," she said tiredly. "Why did you call back? Whatever it is, just spit it out so I can mop the kitchen floor and dust the living room before I go to bed."

"I don't know why I called," he admitted. "I guess I was hoping I could make you understand but I know I can't…and I guess I also wanted to make sure things had settled down since you and Katie seemed to be having a moment."

"A moment courtesy of you."

"Yeah; she told me everything is my fault," Jim remarked.

"Well it is in this case," she retorted. "I'm not going to make you feel good about it; and please don't call tomorrow. I have a lot of things to do and no one to help me get it all done, so I don't have time to fight with you tomorrow, nor will I have time to deal with Katie having tantrums caused by you; so just let us be…and don't be ringing the phone late at night either; that's the last thing I need on the hardest night of the year to get her to sleep. So if you can just do that one thing for me, I'd appreciate it."

"I'm not supposed to talk to my wife and daughter on Christmas Eve?" he spat.

"Why should that bother you?" she asked; "You're not worried about seeing us so why worry about talking to us on the phone? It always ends up being a disaster anyway lately and I won't have Katie upset on Christmas Eve; she's upset enough as it is. So please; just don't."

Jim felt a lump growing in his throat. "What about Christmas?"

"You can call in the evening…or if you want to kill two birds with one stone; call while we're at your mother's so you can wish her a Merry Christmas too."

"I don't think that would be wise," he remarked.

"Then all I can tell you is call before nine-thirty in the morning or wait until your usual time at night; we're going to be out a lot as we usually are on Christmas. Oh and in case your real reason for calling tonight is to find out if I went and got your bonus even though I told you I wasn't; the answer is no, I didn't go get it."

"I know," Jim replied. "I called Sally and had her lock it in my desk."

"Good."

"I guess you want me to hang up now," he stated.

"I didn't want you to call in the first place."

He sighed. "Sweetheart…"

"Funny how I'm your sweetheart now but haven't been for weeks," she remarked, her voice cracking. "Funny how you suddenly have this need to talk to me today and tomorrow and Christmas…when you haven't cared much about doing it in all this time. It's funny how you're not picking one of your little fights tonight. It's funny how quickly things changed in your demeanor once you made your proclamation that you're not coming home…what happened, did it relieve your stress and burden to finally say the words? Do you feel like you're breathing easier now?"

"Jo…"

She scoffed. "You know what's even funnier?"

"What?"

"That as angry as I am at you, I still want you to be here," Johanna said softly. "I still wish I could go to sleep with you tonight. I wish you were here to eat the damn fudge we baked and to share Christmas with us. It's funny isn't it…how I can still want you here even knowing that you don't want to be here with me. It's so funny…and yet I can't laugh, I can't even try to because I'd just cry instead."

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, feeling at a loss for words.

"Yeah, sure," she remarked. "I don't want to do this anymore tonight…I've got a lot to do. Like I said, I'm going to mop the floor and dust the living room…see if there's anything else I can knock off the to-do list before going to bed. Tomorrow I have a hundred things to do and I have to concentrate on that. So I'm going to go…and I'll talk to you whenever."

"Goodnight…I love you," Jim murmured.

"Goodnight, Jim," Johanna said before hanging up the phone. She sighed deeply as she picked up her bucket and took it to the sink to fill with soapy water. Now he wanted to say he loved her…now, after he had chosen a hotel room and his money over her and their child. Now…yet another thing that was funny about the whole situation, she couldn't help but think.

* * *

Jim watched the whiskey flow over the ice cubes in his glass, feeling the tightness that had been in his throat ever since hanging up from Johanna. She had told him not to call and maybe he should've listened…after all; he hadn't called the other night when he had promised her he would so why had he felt the need to keep calling tonight? He sighed and took a sip of his drink but the familiar burn of alcohol didn't soothe the tightness. He swirled the liquid around in his glass, frowning as he did so, feeling the ache of knotted muscles in his neck and back. Johanna always said that he carried his stress in those areas…and her soft hands were always skilled at massaging those knots away.

He wished he had the luxury of her hands on his skin at the moment…but he figured that the mood Johanna was in, she'd rather have her hands around his neck in a squeezing fashion instead of a healing fashion. But still…there was a part of him that wished she was nearby; so he could reach out and touch; try to smooth the waters by allowing his fingertips to graze against the small of her back or by bumping into her on purpose in the kitchen so she'd have no choice but to touch him. But he didn't have that luxury. Instead he had the echo of her words telling him if he didn't come home for Christmas that he didn't need to come home at all. His stomach clenched; he didn't like ultimatums…but he liked the thought of her being serious even less.

Surely she wasn't serious, was she? She was just angry…but an angry Johanna was sometimes an unpredictable one…and always a sharp tongued one. When you stirred up the McKenzie temper, you were going to get stung in more ways than one; and he had definitely riled her temper…repeatedly over the course of the last three weeks; but especially today. Johanna didn't always follow through on threats, but sometimes she did and that worried him. He didn't want to lose her; he just wanted her to understand that things had to be different now in some ways.

She needed to understand that he needed to be focused right now; yes he had proven himself and gotten the promotion but he still felt like he was on a trial run and had to keep the momentum. He didn't have time for date nights and play time and holidays. He needed to focus and stay on top of the job. Yes; it was a pain in the ass…and he found himself regretting it at times but then he thought about all the benefits. He was making more money which meant more money in Katie's college fund. It meant they could pay off the balance on the house loan faster. Sure, he had been making plenty before; there hadn't been any hardships while Johanna had been out of work…but with her status uncertain, he liked knowing there was so much more there in case her career slowly fizzled out. They wouldn't have to worry about the bills while she worked on finding something else to do.

But really the money wasn't of major consequence; he had always made more than her…they had already been living comfortably. They were even more comfortable now though, he mused and he liked that security. He didn't want to spend the extra money on a divorce though. He didn't want to lose Johanna.

He also didn't want to give up his promotion.

Jim sighed and took a long sip of his drink. He liked climbing up the ranks; he liked having bigger, more challenging cases. He didn't even mind the traveling. It was Johanna who minded it all and he still felt like maybe she was jealous. He was sure she could get over that though…sure that things would be alright if she just allowed him to adjust with his chosen methods instead of getting so up in arms about everything. So he liked to drink to blow off steam; he had always drank, she knew that…she used to drink more herself; but then again, that was before she became a mother; which apparently lent itself to making her want to parent everyone and tell them what to do. Don't drink too much, come home when I say, call at this time, don't call, ect…yeah, she was definitely a mother and he already had one of those. He preferred having a wife.

Of course there had been hints that he hadn't really been making her feel like much of a wife lately and he supposed that those hints had some merit. He supposed he hadn't been much of a husband lately so maybe he had no right to judge the type of wife she had been in response to his lack of attention. Jim had a feeling that she wouldn't put up with that for long. Tonight he had heard things in her voice that he didn't often hear…a sense of defeat; as if she was giving up on him…she was tired and lonely; angry, hurt and low on patience.

And he just kept on hurting her without rhyme or reason…chipping away at her heart and her love; and he didn't know what he'd do if it came to the point where she stopped loving him and closed the door on him.

Jim shook his head; he didn't want to think about that. Johanna wouldn't stop loving him; they were just having a rough spot…all marriages went through rough spots. But he seemed to be causing that spot to widen and linger…yet another thing he didn't want to think too much about. Thoughts of Katie flicked through his mind; he had hurt her too…again. She thought he didn't care; that he didn't want to be her daddy anymore. That statement alone had been enough to crack his heart and plague him with guilt. He was letting her down, disappointing her by not being there for her first Christmas pageant…and by not being there for Christmas morning to do all the things she was accustomed to doing. Traditions…the traditions that he and Johanna had started creating as soon as the ring was on her finger. Johanna was big on traditions and seeing them carried out…which was why she had been taking her Christmas mixing bowl from the cupboard; she had probably been going to bake the peppermint cake.

He expelled a breath, thinking about the tears that had been in her voice as she told him about how the bowl had broken…and how she had reminded him that it was special to her. She was right, it wasn't just a bowl…it was one of the gifts he had given her for their first Christmas as husband and wife. He had seen that bowl and knew she needed it for her holiday baking and he had been so proud of it and gave it to her two weeks early just so she could go ahead and use it. Now it was broken and she would mourn it…and knowing her, take it as some sort of symbol of the state of their union.

What a way to end the year, Jim thought to himself; he'd been stuck on this miserable case for weeks, his wife was ready to throw him out and his daughter was probably going to hate him.

Not to mention the guilt and remorse that had been welling up inside of him ever since he had talked to Katie. He gripped his glass, wishing he could fling it against the wall but he didn't dare. He didn't want to abandon the logic of staying put…but he knew he had to try…he had to try to get home, even if it was for such a short amount of time…and he needed to find a mixing bowl to replace the one that was being mourned in New York.

Jim sat his glass on the stand and got to his feet, moving to the window to peer out into the darkness. It was the wrong city out there; Chicago was nice but it wasn't New York. The energy was different here…it seemed somehow quieter but that didn't make much sense; it was just as noisy as every other big city including New York.

But New York had something that Chicago didn't.

New York had Johanna and Katie.

Jim turned away from the window, his gaze falling on that comfortable bed that made living in a hotel room bearable…but tonight he found it unappealing. It was too empty, too cold…too much of a reminder of what he was missing when he'd allow himself to miss his wife. The room was too quiet; too void of the noise of a four year old at play…his day empty without the reports of what happened at Grandma's or Grammy's over dinner…his nights too quiet without his wife's soft voice relaying the events of her day that she hadn't gotten to share earlier. There was no soft, warm figure to hold in the middle of the night; no small bundle climbing onto his lap and pressing her small hands against his face as she demanded his attention. There was quiet, and a stocked bar and a stack of files that never had as many answers as he needed.

He blew out a breath, his gaze shifting back to the window where he could see the holiday lights in a store window across the street. Christmas was making everything so much harder…causing added strain between him and Johanna; causing disappointment for his daughter. Sometimes he hated that damn holiday and all of the hoopla that went with it. He certainly wasn't in the mood for it and everything that went with it this year. He'd much rather it be over…his life would be a little easier if it just wasn't the holiday season. His wife would settled down, Katie wouldn't miss him as much…he wouldn't have to worry about going home for what would amount to a day…a day and a half if he was lucky, and then flying back to Chicago…back to his job and his quiet room and stocked bar and files that never had the right answer.

Jim allowed his fist to fall softly against the thick glass of the window; but what did he value more, saving time and money or hanging on to his family? For all he knew, Johanna might be serious…she was an emotional and passionate woman who could sometimes be impulsive when angry. Did he really want to risk his marriage because he had an aversion to wasting time and money? Did he really want to disappoint his daughter because of those reasons?

It wasn't supposed to be this complicated, it really wasn't. Johanna had said that she was taking the job at Columbia because it was something she wanted for herself…well he wanted to keep this promotion for himself and she didn't seem all that understanding of that. God he hated this; he didn't like indecision…he didn't like ultimatum's, he didn't like feeling like he might make the wrong choices and end up losing everything.

His head fell against the window with a dull thud; the only thing to do was to see what options were available for getting home; if he couldn't get there by tomorrow night, then he wouldn't go; and this late in the game, it was highly likely that he wouldn't be able to get a flight but at least he could say he tried and he wouldn't have to feel guilty. If he could make it, then Johanna would get off his back and Katie would be happy…he'd be mildly annoyed with the traveling and expense but he could deal with that.

It was the only solution he could come up with; first thing in the morning he'd look into options…and scour the city for a mixing bowl with a pattern of candy canes and holly leaves. There just wasn't anything else to do…because Christmas wasn't going to go away and neither was the tightness in his throat or the knots in his neck unless he made an effort.


	14. Chapter 14

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 14

The news reports on the small portable television on the kitchen counter was declaring Christmas Eve 1983 as the coldest Christmas Eve in a hundred years…or fifty…depending on which anchor was doing the declaring, Johanna thought as she half heartedly listened while spreading icing across the top of her peppermint bliss cake. She didn't dispute the fact that it was cold…numbers in the teens and expected to keep falling. There was also a fresh dusting of snow on the ground. She sighed, wondering if Jim's refusal to come home had meant that hell had frozen over and this was now the world they were living in.

" _And in Chicago; it's a bone chilling -19 degrees,"_ the weatherman reported on the television.

A slight smirk graced Johanna's lips. "Good, maybe Jim will freeze off an appendage," she thought darkly.

The fantasy warmed her for a moment until she glanced at her daughter who was still clad in her pajamas, picking up a spoonful of Fruit Loops and putting it in her mouth. She smiled a little; her baby was adorable with her tousled hair and sleepy eyes. She looked like her, her eyes, her nose, her mouth…Elizabeth's chestnut colored hair; but she could see shades of Jim in her too in the shape of her face and her hair line…that look of concentration on her face as she watched the images on the TV screen. Johanna smiled; that look was definitely Jim…and it sent a pang of longing through her heart. Katie was the best of both of them and their greatest accomplishment.

No promotion with its raises and perks could compare to the perfection of their baby girl…and she wished that he'd remember that when making decisions that affected all of them; but apparently he wasn't in agreement with that idea lately. She shook her head, no sense in dwelling on it. "Eat some of your toast, Baby," she said gently.

"Kay, Momma," Katie murmured.

Johanna smiled; it was usually 'mommy' but when her baby was sleepy, it was still sometimes 'momma'. "Are you still sleepy?" she asked her.

Katie nodded as she picked up a piece of her toast and nibbled on it.

"You didn't have to get up so early, sweetheart. You could've stayed in bed awhile longer."

"I don't want to miss my pageant."

"Honey, your pageant isn't until tonight; you've got awhile to go."

"I want to make cake," Katie said.

"Well, how about after we're finished this cake, you take a little nap before we go to Grandma's for your last practice."

"Okay."

"You're awfully agreeable this morning," Johanna said with a soft laugh. "Is it because Santa is coming tonight?"

Katie shrugged and put her toast down to take a drink of her juice.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Johanna asked her.

Her daughter's bottom lip poked out. "I miss Daddy."

"I know," she murmured. "I do too."

Katie held her gaze. "He's not coming home?"

She shook her head. "No, honey; he's not coming home today or tomorrow…I don't even know if he'll be home next week."

"Can we go to Chicago since you don't gotta go to work?" Katie asked.

The thought had crossed her mind, Johanna thought to herself; taking Katie and flying out there, giving him a surprise he never saw coming but she held back; unsure of how he would react in a situation where Katie couldn't be shielded from it. "No; I don't think Daddy would like that," she said slowly. "He'd have to go to work anyway and we'd be by ourselves in his room. It's better for us to stay here at home where you can play with your new toys…and we'll go visit Nona one day; and we'll go visit Aunt Maggie so you can play with Chrissy and baby Jeffery."

"Can we go see Molly?"

"We'll see if Molly can come over here for a change, okay?" Johanna replied.

"Uh huh; I don't like always going to Aunt Sharon's…how come we always gotta go there? I want Molly to play in my room and Aunt Sharon always says we gotta play at her house."

"It's not always that way…but it does seem like it at times," she remarked; "I'm going to tell Aunt Sharon that Molly needs to come here more."

"Yeah; cause I don't like Uncle Phil much."

"You don't?" Johanna asked. "How come?"

"Cause his face is always squishy like a mean face," Katie replied; "And he always says we're too loud…and sometimes he makes faces when you're talking."

"He does?"

"Uh huh."

"Then Molly is definitely going to come over here for awhile if she wants to play. We're going to take a break from visiting Aunt Sharon's house."

"Good; I don't want to play there all the time. I want Molly to come to our house…how come Aunt Sharon don't want to come to our house?"

"I don't know, sweetie; but I'll mention it to her the next time I talk to her."

"Mommy?"

"What?"

"Can I lick the spoon when you're done putting icing on the cake?"

"No; not yet. You have to wait until the other cake is finished."

"Can we put sprinkles on our cake?" Katie asked.

Johanna nodded. "Sure; let me get the Christmas sprinkles out of the cupboard and you can put them on."

She put down her knife long enough to go to the cupboard and found the container of red and green sprinkles. "I have to finish putting the icing on and then you can do the sprinkles," she told her as she returned to the table and picked up her knife. "I just have this little section to do."

"Mommy, how come we make two Christmas cakes?" Katie asked.

"Because we take one to Grandma's and we keep one here at home," Johanna answered. "Before Daddy and I got married, he made me promise that I'd always make this cake for him at Christmas."

"Why?"

"Because it's our special cake," she replied wistfully. "The first time I made this cake, Daddy helped me and we made it part of our Christmas traditions."

"What does that mean?" Katie asked, her small finger managing to swipe up a glob of icing that fell on the table.

"A tradition is something that we do every Christmas; like making this cake…and we eat fast food on Christmas Eve. On your first Christmas Eve, you were a tiny baby and Daddy went out and got us food from McDonalds and brought it home so you and I wouldn't have to go out in the cold. He bought you a Happy Meal even though you were too little to eat it."

Katie giggled. "Why did he do that?"

"Because he wanted you to be part of our tradition; and he said that even though you were too little to eat it, you could at least have the toy. That was your very first Happy Meal."

"Who ate my Happy Meal?" her daughter asked.

Johanna laughed. "Well…Daddy ate your hamburger…and I ate your fries. We split your cookies and I drank your soda. Mommy needed that extra caffeine…because you didn't like to sleep when you were a baby."

Katie laughed. "Why didn't I like to sleep?"

"I have no idea," Johanna replied. "Mommy almost forgot what sleep was like until you finally learned to like it."

Her daughter giggled. "Silly."

Johanna smiled and uncapped the container of sprinkles, her daughter had no idea just how bad her sleep deprivation had been. "Are you ready to put the sprinkles on?"

"Yes," Katie replied, getting on her knees on the chair as she took the container.

She gently instructed as Katie shook red and green sprinkles all over the cake and then grasped the container before her daughter could overload it. "That's good," she said; "It's very pretty now."

"Is it our cake or Grandma's?"

"This one is ours, sweetie."

Her daughter was quiet a moment, a frown tugging at her lips. "Daddy won't get to eat any of our special cake," she said quietly.

"I know, sweetheart," Johanna said softly, her hand moving over her daughter's hair. "But we'll eat it…it's still our tradition."

Katie glanced up at her. "Will we eat at McDonalds even though Daddy isn't here?"

"Yes; we'll get McDonalds for dinner, I promise…it's tradition."

"I'm glad; I want a chicken nugget happy meal."

"You'll get one, baby."

"Mommy?"

"Yeah?"

"Will Daddy call us tonight?"

She suppressed a sigh. "I don't know, Katie…he might not. He knows you have to get to bed on time tonight so Santa can come and bring your presents. He might not call until tomorrow."

Katie's bottom lip poked out in a pout. "Doesn't Daddy miss us?"

Her smile wobbled. "Of course he does."

"Then why don't he come home?"

"Because his work isn't done."

"But you don't gotta go to work tomorrow…so why does Daddy?"

Johanna breathed deeply; this was prickly territory. "Daddy doesn't have to go to work on Christmas."

"Then he shoulda came home," her stubborn daughter insisted. "Did he go to work today? You didn't go to work today."

"No, sweetheart; he didn't go to work today…it's the weekend. Mommy and Daddy don't work on the weekend."

Katie put a hand on her pajama clad hip as she remained kneeling on her chair. "Daddy's a big fibber! He don't gotta work, he just don't wanna come home and play with me!"

That's how she felt too, Johanna thought to herself. He didn't want to come home and be with either one of them…but she'd have to lie and say otherwise…and she hated that he put her in the position of having to lie to their child about his intentions. "He doesn't have to go to work today, but he has to work after Christmas so he had to stay there because Chicago is far away."

"I hate Chicago!" Katie exclaimed. "I don't want him to go there no more!"

"Me too," she said softly as she sat down and pulled her daughter onto her lap. "I know you're sad about Daddy not getting to come home but we're still going to have a nice Christmas, okay?"

"Okay," her daughter said as she snuggled against her. "But Daddy's still a big fibber."

Johanna smiled a little. "Well, sweetheart; you're allowed to feel that way…but maybe you shouldn't mention it to Daddy; you know he gets mad easily lately."

"Yeah," Katie said with a yawn.

She hugged her tightly. "You're still sleepy; how about I turn cartoons on on my TV in my room and you get your bunny and get in my bed and rest for a little while?"

"Will you lay down with me?"

Johanna glanced at the clock on the wall; she could lay down with Katie until she drifted back to sleep and then she could get the other cake started and do any last minute cleaning that needed done downstairs. "Yes, sweetheart, I'll lay down with you. Let me put the cake in the container and then we'll go upstairs and get back in bed for awhile," she said before sitting her daughter down so she could put the cake in the cake holder.

Katie grabbed her bunny from the chair and waited patiently for Johanna to put the domed lid over the cake and then she slipped her hand into hers and allowed herself to be lead back upstairs.

* * *

Johanna laid down with Katie until she was sure her daughter would sleep for awhile. She carefully slipped out of bed, tucking the covers around Katie as she did so. She raked a hand through her hair and glanced at the clock, it was still somewhat early and she wasn't ready to trade in her nightgown and robe for her jeans and sweater just yet. Johanna crossed the room to the closet, figuring she could at least lay out the clothes she and Katie would wear to church that night. That would be one less thing to do later on and after it was finished; she could get the next cake put in the oven.

She quietly pushed the hangers down the pole in the closet, searching for the dress she had bought the month before for this occasion. Her fingers finally landed against it and she pulled the long sleeved, dark green dress from the rack and hung it on the door. It was a simple dress with its v-shaped neckline and no adornments but she liked it, it was sedate, just what church required…and what her mood felt like, she mused as she smoothed a small wrinkle from the bottom of the skirt. She found the matching pair of heels on the closet floor and sat them by the dresser and then moved to her jewelry box to lay out the jewelry she'd wear that night.

Johanna picked up the pair of emerald earrings that she wore every Christmas. They were her first Christmas gift from Jim. He had given them to her the Christmas before they started dating. Her fingers rubbed across the smooth stones for a moment, longing for those simpler days welling up within her. She laid them down with a soft sigh. Despite her best intentions, she was slowly accepting that is wasn't going to be a happy Christmas like she kept assuring Katie it would be. Instead, it would be a hollow Christmas; the easily felt void in the shape of Jim would hover over them despite the smiles they'd put on, despite the few laughs they might have and the warmth of their extended family.

On the TV, her favorite Christmas song began to play, the soft notes filling the air. _"Have yourself a merry little Christmas, let your heart be light. Next year all of our troubles will be out of sight…"_

She had tried…she had tried to let her heart be light, to feel the spirit of the holiday and let it fill her. But she hadn't been able to accomplish the feat. All she had been able to feel was Jim's absence, his distance, her loneliness and internal misery as she felt like her life was slowly spiraling out of control. Her troubles were far from out of sight…it felt like they were going to be around for awhile and it made her ache inside…it made her afraid. She would keep trying though, for Katie's sake; to put on the brave face and make Christmas as merry as possible. In her heart though, she knew neither one of them would be completely happy come morning…not with Jim's empty chair at the table. Not with his pile of gifts unopened…not without him taking copious amounts of pictures of their daughter opening her gifts; not without their stolen moments in the glow of the Christmas tree once Katie had been tucked into her bed for the night.

" _Through the years we all will be together, if the fates allow…"_

Johanna picked up her cross necklace and laid it on the dresser. Fate would've allowed Jim to come home, but he hadn't wanted to. He didn't want the hassle or the expense…he didn't want the distraction and disruption to the peace he had without them in her opinion. She kept waiting for it to stop stinging, but it hadn't yet…and she had the feeling that the only thing that would soothe that sting would be if he walked through the door. What she wouldn't give if he'd just come through the door. Her eyes closed; maybe she did need him too much. Maybe she did suffocate him…maybe he was tired of her and family life. She could change though, if he'd just give her the chance. She could be different; she'd do her best if he'd just come home and show her that he still cared.

" _Until then, we'll have to muddle through somehow…"_

Johanna breathed deeply; yeah, they were just going to have to muddle through…that's all women got done doing, she thought to herself as she left the room; muddling through one thing or another, and smiling while doing it. She crossed the hallway to Katie's room and laid out her Christmas dress and tights, and her shiny black dress shoes. With the task complete, she headed back downstairs to mix up the second cake and get it in the oven. "Muddle through," she repeated to herself despite the feelings of hurt and anger that pooled deep within her. "Just got to muddle through somehow."

* * *

Later that afternoon at her parents house, Johanna was trying to come up with an excuse to leave for a short while without her daughter so that she could get Katie's gifts transferred from the attic to their temporary hiding place in the dining room. Katie was occupied with her cousins, the run through of the songs she and Claire had to sing and Greg's lines to be delivered had been accomplished and the kids were set free to play as the rest of the household went through the motions of finishing last minute things for the next day.

"Frank," Naomi said as she polished the top of the piano. "Why don't you run out and get a couple bottles of wine for tomorrow; I'm sure some of the guests will want a drink and I only have half a bottle."

"Alright," Frank said as he laid aside his newspaper and got up from his chair.

A light bulb went off in Johanna's head, perfect opportunity. "I'll go with you, Dad; so I can help you get what Mom likes."

"You don't have to go, I know what to get," he said as he came near to fetch his keys from the stand.

"I have to go with you," she whispered.

Puzzlement furrowed Frank's brow. "Why?"

"I need an excuse to leave Katie here," she murmured close to his ear. "If I can go with you, you can drop me off at my house so I can move her gifts downstairs so I can get them easily tonight without her hearing. You can come back and get me after you get the wine; that should give me enough time."

He nodded. "Yeah; you better go with me and make sure I get it right."

She smiled in gratitude. "Katie; I'm going to go help Grandpa with his errands, you stay here and play. I'll be back."

"Okay, Mommy," she replied, her attention quickly shifting back to the matchbox cars and racetrack that Greg had set up for the three of them to play with.

Naomi caught her daughter's eye and gave a knowing nod. "She's occupied; she won't question anything," she murmured.

Johanna hurriedly pulled her coat on and followed her father out the door. "I know dropping me off is a little out of the way, Dad; but I appreciate it."

"It's not a problem," he replied; "It just gives me an excuse to be out longer. Your mother is in her Christmas frenzy; your Grandmother keeps smacking my hands every time I walk in the kitchen and the kids are excited and a little more boisterous than normal, which is to be expected but…I can use a break."

She laughed. "I take it Grandma's smacking your hands because you're trying to sample the biscotti."

"Well, damn it, she can't just make it and expect me to wait until Christmas day, it's not fair," Frank remarked as he unlocked the passenger side door.

"You better hope she doesn't give you the eye again."

"I'm not worried," Frank replied as he got in the driver's seat. "The last time we got Colleen; but your mother is over that stage of life…I'm safe."

"She might make you go bald."

"Bite your tongue!" her father stated, his hand raking through his thick dark hair. "I'd have to kill her and I don't want to have to do that on a religious holiday…it's bad luck."

"Not to mention illegal."

"That too," Frank replied as he started the car. "I'll help you get the gifts moved, Johanna; that way you'll get done faster and then you can just go with me to get the wine."

"You don't have to do that."

"I know I don't," he remarked; "But I'm going to do it anyway so you can get done. It'll be one less worry for you and you can relax a little. You're tense."

"I'm fine."

"Yeah; that's the story for publication," Frank said; "But I know better."

"Oh yeah?" she couldn't help but retort.

"Yeah; I'm your father…I know more about you than you think, little girl."

That was an unsettling thought, Johanna mused. "I'm a big girl."

Frank side eyed her. "You're not so big."

"Big enough."

"I still know more than you think," he remarked; while thinking to himself that she'd always be his little girl in his mind. It didn't matter that she was married, that she had a child of her own, a home, a career. There were still times when he looked at her and saw the little girl she had been. He couldn't say so of course, but it was there, in his mind, in his heart. He didn't care how big she thought she was; she'd always be little…always need a little protection and looking after so that fragile heart didn't get stomped on or used. He hated the thought that his son-in-law might be growing careless with the gift he had given him. He hadn't given Johanna away to him to end up with her heart in pieces and his granddaughter only seeing her father when it was convenient for him. The boy needed his priorities put back in order…and if he didn't do it on his own, he might have to be the man to do it for him.

"You're awful pensive, Dad," Johanna said quietly. 'Something on your mind?"

Frank shook his head. "Just wondering if I should pick up something a little harder for me tomorrow…I think your grandmother's been nipping at my bottle of Jack Daniels."

"She does like a hot toddy now and then."

"If that's what she considers it when she slips a little in her tea, then I guess that's correct."

Johanna laughed a little. "The holidays are rough on all of us; sometimes I could use a little of it slipped into my tea."

Frank gave a nod. "I better pick up another bottle while we're at the liquor store. May as well make the holiday as merry and bright as possible."

"May as well," she agreed. If she was lucky, maybe someone would slip a little taste into her tea the next day.

* * *

After arriving at the house, Frank followed Johanna up to the attic. "This stuff over here is for Katie," Johanna said as she moved to the right side of the attic.

"Good lord," Frank replied; "You're spoiling her."

Johanna picked up as many bags as she could carry. "She's mine to spoil," she said sharply. "She's the only baby I have and she's only going to be little once."

Frank's lips pressed together in a thin line as he bit back words that he was sure would throw things off balance between them. He didn't want that; not when things had been stable for the most part, not on Christmas Eve…and not when he knew that her anger wasn't directed at him but at the man who should've been there to help her carry gifts downstairs. "You're right; she's your only child and you have every right to spoil her on Christmas. You make a good living; you can afford to give her everything on her list. I didn't mean to ruffle your feathers."

She sighed. "I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just…"

"Mad," he supplied.

"Yeah; but not at you."

"I know," he replied as they headed back downstairs with the first load. "You're mad at your husband and you have a right to be. Where are we putting the gifts?"

"In the dining room," Johanna answered. 'Katie never goes in there and I'll lock the door once we're home for the night. I have to leave it unlocked for now so Robert can slip her bike in while we're in church."

"She's getting a bike?"

"Yeah, one of those little Strawberry Shortcake ones with the training wheels. She'll want Jim outside with her when she's on it and who knows if he'll be around for it."

"You'll be there," Frank said as he sat gifts on the table while Johanna did the same thing.

"I know," she said; thinking to herself that everything always fell to her. "Dad, do you know anyone who can paint these ugly grey walls in here in the spring? Jim won't do it and I'm sick of looking at them."

"Yeah," he said as they headed back upstairs. "Let me know when you're ready and I'll send Hank over. He'll do a good job and won't charge you a fortune. What color do you want?"

"White; that way if I want to change colors I won't have to repaint he walls, just change accents."

"Good thinking."

It took a few trips but finally all of Katie's gifts were stowed away in the dining room and Frank helped Johanna carry down the family gifts to put in the office. They didn't say much and Johanna worried that she had offended her father by snapping at him; she really hadn't meant to; there hadn't been any severe criticism in his tone when he made his statement about spoiling Katie.

She paused in the hallway outside of the office as he stepped out behind her. "Dad, I am sorry I snapped at you earlier," she said quietly.

"I know," he replied, his brow furrowed in confusion. "I know you're not angry with me; I told you so."

"I know, but…" she trailed off, frustration thrumming through her veins, making her feel out of sorts no matter how hard she tried.

Fran hesitated for a moment, he wasn't good at this sort of thing and yet if he did nothing, he'd feel like he'd blown yet another moment of parenting, so he stepped forward and pulled his middle child into his arms. "It's alright, Josie."

This didn't happen often, Johanna thought as she sunk into the embrace he offered willingly and for whatever reason, it made the emotion burst free and she started to cry as she clung to him.

Frank closed his eyes as he heard the first sob. He wasn't good with tears, that was Naomi's department, he was out of his depth here…and there was no one to pass her off to. Oh hell, he thought to himself, as he patted her back like he had when she was a baby and needed soothing while Naomi fetched her bottle. He should probably say something, but what? What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to do to make it better? He didn't know how to soothe wounded hearts…he knew how to punch the person responsible and he was sorely tempted but unfortunately his son-in-law was out of reach.

"It's alright," he said as he continued to pat her back; after all, that was what he had always said to her when she was a baby. "Don't cry; everything will be fine."

"I just wanted him to come home," she sniffed.

"I know…and he will eventually; but don't worry; it'll be alright. Katie's going to have a nice Christmas and so will you and he's the one who's missing out. It'll all work out…he'll get his head out of his ass eventually."

"I told him if he didn't come home for Christmas to not bother coming home at all," Johanna cried.

"I'm sure he knows you didn't mean it," Frank soothed.

"But what if that's what he wants and I handed him a golden ticket without realizing it."

"Then you'll be a widow," Frank stated; "Because I'll kill him and spare you the cost of divorce."

"Katie needs her father," she sniffled.

"Fine; then I'll reform him if it comes to it," her father remarked as he gently pushed her back and kissed her forehead. "No more tears now," he said, swiping at the moisture on her cheeks. "We've got a holiday to get through and a little girl to keep happy so she doesn't dwell on her father's absence. Go wash your face and let's go buy the wine…I'll buy you your own bottle to bring home for later."

She smiled a little. "You don't have to do that."

"I figure you've earned it. Go on now, wash your face, we have things to do."

Johanna managed a wobbly smile and headed upstairs to wash her face. Fatherly affection, a small Christmas miracle that she'd been experiencing this month. At least she had that moment to hold on to.

* * *

Jim sighed deeply as he scribbled notes on his planner as he sat in the airport, the bag containing the Christmas gifts he had bought sitting at his feet. He had to shell out a pretty penny to be able to carry it on but he didn't trust the airport not to lose the bag if he left it out of his sight. He hoped Johanna appreciated the money he was shelling out; travel seemed to cost more on Christmas Eve…that was if he ever did get to the actual traveling part. Chicago was seeing its coldest winter in years and snow was beginning to fall outside, making his stomach twist into knots. The flight had already been delayed three hours…if that snow picked up, it might be grounded altogether and then what would he do?

Perhaps he should've followed Zach's lead. His friend had made a call to the train station from the hotel bar the night before and found out that he could take the last train out that evening. He had gone, after telling Jim that he should come too but he had waved him off. Zach was probably already home by now, he mused. He should've gone by train, but no, he had to debate the issue all evening and then had no choice but to find a flight. He had, by some miracle, found one; it was supposed to leave at noon; he would've been home by four, in plenty of time for Katie's pageant, even if he did have jetlag while setting in the pew. But it wasn't to be. Now it was three and he was still waiting for the flight to be called; having a feeling it wouldn't be.

He flipped the pages of his planner back in place, his gaze falling on the pictures he had clipped to the inside cover.

"Your daughter?" the old man sitting next to him asked with a nod at the picture of Katie.

"Yeah," he answered.

The man smiled. "She's a beauty."

"She is," Jim agreed. "She looks like her mother."

"Then the other picture must be her mother."

Jim nodded. "Yeah; that's my wife."

"She's a beauty too."

He smiled. "Yeah; she doesn't always think so but she is."

The old man chuckled. "The women with true beauty are the ones who don't claim to have it even when they do. I'm sure you're anxious to get home to them."

Jim's fingers brushed against the pictures. "I've been away for awhile."

"I had a feeling that was the case," his companion stated.

"Oh? How come?"

"Well, I can tell you must be a man of business from the way you're dressed…but your clothes are little wrinkled; if your wife was with you, she wouldn't allow that," he said with a twinkle in his eye. "Believe me, I know."

Jim laughed. "That's true; she wouldn't let go out wrinkled."

"How long has it been?"

"All of this month."

The man tsked. "That's along time to be away from the ones you love. I've traveled for business a lot myself…that part never gets easier."

"It doesn't?"

"No," he said. "I traveled for years and tried to pretend I didn't miss being home, but I did. I'd try to picture what my wife and kids were doing and it just made me miss home all the more."

Jim gave a nod, not bothering to say that he tried to keep from picturing what they were doing without him. "Are you heading home?"

"No," the man said; "I'm headed to my daughter's house. My wife went on ahead last week while I wrapped up some things for the business I still manage. I should've gone with her it looks like."

"Yeah; it does look that way. I wish I had tried to get out last night," he admitted. "My daughter is going to be in her first Christmas pageant tonight…there's no way I'm going to get there in time now."

His new friend gave a nod. "Hopefully you'll make the next one…I know the feeling though."

"Right now, I feel like I need a miracle so this plane will take off in the very near future."

"Maybe we'll get one."

"God, I hope so," Jim said as he closed his planner and tucked into the bag sitting at his feet. He didn't want to have to call Johanna and admit that he had debated too long and spoiled his attempt to come home. She'd be furious and he had already earned enough of her anger.

He raked a hand through his hair; why did everything always have to be so damn complicated? Why couldn't the case of wrapped up two days ago, giving him plenty of time to get home and stay there for awhile? Now he had to pray to everything that was holy that the plane would be allowed to take off; and if it, then come Monday, he'd have to be on another plane heading back to Chicago to be annoyed with this case for several more days.

It felt like the universe hated him.

But it was probably better to be hated by the universe than by your wife.

Jim sighed, he wished they could postpone Christmas…everything would be so much easier if they could just push it back a few more days. But there was no pushing it back and now he was sitting in an airport, hoping for that miracle and having a feeling he wouldn't get it. Frustration gnawed at him; it was partly his fault for hesitating to abandon his plan of staying…and it was Johanna's fault for laying down a threat he couldn't bring himself to ignore even though he knew she didn't mean it and had said it out of anger. Anger that he had caused, his brain reminded him.

He didn't like reminders like that.

Jim fought the urge to pace, thinking to himself that if he had to sit here all day and wait on a plane that should've taken off, the least they could do was offer complimentary drinks while you waited but then he thought better of that idea. It wouldn't do to go home to Johanna with liquor on his breath. She was already on her kick about him having a drink, he didn't need more of those chats right now.

"Come on, God," he silently pleaded. "I could use a break here…please."

* * *

Late that afternoon, as her grandmother went off to take a short nap before dinner, Johanna rose from the couch and caught her daughter's eye. "Come on, Katie; it's time for us to go get dinner and then we'll go home and get ready for your pageant."

"Why don't you just eat here?" Naomi asked as she spread the table cloth across the kitchen table that had been moved into the spacious living room as it always was for family meals and holidays.

"We're going to McDonalds," Katie answered before Johanna could speak.

"McDonalds, on Christmas Eve?" Naomi asked. "You must be crazy, Johanna. That place will be packed."

"We always eat McDonalds on Christmas Eve, it's a tradition Jim and I started," Johanna replied. "I promised Katie last night that we'd carry on with it and she'd get her chicken nugget happy meal that she wants."

Her mother shook her head. "Just stay here instead of going out into the madness."

"We'd still have to go home," Johanna stated. "We have to get ready."

"Eating here wouldn't delay that," her mother remarked.

"I want my happy meal, it's 'dition," Katie stated. "I want my nuggets."

Naomi smiled. "Wouldn't you rather have some lasagna?"

Katie shook her head. "Nuggets."

"We're going to get your nuggets, baby," Johanna told her. "Let's go get our coats on."

"Johanna," Naomi began to say.

"Let them be, Naomi," Frank stated. "It's what they do every year; it's what they want to do this year. They'll be having dinner here tomorrow."

"Fine," she huffed.

"We'll see you in a little while," Johanna stated.

"Josie, while you're at McDonalds, get me one of those little pies," Frank called after her.

"We've got pies, Frank!" Naomi exclaimed.

"Yeah, but you won't let me have them until tomorrow. Get me two, Josie."

"I will, Dad; I promise," she told him before guiding Katie into the entry way and getting their coats.

They were quiet as they bundled up and made their way to the car, Johanna shivering a little as she helped Katie into the backseat and buckled her in. She hurried around to the driver's side and got in, thinking to herself that the weatherman hadn't lied about the temperatures dropping as the day went on.

"Katie," Johanna said as she pulled away from her parents house. "If the restaurant is really crowded, we're going to take our food home and eat it, okay?"

"Yeah; let's do that, Mommy," her daughter replied.

"You want to do that either way?"

"Uh huh, I want to eat my nuggets at home."

"Okay, sweetheart," she replied, thinking to herself that it was a good idea, they'd be able to have a little quiet time before getting ready for church. "Are you ready to be home for a little while, having some peace and quiet?"

"Yeah; I want to go home. Can we watch the little TV in the kitchen again while we eat?"

"Yes; we can do that. Maybe there will be some Christmas cartoons on for you."

They grew quiet, the radio playing Christmas songs as Johanna navigated the holiday traffic. "Mommy," Katie said after awhile.

"What, honey?"

"You 'member you said Daddy buyed me a happy meal when I was real little?"

"Yes; your first one that you were too little to eat?"

"Uh huh."

"What about it?"

"Should we get Daddy some food even though he can't eat it with us?" Katie asked. "So he's still part of our 'dition."

She felt a piece of her heart shatter as she gave a nod. "Yeah; we can do that," she stated, managing to keep her tone even as tears filled her eyes.

"Good," her daughter replied. "Daddy would want a burger."

"He would," Johanna replied; "A Big Mac."

"Yeah; and fries."

"We'll get Daddy's favorite," she promised. "We'll put it in the fridge, and maybe tomorrow night we can share it as a snack."

"Okay, Mommy."

Johanna swallowed hard as she stopped at a light, the lyrics of Blue Christmas pouring from the radio. She had always liked that song, but this year it was a dagger to her heart. He should've been there in the car with them…he should be having their special Christmas Eve fast food meal with them. He should be there for the pageant, to read Katie Twas the Night Before Christmas before she went to bed.

But he wasn't there.

All day she had prayed for a miracle…and she hadn't gotten one. All day, she had kept hope that at any minute, he'd materialize in front of them…that he'd come home happy, maybe with quiet apologies murmured in the night that she could believe and be soothed by. But he hadn't given her anything; just excuses and absence, when all she had wanted for Christmas was him; even if just for the day. She didn't care about the money or the time he considered wasted with the trip; all she had wanted was him…and she had wanted him to want her too.

She flicked away a tear as the light turned green, swallowing her emotions as she moved along with the flow of traffic. There wasn't anything to be done about it now; if he hadn't come home by now, there wasn't any sense in hoping he would. The opening strains of Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas came from the radio and she reminded herself that she just had to muddle through. There would be time for tears later; after Katie was asleep and the presents had been put beneath the tree. Then she would cry; and in the morning, she'd get up and be happy and muddle through all over again.

* * *

Jim felt miserable as he stared out into the darkness. He hadn't expected to feel so badly about missing a church pageant but he was. It was Katie's first Christmas pageant, he should've been there. He imagined she was probably getting ready; that Johanna would be helping her into her angel costume and fussing with her hair. She'd look adorable, he was sure of it…but of course she always looked adorable no matter what. She'd go out in the front of the church with her cousin and the rest of the children and sing Christmas songs in that soft sweet voice of hers…and he wouldn't get to hear a single note.

A small ache filled his heart; he wanted to hear her sing…wanted to be sitting in the pew next to Johanna, watching her together. But it wasn't to be. There would be other Christmas pageants, once Katie had a taste, she'd probably want to be in the next one too…but still…he should've been there. Why hadn't he taken the damn train with Zach?

"Because you're stupid and foolish," his conscience whispered.

He scrubbed a hand over his face; sometimes he was stupid…and foolish. Sometimes he was too indecisive until he was pushed against the wall and forced to make a decision. Funny how it always seemed to be up to Johanna to push him against that wall…maybe she should've pushed sooner.

Jim breathed deeply; he supposed he had made a mess of things…that he had most likely marred Johanna and Katie's Christmas with his selfish needs. Sure his reasons had been logical…but that didn't mean they were right; not when it came to the two things he loved most, his wife and daughter. He wondered if Johanna had made the peppermint bliss cake…if they had ate McDonalds food for their Christmas Eve dinner. He figured they probably had, Johanna was a stickler for tradition…he wished he could've been there, he was starving and wouldn't hesitate to polish off two Big Macs instead of just one.

But he had missed that opportunity too; damn it. It seemed like he was always missing something lately. It would take time to adjust to traveling more for the job…it would take time to make his peace with missing certain events in his quest to keep his promotion. But for a moment, as loneliness and longing gnawed at him, he wasn't quite sure it was worth it. He might get used to it…would get used to it because he had no real choice; but a part of him worried that Johanna and Katie might get _too_ used to him being gone at times…that they'd go on about their lives without much care that he wasn't there. He liked the promotion and the perks and prestige, and despite all of his complaining about being nagged and that they weren't accepting things, he worried just as much about the day they would accept it…when they might wave him off with little care, busy with their own lives and used to him going off somewhere more often than not.

That wasn't a thought he liked entertaining…he didn't want them to get overly used to him being gone. He didn't want to miss out on too much. Jim gave a soft shake of his head; why did it have to feel like everything was a mess? Why couldn't things just feel normal again?

A soft sigh crossed his lips; what a way to end a year…what a way to go into a new one. There wasn't much to be done about things though; he'd just have to get through it somehow…they all would; and hopefully everything would be alright in the end.

 _A/N: Is he on the plane…or stuck in Chicago? We'll find out in the next chapter ;)_


	15. Chapter 15

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews! I was going to try and finish with this chapter but I didn't want to shove everything in to this one and have it be the longest chapter of the story and somewhat rushed; so I've decided to divide it, sorry if that upsets anyone but it's what's best for the story!_

Chapter 15

Jim was tired as he carried his bags to his father's car at the airport. Tired and still somewhat frustrated by everything…and yet a part of him felt relieved to be standing in the state of New York once again. "I'll just throw these in the backseat, Dad," he said as Robert began to head for the back of the car to unlock the trunk.

"You can't, Jimmy," Robert replied. "Katie's little bike is in the back seat, I have to slip it into the dining room for Johanna."

"I don't think a little girl's bike took up the whole back," Jim stated as he moved toward the back door and peered into the window, the lights of airport illuminating the backseat. "What's in the big box?"

"Give me the bags, Jimmy; we need to get on our way. I have to get that stuff in the house before Johanna and Katie get home from church."

Jim put his bags in the trunk and his father closed the lid and swiftly made his way to the driver's side of the car as Jim moved to the passenger side.

"What's in the big box?" Jim asked again as Robert started the car and pulled out of their parking space.

Robert glanced at his son. "It's the gift that Frank bought for Johanna and put your name on it. He called me a few days ago and asked if I'd be able to slip it into the house tonight while they were in church. I told him it wouldn't be a problem since I had to slip Katie's bike in anyway."

Puzzlement furrowed Jim's brow. "Frank bought Johanna a gift? And put my name on it?"

"Yes."

"Frank McKenzie?"

"Yes," Robert remarked. "He didn't want Johanna to get up on Christmas morning and not have a gift to open at home with Katie."

"What is it?" Jim asked.

"I don't know, I didn't ask. When he brought it to me at my office, it was already wrapped. I didn't want to pry."

He scoffed. "Knowing Frank, it'll be something she'll hate and then she'll be mad about that too."

Robert's gaze slid toward him once again. "Frank loves his daughter; he just wanted to make sure she had a gift with your name on it…since it didn't seem like you'd be here to provide her with one. He was doing you a favor, don't be an ass."

"It won't be a favor if she hates it."

Robert sighed deeply. "I'm sure Frank took care with picking out something…I'm sure Naomi is probably the one who wrapped it; and if it was something Johanna wouldn't like, I doubt she'd allow it to be given."

"I guess I'll find out tomorrow morning," he muttered, his hand rubbing against his stubbly jaw. He needed to shave…needed to change clothes…needed something to eat before he starved to death.

Robert breathed deeply. "Jimmy; you're my son and I love you…"

"Oh God," Jim stated; "Conversations that start that way are never good. Please, Dad; if you really love me, don't do it to me tonight. I've sat in an airport most of the day, waiting out delays, I'm missing Katie's pageant, I've got to face an angry wife who threatened to make me live in my car. I've got to get through a holiday tomorrow with her family and mine and then fly out again come Monday. I really don't want a lecture."

"Well, son, I wasn't thinking of it so much as a lecture but more as advice from one man to another but now since you've been snappish like your mother, I'm going to lecture you."

"Dad, please?"

Robert shook his head. "Too late to beg, my boy. Now listen, I did my best the other night to defend you to your wife and mother…and the sarcasm and looks from both of them just about froze me to death…"

"It's scary when they get along," Jim remarked. "It's like when two countries that normally hate each other start being friends and you're just waiting for the first grenade to get tossed."

"I don't think it's quite that bad…a little odd when they team up…but you know, at least we know they can if they'd ever really need too and besides, I think your mother has warmed up to Johanna a great deal but that's beside the point. I told Johanna she needed to be more supportive and overlook certain things instead of making a big deal out of them…"

"Did she agree to that?" he asked; "Is that why it's so cold? Hell froze over?"

His father sighed deeply. "I'm starting to see why she's so aggravated with you; you are being a bit of an ass."

"It's been a long day, Dad. Just say what you want to say."

"What I'm trying to say, is I tried to defend you and told her she needed to ease up…but with that said; you need to remember that your job isn't the only important thing you have, Jimmy. You have a wife who loves you, a daughter who loves you. You can't just shove them aside and take all of your bad moods out on them. You might feel like they shouldn't be having a hard time without you at home but they are because they love you and miss you. You need to be a little more understanding…a little gentler with their feelings; and for God's sake, boy; if you're drinking, don't call home and start a fight with your wife. No one wins in that situation. Call before you have a drink; or call the next day. I think you've been letting your temper get the best of you because work is being a pain and it's making you a less than desirable husband."

"It's nice to know she shares our business with the world," he remarked.

"She's not sharing your business with the world. She's been upset for weeks, Jimmy. It's hard not to notice. We ask about your wellbeing and she answers, not with all the details but if we ask something she doesn't have an answer for, we want to know why and then she'll mention that you've argued and don't like to be asked certain questions. Katie picks up on things too, Jimmy. She tells her grandmother everything, which is to be expected from children that age. They like to chat…and she has no qualms chatting about you, especially when she's upset with you."

"I told her I was sorry for snapping at her the other night."

"I'm glad, but still; just because she's little doesn't mean she doesn't pick up on the tension between you and Johanna. You need to settle down a bit…and then Johanna will settle back down. What's going on with you that you're rocking the boat so much that you didn't even want to come for Christmas?"

"I didn't want to fly back for one day," Jim remarked; "It didn't make since logically or financially. My work isn't done in Chicago. I get frustrated with Johanna because she won't accept that I have to be away at times now; it's always 'when are you coming home?' and I don't always have an answer. She doesn't like that."

"Most women don't like that…but are you really surprised that she asks? You should be more offended if she didn't ask. At the rate you seem to be going, pretty soon, she'll be glad you're not around."

"Thanks a lot, Dad," he said, a bit of sharpness in his tone.

"Get your head out of your ass, Jimmy. Your wife is allowed to question; I'm sure you question her. Try to be a little more understanding; when you're away from home, she has everything to do alone and she probably gets lonely and frustrated just like you do. Give her some time to adjust and maybe things won't be so bad between the two of you that you have to worry about sleeping in your car. Although I'm glad you took that threat seriously."

"Of course I took it seriously," Jim remarked; "I don't have any doubt that she'd do it."

"And you don't want her to put you out?"

"Of course not!"

"Then you better do some adjusting of your own, Jimmy. You keep this up and you're going to push too far and you'll really know what it's like not to be able to come home. I understand you're reasons for wanting to stay in Chicago; but son, when it's Christmas, logical answers aren't always the right ones. You have to do what's best for your family instead of what you think is more logical and convenient. You should've made arrangements days ago to get home; if you had, you'd be sitting in a pew watching Katie's pageant."

"I know," he muttered. "Did Mom go?"

"Yes; but I told her not to tell Johanna that I was picking you up. I figure it can be a surprise for her and Katie…try to be a worthy one, alright? It's Christmas Eve; they don't need any tears tonight. Give Katie all the attention you can before she goes to bed and then make up with your wife so that Christmas can be happy for all of you."

"I'll do my best, Dad," Jim said quietly; but he had a feeling making up wouldn't be all that easy.

* * *

Elizabeth Beckett accepted her program for the pageant and the church service, shivering slightly as she moved into the building. Her eyes scanned the church for her daughter-in-law, searching the crowd of people until finally she spotted the pew that the McKenzie family occupied. She hurried up the aisle and slipped into the vacant spot next to Johanna, dropping her purse onto her lap as she did so and then began to pull off her gloves. "Have I missed anything?" she asked as her daughter-in-law glanced at her.

"No," Johanna answered. "It hasn't started yet. I just finished getting Katie into her costume about ten minutes ago. I was starting to wonder if you were going to make it though."

"So was I," Elizabeth replied. "Traffic is terrible tonight."

"I know; and it probably won't be any better on the way home."

"Oh I'm sure it won't be and then tomorrow the city will be quiet and seem like a ghost town because nearly everything will be closed."

Johanna nodded. "It's a nice change of pace…even if it does seem a little odd."

"That's the truth," her mother-in-law declared as she shrugged out of her coat. "It's so cold out. I swear, I don't know if I ever remember it being this cold on Christmas Eve."

"Depending on what channel you watch, they say it's the coldest Christmas Eve in fifty or a hundred years…I'm inclined to believe it."

"So am I. How's Katie?"

Johanna breathed deeply. "She's alright…she's disappointed about Jim not being here. She was a little mopey this morning but once we were over at Mom's and she was with her cousins for a little while she cheered up. We went and got fast food for dinner as that's always been our tradition and she asked that we get Jim food anyway so he was still included."

"Wonder what made her think of that?"

"Me," she admitted. "I had told her this morning about her first Christmas Eve and how Jim went out and got us food and that he bought her a happy meal even though she was too little to eat it. I guess she wanted to return the favor. I'm hoping the excitement of the pageant and the thought of presents in the morning will keep her from dwelling too much about her daddy tonight."

"We can hope," Elizabeth remarked.

"She'll be glad you're here," she told her. "She asked me on the way here if you'd be here. I told her I thought you would be."

"I wouldn't have missed it, unless the weather turned bad of course; but thankfully it didn't."

"Are your friends going to give you flack for putting foot in the Catholic church on Christmas Eve?" Johanna asked lightly.

"It's for my granddaughter; what they say doesn't matter. This is a beautiful church though," Elizabeth stated. "Churches are always at their most beautiful when they're decorated for Christmas."

"I agree," Johanna replied. "Any word from your wayward sons?"

Her mother-in-law scoffed. "Nothing from William…I figure I won't hear anything from him either until after the holiday. It'll take him that long to think up his excuses. I haven't heard from Andrew either; he's probably carousing with some island bimbo who's jingling his bells for him."

Johanna laughed despite herself. "That's highly possible."

"Oh I have no doubt about it; I'm no fool," Elizabeth remarked. "He isn't staying there for the weather. He's there chasing some bimbo. I know him."

"Men," she said with a shake of her head.

"Mhmm; we both know how they are."

"That's the truth," Johanna muttered.

"Did Jimmy call today?"

"No; and part of me is glad he didn't. He called last night right as I was telling Katie he wasn't coming home. She threw a tantrum, I had to yell at her, I had to yell at him. I then felt guilty for yelling at Katie because really it's Jim's fault, I told him not to call last night. He never calls when I want him to but he sure does call when I don't. It wasn't a good night to say the least."

Elizabeth shook her head. "The men in this family never do what they're told."

"Yeah; I've noticed."

"Well," her mother-in-law said with a sigh. "At least this holiday is almost over."

"I think I'll be glad when it is…and I'm glad I have this week off with Katie."

"I'll be glad when it's over too; and bring Katie over to visit so I don't have to go the whole week without seeing her. I miss her when she isn't around…I don't even like to think of her starting school."

"Me neither," Johanna replied; "But we'll come over. Maybe I'll drop her off to you while I go to the bank next week; I need to deposit my bonus and I could take care of a few errands…and she could watch Wheel of Fortune with you; she says she'd rather watch it with you."

"That's because I don't get mad if she repeats me," Elizabeth said with a grin.

"Yes, I know," she laughed. "I'll let you know what day I want to run my errands…maybe Tuesday since banks will still be closed Monday."

"That's fine," her mother-in-law replied.

Activity at the front of the church signaled that things were about to begin and everyone grew quiet. Johanna waited anxiously through each act of the pageant until finally the cue came for the choir of angels to take the stage with the children who were acting out the nativity. "Katie's coming out now," she whispered to Elizabeth.

Elizabeth nodded, a smile coming to her lips as they watched Katie come out from the back area, dressed in her white costume with small angel wings, a shiny halo hooked to a headband. She, and the rest of the children, each carried a battery operated candle in one hand and she was holding Claire's hand with the other. The children lined up near the piano where Naomi was seated and she began to play the music of the first song.

Johanna's heart swelled as she watched Katie sing Away In A Manger with the rest of the children. Her daughter beamed at her and she smiled back, feeling tears sting her eyes as lightness filled her. Her baby was adorable in her angel costume and listening close enough, she could pick her voice out among the other children. She couldn't be anymore proud of that soft, sweet little voice that didn't stumble once as they went from the first song into the First Noel and then Joy to the World. When they finished, Katie waved at her as she and the other children grew silent so the play could continue. She waved back at her, wishing Jim had been there to see her and hear her.

"She did wonderfully," Elizabeth whispered.

Johanna nodded. "She did; she didn't miss a word…that's pretty good for a little girl who just turned four last month."

"She's got brains to go along with her beauty," her mother-in-law whispered before they grew quiet once more.

The pageant drew to a close and the angel choir was introduced once more, surprising Johanna as she had been told they were only doing three songs. The little angels fell back into place, the rest of the children who had acted in the nativity joining them as Naomi began to play the first notes of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.

Tears gathered in her eyes once more and she wondered how her mother had gotten Katie to keep their closing number as a secret. It was her favorite Christmas song, a perfect way to end a holiday pageant even if it wasn't a song that was usually heard in church. It made her heart swell once more, hearing Katie's voice singing the words, a bright smile on her lips as she did so, a sparkle in her green eyes.

Johanna allowed herself to be happy in those moments; pushing away her worries, her thoughts of Jim; of how he was missing this and everything else about the season. She allowed it all to go for the moment; enjoying the holiday for the first time all season.

When the song ended, she clapped proudly with everyone else, not all surprised when Katie broke away from the group and ran up the aisle to her for a hug. "You were wonderful," Johanna told her as she held her tightly.

"Did you like our surprise, Mommy?" Katie asked.

"I loved it; now my favorite Christmas song is extra special now," she told her, kissing her hair. "You run back up there to Grandma now."

'Okay, Mommy," she said happily before giving Elizabeth a quick hug and waving to Frank at the other end of the pew.

"She's so happy," Elizabeth stated as they watched her make her way back to Naomi.

Johanna nodded. "That's all I wanted for Christmas…for Katie to be happy."

* * *

After his father completed his Christmas errand of stowing away the bike and left, Jim stood in the empty house, feeling oddly alone. It wasn't a feeling he understood, after all, he had been away from his wife and daughter all month and hadn't been as bothered by it as he should've been…but coming home to an empty house had sent the feeling rushing through him. He did his best to shake it off as he walked through the living room, looking at the familiar decorations and noting the addition of a few new ones. The tree was in its usual spot, and he wondered who had helped Johanna arrange the furniture so it would fit neatly into the room…surely she hadn't moved that heavy furniture around on her own, had she?

Knowing her, she probably had…just like she had wrapped the Christmas lights around the porch railing and hung up the shiny snowflakes and plugged in that light up snowman that Katie had wanted ever since her grandparents had gotten one. He hadn't missed the snowman that was standing in the yard either; the one they had built during their fun snow day…and he hadn't missed the fact that the snowman was wearing one of his ties. He probably should be angry about that, he thought…it would be ruined…but there was no sense in getting angry over a necktie when he had plenty of others.

He walked through the house, picking up his briefcase from the stand in the entryway and carrying it to the office to put it on his desk. There were little touches of Christmas in the form of knickknacks on Johanna's shelves of the wall unit. The floor in front of the wall unit littered with gift bags that each had a name of a relative on the tag. He had hidden his gifts for Johanna under his desk, but he kept thinking about that pile of gifts he had stumbled across that had his name on them. His stomach twisted; he had four gifts for Johanna…and one of them he hadn't even picked out himself and he had no idea what it was. The other three were miniscule, ordinary…nothing special, at least not in his way of thinking. He usually spoiled her on Christmas. He usually bought her jewelry and clothes, perfume and gift sets of her soaps and lotions. He usually gave her an envelope full of gift certificates for manicures and to get her hair trimmed. He usually bought her a box of expensive candy; found some little trinket that would make her smile. He usually gave a concentrated effort…and all he had to give her this year was a nightgown, a bottle of her perfume, a new mixing bowl and whatever it was that Frank had stuck his name on. He was getting a ton of things. Katie was getting a ton of things…and Johanna only had four gifts with his name on it…and a gift bag that his father said contained gifts for Johanna from Katie that Naomi had taken her shopping to get. God, he hadn't even taken his daughter shopping to get her mother something special from her…it had fallen to his mother-in-law.

Falling down on the job only made Jim's mood worse and he stalked out of the office to grab his bags. He carried the one containing the gifts for Katie back to the office and left it on his chair and then took his suitcase upstairs and dropped it at the foot of the bed. He made his way back downstairs and went to the kitchen, taking stock of the containers of baked goods that were neatly stacked on one end of the counter. The cake holder held their Peppermint Bliss cake and he was tempted to slice a piece but thought better of it. The cake hadn't been cut yet; Johanna might not like him slicing it up while she wasn't home. She might've been saving it as a treat for her and Katie after church; he'd have to leave it alone for now.

He opened the other containers, finding a variety of cookies and his favorite fudge. He popped a piece in his mouth and then closed the container and moved to the fridge, needing something more sustaining. He opened the door and grabbed a can of soda and then spied the box containing a Big Mac and the carton of fries that went along with it. He smiled and pulled them out. Apparently Johanna had carried out their Christmas Eve tradition of eating at McDonalds…but why had she bought his favorite when he hadn't told her he'd be home?

It was a question that he figured he could ponder later as he turned the oven on to heat up the food, hoping he had paid enough attention to how Johanna handled the reheating of fast food and that he wouldn't botch it. He was starving and the Big Mac and fries would definitely hit the spot. After putting his food in the oven and setting the timer, he drifted through the house once more, looking at the decorations, the fact that everything was put away neatly, the light scent of cleaners still in the air from Johanna's holiday cleaning frenzy. She had done it all…decorated, shopped, wrapped, baked, cleaned, held up tradition. She had done it all without him…and somehow it looked like she had done it easily.

An irrational flicker of anger sparked in his veins and it didn't make much sense. He had always known that Johanna could take care of things without him…but there wasn't even one thing that had been left undone because of his absence…something that he could've done now that he was home. She had done it all…she had taken care of everything…even the mail was neatly stacked and organized on his desk.

Jim blew out a breath; so what the hell did she need him for? She had it all under control…she always did; so why make such a fuss about him being gone when she had a handle on everything. Why buy him a ton of gifts that he didn't feel like he deserved…he hadn't been there, he hadn't done anything…he didn't have much to offer her in ways of gifts this time around. She had taken care of Katie, did her job, did all the holiday stuff and he was going to hand her a nightgown, a bottle of perfume and a mixing bowl…what the hell kind of gifts were those? It seemed like he was giving her things that hinted that he wanted seduced and then cooked for…which he did like both of those things when it came to her; but that wasn't a sentiment you gave your wife for Christmas.

He roughly raked his hand through his hair; it was too late to go out and try to find something else to add to the collection of his gifts; the stores were closed now and they'd be home before long. Frustration gnawed at his gut; if he had stayed in Chicago, he could've done more shopping there…but then Johanna wouldn't have wanted anything from him so it would've been for nothing. Of course he wasn't sure if she'd want anything from him at the moment even though he had came home as she requested.

Sometimes he really hated this holiday.

Jim shook his head; it wasn't really the holiday's fault…but it was probably best to blame it instead of wondering who he should blame because he probably wouldn't like the answer he came up with. With that thought in mind, he stalked back to the kitchen to wait on his food to finish heating up. He'd eat and then he'd change his clothes and wait impatiently for his family to get home so they could be happy that he had made it in time.

At least he hoped they'd want him there…but knowing Johanna, she'd probably still be mad and that thought made him somewhat angry as well. She had to be hardheaded sometimes…but then again, it was a complaint she sometimes made about him too; they must be a true match, he figured.

Jim sighed deeply as the quietness of the house surrounded him; he had liked the quiet in Chicago…but he wasn't all that sure he liked it at home. Home should be filled with Katie's chatter and her footsteps and the sounds of her at play. It should be filled with Johanna's voice and the sounds of her moving around the house, keeping order, teasing him whenever the chance presented itself. Home wasn't supposed to be quiet…and yet it was right now…and even though he didn't know how things would go with his wife, he hoped they'd get home soon so the house wouldn't feel so empty.

* * *

"Mommy; did you like my pageant?" Katie asked as they made their way up the sidewalk to the house later that evening.

"I loved it," Johanna replied, trying to keep their pace quick so they could get out of the bitterly cold air that refused to leave the city. "You did such a good job."

"I 'membered all my words!" Katie exclaimed as they climbed the porch steps.

"Yes, you did. I'm very proud of you and so was Grandma and Grandpa and Grammy."

"How come Grandpa didn't come with Grammy to see me?"

Because Robert didn't like sitting through church services, Johanna thought to herself, but that wasn't an acceptable answer to give her child right now and Robert had been taking care of certain things for Christmas. "Grandpa Beckett wanted to come see you but he had to do some things to help Grammy be ready for Christmas," she said as her cold fingers fumbled with the keys and unlocked the door. "Go on in, baby; it's cold."

Katie hesitated, glancing in at the dim lights of the house that they had left on so they wouldn't have to walk into the darkness and stumble around until they found the light switch. "Daddy's still not here?"

"No, sweetheart…you know he's not going to be; but it's alright."

Katie nodded, the headband that held up her halo bobbing with the motion as she stepped inside the door, Johanna following behind her. "What are we going to do tonight?" Katie asked.

Johanna locked the door and dropped her keys and purse on the stand before stooping down to unbutton her daughter's dress coat. "We're going to take our coats and shoes off first and then you're going to go into your pajamas," she said as she took the coat and laid it aside. "Sit down so I can help you with your shoes."

Katie plopped down on the floor so Johanna could unbuckle her dress shoes, knowing that if she didn't her daughter would merely pull her feet out of them in the same manner she did her sneakers, with her opposite foot holding onto the heel of the shoe as she pulled her foot free and then repeating the gesture. She didn't mind so much with the sneakers…but the shiny black dress shoes she had just bought didn't deserve the rough treatment she figured.

'What are we gonna do after I put my jammies on?" Katie asked as she got back up on her feet as soon as both shoes were pulled off.

"We'll have a snack and watch a show and then it's bedtime for you, little miss. You'll get just one story tonight, you have to get to sleep so Santa can come and leave you your presents. Remember, the man on the radio said it won't be long before he's in this area."

"Maybe two stories," Katie said as Johanna stepped out of her high heels.

"I think maybe just one; you don't want to keep Santa waiting."

"Can I turn the TV on?" her daughter asked, clearly figuring she'd take on that debate later on.

"Yeah, go ahead," Johanna said as she set about unbuttoning her own coat. She watched as Katie headed for the doorway of the living room and paused, a sharp intake of breath crossing her lips. "Oh God," she thought to herself; she hoped Robert hadn't goofed and put the bike by the tree.

"Daddy!" Katie exclaimed; her feet propelling her forward. "Daddy! Daddy!"

Daddy…the word echoed through Johanna's brain as her fingers fumbled with the last button of her coat, her heart beating wildly as she finally freed it and shrugged out of the coat, hanging it up with Katie's before she stepped to the doorway of living room in time to see Katie launching herself into her father's arms as he stood near the Christmas tree.

"Daddy, you're here!" she said happily, her small arms wrapping around his neck.

"I'm here," Jim said, hugging her tightly, his hand moving over the back of her head.

"Mommy; Daddy is home!" Katie exclaimed.

"I see that," Johanna said as she stepped into the room.

"Daddy, did Santa bring you?"

"No," he answered, his gaze meeting his wife's. "I caught a ride on a sled driven by an elf and pulled by a pack of dogs."

Johanna glanced away from him, knowing that he was slapping her words back into her face.

"Can I see it?" Katie asked excitedly.

"No, sweetie; it's already gone," he told her. "That elf works for Santa, he drives around seeing if the kids are in bed yet so he can give Santa the signal. He told me to tell you that you can't stay up late tonight."

"I know; I only get one story…maybe two," Katie replied. "Daddy, you can eat your hamburger! We buyed you one for our 'dition. You can eat it now!"

"I already ate it," Jim admitted sheepishly. "I ate the fries too."

"You ate it without me?!"

"I was hungry, honey…I still am. I wish there had been two hamburgers."

"Mommy will make you one," Katie replied. "Mommy, Daddy's hungry; make him a burger."

Johanna met her husband's eye once more, a question forming on her tongue. "How long have you been here?" she allowed herself to ask.

"A little while; why?"

"I was just wondering why you didn't come to the church."

"Because I had things to drop off here at the house and the pageant would've already been under way by the time I got here anyway. I wanted to change clothes. I was hungry. Is that okay with you?" he asked, his tone sharper than he had intended.

"Of course," she said softly, knowing that he was probably only seconds away from accusing her of being a nag.

"Mommy, Daddy's hungry, he wants a burger," Katie stated.

"He can have a piece of cake with you after you get into your pajamas."

"He wants a burger," Katie repeated.

Johanna sighed, glancing at her husband. He didn't seem to be inclined to say it wasn't necessary; that he'd have something she could provide more quickly without messing up her clean stove and countertops. Apparently he wanted her to do it. "Fine, I'll make him a burger after I help you get your pajamas on."

"Daddy can help me," her daughter stated, keeping her arms and legs wrapped around her father so that he couldn't put her down.

"Daddy's probably tired from his trip, why don't you let me help you?" Johanna replied.

"No! I want Daddy to help me! Daddy, you'll help me, won't you?"

"Sure, Princess," Jim said as he kissed her cheek. "As long as your mother doesn't mind."

"I don't mind," Johanna remarked. "I just didn't want you to have too much to do."

Jim's eyes narrowed slightly, knowing she was slapping his words back in his face as he had done to her. "I think I can handle helping her change into her pajamas."

"Are you sure? She's wearing tights…you've never been good with pantyhose," she replied. "God knows you've cost me enough pairs."

"I think I can manage," Jim said with a smirk as he headed to the stairs with Katie wrapped around him like a baby koala bear. "Maybe if you're nice, I'll help you with yours later."

She scoffed. "I won't hold my breath."

"Daddy, you need to shave," Katie said as she patted his stubbly cheeks.

"You're just like your mother," he chuckled. "She likes to tell me that at times too."

"I don't care if you shave or not," Johanna remarked as she turned and headed for the kitchen.

Jim watched her go, knowing that so far he hadn't made anything better with his wife…and he didn't exactly know how he would; she still seemed angry.

"Come on, Daddy; I got to get my jammies on," Katie told him.

He nodded, climbing the stairs with his daughter in his arms.

"Do you like my halo?" Katie asked. "I was a angel."

"Yeah, I like your halo."

"I forgot my angel costume at Grandma's; I had wings too."

"I bet you looked real pretty," Jim said as he carried her to her room and turned on the light. "I'm sorry I missed your pageant, Princess. I would've liked to have seen it. I'm sure you did a good job."

"I 'membered all my words," she replied as he sat her down. "Why didn't you come?"

"Because I didn't get back on time."

"Daddy, see my little Christmas tree?" Katie asked, switching focus so quickly it nearly gave him whiplash as she pointed to the small tree on her dresser that was lit up and decorated with miniature ornaments.

"I see it, it's very pretty."

"Mommy's got one too."

"I know, I saw it," he replied, thinking about how he had seen the small tree on the stand by the chair in their room when he had carried his bag into the room. "Why don't you go ahead and take your tights off while I get your pajamas out."

"Mommy put my Christmas jammies on the chair," Katie said as she began to pull her tights off.

"These ones?" Jim asked as he crossed his room to the rocking chair and picked up the small set of pajamas. The pants were red and the long sleeved shirt bore a picture of Snoopy and Woodstock donning Santa hats as they decorated a Christmas tree.

"Yeah; those are the ones. Aunt Colleen gave me those."

"She did?" Jim asked as he sat down on the foot of her bed, waiting on her to finish pulling off her tights.

"Uh huh; she said she knew I would like them cause Lindsey got the same ones."

"That was nice of Aunt Colleen to give you these."

"Yep; I like them, I like Snoopy a whole lot. You gotta help me with my dress, Daddy; its got a zipper."

"We better take your halo off first," Jim stated as he carefully lifted the headband off her head and laid it aside. "Turn around."

Katie turned around and he swept her long hair over her shoulder so that he could unzip her dress. He helped her out of it and then helped her into her pajamas. "Does Mommy want you to wear your dress again tomorrow?"

"I don't know. We made our special Christmas cake."

"I know," he replied as he picked up her dress, tights and headband and carried them across the room to lay them on the chair. Johanna could decide what to do with them he figured.

Katie slipped her hand into his and smiled up at him. "I'm glad you came home, Daddy. I missed you."

He lifted her into his arms and hugged her tightly. "I missed you too, Princess."

"I hope you don't gotta go away anymore."

Jim breathed deeply, forcing himself to swallow back the words that would tell her that he had to go back to Chicago on Monday. Johanna would kill him if he upset her on Christmas Eve. "Let's go find Mommy," he told her instead as he headed for the door.

"She's making you a burger," Katie stated.

"I don't think she wanted to make me one."

"She might be mad at you cause you've been mean to us," his daughter replied. "But she will make you a burger anyway."

"I hope she doesn't spit on it," Jim remarked, ignoring the part of her statement that had labeled him as mean.

"She won't do that," Katie giggled, her hand patting his cheek. "When are you gonna shave your face?"

"Later," he laughed as he carried her into the kitchen.

"Mommy, is Daddy's burger ready?"

"Almost," Johanna answered.

"Did you spit on it?" Katie asked.

"No!" she exclaimed. "Why would you ask that?"

"Daddy said he hoped you didn't spit on it."

Johanna shot her husband a look. "Just for that I might."

"You weren't supposed to repeat that, Katie," Jim said as he sat her down on one of the kitchen chairs.

"You didn't say it was a secret."

"I guess you've got a point there," Jim said as he moved to the fridge. He opened the door and searched the contents more thoroughly than he had when he had first gotten home. "Where's the beer?" he asked.

"We don't have any," Johanna answered.

"Why the hell not?"

"Because I didn't buy any."

Jim shut the door with more force than necessary. "Why not? You always buy it for me!"

"You haven't been here so I saw no reason to buy it," she remarked as she lifted the burger from the skillet.

His jaw tightened and he stalked to the cupboard nearest to the window where they kept a few bottles out of reach of their daughter. He opened the door and found that his bottle of scotch was gone and so was the small bottle of whiskey. "Where's my bottle of scotch?"

"It was almost empty so I threw it out when I cleaned out the cupboards," Johanna replied.

"Where's the bottle of whiskey?"

"I threw it out too."

"Why?" he demanded to know.

"It was half empty too, I figured we didn't need it," she said as she turned to face him.

"More of your goddamn temperance agenda?" he said sharply. "I notice your bottle of wine is in there though."

"You're welcome to have a glass of it if you'd like."

Fury snapped in his eyes. "Damn it, Johanna! I've had a long day, I want a drink! A man has a right to a damn drink!"

"We have soda in the fridge. We also have water and juice; tea, coffee and kool-aid. Have whatever you like."

"You know that's not what I meant," he said through clenched teeth.

"I know it's not what you meant but it's all I have to offer. I didn't know you were going to be here."

"Well even if you had, I bet you still would've thrown out what was mine and not bought beer."

Johanna held his gaze. "I guess we'll never know."

"I know your game, Johanna. You think you can tell me when I can and can't drink."

"I'm sure you can go one night without it, Jim…can't you?"

"Daddy," Katie said, appearing at their sides, a juice box in each hand, one that was extended toward him. "You can have one of my juice boxes; it's good, it's cherry, you'll like it," she said with a grin.

He smiled down at his daughter and accepted the juice box she had apparently gotten from the fridge without their notice. "Thank you, Princess."

"You're welcome," she told him. "I like cherry juice boxes, they're good."

"Then I better have one with you," he stated as he pealed the straw off the back of the box and followed her back to the table; Johanna's question going unanswered as she turned back to the counter to finish fixing his burger.

When she finished, she carried the plate to the table and sat it down in front of Jim and reached for Katie's juice box as she was still struggling to get her straw in it. "Here, sweetheart, let me help you."

"No," Katie replied; "Daddy will help me."

"Daddy's eating; I can poke your straw into your juice box."

"I want Daddy to do it."

Jim reached for the juice box and poked the straw in and gave it back. "There you go, Katie."

"Thank you, Daddy."

Four year olds amazed her, Johanna thought to herself; Katie had been angry at her father but upon finding him in the living room, he was instantly forgiven. She shook it off. "Do you want a piece of cake, Katie?"

"Yes, please."

Johanna moved back across the kitchen to cut her daughter a small piece of cake and put it on a plate while listening to her tell Jim about her pageant. She carried the plate and a fork to the table and sat it down in front of Katie. "Here you go."

Katie accepted her fork and went on talking to her father and Johanna couldn't help but suddenly feel out of place. Jim was mad at her for the lack of alcohol in the house and really hadn't bothered with her since they had gotten home. He hadn't offered any form of affection and any words addressed to her had been either sharp or full of sarcasm. She drifted back to the counter and opened the container of fudge and took a piece out for herself as she watched Jim hold his burger out so Katie could take a bite of it.

She ate her piece of fudge quietly, her feelings out of sorts. She was glad Jim was home for Katie's sake…glad to see him…but she felt unsure of what she was allowed to say or do. He wasn't offering her anything to go on, only stoking her ire as he had been with every phone call. She wanted to be happier…she wanted to feel like she was free to demand affection…free to offer her own but she didn't feel like she was. He hadn't answered her question about being able to go without alcohol for a night and it made her worry that maybe he was getting to a point where he wouldn't be able to do without it but to say so would only cause a fight and things had gotten tense enough while their daughter watched. Once her treat was gone, she moved to the fridge and grabbed a can of soda and then retreated back to the counter to drink it.

Jim's gaze slid toward her. "I'll take a piece of that cake now that I've finished my burger."

Suddenly, she felt like she was his waitress instead of his wife and it irritated her as she moved to the cupboard and took down another plate and uncovered the cake to cut another piece, thinking about the sink full of dishes she'd have to wash while waiting for Katie to fall asleep. She took the cake to the table and sat it down in front of him harder than she should have. "Would you like to order anything else, sir?" she asked, her tone even and low. "Or would you like the check?"

He smirked at her. "How about service with a smile?"

"It's not on the menu for customers like you," she retorted as she turned to move away.

Jim caught her wrist. "Thank you for the hamburger. Thank you for the cake."

"Yeah, sure; it's what I'm here for," she said as she shook off his grip.

"Don't worry; we'll leave you a tip. I think I have a few quarters in my pocket."

The comment made her eyes sting with tears and she quickly looked away from him, turning to go back to the counter and get her can of Coke.

"It was a joke, Johanna," he stated.

"I know," she said after swallowing a sip of her soda; thinking to herself that she felt like a joke to him lately.

"You don't look like you know it."

"I do. Katie, when you're finished, you're going to get your hands and face washed and then you can watch one show before bed."

"Okay, Mommy. What's on tonight?"

"I don't know, sweetheart. We'll find out when you're finished."

"I hope it's Snoopy!"

Johanna smiled a little. "Me too, it's my favorite."

Katie scooped up her last bite of cake and ate it before climbing down from her chair. "I'm finished, Mommy."

Johanna took a clean cloth from the drawer and set about wiping Katie's hands and face. She put the dishes in the sink to be dealt with later and took her daughter's hand. "Let's go see what's on TV while Daddy finishes his cake."

"I want to wait on Daddy," Katie stated. "Hurry up, Daddy."

"I'll take it with me in the living room," Jim said as he began to rise from the chair.

"No, you won't," Johanna stated. "I'm not going to have crumbs on the floor. I just cleaned that room last night and I want it stay clean until tomorrow."

"Oh come on, Johanna," he stated. "Don't be ridiculous."

"Spoken like someone who doesn't have to clean up the mess that gets made around here."

"It's my house too," Jim retorted. "I'm finishing my cake in the living room so Katie can watch TV. I promise I won't drop a crumb on your precious floor."

Johanna clamped her lips shut, figuring she was fighting a losing battle as he picked up his plate and fork and left the room, Katie hot on his heels with her juice box that she had grabbed from the table. She didn't know why she had bothered to clean, she thought to herself. She now had a messy stove, messy counter, sink full of dishes again. The living room would most likely end up with cake crumbs and juice droplets, but hey, who cared, it was just her who had to clean it all up repeatedly.

"Come on, Mommy," Katie called from the living room.

She sighed, a part of her wishing she could go sink into a bubble bath but there was no time for that tonight and she'd already had a shower earlier in the day anyway. She pushed away from the counter and headed for the living room.

When she entered the room, Katie was already flipping channels on the TV until she spotted the opening scene of the Peanuts Christmas special. "Look, Mommy, Snoopy is on!"

"I'm glad, that's just what we wanted," Johanna replied. "Come on up here on the couch with me and we'll get comfy."

'I'm going to sit with Daddy," Katie replied as she hurried toward Jim's chair.

"Daddy's eating, honey. Come sit with me."

"No, I'm sitting with him," she said as she climbed up on her father's lap while he held onto his plate and what remained of his cake.

Johanna fell silent, there was no since in fighting a losing battle she figured. She pulled her legs up against her and curled into the corner of the couch to watch the show, knowing she had a long night ahead off her and she wasn't looking forward to it…nor was she excited for the following day as she usually was when it was Christmas. The lightness she had felt during the pageant had faded and she just wanted to go to bed…but mothers didn't get to go to bed early on Christmas Eve. She'd be lucky to be in bed by one or two, depending how long it took for Katie to go to sleep…and with her excitement over her father being home and knowing that gifts would be under the tree come morning, she had a feeling it would take a good while for her to settle for the night. She breathed deeply, she just had to get through it…try not to annoy her husband any further and just manage the best she could. That was all she could do…she wanted Katie to have a happy Christmas and they were rounding the last base. She could manage, she always did…it wasn't like she ever had a choice not to.

* * *

After the show finished, Johanna rose from her place on the sofa. "Alright, Katie; time for bed," she stated.

Katie remained perched on her father's lap. "Do I get a story?"

"Yes; I told you, you can have one story tonight."

"I want Daddy to read me my story," her daughter stated.

Johanna nodded. "Daddy always reads to you on Christmas Eve. I'll tuck you in."

"Daddy can tuck me in," Katie replied.

Johanna tried to ignore the sting the words sent through her heart. Jim always did read to her on Christmas Eve, but she did always keep the job of tucking her in. "Alright," she said, keeping her tone unaffected. "I'll come up and kiss you goodnight after your story."

"Okay, but I'm going to kiss Daddy first."

Another irrational sting kicked beneath her skin and she knew it was ridiculous to think about how just that morning Katie had been calling him a fibber and now he was number one just because he finally decided to walk through their door. She shouldn't be thinking those things though; Katie hadn't seen her father all month, of course she wanted her daddy. "Alright," she said, injecting lightness into her tone. "But remember, you have to go to sleep afterwards or Santa won't come."

"I will, Mommy," Katie said, wrapping herself around her father as he rose from the chair so he'd have no choice but to carry her.

"Goodnight," she told her before turning away and making her way to the doorway of the living room, intending to retreat to the kitchen.

"Mommy," Katie called after her as she was halfway to the kitchen.

"No more snacks and you've had enough to drink, Katie," Johanna said as she continued on her way. "Go to bed now."

"But I gotta put out cookies for Santa!"

"Oh," she said, pausing in her tracks as her daughter's feet pounded against the floor as she raced after her. "I'm sorry, honey; I forgot. I'll get you a plate of cookies to leave on the coffee table."

"Mommy, why are you sad?" Katie asked as she followed her into the kitchen.

"I'm not, I'm just tired" Johanna said while making her way to the cupboard to take down a small plate. "Where's Daddy?"

"Waiting for me by the stairs," her daughter replied. "He told me we forgot the cookies."

Johanna gave a nod. "I'm sorry I forgot," she said as she laid a few sugar cookies on the plate. "Here you go, be careful carrying it."

"Thank you," Katie said as she carefully took the small plate and hurried on her way back to the living room.

With her child on her way to put out her cookies and then off to bed, Johanna figured she may as well start re-cleaning her kitchen since she had to mess it up to cook for Jim. She had just grabbed her dishcloth from the sink with the intent to wipe down the table when Katie bounded back into the kitchen.

"To bed, Katie," she said firmly.

"Don't you want to hear the night before Christmas with me?" Katie asked.

She shook her head. "I've heard it before, sweetheart. You go on and let Daddy read your story and put you to bed."

"But you need to come."

"Katie, you wanted Daddy to put you to bed, now go or Santa isn't going to stop here."

"I want you to hear the story with me!" her daughter exclaimed stubbornly.

"Katie," she sighed.

"Please, Mommy."

Frustration thrummed in her body as she tossed down her dishcloth. "Fine," she said as she marched toward her daughter and swung her up on her hip. "I may as well go along because apparently your father can't even get you up the stairs."

"Uh huh; he sent me to get you!" Katie stated stubbornly. "He said I better let you come or you'd cry."

"Is that right?"

"Yep, that's what Daddy said. He said you will cry all night and be more mad at him if I don't let you tuck me in and he don't want to hear it."

Hurt rippled through her even more. "Well Daddy's wrong," she said as she sat Katie back on her feet. "I'm not going to cry and he doesn't have to hear anything from me and you can tell him I said so. Now you go on to bed, Mommy has things to do before Santa comes."

"Mommy," Katie said as she looked up at her.

"What?"

"Are you mad at me?"

"No; why would I be mad at you?"

Katie shrugged, her teeth worrying her bottom lip before she wrapped her arms around her mother's legs, pressing her cheek against the skirt of her dress. Johanna sank down on her knees and enfolded her daughter in a tight hug. "I'm not mad, sweetheart. It's alright that you want Daddy to tuck you in. You go on now, he's waiting for you."

"Come with me and hear the story, Mommy," Katie murmured.

Johanna breathed deeply as she released her daughter. "Alright," she said, figuring if she didn't, Katie wouldn't go to bed. She was picking up on the tension in the air and they didn't need that. "Come on, let's go."

Katie's hand slipped into hers and they made their way down the hallway and found Jim sitting on the bottom step. "Are you ready now?" he asked Katie.

"I'm ready, Daddy," she said, letting go of Johanna's hand and moving toward him with her arms raised.

"I take it you're in a 'carry me' mood," Jim said as he swung her up into his arms.

"It's so you don't get away," Johanna remarked quietly as she met his gaze.

Jim knew what she was implying with her words; that Katie was hanging on him because he'd been gone for weeks and she was afraid he'd leave again if she let him out of her sight. He didn't want to think about that. He knew Katie missed him but everything would be fine…at least he hoped so he thought as he turned away from his wife and climbed the stairs.

Johanna followed behind them quietly until they reached the upstairs hallway and then she reminded Katie to go to the bathroom before getting into bed. She and Jim stood silently in the hallway waiting for her to return and it unnerved Johanna, making her stomach knot with a sense of dread. Silence had never felt so awkward between them…usually it was comfortable; usually they could just glance at each and know what each other was thinking or feeling without words. He wasn't he even looking at her though, his gaze seemed to studying the carpet intently and she couldn't bear to stand there and squirm. Instead she turned and walked away, moving down the hallway, turning on the dim lamp on the stand and then entering Katie's room and turning the light on. She made herself busy with finding the copy of Twas the Night Before Christmas in the pile of Christmas storybooks and then she pulled back the covers on the bed as Jim and Katie entered the room.

"Here's your bunny, sweetheart," Johanna said as Katie climbed into her bed.

"Thank you, Mommy," her daughter replied as she accepted her bunny and hugged it close.

Johanna smiled and kissed her. "I love you."

"I love you, Mommy. I'm ready for my story now."

Johanna picked up the book from the nightstand and handed it across the bed to Jim. "Then Daddy better tuck you in and start reading," she told her.

"Are you gonna listen to the story?" Katie asked as Jim pulled the covers up over her, tucking them around her.

"Yes; I'll listen," Johanna replied as she moved back across the room to the rocking chair she had rocked Katie to sleep in when she was a baby. She picked up the halo and moved to the closet, putting it up on the shelf for safekeeping as Jim sat down on the edge of the bed and opened the book.

As Jim began the story, she listened halfheartedly, picking up Katie's dress and tights from the chair so that she could sit down. She figured her daughter had gotten enough wear out of her Christmas dress and tights and now it could go in the laundry basket. Tomorrow she could wear one of her new outfits that she'd be getting for Christmas since they'd be in more casual settings. She laid the clothes across her lap and settled back against the chair, her eyes closing as she rocked slowly. She felt a long night ahead pressing down on her…and she couldn't help wondering what it would be like between her and Jim once Katie's story was finished and she was left in her room to go to sleep and they were left alone with each other…with no reason to hold their tempers in check with her out of sight.

She suppressed a sigh; why did it have to be this way? That seemed to be a question that she couldn't find an answer to and she didn't think she'd find it tonight either. Instead of dwelling on it, she forced herself to listen to the rest of the story and when it was finished, she rose from the chair.

"Goodnight, Katie," Jim said as he kissed her. "I love you."

"I love you, Daddy. Will you still be here tomorrow?"

Jim brushed her hair back from her face. "Yeah; I'm going to be here; you'll see me as soon as you wake up."

Katie smiled. "Okay, Daddy; night."

Johanna stepped toward the bed, leaning down and kissing Katie once more. "Goodnight, sweetheart."

"Goodnight, Mommy."

She made sure the covers were tucked around her tightly. "You go to sleep now so Santa can come and bring your presents."

"Okay. Can I leave my tree on?" she asked, pointing to her tree on the dresser.

"Yes, Baby; you can leave your tree on. Maybe you'll fall asleep looking at it."

Katie nodded and Johanna smiled, watching as her daughter closed her eyes, wiggling beneath the covers; she had a feeling she'd be awake for another hour or two at least. Jim headed for the door and she followed behind him, turning off the lights and pulling the door most the way shut since Katie had her tree as a dim light in her room.

They moved away from the door, silence and awkwardness lingering between them as they paused a short distance away from their daughter's room. Johanna felt like she had a brick laying in her stomach, this was going to be worse than she imagined, he was just going to ignore her…which really shouldn't be anything new since he hadn't had much time for her in months, but still…he hadn't even really said hello; he hadn't offered any form of affection. His gaze finally met hers and she allowed a small flicker of hope to spring to life.

"I need to see you in the office," Jim stated before heading for the stairs.

That flicker of hope fizzled out and she closed her eyes as she remained in the hallway. So far she had been his cook, his waitress…and now she was being summonsed to the office like she was his employee. For a moment, she was tempted not to do his bidding…but her curiosity wouldn't allow that. She had to know what he wanted…even if she was afraid it was something she wouldn't like.

* * *

"You summonsed me?" Johanna asked when she finally appeared in the office.

Jim looked up from the bag he had sitting on her desk. "I didn't summons you," he remarked.

"Seemed like it to me," she replied as she moved further into the office.

"Don't start; I don't even have a beer in this house, so please don't start."

"I'm sorry about your lack of beer and other preferred beverages," Johanna said. "You never did answer my question."

"What question?"

"You can go one night without it, can't you? You were always able to before…you still are, aren't you?"

"Of course I can," he said tartly; "And I don't want to hear another word about it."

"Fine; what did you want me in here for?"

"I got Katie some things but I didn't get them wrapped," Jim stated. "I didn't know if you had gotten her any of these things; I wanted you to look at them. If there's something you already got, I'll take it back."

"So you do have to go back?" she asked softly.

He sighed. "Johanna, I told you yesterday that the case wasn't finished, you know I have to go back."

"Something could've changed, I was just asking. When do you leave?"

"Monday; my flight leaves at 12:30 in the afternoon. Why, are you in a hurry for me to go after all the fuss you made about me coming home?"

"No, I just wanted to know how long you'd be here with us. What did you get her?" she asked, nodding at the ba, figuring talk of his departure was best put off until the next evening.

Jim took out the items from his bag one by one and showed them to her. "Did you get her any of this stuff?"

"No," Johanna replied as she picked up the stuffed Smurfette. "I wanted to get her this but the store was sold out and it was sold out in the catalog too. I'm going to put it in her stocking so it's peeking out at her."

He gave a nod. "Do you think she'll like this stuff?"

"Yes; you know she will. She'll love all of it…you did a good job."

"Good…can you wrap it?"

"Of course," she replied as she moved away from the desk and went to the closet and took out a roll of wrapping paper.

Jim squeezed the back of his neck as he stood by, watching as Johanna cut a sheet of the wrapping paper so she could begin wrapping his presents. "How was church?" he managed to ask.

"It was nice…the pageant was cute, Katie did well. Your mother came."

"Did she stay the whole time?"

"Yes; she wanted to see Katie for a few minutes after the service before she went home."

"Why?"

Johanna looked up at him. "Because she's her grandmother and she loves her; she hasn't seen her since Wednesday because I didn't have to work Thursday due to the bad weather."

He gave a nod and fell silent, merely watching as she wrapped three gifts in quick succession and then cut another large sheet of paper to begin on the rest. "I heard that Sharon didn't get her bonus from you," he commented.

"That's right, she didn't."

"I heard that you gave it away."

Johanna looked up at him. "Yeah, I did…don't worry; it was money I took out of my personal account."

"I didn't ask what account it came out of."

"Well I just wanted you to know…since I've been accused of spending your raise."

"All I said was that you didn't need to go overboard for Christmas for everyone. Look at all those gifts bags over there."

"They're our gifts for the family, Jim. I did take some back."

"You didn't have to do that."

"Apparently I did. Did Zach go home?" she asked; changing the subject.

"He caught a late train last night."

"Why didn't you catch it?"

"Because I didn't," he retorted.

"How did you get home?"

"I told you, a sled pulled by a pack of dogs…just like my wife would do if she needed to get home."

Johanna grew quiet, deciding maybe it was best to just concentrate on wrapping the gifts. Apparently he didn't want to tell her how he had gotten home; she knew he had to have gotten a flight but she did wonder who had picked him up from the airport…he seemed too concerned about spending his money lately to take a cab all the way from the airport to the house. She pondered it as she wrapped while he paced the area in front of her desk. Finally she finished wrapping the last gift and she stacked them neatly together. "There, all finished," she stated.

"Good."

"I'll put them in the dining room with the other gifts; we'll have to wait awhile longer before putting the gifts out," Johanna stated. "I'm sure she's not down for the night yet."

"I know," Jim said somewhat tartly, the tension in the air getting to him. "This isn't my first time at the rodeo, you know?"

She bristled at his sharp tone. "Jim, if you really didn't want to come home, you didn't have to; you could've stayed in Chicago."

"Right."

"You could have if it was what you wanted."

"No, I couldn't…because if I did, then I wasn't supposed to come home at all, remember?"

"Yeah; I was angry."

"I think you meant it."

"Thankfully we won't know if I meant it or not," she replied.

"I don't like ultimatums, Johanna."

Johanna's gaze met his face for a second before darting away as she gathered up the gifts. "I know…but I didn't know what else to do," she said as she moved away from her desk with the gifts in her arms. "Despite everything, I am glad to see you, even if you aren't glad to see me."

"Johanna," he called after her, his hand squeezing the back of his neck once more.

"What?"

"I didn't know what to get you for Christmas," he said, changing the subject without much thought.

She wasn't surprised; after all, she hadn't been expecting anything from him anyway. "Did you bring home any laundry?"

"Yeah," he replied, puzzlement furrowing his brow.

A small smile touched her lips. "Then you can't say you didn't bring me anything."

"Jo…"

"It's alright, Jim. I didn't expect anything from you; you've been busy. I have everything I need anyway. I have a healthy, beautiful daughter. I have a nice, warm home. I have family; a few good friends…I have a husband. I'm fine," she said before turning back to the door.

"No, it's not like that. I got you things," he stated. "I'm just not sure you'll like them."

"I always like whatever you give me, Jim," Johanna replied. "But you didn't have to get me anything. You came home for Katie's sake and that gift enough for me."

"You don't think I came home for you too?" Jim asked.

She shook her head. "You've made it very clear that you're not here for me; but it's fine. You're here for Katie and that's what matters."

"What do you mean I've made it clear?"

Johanna gave a bitter laugh. "You didn't say hello to me; you've barely said anything to me that wasn't a smart ass remark. So far tonight I've been your cook, your waitress, summonsed to your office like an employee and your personal gift wrapper…but I've yet to be treated like your wife. So yeah, I know you're not here for me in any way…because if you were, maybe you would've put aside some of the remarks and the complaining about the lack of alcohol in the house and treated me like you used to for a minute…you know, when you used to come home and kiss me and pretend that you missed me for a minute. But it's fine…I know you're not here for me; you're here for Katie and you've made her happy and that's what's important. I wanted her to have a happy Christmas and she will now," she said before turning back to the door.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"To put these gifts with the others."

"Jo…"

"Don't worry; I'm not coming back to nag you. I've got things to do and I'm sure you do as well. You probably have some work to look over before you get your shower and get ready for bed. I don't have any reason to come back in the office so you don't have to worry about being disturbed and I'll do my best not to bother you during your stay," Johanna said before resuming her trek to the door and leaving the room.

Jim stared at the empty doorway knowing that he had blown it once again. Why did he keep doing this?" he asked himself as he raked a hand through his hair. She was right; he had treated her as everything but his wife since she had gotten home. She hadn't wanted to cook and yet he hadn't let her off the hook; allowing Katie to browbeat her into making him a burger when he could've ate something simpler. He had requested his cake like he was signaling a waitress at a diner. He hadn't said much to her all evening. He had summonsed her to the office as if she was his secretary and then he had delegated his gift wrapping to her.

Frustration filled him, along with the need for a drink as he stalked across the room to his desk but he shook it off. He didn't need a drink…he needed to take some time to get his head straight and then go and treat his wife the way she was accustomed to being treated before he really did find himself sleeping in the car. He didn't want to ruin her Christmas…didn't want to spend his time at home being short with her and fighting with her every time Katie wasn't in the room. He had to get it together…he came home so they'd be happy; he was there, and only one out of his two girls was happy. That wasn't a score he could accept. He didn't have much to give Johanna for Christmas…but he could at least give a better effort at being her husband.

 _A/N: We'll see if Jim can get things turned around in the next chapter ;)_


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews! I thought I'd get it wrapped up with this chapter but I'm going to need one more._

Chapter 16

Jim wasn't sure how long he had been holed up in the office but he had a feeling it had been a few hours. He had stared at his files, not really computing any of the information as he listened to the sounds of Johanna moving through the house, doing whatever it was that she felt needed doing. He had heard the water running in the kitchen, the sound of dishes clinking together as they were washed, dried and put away…a reminder of the mess he had helped create in her clean kitchen. He could picture her scrubbing down the table and the counters as she had most likely done earlier in the day; thinking she'd have nothing to do but wait on Katie to fall asleep that night. He had listened intently, picking up the soft thud of the cupboard doors as they were closed, the scrape of the chairs as they were neatly pushed in under the table.

He had listened to her make her way to the living room, most likely with a damp rag to wipe off the stand next to his chair where he had sat his plate and Katie's juice box. He heard the sounds of her putting coats and shoes in the hall closet instead of letting them on the hook by the door. Busy work, he figured. Johanna always managed to find busy work. His ears had picked up the sounds of her footsteps as she went upstairs, the squeak of the hinge on the bathroom door. He was supposed to fix that for her…months ago…but he never had; it hadn't made it onto his list of important things to be done…and now a little part of him regretted it although he wasn't sure why. It was just a squeaky hinge, it was an easy fix, one she could do herself; all it needed was a spritz from the can of WD-40 in the garage. But it was his job; he was the man of the house, he was supposed to fix things that went wrong.

Not that he had been doing a good job of that lately…in any respect.

Jim sighed as he leaned back in his chair, his mind circling back to all the sounds of Johanna's movements that he had been listening to. He had heard the squeak of the bathroom door once more; he had heard her footsteps moving down the hallway, most likely checking on Katie and then he had followed their sound once more, imaging that she had made her way to their room. Eventually he had heard her come back downstairs, heard her move through the kitchen and open the basement door. That had brought puzzlement, but then he had figured that she had probably carried a basket of laundry downstairs to have it out of sight until after the holiday. She returned after a short while, her footsteps heading for the upstairs once more despite the fact that he could still hear the low tone of the television in the living room.

He waited; listening for her return to the downstairs but it didn't come…and even if it did, he knew she wouldn't cross the threshold of the office; after all, she had made it a point to tell him that she wouldn't be back in there the rest of the evening. His eyes closed; how had things gotten so messed up? Was this the holiday they were going to have? Avoiding each other for the short time he was home? He didn't want that. He didn't want her to think that he hadn't come home for her. He didn't want her to think that he didn't care. He had been an ass to her all evening…he'd been an ass to her during nearly every phone call home; had hurt her with his remarks, his hemming and hawing about coming home. She frustrated him at times…but most of his frustrations had nothing to do with her and yet he had been making her pay for them every chance he got.

Johanna was right, he hadn't said hello to her; he hadn't kissed her…he wasn't even sure if he had kissed her goodbye at the beginning of the month when he had left. He hadn't offered anything…just made demands and criticized. He breathed deeply; there was no sense in putting things off any longer. It was time to go find his wife, time to give her what she needed…time to appreciate what all she had done on her own in his absence.

Jim gathered up his courage and got up from his chair, making his way to the door of the office, doing his best to rehearse something to say when he saw her; but the words just didn't seem to be coming together right. He was never good with this sort of thing…he just never could seem to get a grip on how to offer a good apology. He wasn't a man who was good with words; he was better with actions but as he trudged up the stairs, he told himself he'd do the best he could to ease the tension first and then move into the apology arena…he just had to hope he didn't stick his foot in his mouth again.

He made his way to their bedroom door and opened it, slipping inside and closing it behind him before he noticed Johanna standing at the foot of the bed, packing his suitcase. His heart faltered a little, seeing her neatly packing his clothes so they wouldn't be wrinkled when he took them out. "What are you doing?" he asked quietly. "Are you throwing me out tonight?"

Johanna glanced up at him, puzzlement on her face. "No; why would I do that?" she asked softly, keeping her voice low so that Katie wouldn't hear them from across the hallway.

Jim shoved his hands into his pockets. "It's kind of been mentioned before…you know; you'd pack my stuff and put it in my car."

She nodded as she returned her attention to his suitcase. "I'm sorry; I guess I shouldn't have said that."

"So what are you doing if you're not putting me out tonight?" he asked.

"I'm packing your clean clothes so you don't have to do it tomorrow," Johanna answered quietly. "I want you to have as much time with Katie as possible. I'll take your suits to the dry cleaner Tuesday; some of my work clothes have to go too. I've got the rest of your laundry downstairs in the washer with some of our stuff from the last few days."

"You don't have to do laundry on Christmas Eve," Jim said quietly. "It'll keep."

"I don't mind…I've got time. I can't take care of the gifts until I'm sure Katie's going to be down for the night. She was still in there squirming around when I looked in earlier," she said softly. "Did you leave clothes in Chicago? I can't remember how much you took."

Jim rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, I left one bag there that has some stuff in it."

She nodded as she continued with her task. "I don't know how much you need but I'm packing enough for a week."

"I'm sure I'll have plenty," he murmured, watching as she neatly tucked the remaining items into his suitcase.

She didn't say anything and he felt a sense of awkwardness settle over him. "The house looks nice," he finally stated. "The decorations…it looks really nice."

"It's the same as it is every year," Johanna commented as she zipped his suitcase shut.

"Not everything…I noticed some new things…like the little tree," he said with a nod at the one on the stand by the chair. "Katie's got one in her room too."

"She said we needed Christmas decorations upstairs," she replied as she picked up the suitcase.

Jim stepped forward and took it from her hand. "You don't need to be lugging that around, it's heavy."

"I lug around heavy things all the time."

"I'm not going to let you carry my suitcase when I'm standing here in the room with you," he remarked as he carried it across the room and set it where it would be out of the way. "The outside decorations are nice too."

Johanna moved toward the dresser so that she could take her jewelry off and put it away. "You don't like shiny snowflakes and plastic, light up decorations."

"I don't dislike all of them. I like the ones you chose; they're nice and tasteful. It looks nice."

"I wouldn't have bothered with the outside but Katie missed the lights."

Jim watched her as she took off the earrings he had given her years before on Christmas Eve. He didn't know what to say, didn't know what to do. She wasn't really warming up to his attempts to calm the waters…she seemed somewhat indifferent…somewhat cold; but he would press forward, see if he could change that. "I noticed that the snowman you and Katie made is wearing one of my ties."

She nodded. "We couldn't find a scarf. I'll replace the tie though, I know it's ruined."

He shook his head. "I'm not worried about it; I have other ties."

"Then why did you bring it up if you're not bothered by it?"

He shrugged. "When I saw it I wondered why you used it but you just explained that, you didn't have a scarf; a tie is a good substitution. I'm not mad."

Johanna stayed quiet as she reached for the clasp of her necklace, wondering what he was trying to accomplish with his sudden need for small talk.

"At least it's a little warmer here in New York," he commented; "Not by much but every little bit helps…Chicago is in a deep freeze."

"I know; I saw it on the news this morning."

He nodded. "It was snowing when I left."

"I was hoping you'd freeze off an appendage," Johanna remarked as she put her necklace back into its box.

Jim smiled. "Which one?"

"Your favorite one."

He chuckled softly. "That wouldn't be nice."

She shrugged. "Seemed fitting to me."

"Maybe…but it would deprive you of some fun in the long run too."

Johanna scoffed. "Like I'd notice."

His fingers brushed against the small of her back. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, a touch of lightness remaining in his tone.

"Meaning I'm sure your friend doesn't even remember my name."

Jim shook his head. "He'd never forget you."

"I don't know about that."

"It hasn't been that long has it?"

"It's been since October," she replied. "I told you that…I just can't remember if you were sober or drunk when I told you."

Jim bit back a sharp retort; he didn't want to derail things just because she mentioned the truth; he had been drunk a few times. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

Well hell, he thought, it was no wonder they were in bad moods all the time lately. "Why didn't you…mention it…or…something?" he asked.

Johanna smirked at him. "By something, do you mean try to start something?"

"Yeah."

"I did try; you told me to leave you alone, you were busy."

Jim grimaced. "You only tried once?"

"No; I tried another time but you gave me the brush off."

"You only tried twice?"

Johanna sighed. "You haven't really been around, Jim; and I'm not going to keep setting myself up for rejection. I'm not that desperate. You've been making it clear that you're not interested in me lately…in any way."

"That's not true."

"Could've fooled me," she muttered as she took off her watch and laid it on the dresser. "And I'm not meaning just in terms of sex. You don't really talk to me…"

"I call you nearly every night when I'm away."

"Yeah, you call; but we don't talk, we fight. You don't really tell me what's going on with you and you take my head off for anything I say or do. You don't offer affection anymore. You come home and make it so obvious that you don't want to be here…that you don't want me. I don't even know why you're up here with me right now…unless you thought I was elsewhere in the house and you came up to get ready for bed. I just want to take my jewelry off and grab my nightgown and robe and then I'll be out of your way. I know you're tired."

"I didn't ask you to leave," Jim remarked as he stepped closer to her.

"I know…but you should go on to bed. I'll watch TV downstairs until I'm sure she's down for the night and then I'll put the gifts out and come upstairs."

"I came up here to be with you," he said quietly as she reached for the pins in her hair so that she could take it down.

"Why?"

"Because it's where I want to be," he replied. "I'm sorry for tonight; I've been an ass all evening. I haven't treated you the way you deserve to be treated…all I've done is make demands and gave you nothing in return."

"It's alright, I'm getting used to it."

He watched as her dark hair tumbled down her back and his fingers itched to bury themselves in it but he tried to brush away those thoughts for the moment. "It's not alright…I'm sorry, Jo. I wish I could redo things…I don't want you to think I'm not here for you just as much as I'm here for Katie; because I am here for you too."

"I find it hard to believe," she murmured.

A flicker of frustration sparked within him but he pushed it down, knowing he had no right to be angry with her for not believing him…after all, she didn't have much proof to go on and cases weren't won without proof. "I understand why you'd feel that way," he said quietly, his hand moving and cupping her face, his thumb brushing against her cheekbone. "But I swear to you it's the truth…I came for both of you."

"Because I forced your hand."

"You only ever do that when I'm making a mistake and need to be stopped," Jim remarked. "I can't lie and say I didn't take the threat seriously because I did…I've met your angry side and she lives up to her word when she's mad enough…and I know you were mad enough yesterday; just like I know that I could've been home earlier today if I hadn't spent so much time debating about whether to stay put or not. I didn't come home just because I thought you might really put me out in the car…I came home for you and Katie because it was the right thing to do. I've been gone all month…and I walked in here tonight and saw that you did everything without me and I started wondering what you needed me here for when you had everything under control and it's stupid and irrational but it made me angry…and I guess that's why I acted like an ass toward you all evening."

"I didn't have a choice but to do it all without you," Johanna said softly.

"I know…it was a stupid feeling; but it was there…wondering why you wanted me home so badly when you clearly didn't need me."

Her gaze met his. "I want you home because I love you and I miss you…I do need you. It might not always be in the way of needing you do something for me like hanging up lights outside, but just needing you for yourself is worthy, isn't it?"

"Of course it is…I'm sorry."

"It's funny that you'd worry about being needed," she remarked; "After all, you said I was too needy."

"I didn't mean it," he murmured.

"You don't seem to mean a lot of things lately."

"I mean it when I say that I love you," Jim remarked.

Her gaze dipped to the floor. "You don't say it as much as you used to."

"I didn't mean to stop saying it like we always have."

A soft scoff crossed her lips as her eyes met his. "Like I said, you don't mean a lot of things lately."

His thumb rubbed against her cheek once more. "I'm serious, Jo," he said softly. "I didn't mean to stop. I didn't mean to make you doubt things…I do love you."

"I love you too," she murmured.

Jim dipped his head and captured her lips in a soft, hesitant kiss; unsure if she'd allow the gesture. When she didn't push him away, he deepened the kiss, drawing it out for as long as possible until the need for air forced them to part. His thumb brushed against her cheekbone as her lashes fluttered, her eyes opening and her gaze meeting his. He knew she was probably waiting for him to say something but his words deserted him, a spark of desire racing through him as he caught her lips in a searing kiss.

Johanna's mind swirled with thoughts as she accepted her husband's onslaught of steamy kisses. She shouldn't be doing this…she shouldn't be returning those kisses with equal fervor. Her body shouldn't be betraying her, making her sway toward him, settling against him. It shouldn't be reacting to his touch as his hands moved over her slowly and with purpose. She was angry with him. They still had things they should talk about. As his lips moved away from hers, making their way to that sensitive spot on her neck that he always liked to tease, she forced herself to try and break the spell. "Jim, what are we doing," she asked, her voice a husky whisper.

He laughed softly against her skin. "Sweetheart, if you don't know, it's been longer than we thought."

"Jim."

"You know what we're doing," he murmured, his hand slipping around her back to find the zipper of her dress. "I told you earlier that I'd help you with your pantyhose…and you did mention that you needed to change; so I'm here offering my assistance as a loving husband would."

She hated how badly she wanted to ignore everything and just give in…hated how badly she wanted this. Did wanting to forget and grab this moment with her husband before he morphed back into the stranger she'd been dealing with all month make her desperate? That wasn't a thought she enjoyed…she also didn't want to think that he was making a move now because she had mentioned how long it had been.

"I think we have other things we should probably talk about," she stated.

"Maybe we need to feel better first," he replied, his lips brushing against hers once more. "Don't you think maybe we both need to feel better?"

"Yeah…but…"

"But what?"

"But…I…I'm not sure Katie's asleep."

"We'll do what we always do," he murmured; "We'll lock the door and we'll be quiet…if she heard us both come in here, she'll think we went to bed and she'll go to sleep too if she isn't already."

Johanna breathed deeply, trying to keep her resolve. "Why now?"

"What?"

"Why do you want to do this now? Is it because I mentioned it? Because I don't want it to be some kind of pity thing or a way to shut me up," she remarked.

Jim sighed, pulling away from her as she clearly didn't want him, he couldn't help but think. "Really? You think that's what it is?"

She shrugged. "Seems like an awful sudden change of pace."

Having his motivation questioned stung him; he hadn't had any ulterior motives…he had merely felt that spark…as always. "I always want you, there's nothing sudden about it."

"I don't know about that," she said with a slight scoff.

"You really think I'd sleep with you out of some sort of pity?"

"Well we haven't done it in all this time so why suddenly do you want to do it after it's mentioned?"

Jim's jaw tightened. "I respect you more than that, Johanna. You, on the other hand, didn't have to go down this road of accusing me of bestowing pity or trying to shut you up. You could've just said no like you do any other time when you're not interested; I would've respected that answer as always."

"You can't blame me for feeling like you might be for the reasons I mentioned."

He shoved his hands into his pockets. "It was for the same reason it always is; I love you and I desire you and I wanted you. I wasn't trying to put you off. I wasn't pitying you for mentioning that things haven't been the way they usually are. I just wanted you…and if it made us feel better in the process, I figured it could only be a good thing. I wasn't using it to shut you up…I think by now I know that if you have something you want to say bad enough, you'll say it when you're ready to."

"Jim," she sighed.

"It's fine…you're right, I only came up here to begin with because I thought you were elsewhere and that I could go to bed," he stated. "Go ahead and change in here; I'm going to go get a shower and shave like my daughter requested. You should be done in here by the time I'm finished," he stated.

"You're lying," Johanna said softly.

"No, I'm not."

"You are…I know your tell," she replied. "You didn't come up here to go to sleep."

"I didn't come up here for pity sex either."

"I'm sorry," she murmured. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

Jim shrugged. "I guess I deserved it."

Johanna's eyes filled with tears, her chin quivering as she tried to hold them back; why hadn't she just let it happen? They could've been wrapped up in each other at that very moment, but she had to be stupid…she just had to pull back, let her anger overrule her heart.

"Don't cry," he murmured. "It's alright."

The tears broke free and she moved toward him, her arms slipping around him as she settled against him, tucking her head beneath his chin. He closed his eyes, his arms wrapping around her as he murmured soothing words to her until finally her quiet sobs ceased.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," he replied quietly as she raised her head.

"I feel like I'm doing everything wrong lately," Johanna said softly.

"You're not," he replied as he wiped away the tear stains on her cheeks before kissing her softly.

Johanna breathed deeply as his lips lifted away from hers, her fingers reaching out and grazing his jaw, guiding him back for another kiss. Part of her still felt that it might be wrong if she gave in and let him take her to bed…but it wouldn't be the first time that they had crawled in bed together in the midst of discord. Sometimes it helped. Sometimes it settled things. Sometimes it was the reset button they needed. Besides…she was lonely for him; missed his attention and love…he'd be leaving again Monday and who knew when he'd be back. Shouldn't they take their opportunities when they presented themselves?

His mouth moved to her neck as her fingers fell to the buttons of his shirt, opening the first two before he pulled away from her. Her heart fell as he moved away from her and she figured he was getting even for stopping them earlier by walking away from her. She was about to speak when she saw him turn the lock of the door. He flipped the light switch, turning off the lights, leaving them in the glow of the small Christmas tree as he made his way back to her.

His gaze met hers, silently asking the questions he was afraid to ask out loud but she understood and slipped her arms around him, letting him know that she wasn't going to question his motives this time…that she wasn't going to walk away or stop them. "Maybe you should've left the lights on until the pantyhose were dealt with," she murmured, allowing lightness to creep into her tone.

He laughed softly against her ear as his lips moved over it. "Don't you worry; I can deal with them in this amount of light."

"That usually means I won't get a second wear out of them."

Jim backed her toward their bed. "That's alright; I'll buy you another pair."

She shook her head as he laid her down. "No need…I don't mind losing a pair to a worthy cause."

"In that case, I hope I live up to expectations."

Johanna caressed his face. "You always do," she whispered before drawing him close for a passionate kiss, determined to let her worries go for the moment and just enjoy the taste of normalcy between them.

* * *

"We still need to talk," Johanna said softly, breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen over them as she laid against his chest later that night.

Jim breathed deeply, his fingertips drawing circles against her bare shoulder. "Tomorrow," he said sleepily.

"We'll be busy tomorrow."

"Tomorrow night," he murmured, his fingers slipping away from her skin to sink into her hair, threading through it as he always liked to do.

"I worry about you," she whispered.

"I'm fine, sweetheart," he answered. "You don't need to worry. Go to sleep."

"I can't go to sleep. I still have to put the presents out."

"I almost forgot," Jim admitted tiredly.

Johanna was quiet for a moment, her fingers tapping against his bare chest softly as she debated if she should press forward. Part of her didn't think it was a good idea…but the other part of her knew that if she didn't, the conversation wouldn't happen at all and he'd go back to Chicago without her ever getting to express her concern. "I know you don't like to hear this…"

Jim blew out a breath. "Jo, don't start about me having a drink. Just let it rest."

"If you were just having one or two drinks, it wouldn't worry me," she replied as she moved to lay on her own pillow. "But it's not just one or two…it's several; and it's more often than usual."

Jim's hand curled into the sheet, so much for the peace he had thought that he had created. "I have a drink to relax; to blow off steam."

"I understand that…I just worry that you're starting to do it too much."

"You're making it into a bigger deal than it needs to be. I've always drank, it's not like it's new."

"I know you've always drank…but not as much as you have been lately."

Jim scoffed. "I assure you that I've drank more than I do now before. You'd know that if you had gone to college with me. I drank every weekend back then."

"We're not talking about what you did as a college kid. We're talking about now and there's a noticeable increase."

"You're making it more than it needs to be. You drink."

"Not every day…not even every week."

"I haven't drank today."

"You wanted to…you got mad because you couldn't."

"I'm not mad. I just wanted a beer because it's been a long day…and apparently it's getting longer instead of winding down. If I was mad, it was because you threw out what was mine because you've got this so called cause in mind."

"I threw the bottles out because they were mostly empty. I didn't buy beer because you haven't been here. My cause isn't to make you quit drinking. My cause is you and not wanting you to get to a place where you have an issue with this. Come on, Jim; you have to know that you're doing it more than usual. You've been getting drunk…and sometimes you're doing it when you have to work the next morning."

"I'm fine," he said tersely. "You'd need a drink too if you had to put up with the bullshit I have to deal with at work right now and then I get to call home and put up with more. You seem to think you're my mother lately instead of my wife, telling me what I can and can not do."

"That's not true!"

"Yes, it is! You're doing it now!"

"All I'm doing is expressing a concern," Johanna replied. "You've always said that I can do that and I always have. I'm not telling you to never drink; I'm just worried about the amount of it that you're doing lately. I love you and I worry about you. I especially worry when you're out of town. I get that you want some downtime with your friends after work, but I worry that you'll get hurt or in some kind of trouble while you're drunk and I'll get some phone call in the middle of the night about it and I won't be able to get there quickly. Do you know what that would do to me? I don't want to get that call."

"I'll tell them not to call you unless I'm in New York."

"Jim; don't be that way…I'm not saying these things to make you angry. I'm saying them because I love you."

"I can take care of myself! I know what I'm doing. I'm a grown man, Johanna. I don't need you mothering me."

"I'm not mothering you," she said sharply. "I'm saying as your wife that I worry about you and the changes I'm seeing in you the last few months."

Jim shook his head. "You're exaggerating."

"Jim, you call me in the middle of the night drunk and you fall asleep talking to me or you pass out, whichever you want to call it and the next day, you don't even remember it. You call from bars. You get mad because there's a lack of alcohol in the house. Even before this trip you were going out more, staying out in the bars on weekends until the middle of the night and coming home drunk or at least half way there. You can't blame me for being concerned. You're not yourself when you drink…you get mean at times."

"If I get mean it's because I'm sick of listening to your preach at me," he retorted. "Like right now, you didn't have to do this; you could've left it alone and we'd have a peaceful night, but no, you had to start on it. You want to act like you've never done it; well you have. I've seen you drink, I've seen you get drunk…oh but wait, I guess that doesn't count because you don't go out in the bars much anymore because now you're a mother and you think you're miss goody two shoes which is all well and good but let's look at the facts here, miss high and mighty. I might have a drink but at least I didn't lose my job. At least I didn't lose my benefits and my bonuses. That was you. You're the one that had to settle for the first job that fell into your lap that doesn't even keep you busy enough to stay for a full day, not to mention the drop in pay you took. I'm the one supporting this family, Johanna. It's my benefits covering you and Katie. It's mostly my money paying the bills and if I want to have a damn drink, I'll have it and I don't care what you say about it. You think you can boss everyone around, well you don't boss me."

Her eyes filled with tears as she sat up, the sheet clutched tightly around her. "I'm sorry to be your burden," she murmured; her gaze on the small Christmas tree across the room. "I'm sorry I lost my job…that I didn't kiss the asses of new management as well as you did. I'm also sorry that my new position isn't worthy in your eyes. You don't have to have me on your health insurance; you can take me off…in fact I want you to. If I have to go to the doctor, I'll pay for it myself out of my own money."

"Johanna…"

"No; take me off of it. I don't want any part of your 'benefits'. Once things get stronger at the firm, I'll have my own benefits again. I did get a Christmas bonus from Mark and Cathy. I also got one from my client. I'll put them in our account Tuesday, it should cover the bills for Christmas."

'You don't have to do that."

"Why not? My money isn't good enough for you?"

"Johanna…"

"No!" she exclaimed. "Don't you act like I don't contribute to this family! You might bring home the bigger paycheck but I do contribute. My check goes into that account just like yours does! I start my teaching job in mid-January and that money will be there too…not to mention everything I do around here, like the cooking, cleaning, laundry, childcare, grocery shopping and whatever else needs done because it sure as hell isn't you. But you go ahead and bask in the glow of your paycheck and your precious little bonuses like you're some King and I'm just the peasant you have to support. Well I can take care of myself too! I don't need your damn money!"

Jim took a deep breath, he had blown it again. "Jo…I'm sorry; I didn't mean those things."

"Yeah, you did," she said quietly. "I've known from day one that you've been holding it against me that I lost my job and that I took a pay cut…but I'm going to get back to where I was, I promise you that. I'm expanding my focus, I told you that. I'm going to add family law; that should bring in more cases. I took the teaching job; that will be bringing in extra income from mid-January to early May. If I do a good enough job, maybe they'll want me back for the fall semester. I got knocked down but I'm going to do better…I'll get there, you just have to give me a chance."

He reached out to rub his fingertips against her back but she flinched away from his touch. "Jo," he said quietly; "I don't want you working yourself to death because you feel like you have to prove something. I don't want you having to take more time away from Katie because you feel like you have to prove something. You don't have to prove anything to me. I know you're a hard worker. I know you contribute. I know you do the heavy lifting around here. I'm sorry…I shouldn't have said the things I said…I was just angry; and I have a habit of trying to wound you when I'm angry. It's not something I like to do. I'm not holding it against you that you lost your job; that wasn't your fault…they were fools to let you go and that's the truth. What I said was a low blow and you didn't deserve that."

She shrugged. "That's what I get for not keeping my mouth shut," she murmured as she shifted and leaned over the edge of the bed to find her lingerie.

"What are you doing?" Jim asked as he watched her pull on the dark green lingerie he had peeled off of her earlier.

"I'm going to put my nightgown and robe on and go check on Katie. I'm sure she's asleep by now and then I'll go put the presents out. Go to sleep; I know you're tired from traveling and we have a long day ahead," she said as she got out of bed and crossed the room to the chair, grabbing her robe before making her way to the dresser and taking a nightgown out of the drawer and pulling it on.

"Jo?"

"What?"

"I really didn't mean it…I want you to believe that."

"It's alright, Jim," she said as she put her robe on. "I know I pissed you off and that you like to aim for a soft spot when I do that. I won't mention your hobby anymore; it's your business. I just wanted you to know that I was concerned but you say you have it under control so I'll take your word for it. Get some rest; I'll be back up in a little while."

As she unlocked the door and left the room, closing it behind her, Jim punched his pillow in frustration. Why did he have to take a cheap shot like that at her? He knew she was still sensitive about losing her job. He had accused her of ruining the evening and he had carried the ball further than she had. It was true, he didn't want to listen to another lecture about how much he drank but he shouldn't have gone down that road. She probably wished he hadn't came home…she'd probably be happy to see him leave Monday. That was probably why she had gone ahead and packed his suitcase for him; he was a sorry excuse of a husband lately.

That thought was a sobering one and he pushed himself up out of bed so that he could get dressed and go downstairs and help her put the gifts out…and hopefully smooth things over once again.

* * *

She was a fool, Johanna thought to herself as she carried bags of gifts to the living room. She just wasn't sure if she was a fool for giving in and going to bed with her husband or if she was a fool to bring up her concern about his new drinking habits. Maybe she was a fool for both. She sighed deeply as she sat the bags down and went back for another load. Maybe her father was right, she didn't have the sense God gave a goose…funny how she always seemed to realize the truth in the statement once he gave up saying it for awhile. She frowned; that wasn't a thought that inspired Christmas cheer.

After several trips to the dining room, Johanna finally had all of Katie's gifts and all of Jim's gifts in the living room. She grabbed the remote from the coffee table and turned the television off that had gotten left on while she had been upstairs and then she settled down on the floor and began the task of putting the gifts under the tree. The sound of footsteps sent panic racing through her and she flinched, her gaze moving to the doorway, praying it wasn't her daughter.

"I didn't mean to scare you," Jim said quietly as he came into the room.

"What are you doing down here?" she asked, a bit of sharpness to her tone that she hadn't intended.

"I came to help you," he replied.

"I don't need help; I've got it. Go on back to bed."

"I'm not sleepy anymore…I want to help."

"Then eat the cookies," she told him, nodding at the coffee table.

Jim grabbed a cookie from the plate, figuring he better do what she said. He took a bite of the sugar cookie and then began to unload a bag for her. "I'm sorry I wasn't here this afternoon to carry all of this stuff downstairs for you," he murmured.

"It's no big deal; Dad helped me get it moved."

His jaw tightened a little. "Frank's just being daddy of the year all of a sudden, isn't he?"

She shot him a sharp glare. "He loves Katie; he wants to make sure everything is taken care of for her sake. I think he just worries about us being on our own so he tries to do what he can when an opportunity presents itself; you don't have to make it into a bad thing."

"I didn't mean to make it a bad thing…I guess it bothers me sometimes when someone does something for you that I want to do…even if it is coming from your father."

"Well don't be bothered by it; it's nice when he acts like a caring father once in awhile. I try not to squander it."

"I know," he said quietly. "I am sorry though…I would've been here earlier if the damn plane hadn't been delayed a few hours."

"Those things happen," Johanna replied quietly.

"I was afraid it wouldn't take off at all when it started to snow."

"I would've thought you'd be happy about that since you wanted to stay there anyway."

Jim shook his head. "No; I wouldn't have been happy…I would've been there hating myself for not being here."

Johanna arranged some packages under the tree. "I would've been here…hating you a little for not being here."

He cringed a little as he took another bite of his cookie. "I know…I've been making you hate me all month."

"I don't hate you, you jackass. I love you…that's why I got in bed with you tonight, because I love you…not because I was desperate. You've pissed me off a lot lately but I still love you and I'm never going to stop."

"I love you too," Jim said softly. "I don't ever want you to doubt it…but I know you do sometimes."

"There are moments," she admitted; "Like when you're on the phone giving me a list of my faults."

"I'm sorry; I should've never said those things."

"It's alright; I know I'm not perfect…and I guess you have a right to tell me things that bother you about me."

"I wasn't myself when I said those things."

"You're not yourself very often anymore," Johanna stated as she continued on with her task.

Jim ate another cookie from the plate as he continued to pull gifts out of bags for her, silence falling between them. He couldn't stand the quiet as she fussed with the arrangement of packages beneath the tree and he grabbed the last cookie and got to his feet, eating it as he made his way to the office. Jim gathered up the gifts for Johanna that he had hidden away and carried them back to the living room, sitting them by the chair and then retaking his place on the floor, going back to handing her the presents, his mind full of thoughts.

He had gotten them to a slightly better place upstairs and then he had to take a cheap shot about her job all because she brought up the fact that he was having drinks more often. He didn't feel it was the issue that she was making it out to be but that didn't mean he had to dole out low blows like he had. He didn't have to get mad because she expressed a concern…she was a wife; wives got concerned about things like that, it really wasn't so unusual.

He kept waiting for her to say something but she didn't and his gaze moved around the room, noting the gifts she had set off to the side…the ones he had found earlier that had his name on them. He felt like an ass thinking about the four gifts she would have from him and whatever was in the gift bag that Katie had picked out for her with Naomi. Some husband he was, telling his wife her faults and not spoiling her for Christmas like he always did. Not to mention the fact that he kept fouling everything up even when he was trying to make it better.

"Jo?" he finally said.

"What?" she asked quietly.

"I'll cut back on the drinking," he told her solemnly.

"You don't have to do it on my account, Jim. You're right, you're a grown man and I'm not your mother."

"If you were my mother, I wouldn't care what you said," he replied; "But you're my wife and I do care. I'm not always nice when I drink…and even though drinking isn't always the reason for me being a jerk, I have been taking my bad moods out on you and Katie. I'm sorry. It's not something I like to do. I know we're all guilty of it at one time or another but I've been doing it a lot lately."

"Well instead of doing it, why don't you just tell me what's bothering you like you usually do and then maybe you won't need so many drinks and you won't have to take your moods out on anyone."

"Sometimes I don't know what it is," he admitted. "Most of the time it's work…and I can't really tell you a lot about this case because it's so complicated and the judge has a lot of restrictions on it."

"More than the usual ones?"

"Yeah."

Worry flicked across her face. "This case is about two corporations right? It's not…it's not some sort of major criminal case is it?"

"No," he said with a shake of his head. "It's two major companies…they're both dirty as hell, Jo. Every time you think you have a leg to stand on in defense of the one we're representing, you can't use it because of their questionable practices."

"That would be incredibly frustrating."

"It is…and so are all of the restrictions and the set backs; the way the other side wants to drag everything out. I'd like to tell you more…but I can't."

"I understand that, Jim. I know there are things you can't tell me…just like there are things I sometimes can't tell you about my cases. We all end up with a case at some point that ties our hands more than we like."

"I know…but…"

"But it's one of those ones you wish you could say more about just for the sake of relieving the pressure."

"Yeah."

"You could've explained that weeks ago…of course, you could've also given me more than three days notice that you were leaving for this case."

Jim rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah…I know. I don't have an excuse for not telling you sooner about going to Chicago…as for the other thing; I'm not always good at explaining things outside of a courtroom."

"Oh I wouldn't say that…it's more like you don't want to outside of the courtroom."

"That's not always true…but maybe all the restrictions and frustration with this case is why I haven't minded being away so much…it makes it easier to say nothing."

"From the way it sounds on the phone, you don't mind being away because you're getting away from us…especially me."

"That's not true. I just…work is a lot of pressure right now. I wanted the bigger cases but I didn't anticipate them being so much more complicated."

"You'll get through it; you always do."

"Sometimes I'm not so sure."

Johanna shook her head. "You always do…it's who you are."

He handed her the last of Katie's gifts for under the tree, moving closer to her as he did so. "I miss working with you."

"I miss that too," Johanna said softly. "It's hard…I've been in the same building with you for my whole career…and it gave me a lot of comfort to know you were nearby. It made me feel safe. If I just needed to see you for a minute, no matter the reason, I could just walk down the hallway…and I can't now. It's hard to get used to…it's hard in a lot of ways, especially with you traveling more now. It's not an easy adjustment for me to make…so I'm sorry if I've been too needy lately. I just miss you."

Jim took the risk of leaning closer, catching her lips in a soft kiss. "I miss you too," he said quietly. "I wish I could've done something to keep you at the firm with me; you know I would have, don't you?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I know…and you did offer…but I didn't want to risk you losing your position there. I didn't want both of us to have to start over."

He cradled her cheek, forcing her to keep her gaze on his. "I took cheap shots at you upstairs about your job. I know you don't believe I'm sorry for it but I am. I know it's still a soft spot for you and I kicked you in it…and I don't deserve easy forgiveness for it, but I don't want us to spend Christmas fighting…and I don't want you to spend it hurting. I don't want you to walk around believing that I'm holding it against you that you lost your job. I'm not; I swear I'm not. Your job is worthy and I know things will pick up for you…I know you'll find your way because you always do. I'm not going to take you off my benefits as you requested; you're my wife and I'm going to take care of you whether you like it or not. I also don't want a single dollar of your bonus going to the bills. That's your money; you've had a hell of a year and you're entitled to keep it for yourself. Save some like always and use the rest for yourself; get something nice. The bills will be paid, they always are. I'm sorry I got angry and hurt you. It's not something I take pride in. Like I told you, I know you're a hard worker; you're an excellent lawyer, a wonderful mother, a patient, understanding, loving wife. No one can ever say that you don't do your share…you do your share and then some. I'm sorry…please believe that."

Her fingers gently curled around his wrist as she gave a nod and let it go; in her heart she knew he had only said those things upstairs because she had angered him. He always did fling daggers at her when she made him angry. "I'm sorry I ruined things tonight," she whispered.

"I'm the one who's screwed up all night," he replied.

"You did your fair share but I probably should've left well enough alone when we were laying in bed. I just…you know me; I just always have to tell you when something is bothering me."

"I know…I just usually take it better when it's not me that's bothering you," he said, a touch of lightness in his voice.

She laughed softly, a small sparkle coming back to her eyes that he couldn't resist. He gave in to the urge to kiss her and was relieved when she kissed him back. "Are we finished down here?" he asked quietly.

"No," Johanna replied. "I still have to fill her stocking."

"I'll get it for you," he murmured as he got up long enough to grab it from the hook on the bookcase.

'Thank you," she said as she accepted Katie's red stocking and picked up the small gifts she had set aside to put in it, placing the stuffed Smurfette that Jim had gotten her last so it would peek out of the stocking. "She's going to love the Smurf things you got her."

"I hope so," Jim said as he hung the stocking back up. He turned back around, hoping to coax his wife back into his arms but she had moved away, going to the pile of gifts that bore his name. "I thought we were finished."

"Katie's stuff is finished but I have to set yours up," she said as began to neatly arrange the packages that belonged to him a short distance away from the tree so that they wouldn't get mixed up with Katie's.

His stomach twisted again as he watched. "Why did you get me so much?" he asked.

"Not all of it is from me; some are your gifts from Katie," she replied.

"But why so much?"

She gave him a puzzled smile. "Why not?"

"Because I haven't done anything lately to deserve so much."

Johanna shook her head. "We love you, Jim. You're the best father and husband we could ask for. You provide for us, you take care of us, you love us. We like to spoil you when we can."

Her words only made him feel worse. "I barely have anything for you."

"I don't care about that; I told you, I have everything I need."

"I don't care if you have everything you need; I want you to have everything you don't need too."

"Jim, it's alright. You've been away…I didn't expect anything. You came home, that's all I really wanted."

"Katie has a mountain of gifts and you're giving me a lot of things…and I have four things for you and a gift bag of presents from Katie that she picked out with your mother."

"What's wrong with that?" she asked. "And how did my mother get involved in this?"

"I…uh…well…your father asked my Dad to slip the gifts in with Katie's bike so you'd have something to open with her if I didn't get home," he stated.

"Oh," she replied as he sat her gifts in front of the bookcase.

"I don't even know what she got you…I didn't even get something that was from both of us like I usually do in addition to letting her pick out things and then getting you things just from me."

"It doesn't matter, honey," she soothed. "All I need is for Katie to be happy and you to be here and that's gift enough for me. It's not a competition."

"I know…but I've got so much and you've got so little!"

Johanna sighed. "I don't care about the number."

"I do," he muttered.

"I don't…that one box is big though…what is it?"

"You'll find out in the morning," he replied; thinking to himself that he'd find out in the morning what it was too.

She smiled. "At least I don't have too long of a wait."

He nodded as he shoved his hands into his pockets as she grabbed the camera from the coffee table to take a picture of the pile of gifts surrounding the tree and the little red bike sitting next to it with a red bow tied onto the handle bars. When she was finished, she put the camera back where it was and turned to face him, seeing that he was still bothered by the gift situation.

"Jim; don't be upset about the presents," she said as she moved toward him and wrapped her arms around him.

"I usually do better."

"You brought me presents…and most of all, you brought me you, so that's all I need. You're my present," she told him, her fingertips touching his chin and drawing him in for a kiss.

"Yeah…but I get returned come Monday," he muttered.

"It's alright…at least I have you for awhile...and hopefully this week will be the end of this case."

"I hope so," Jim said quietly as he held her.

"You never did get to shave," Johanna said, patting his stubbly cheek.

"I know; I didn't get that shower yet either."

"You've got time," she murmured. "We've got awhile before our daughter gets up."

He nodded. "She did demand that I shave."

"Yeah; she did," Johanna laughed. "If you're going to do that, you may as well get the shower too."

His hand moved slowly against her back. "You want to join me?"

She laughed softly, her eyes gleaming with amusement. "Is that really something we should be doing on Christmas?"

Jim grinned. "My mother would say no…so that probably means we should."

"She's been nice to me this month so I'm not going to comment on the mother angle."

"I'm glad she's been nice to you," he replied; "If you come upstairs with me, I promise to be nice to you too."

"You just want me to get in the shower with you."

"It is the season for goodwill toward men, sweetheart."

"I thought I accomplished that feat when I didn't make you sleep in the car."

Jim chuckled. "You could say that…so how about we go with 'making things merry and bright' during this time we have alone together?"

She smiled. "It's a very appealing offer, one I'd like to take you up on…but I don't really want to take a chance that Katie would get up and come in."

"You have a point there," he remarked.

"I'll wait for you in our room though," she murmured, pressing a kiss to his lips.

"You won't fall asleep?"

"No," Johanna promised. "I won't fall asleep…you won't be long?"

Jim shook his head. "I won't be long."

She snuggled against his chest for a moment, needing to hold on to him while things felt normal again…because she didn't know how long it would last but she was hoping it would last for the rest of the time that he was home at least. Her goal had been for Katie to have a happy Christmas…but now that Jim was home, it was a goal she wanted for all of them.

* * *

When Jim finally made his way back to their bedroom, he saw that Johanna had straightened up their bed; the covers turned back neatly and their pillows in their proper place. The television was on but his wife wasn't on her side of the bed and he frowned, wondering if she had some sort of second thoughts. His eyes scanned the room, finding her near her vanity, tossing her pantyhose in the small trash can; her dark green dress no longer on the floor but neatly folded in the basket she relegated the dry cleaning to.

"The pantyhose didn't survive?" he asked.

"They never do," Johanna replied with an amused smirk as she headed for the bedroom door.

"Where are you going? I thought we were going to settle in together?"

"We are but I'm going to the bathroom first. I want to wash off what's left of my makeup. I'll only be a few minutes."

"If you had came in with me, you'd be done by now."

"Oh, I highly doubt that," she remarked. "It's more likely that we'd still be in there."

Jim grinned. "True."

"That's what I thought. I'll only be a few minutes."

He gave a nod as she slipped out the door and he turned back to the bed, climbing in on his side with a relieved sigh. The bed in his hotel room was nice and comfortable…but there was nothing like sinking into your own bed after a long time away. He grabbed the remote that Johanna had left laying on her side of the bed and he flipped channels until he found a Christmas themed episode of Gunsmoke. He put the remote on the nightstand and leaned back against his pillows, feeling more relaxed than he had been in weeks.

Johanna slipped back into the room several minutes later and made her way to her side of the bed.

"Did you check on Katie?" he asked.

"Yes; she's still sound asleep thankfully."

"What time do you think she'll get up?"

"If past history is any indication, somewhere between five and six…if we're really lucky, she'll hold out until six-thirty but I wouldn't bet on it."

"We're not going to get much sleep," Jim remarked as she snuggled up against him.

"Wouldn't be the first time," she murmured.

He wrapped his arm around her and was quiet for a few minutes, his hand rubbing against the soft skin of her arm as they watched the show but then he broke the silence. "Are we okay?" he asked quietly.

Johanna glanced up at him, noting the seriousness on his face. Things weren't perfect; there were still hurt feelings and she was still going to worry…especially when he went back to Chicago; but she felt like they were better than they were. "Yeah; we're okay."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure," she replied.

He breathed deeply, holding her a little tighter. "I didn't tell Katie that I have to go back to Chicago."

"I figured that; if you had, she would've been upset."

"Was I wrong?"

"No, honey; let her be happy. We'll tell her tomorrow night."

"I didn't think she'd be happy to see me."

"She loves you; of course she was happy to see you."

"She was mad at me last night."

"She was mad at you this morning too…but once she saw you, you were forgiven," Johanna murmured. "She just wanted you here, Jim."

"She's going to be upset when she knows I have to go back," he said quietly.

"Yeah; she probably will be…but we'll worry about it tomorrow night," Johanna replied. "For now, we're going to have a happy, sleep deprived Christmas."

He smiled a little. "We can do that."

"We can," she agreed. "Everything will be alright."

Jim brushed a kiss against her hair, hoping that she was right, that Christmas would be happy and that Katie would be alright once he told her that he had to leave again Monday afternoon. His eyes closed…it was yet another thing he hadn't anticipated about his promotion…the look on Katie's face when he had to tell her he'd be going away for days…the look in Johanna's eyes when they had to say goodbye. He sighed; things always had to be so complicated.

"Don't worry anymore tonight, Jim," Johanna said softly as if she had read his mind. "You're home and we've got tomorrow and a part of Monday to be together. Katie and I will be fine and so will you. Just relax and enjoy the holiday…that's what I want most for all of us; a happy Christmas."

He nodded. "We'll make it a happy Christmas…I promise."

Johanna shifted a little to press a kiss against his lips and then settled back against his chest. "I love you."

"I love you too," Jim whispered; thinking to himself that he hoped that Christmas would go smoothly and that he wouldn't make the mistakes he had made that night. He didn't want to let them down.


	17. Chapter 17

_A/N: Thank you for your reviews and your support of my little Christmas story that I started to help me get back in the saddle after the debacle of my last holiday themed story; it was supposed to be ten chapters…turned into seventeen…happy accident that I'm not sorry about in the slightest. This one went much more smoothly and that's because of those of you who always stick with me and I appreciate that more than you know! I'm also glad you've all been willing to read a Christmas fic clear up until March lol. I'll be getting back to the other stories now; hopefully I'll get one of them updated soon!_

Chapter 17

Something caused Jim to stir in the early morning hours, making him flinch slightly which in turn made his wife snuggle closer as his heavy eyelids flicked open. The room was still dimly lit by the small Christmas tree and the television that they had fallen asleep watching. He reached for the remote and clicked it off, figuring that was what had woken him. He put the remote back on the nightstand and glanced down at his wife who was still asleep against his chest. He smiled sleepily, pressing a kiss to her hair as his eyes slid shut.

But then he heard it…the soft sound of footsteps in the hallway and his body instantly went on alert until he heard the squeak of the bathroom door. "Katie," he thought to himself as he glanced at the clock; 5:12 it read and he groaned internally. He was willing to bet that if his daughter had gotten up to pee, she'd be awake enough to sneak down the stairs and peak through the railing to see if Santa had came. Once she saw that he had, all bets would be off.

The squeak of the bathroom door sounded once again and Jim strained his ears, listening to the patter of small feet heading for the stairs. "Jo," he murmured, giving her hip a squeeze and then a soft shake when she didn't budge. "Jo."

"Hmm?" she mumbled.

"Katie's up," he whispered.

Johanna lifted her head expecting to see her daughter standing by the bed. "Where is she?"

"I heard her go to the bathroom and when she came out, she headed for the stairs. She's scoping out the situation as we speak."

"What time is it?" she asked as she pushed her hair back from her face.

"5:15 now."

Johanna groaned and laid back down against his chest. "Maybe she'll go back to bed."

"Maybe we'll win a billion dollars in the lottery too," he quipped.

"That would be nice," she yawned.

"Yeah; we'd retire early."

"Perfect Christmas gift," Johanna mumbled as her eyes closed.

Jim's ears picked up the sound of hurried footsteps. "She's coming; brace yourself…Christmas starts in 3…2…"

"Mommy, Daddy, Santa came!" Katie exclaimed as she burst into their room and ran toward their bed. "Get up, Santa came!" she said as she climbed up on the bed and began to jump up and down. "He brought lots of presents, let's go! Wake up now!"

"It's still dark out, Katie," Jim told her.

"Santa's been here! It's time to wake up," she told him before bouncing closer to her mother and sitting on her hip. "Get up, Mommy!" she said, bouncing on her hip a little.

Johanna sighed. "Baby, it's still really early, don't you want to lay here with me and Daddy and sleep a little more."

"No!"

"How dare you," Jim said lightly.

"It was worth a shot," she replied.

"Come on, Mommy," Katie said, patting her face. "Let's open the presents! I want to ride my bike!"

"Bike?" Johanna said, feigning ignorance. "What bike?"

"There's a bike by the tree!" her daughter said excitedly.

"How do you know it's for you?" Jim asked. "Maybe Santa brought me that bike."

Katie shifted off of her mother and climbed onto her father's body, sitting on his stomach. "It's for me, Daddy! It's a little bike; you're too big!"

"Well that's disappointing," he replied. "I might have to stay in bed until I'm able to get over the disappointment of not getting a bike."

"No, Daddy; you gotta get up now! Come on!"

"We're coming, Katie," Johanna said as she tore herself away from her husband's side. "Give us a few minutes."

"Why?" her daughter nearly whined.

"Because Mommy has to pee," she replied. "The presents aren't going anywhere."

"Hurry up," Katie stated.

"I'll be as quick as I can and then it's Daddy's turn."

"It's gonna take forever," her daughter stated as she rolled herself off the bed.

"It'll only be a few minutes, Katie," Jim remarked.

"Can I go downstairs and look at the presents?" she asked.

"Only if you promise not to open any until Mommy and I get there," he told her as Johanna pulled on her robe.

"I promise, I'll just look."

"Go ahead," Johanna told her. "You can also pick out which one you want to open first but don't you open it yet."

"Okay, Mommy," Katie said, running ahead of her and out the bedroom door.

"No running on the stairs!" Johanna called after her.

Jim rubbed a hand over his face as he sat up on the edge of the bed. "So much for hoping for six-thirty."

"I guess we should be thankful it wasn't four-thirty," Johanna replied as she made her way back to him, her hands cupping his face as she pressed a kiss against his lips. "Merry Christmas, honey."

He smiled, drawing her back for another kiss. "Merry Christmas, sweetheart. Go do what you need to do and I'll go down and start the coffee, because we're going to need it and then you can stand guard while it's my turn."

She laughed softly as they moved toward the door. "We're probably being timed."

"Probably."

"Mommy, Daddy, come on!" Katie yelled from downstairs.

Johanna smiled as she met his eye. "Let the fun begin."

* * *

A short while later, Jim and Johanna moved into the living room with Christmas mugs full of coffee and found Katie sitting on her bike by the tree.

"It was already open," Katie hurried to say as she met her mother's gaze.

Johanna smiled as she glanced at Jim. "She got us on a technicality."

He nodded. "She's going to be a great lawyer."

"She sure is," she agreed. "Get some pictures of her on her bike before we unleash her on the rest."

Jim set his mug of coffee on the stand by his chair and picked up the camera that Johanna had already gotten ready while he was upstairs. He took a few pictures of Katie as she smiled brightly from the seat of her new bike and then laid the camera down.

"Do you know who told Santa to bring you that bike?" Johanna asked.

"Who?" Katie replied.

"Daddy did; he told him that he wanted you to have a bike; that you were ready for it."

Katie smiled brightly. "Did you do that, Daddy?"

He nodded. "Yeah; I told him that."

Katie got off the bike and ran to him for a hug. "Thank you, Daddy."

"You're welcome, honey; do you like it?"

"Yeah; it's red; it's got Strawberry Shortcake on it."

Jim gave a nod. "It sure does; a little basket too in case you need to carry something with you."

"I like it a lot…can I hope my presents now?"

"Yes, go ahead," he told her, giving her the green light.

They settled in, sipping their coffee between taking pictures and expressing the expected amount of enthusiasm as their daughter ripped open her gifts, squealing and giggling with delight at each treasure she uncovered until finally all the gifts under the tree were unwrapped and Katie looked to her bulging stocking.

"Daddy, can you get my stocking?"

"Sure can," he said as he got up and took it off the hook for her. "Here you go."

"Thank you," she replied as she took, her small hand reaching for the stuffed Smurfette. "Look, Mommy; it's Smurfette!" she exclaimed as she hugged it to her chest.

"I see that," Johanna said as she clicked a picture. "And you opened Papa Smurf a few minutes ago."

"I like my Smurfs!"

"Santa must know that you like Smurfs too," Johanna remarked.

"Santa knows everything," Katie said as she dug into her stocking.

"He must think you were pretty good this year," Jim commented. "He brought you a lot of presents."

Katie nodded. "I was good."

"You weren't bad at all this year?" he asked.

"Nope."

"Are you sure?"

"Uh huh," Katie said as she looked up at him. "Look at all my presents."

Johanna laughed. "Really, Jim; look at the evidence, it speaks for itself."

He grinned. "I guess she's got me there."

"Look, Mommy!" Katie exclaimed as she opened a small velvet box that held a necklace that had a Minnie Mouse head pendant.

Johanna smiled, seeing the excitement on her daughter's face as she hurried toward her to show her her gift. "Do you like it?" she asked her daughter.

"Yes; it's pretty!"

"I'm glad," she told her. "I told Santa that it was time for you to have your very first piece of big girl jewelry so you have something to wear for special occasions."

"Can I put it on now?" Katie asked.

Johanna nodded and lifted the necklace from the box, hooking it around Katie's neck. "There; that looks nice," she told her as she straightened the gold Minnie Mouse charm.

"Thank you, Mommy."

"You're welcome, sweetheart," she said as she gave her a hug and a kiss. "Go show it to Daddy."

Katie hurried to her father's chair, her small fingers toying with the charm on her necklace. "Look, Daddy; see my big girl necklace?"

Jim smiled. "That's very pretty; you have to take good care of that."

"I know."

"Let me get a picture of you wearing it," he stated, reaching for the camera that Johanna handed him.

Katie smiled for the camera and then looked to her mother. "I got a big girl necklace…I need earrings like you wear and then I'll have grown up jewelry like you do, Mommy. Can I get earrings now that I got a necklace?"

"No earrings," Jim stated.

"Please, Mommy? I want my ears to be like yours and Claire's."

Johanna smiled and beckoned her daughter back to her side; she had been on this kick about getting her ears pierced ever since she had seen her cousin sporting a tiny pair of gemstone earrings. Katie came back to her, hope in her eyes. "On your next birthday, when you turn five; Mommy will take you to get your ears pierced, okay?"

"That's a long time away," Katie said, deflating slightly.

Johanna tucked a strand of hair behind her daughter's ear. "It'll be here before you know it…but you have to wait; you have to be five…it's a rule," she said, stretching the truth a bit but she figured Katie wouldn't know the difference. "Claire is five, that's why she got hers done. Is it a deal? We'll go on your birthday?"

"You promise?" Katie asked.

Johanna held out her pinky to her and Katie linked hers with it. "I promise, sweetheart; on your fifth birthday, you will get your ears pierced."

"Do I get a say in this?" Jim asked.

"Not now, dear; it's Christmas," Johanna stated. "Do we have a deal, Katie?"

"Yes, Mommy!"

"Okay; it's a date. Go finish opening the stuff in your stocking."

Jim glanced at her. "You know I think she's too young."

"That's why we're waiting until she's five…we're not going to discuss it today; especially since you're not going to win this one anyway. It's a girl thing, you don't understand our need for pretty earrings," she said lightly.

"We're discussing this further," he stated.

"Yeah; in a few months we'll discuss it," Johanna said. "Take pictures of your daughter now."

Jim shook his head, a small smile tugging at his lips despite himself as he took a few more pictures of his daughter as she pulled the rest of her small gifts from the stocking.

"It's empty now," Katie said, her still stuck down deep into the stocking to be sure.

"It's probably about time," Jim quipped. "There must not be any toys left in the world; they're all here."

"No, they're not, silly," Katie giggled. "Grammy and Grandma will have toys under their trees."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Uh huh."

"I guess we'll see about that."

"Katie," Johanna said; "Why don't you give Daddy his presents to open. It's that pile near the stand."

"Okay, Mommy," she said as she scrambled toward the pile and picked up a gift to carry to Jim.

Jim opened gift after gift, feeling like a failure with each one as he found expensive items like a monogrammed briefcase, a new carryon bag for his travels and the leather jacket he wanted. There was a walkman and tapes for it; shirts bearing the logos of his favorite teams, a new baseball hat, a new wallet. He found books by authors he liked, his cologne. He opened another gift and found it to be a book on classic cars.

"Do you like it, Daddy?!" Katie asked, bouncing on her toes.

"Katie picked that out just for you," Johanna remarked. "She found it all on her own at the store and brought it to me, saying you needed it."

"Is it a good book, Daddy? You like it? It's about cars!"

He smiled and kissed her cheek. "I love it, Katie bug. You know me well; I do like classic cars and this looks like a very good book about cars."

"I'm glad you like it," she said happily before running back to get him another gift.

Jim tore the paper off and opened a flat box containing a tie; his daughter looking at him excitedly.

"Katie picked that too," Johanna remarked. "Tell him why, Katie."

"Cause it's green, like my eyes," Katie said, tapping the corner of her eye. "See, Daddy."

He nodded. "I know all about your pretty green eyes, Princess; they're just like Mommy's eyes."

"Then your new tie is like my eyes and Mommy's eyes."

"It is; I'll think of both of you every time I wear it; thank you," he told her sincerely.

"There's one more for Daddy," Johanna told her.

Katie got the small flat box and brought it to him, leaning against his knee as he opened it and found the tickets to the car show that was scheduled in the spring. God, she had spent a small fortune on him and he hadn't returned the favor.

"Don't you like them?" Johanna asked; worry flicking across her face.

"I love them, sweetheart; thank you," he replied; "I just don't have a lot to give you in return and I feel terrible about it."

"Don't," she said with a shake of her head. "I told you last night, all that matters is that we're all together."

He nodded but he still felt like the king of jerks. "Katie; that bag over there has the presents in it that you got for Mommy; go give them to her."

"Okay, Daddy," she replied, hurrying off to grab the handles of the gift bag, dragging it across the floor to Johanna. "Open them, Mommy!"

Johanna laughed. "Are all these from you?"

"Yes; Grandma helped me…but don't tell her, it's a secret."

She laughed softly. "I won't tell her, sweetie," she said as she pulled out the first gift and unwrapped it. She lifted the lid on the flat box and found a red scarf inside.

"It's a scarf!" Katie exclaimed. "It's red; that's your favorite; do you like it?"

"I like it very much," Johanna replied; "And it's nice and soft. You did such a good job picking it out; this is just the one I wanted."

"It is?" her daughter asked, bouncing with excitement.

"It is; thank you so much."

"You're welcome, Mommy. Open the next one."

Johanna opened up the next items, finding a few paperback books from author's she liked and she smiled as her daughter lit up with delight as she praised each one. She then opened the hardback copy of Mary Higgins Clark's latest novel and she was glad that she had the week off so she could dive into it as soon as possible.

"Next present, Mommy," Katie said, pulling her attention away from the book's dustjacket where she had been reading the summary.

"Sorry, sweetie; Mommy gets excited about new books," she said as she reached into the bag and pulled out the larger gift. She opened it, finding a very nice gift set containing her favorite soap, lotion and shampoo.

"Look, it's got bubbles," Katie said with a grin, pointing to the bottle. "I told Grandma you needed bubbles."

"Thank you so much," Johanna told her. "I do love a bubble bath."

"Me too!"

"I know," she laughed as she reached back into the gift bag and pulled out the last gift, a small box that was wrapped in shiny red paper.

"Open it, open it!" her daughter demanded.

"I am," she told her with a laugh as she worked the paper free and uncovered the small velvet box. She opened the lid and found herself looking at a necklace that had a heart pendant that was outlined in small rubies. "Katie; that's beautiful," she told her. "Thank you."

"Grandma wanted me to pick the blue one but I liked the red one best," her daughter stated.

"I think you made the right choice," Johanna said. "Red is my favorite."

"You like it?" Katie asked.

"I love it," she said as she took it out of the box and put it on. "How does it look?"

"It's pretty," her daughter replied. "We both got necklaces, Mommy!"

"We did; isn't that funny," Johanna said as she pulled her daughter into a hug. "It must be that Christmas magic. Thank you so much for my presents; I love them all."

"You're welcome, Mommy."

Jim's gaze lowered to the floor. His four year old had picked out better gifts for his wife than he had. If that wasn't a blow to a man's pride, he didn't know what was…but he was damn sure he wouldn't let it happen again.

"Who are those other presents for?" Katie asked; pointing to the remaining wrapped items on the floor.

"I think those are my presents from Daddy," Johanna told her.

"Daddy; can I give Mommy her presents?"

"Sure," he replied; feeling about as low as a snail.

Katie carried the first small package to Johanna and handed it to her, waiting by her leg as she opened it. "This is my perfume," she said warmly as she caught Katie's eye. "Daddy always knows when my bottle is almost empty. I needed this…and I was hoping he would get it for me."

She was lying, Jim thought to himself. She had stated that she hadn't expected anything from him.

Katie retrieved the next gift and carried it to her. Johanna unwrapped the box and lifted the lid, revealing the pretty pink silk nightgown and robe. "Oh, this is beautiful," she said as she lifted the silky garment out the box.

"Is it a dress, Mommy?"

"No, honey; it's a nightgown and it has a pretty robe that matches it. Feel it," she told her, brushing the silk against her daughter's small hand. "Isn't that nice?"

"Uh huh; that's pretty."

"It is. This is beautiful, Jim. I love it."

"It's okay if you don't," he stated. "I can take it back and get you something better."

Her eyes widened. "Don't be ridiculous! I love it," she said as she carefully folded it and put it in the box. "It's exactly the kind I like; why wouldn't I like it?"

"I don't know," he said with a shrug. "I don't think I did a good job this year."

"Yes, you did," she told him. "I love it and my perfume…and there are two more boxes to go."

Katie ran back and got the next box, struggling a little to carry it until Jim got up and took it from her and handed it to Johanna. He shoved his hands into his pockets and walked a few steps away as she ripped the paper off and opened the box, lifting out the mixing bowl he had found early in the morning the day before.

Tears filled her eyes as she ran her hand over the smooth white bowl, admiring the pattern of candy canes and holly leaves.

"Mommy; you got your special Christmas bowl back!" Katie exclaimed.

"I did," she said, her gaze finding Jim's; "And it's exactly what I wanted."

Jim smiled a little. "Will you love it just as much as the other one?" he asked quietly.

"I already do…it's from you," she said as she carefully sat it back in its box and got up from the couch and moved toward him, slipping her arms around him as she gave him a kiss. "Thank you."

He gave her a more genuine smile. "I'm glad you like it."

"It's perfect," she said, stealing one more kiss.

"There's one more present," Katie said, tugging on the hem of Johanna's robe.

"Yes; I know," she said, reluctantly pulling herself out of her husband's arms; "And it's a big one; you better let Daddy carry it."

Here's where it could all go down in flames, Jim thought to himself as he crossed the room and picked up the box and carried it back to her, sitting it down in front of her as she retook her seat on the sofa.

"Open it, Mommy; hurry!"

"I'm hurrying," Johanna laughed, noting her mother's handwriting on the nametag but she said nothing about it as she ripped the paper off.

"It's a kitten-aid mixer!" Katie exclaimed, jumping up and down as the picture on the box became visible. "Look, Mommy! Santa brought you a kitten-aid mixer like I told him too!"

"He did," she exclaimed as she looked at the box and then to her husband. "How did you know I wanted one?"

Jim shrugged; shock still racing through him at the fact that Frank had probably laid out around two-hundred dollars for that mixer. "Lucky guess," he said, stammering a little. "I guess you like it?"

"I love it," she replied. "I can't wait to use it."

"We're gonna bake cakes!" Katie exclaimed.

"That should be fun for you and Mommy," Jim stated; thinking to himself that he owed his father-in-law a small fortune for the mixer and the gifts they had bought for Katie to give Johanna. Yeah; he was a major jackass…and a holiday failure.

"Thank you for my gifts," Johanna said as she made her way back to him, a smile on her lips as their daughter hurried back to her own presents. "I love all of them."

"I'm…I'm glad, sweetheart," he said; stopping the apology that had almost tumbled from his lips. "Thank you for my gifts as well…I wish I had more to give you."

She shook her head. "I got my Christmas mixing bowl; I got my perfume, a pretty new nightgown that reminds me of one that is attached to some fond memories of you…I got a new mixer; and most of all, I have you and Katie's so happy she might bounce out of here at any minute. I call this Christmas a success despite the difficulties we had getting to it. So don't worry any more; everything is perfect," she said before kissing him. "I love you."

"I love you too," he told her.

Johanna caressed his face. "I'm going to go make us a light breakfast to tide us over until we go to your mother's for her Christmas brunch. Keep an eye on Katie, okay?"

"I will," he promised.

"Daddy; will you put my Barbie house together?" Katie called out to him.

Jim smiled as he met Johanna's eye. "Now the real fun starts; putting it all together and finding batteries."

She laughed. "Well, if it helps; I bought all the required batteries and they're in a bag in my bottom left desk drawer."

"That is helpful."

"Daddy!"

"You better get to work," Johanna told him with a sassy gleam in her eyes.

He nodded. "I better…I got to earn my keep around here," he said before giving her a quick kiss. "Scrambled eggs for breakfast, please?"

"You got it," she told him before leaving him in the living room to begin the task of putting together those toys that were labeled 'some assembly required'.

Jim blew out a breath; he had botched the gift giving, but at least he was there, he was getting to see his daughter in her new toy glory and his wife was smiling and happy again. She was right; Christmas had turned miraculously turned itself around.

* * *

That afternoon, Jim followed Frank out to the garage to get the extra chairs needed for dinner. He had been waiting for an opportunity to speak to his father-in-law alone but now that he had it, he felt awkward about it…especially considering that Frank had been giving him a bit of the cold shoulder ever since they had arrived. It was odd; usually he and Frank got along pretty well…unless there was discord between him and Johanna and then he'd step in and tell Frank where to get off…but those times were few and far between ever since Katie had come along. He blew out a quiet breath as they stepped into the garage, figuring there was no better time than the present to broach the topic of the expensive gift that had been bought for Johanna and placed his name on it; not to mention the gifts they had bought for Katie to give to Johanna.

"How much do I owe you?" he stated as Frank turned on the lights.

Frank turned to face his son-in-law. "What are you talking about?"

"How much do I owe you for the mixer you bought Johanna…and the gifts Katie picked out for her?"

Frank's jaw tightened a little. "You don't owe me a damn thing; I take care of my family."

Jim's back straightened. "I take care of my family too."

"When my daughter is crying because her husband doesn't want to come home for Christmas and be with her and their daughter, I find you very lacking in the department of care giving. From what it sounds like, you haven't made your family feel very cared for this month and I don't like hearing that. I might have given Johanna away to you at the wedding; but she's still mine, and I'll make sure she's taken care of until the day I die; even if that means I have to go buy her a gift and put her husband's name on it so she doesn't get up to nothing on Christmas morning. I take care of what's mine…that's something you need to work a little harder on now that you've gotten your fancy promotion. You don't get to shirk your duty just because you travel…being away should make it twice as important for you to be here when you can and doing what you need to do."

Jim bit back a torrent of sharp words, he didn't want to fight with Frank…and he figured the man had a right to take him to task if he felt like his daughter wasn't being properly cared for. "I know things haven't been good between Johanna and I this month…but I did come home and I do take care of her and Katie. I appreciate that you got her gifts so she'd have something to open this morning in case I wasn't here…but I want to reimburse you for them so they're truly from me."

Frank shook his head. "I don't want a damn dime from you; nor will I accept anything from you for those gifts. Let it bother you that someone else had to take care of what's yours. Maybe it'll teach you a lesson, son. Now that's the end of this discussion. You're not going to tell her anything about it; you let her go on believing that you thought about her enough to know what she wanted so she can remain happy and unaware. Now we're going to pick up these chairs and take them in; and you're going to sit by your wife and daughter and give them all the attention you can. You're not going to say a word to your mother-in-law about repayment either…you're going to leave all discussion of it right here in this garage. We're going to have a happy Christmas for Katie with nothing to mar it…do you understand?"

"Yes," he replied; although he hated that he wouldn't be allowed to pay for the gifts that his in-laws had financed; but that's clearly how Frank wanted it. Johanna was given gifts…and he was given a punishment; one that was deserved; but still…it was a bit of a blow to his pride.

Jim grabbed two chairs and carried them out of the garage, hitting his hand on the door in his haste as his father-in-law followed behind with the other two chairs; no further words passing between them as they made their way to the back door. They arranged the chairs around the table quietly as the voices of various family members in the living room and kitchen filled the air. Johanna caught his eye and moved toward him, her gaze studious as she observed him. "Is something wrong?" she asked softly.

"No, sweetheart; everything is fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah; it's just cold out…it feels colder now than when we got here."

Johanna continued to study his face, disbelief in her gaze. "Did you and my father have words?"

"No," Frank stated as he moved past them. "He hit his hand on the door as he was carrying the chairs out and he doesn't want you to think he's being a big baby about it."

Jim smirked at his father-in-law; it wasn't a lie; he had hit his hand on his way out the door with the chairs but not enough to bother him. Johanna reached for his hands, searching for the injury. "Are you alright?" she asked, smoothing her fingers over his skin.

He smiled, stealing a quick kiss. "I'm fine; it was nothing."

"It might bruise," she said, brushing her fingertips over the red mark she had found.

"I'm not worried about it; let's sit down…your grandmother gives me biscotti every time I sit down."

Johanna smiled but pulled him along with her to the area by the stairs where it was quieter. "We'll sit down in a minute," she said as she met his questioning look.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing; I just wanted to tell you that we won't stay as long after dinner as we usually do."

"Why not?" Jim asked.

"Because I want you and Katie to be able to have more time together this evening; especially since we have to tell her about you leaving tomorrow. We need to get all the family time we can tonight; so after I help clean up from dinner, we'll head on home."

"Your mother might be disappointed."

Johanna shook her head. "I already talked to her about it; she understands…she knows it's important for you to spend time with Katie before you have to go back to Chicago. We'll still have been here for a good while."

He gave a nod, figuring it would be best if they made an earlier departure than usual given how things were between him and Frank at the moment. "Alright, if you're sure?"

"I'm sure. I think it's best for us and Katie."

"I appreciate that you're willing to leave earlier than usual; I know how much you like to be here for Christmas."

"I do…but being in our home with you and Katie means just as much and I'll be able to say I had the best of both worlds."

Jim kissed her once more. "It's a good plan then."

She hugged him tightly. "Now that we've settled that, we'll go sit down so you can be fed more biscotti."

He grinned. "Yet another good plan," he replied as he allowed her to pull him along with her to the sofa. He figured someone somewhere must still be on his side for Johanna to come up with the plan of leaving earlier than usual. He usually enjoyed the holiday gatherings at his in-laws house but today, he could feel slight judgment in their gazes, as if they knew all too well that he hadn't been living up to the standards they required for a man married to their daughter. He supposed he couldn't blame them for feeling that way but he'd be glad when it all blew over.

* * *

That evening, after they had been home for awhile and Katie had been bathed and put in her pajamas; Johanna and Jim found themselves in the kitchen together as their daughter played in the living room.

"We should tell her before she's upstairs for bed," Johanna said softly as he husband ate a piece of fudge.

"Tell her what?"

"That you have to go back to Chicago tomorrow."

He grimaced. "I almost forgot about telling her that…I wish we didn't have to."

"I know, but we do have to tell her…she'll notice if you just suddenly go missing tomorrow afternoon."

Jim nodded. "I guess there's no sense in putting it off any longer."

"It just makes it harder the longer you wait," Johanna agreed.

He took a deep breath. "Let's go get it done then."

They made their way back to the living room where their daughter was on the floor, surrounded by her collection of new My Little Ponies and her new set of blocks. "Daddy, are you ready to play blocks now?" Katie asked as she looked up and saw them. "My ponies need a stable."

"In a minute," Jim told her as he sat down in his chair. "We need to talk first; come sit with me."

Katie eyed him warily. "Was I bad?"

"No, honey; you weren't bad. Come sit with me."

Katie got up from the floor and moved across the room to stand in front of him, eyeing him curiously as she did so. "What are we going to talk about, Daddy?"

Jim reached out and picked her up, settling her on his lap. He hated this, he thought as he met Johanna's sympathetic gaze and then looked into the curious, yet trusting face of his four year old who he was sure just wanted to get back to their next round of playtime. His stomach knotted and a part of him regretted coming home for this very reason…he had only made them happy temporarily…and now he'd have to crush his daughter and his wife would be sleeping alone again come tomorrow night.

"Daddy," Katie said. "Are we going to play some more?"

"Yeah, in a few minutes; but first I have to tell you something," he replied.

"What?"

"Katie…I…uh…I need to tell you that I have to go back to work tomorrow."

Her brow crinkled in concentration as she toyed with his watch. "At your office and you'll come home at dinner time?"

"No, honey…I have to go back to Chicago."

"No, you don't!" Katie exclaimed. "Santa sent you home, you get to stay here."

"I do have to go back; I just got to come home for Christmas."

"No!" she whined, kicking her feet a little as tears filled her eyes. "I don't want you to go far away again!"

"I know you don't," he replied. "But I don't have a choice."

"No! You stay here with me," she cried.

"I wish I could, honey; but my work in Chicago isn't finished."

"So what," his daughter said tearfully.

Jim breathed deeply. "So I have to go back and finish it. If I don't get go back, I'd get in trouble with my boss and I wouldn't get paid."

"You can have my Christmas money," she cried.

Jim hugged her tightly. "That's nice of you to offer, Princess; but Daddy can't take your money. I have to do my job so I can take care of you and Mommy."

"Who's going to play blocks with me?"

"Mommy will."

"She don't build good stables like you do!"

Jim glanced at Johanna who shrugged as she gave him a small smile. Clearly she wasn't ready to help him out, he thought. "I'm sure Mommy does the best she can."

"You need to do it! You're not going back to Chicago!"

"Honey, I wish you could give the orders but you can't; you're not the boss."

She eyed him stubbornly as the tears spilled down her cheeks. "Mommy will make you stay home; she's the boss."

Jim shook his head. "No; Mommy can't do that."

"Yes, she can! She's the boss here, she the boss of this house, the boss of me, the boss of you! She will tell you that you can't go!"

Jim glanced at his wife. "You want to jump in on that note?" he asked.

"I never said I was the boss of you," Johanna replied. "I said I was the boss here…how she translated that is not on me."

"Mommy; you tell Daddy that he can't go away!"

"Sweetheart," Johanna said softly; "I can't make Daddy stay home with us; I wish I could. I miss him too when he has to go away; but he has to go back and finish his work."

"Why?" she cried.

"Because it's important; he has to go."

"I'm sorry, Katie," Jim said as he tried to hug her once more but she squirmed away. "Hey," he said as she slid off his lap; "Where are you going, we're not done talking."

"I want my Mommy, she don't go away," Katie said as she ran to the couch and launched herself into Johanna's arms.

And there it was, Jim thought as he watched Johanna gather her into her arms and rock her as she pressed kisses against her hair. There was no denying that Katie preferred her mother and she had yet another reason to do so…Johanna didn't go on business trips; but he did and so he couldn't compete. Frustration filled him and he got up from his chair, ready to head to some other part of the house to escape the women in his life.

"Sit down," Johanna stated as she met his eye.

"What for? I told her, now she hates me, end of story."

"Because I said so," she told him; "And your daughter does not hate you. She loves you, that's why she's crying; that's why she doesn't want you to go. Now sit down."

He blew out a breath and sat back down as her gaze stayed on him, not wanting to rock the boat with her already when he had gotten them into calmer waters the night before…not to mention that the day had passed peacefully.

"Katie," Johanna said softly; "Daddy doesn't like to leave us and go away for work but he has to sometimes; it's his job. He misses you just as much as you miss him and I know he'd much rather be here with you than in Chicago."

"I don't like Chicago," she cried.

"I know…and Daddy doesn't like it much either. Chicago is very boring without you, isn't it, Jim?"

"Of course it is," he replied; taking her cue. "It's boring and lonely; I only have Uncle Zach to talk to."

"And Uncle Zach doesn't have cool toys to play with like you do," Johanna said. "Daddy likes toys."

"I do," Jim said with a nod. "I like toys. Not the Barbie dolls; but I like the blocks."

"You don't play Barbies good," Katie sniffled.

"I know, that's why we only did it that once…Barbies are Mommy's thing; she's good at Barbies," he said.

"But Daddy is good at building things with the blocks," Johanna said; "And playing ball with you and all kinds of things. He doesn't get to do those things when he's away and I know he misses it…and he misses you so much."

Katie sniffled as she remained cuddled against her mother. "But I thought Santa brought him home to stay with us."

"Sweetheart; Daddy came home to be with us for Christmas because he doesn't have to work on Christmas; but he has to go back to work tomorrow."

"But you don't gotta go to work tomorrow."

"That's because I have vacation days that I save to use so I can stay home with you at Christmas," Johanna explained. "Daddy wasn't able to take days off this year because he has to work on this big case. As soon as it's finished, he'll be home to stay with us…right, Jim?"

Jim scrubbed a hand over his face. "Yeah…until February when I have to go to Vermont…"

"What!" she exclaimed.

"I guess I hadn't mentioned that."

Johanna closed her eyes and silently counted to ten. "For how long?"

"I don't have the specifics yet about the timeframe."

"When in February?"

"It's tentatively scheduled for the second week of February…so…you know; I'm going to buy you a really nice Valentine present and give it to you early."

Johanna narrowed her eyes at him. "It's Christmas so we're not going to discuss this right now. We'll discuss it when you have further details and I fully expect to be informed by the end of January."

"Word of honor," Jim replied; "We're not going to discuss it later tonight?"

She breathed deeply; she didn't want another fight; didn't want to push a topic when he didn't have all the answers at the moment. "No…not tonight. When you get home and have more specific answers."

He gave a nod and silently thanked God for that small favor as Johanna gave her attention back to Katie.

"Daddy will be back home soon…and he's going to be here for a little while tomorrow."

"I don't want him to go," Katie whimpered. "He's mean in Chicago."

"He's not going to be mean on the phone anymore when he calls you," Johanna stated; "Right, Daddy?"

"I'm sorry that I snapped at you a few times, Katie; hurting your feelings isn't something I want to do," Jim told her. "Sometimes Daddy's job makes him feel mean but I shouldn't take it out on you. I'm sorry; it won't happen again. Do you forgive me?"

"Guess so," she pouted.

"Listen," Johanna said; "Since Daddy has to leave tomorrow afternoon; I'll let you stay up a little later tonight so you and Daddy can play some more and then you can play some more tomorrow after breakfast before we take him to the airport, okay?"

"I don't gotta go to bed now?" her daughter asked.

"No; you can stay up for awhile longer so you and Daddy can play…but I think you need to go give him a hug and tell him you love him, because I think he's probably feeling a little bad that he has to leave tomorrow and because you're upset. Can you do that?" she asked her as she wiped her cheeks and kissed her forehead.

Katie nodded and got down from her lap, making her way back to Jim, her arms open to be hugged. Jim picked her up and hugged her tightly. "I love you, Daddy," she murmured.

"I love you too, Katie. I'm sorry I have to leave tomorrow."

She sniffled a little. "You'll come home, soon?"

"Yeah, honey; I'll be home soon, I promise."

"Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"Will you play with me now?"

Jim kissed her cheek. "Yes; we'll play now. Do you want me to build you a stable?"

"Yes, please."

"Okay," he said as he sat her down and then got up from his chair so he could join her on the floor. "Mommy should take notes while I do this so she'll be able to assist in future endeavors when I'm not available."

Johanna gave him an amused smirk. "I'll do my best to pay close attention."

He smiled at her, hoping she'd keep her word about not discussing his future business trips later on that night. He just wanted to enjoy his evening at home…play with his daughter, fall asleep with his wife…try to ignore the guilt welling up within him; the feeling of aggravation at the thought of going back to Chicago and dealing with that case again. He shook off those thoughts as Katie's voice caught his attention as she played with her ponies, promising them they'd have a stable soon. He suppressed a sigh; why couldn't he have a few days off like Johanna did? Usually he did manage to take a few days off at Christmas like she did but it had been impossible this year and he would've really liked to have had a small break; but it wasn't to be…and he didn't know when the opportunity for one would present itself and he couldn't go asking for one either when he had just gotten his promotion.

"Daddy! You're not listening!"

Jim gave a shake of his head. "Sorry, Katie; I was thinking about what kind of stable to make for you. What did you say?"

"Which one of my ponies do you like best? Mommy likes the one with the red hair best, which one do you like best?"

He looked at the collection of ponies she had gathered around with their accessories from the playsets she had gotten for Christmas. "I think I like the one with the blue mane best; that's what a horse's hair is called, mane," he explained. "Which one do you like best?"

"All of them," she giggled.

He smiled at the sound of her giggles; glad that her tears were over and that she hadn't had a tantrum like she had when she thought he wasn't coming home. Johanna probably wouldn't have been too happy with him if Katie had another tantrum because of him…but then again, she probably wasn't happy that he was leaving either. He wondered if he'd ever get things right; find some sort of balance between work and his family. At the moment, work was overruling and he felt like he had to let it in some ways. He couldn't let down his guard yet; had to keep proving himself to keep moving up…but he didn't want to lose what mattered on the way.

"You're building pretty slow," Johanna commented softly, catching his attention.

"I guess I better speed it up," he replied as he met her eye.

"Yeah; those ponies are waiting," she said with a nod. "Everything's fine."

"Is it?" Jim asked.

"Yes," she said with a nod. "Don't worry."

He would try, he thought to himself as he gathered up more blocks for his project; he just wasn't sure how successful he'd be.

* * *

Katie managed to last another hour and a half and then sleepiness started to overwhelm her despite her efforts to fight it.

"I think it's time for you to go to bed," Johanna said gently as she got down on the floor where her daughter was fighting her sleep so that she could stay up with her father.

"No, I want to play with Daddy," she replied tiredly; rubbing her eye.

"Sweetie, you can hardly hold your eyes open," Jim stated as he ran his hand over her hair. "You need to go to bed; we'll play again in the morning."

"No," she whined; "I'm not sleepy."

"You are," Johanna said, her tone still gentle but firm. "It's time for you to get into bed…how about you get some of your new storybooks that Santa brought you and Daddy can read to you tonight? Would you like that?"

Katie turned her sleepy gaze toward her father. "Will you read to me, Daddy?"

"Of course I will," he told her; having no doubt she'd be out like a light before the first story was finished. "You pick which books you want us to read."

Katie went to the tree and found her stash of new books, selecting the Smurf one that Jim had gotten her and a My Little Pony one that Johanna had gotten her. "I want these ones," she said as she handed him the books.

"Those look like good ones," Jim remarked as he got up from the floor and then extended his hand to his wife. "Let's go get you into bed."

"You coming, Mommy?" Katie asked, stumbling into her father's leg in her sleepy state.

"Yes, honey; I'm coming. Maybe Daddy should carry you; you're awful tired."

His daughter raised her arms and he scooped her up, handing Johanna the books to carry. "You're sleepy because you got up so early this morning," he told her as he carried her up the stairs.

"Santa Claus came," she mumbled as she laid against his shoulder.

"Yeah; he did; did you like everything he brought you?"

"Uh huh. Do you like your presents, Daddy?"

"I do, I like them a lot."

Katie yawned. "Will you be here when I wake up?"

"Yes, honey; I'll still be here when you wake up. I promise," Jim assured as they reached the top of the stairs and he sat her down. "Go to the bathroom before you go to bed; do you need Mommy to go with you since you're so sleepy?"

She shook her head. "I'm a big girl."

"Okay, go ahead."

"She's exhausted," Johanna murmured as they waited for her in the hallway.

"I know; she's fighting it."

She smiled a little. "I think she's losing the battle. Chances are you might get about three pages into the first book and she'll be down."

"I don't doubt it," he said with a quiet laugh as Katie stumbled out of the bathroom and raised her arms to be picked up by her father.

"Ready now?" Jim asked.

Katie nodded, settling against his shoulder once more as they made their way to her room. Johanna slipped in ahead of them and pulled back the covers on the bed so that Jim could lay her down. "Where's Bunny?" Katie asked.

"Right here, sweetheart," Johanna said, grabbing him from the nightstand where she had laid him so that she could turn back the covers.

Katie took her bunny and held it tightly, curling up beneath the covers as they were pulled up over her. Johanna kissed her and brushed her hair over her hair. "Goodnight, sweetheart; I love you."

"Love you, Mommy," she replied sleepily.

Jim kissed her as well. "I love you, Katie."

"Love you, Daddy; I'm ready to read now."

"Alright," he said, picking up the Smurf book and settling down on the side of her bed. He opened the cover and began to read, subtly watching as her eyes grew heavier and heavier until finally they closed, her breathing evening out into sleep. He wasn't even halfway through the book as they had predicteds.

Johanna brushed another soft kiss against her cheek and made sure the covers were tucked securely around her and Jim kissed her forehead and laid the books on the nightstand. They turned off the lights and quietly slipped out of her room, pulling the door halfway shut behind them. Johanna moved to the small stand in the hallway and turned on the dim lamp and then returned to her husband who was rubbing the back of her neck.

"Did your muscles tighten up from building that stable?" she asked softly, her hand brushing his away so that she could massage the area with her fingertips.

"Yeah," Jim replied, her touching relaxing him a little.

She smiled. "It's a very impressive stable made out of blocks…I think you outdid yourself."

"I got all those ponies in it," he stated.

"You did," she agreed, brushing a kiss against his lips. "I always like to watch you play with her; you give her your complete attention and she loves it…especially when she gets to boss you around a little."

He gave a quiet laugh. "She gets that from you."

Her eyes twinkled with amusement. "Possibly."

"I'd say it's more than possible."

Johanna smiled, her fingers continuing to move against the back of his neck. "You know she loves you, right?"

"Yeah…why?"

"Because I saw the look on your face when she came running to me and said that I don't leave her. She was just hurting, Jim," she said softly. "Maybe she wanted to hurt your feelings too…but it doesn't change the fact that she loves you more than you can imagine. That's why she gets so upset that you have to go; because she loves you and she wants you here with her…it's hard for her understand that sometimes work will take you away. She doesn't favor me over you."

"She does," he murmured; "But I understand why."

"She doesn't; she loves us both. All I've heard for the past twenty-four days was 'when is Daddy coming home? 'Is Daddy going to call me?' 'I miss Daddy; I want Daddy to play with me…and so on and so forth. You're always on her mind; she always wants you here. As soon as she saw you last night, she ran straight into your arms and she's barely let you go since. She loves you…and I know what she said hurt you; but she was just upset."

"I know she was," he replied, a touch of regret in his tone. "I didn't like upsetting her on Christmas."

"She took it a lot better than I thought she would honestly," Johanna remarked; "That's why I let her stay up with you until she was ready to fall asleep. I thought it might help if she had a little extra time with you; and she went back to you easily enough and wanted to play again…she'll be sad again tomorrow…so will I; but she'll be fine."

Jim gave a nod as he breathed deeply. "What about you?"

"I'll be fine too…although you know I always miss you when you're not here."

He pulled her close, his arms slipping around her. "I thought about telling you to bring Katie and come with me," he murmured; "But then I thought what was the point in dragging the two of you to Chicago during your week off so that you can sit in a hotel room most of the day while I'm at work."

"We'll come if you want us to; we can make do with the situation. I'm sure I could find things for us to go do."

Jim shook his head. "I don't want you to think I don't want you there; because like I said, I did think about it…but I think you and Katie are better off at home. She's got her new toys to play with and I'm sure you have things you want to accomplish while you're off…and I'm not in the best of moods when I get out of court in Chicago so I wouldn't be good company, nor would I be up to going to family friendly places in the evenings. At least if you're here and I get to be too much on the phone, you can hang up on me…you're good at that."

"I'd say I was sorry but you usually deserve it."

"I'm not disputing that," he replied. "But I'll go back alone; you two stay here where you'll be happier and have things to do."

"Alright; we'll stay here…but it's nice to know that you thought about taking us with you."

Jim kissed her softly. "I think about you all the time."

She smiled, her fingers still working at the knotted muscles in his neck. "Why don't you go get a hot shower and get ready for bed? I'll clean up downstairs and make sure the house is locked up and then I'll come up; we can settle in and relax up here for the rest of the evening."

"I'll help you clean up first," he said as he took her hand and headed for the stairs.

"I can do it."

"I know you can…but I'm here so I should help. You've had to do everything by yourself the last few weeks; the least I can do is help you pick up the toys and gather up the boxes and things that need thrown out."

Johanna squeezed his hand. "I know you're tired though."

"So are you. We'll get done faster if we work together…then we'll have some time together."

"Alright," she said with a nod. "It shouldn't take us too long."

* * *

Later that evening, Jim sat on the side of the bed, his mind heavy with thoughts as he waited for Johanna to join him. They had gotten the living room put back to rights and he had taken out the garbage before finally taking that hot shower she had recommended. The heat of the water had loosened the knots in his muscles and the thought of curling up with his wife was incredibly appealing…but he had things on his mind; like leaving the next day and how hard it was for all of them being together for such a short amount of time and then having to part again. He kept thinking about the pile of gifts he had been given and the few things he had gave to her…especially that mixer that she loved that he hadn't had any part in providing. He thought about the trip to Vermont in February that he had mentioned that evening that she had brushed away with the comment that they'd discuss it when he had more information. He had so many things to think about and he didn't want to think about any of them.

The door opened and Johanna slipped into the room, closing it behind her and turning the lock before she made her way to her husband who looked up from the spot on the floor he had been studying.

"You look even better in that than I imagined," he breathed, taking in the sight of her in the pale pink silk nightgown and robe he had given her.

Johanna smiled. "You like it?"

He nodded. "In so many ways, sweetheart."

"I like it too," she told him as she put a knee on either side of him and settled on to his lap. "I think it's pretty; thank you."

Jim smiled, his hand rubbing against the smooth material. "I didn't know you were going to model it for me tonight."

"I figured there was no better time like the present…it is Christmas after all," she quipped.

"Bonus gift?" he said with a quiet laugh.

"Exactly," she murmured, her lips grazing his temple in a soft kiss. "And you looked like you might need some consoling tonight…this is usually the kind you prefer.

"That's true," he smiled, pressing a kiss against her throat before he laid his head against her chest.

"What's wrong?" Johanna asked; her fingers threading through his hair. "Katie will be alright, I promise."

"I know."

"Then what is it, honey."

"Are you mad about the Vermont thing?"

"Clearly not; if I was, I wouldn't be modeling things for you and sitting on your lap…offering consolation."

"You're sure?"

"Yes," Johanna replied. "We'll talk about it when you get home and have more concrete information about it. For all we know it might get pushed back; dates change all the time…especially with you being behind because of Chicago. We'll discuss it when you know more; I'm not mad."

"I'm glad," he said as he breathed in the soft scent of her strawberry soap.

"What else is on your mind?"

Jim swallowed, his head still resting against her, unable to meet her eye. "I didn't buy you the mixer," he confessed.

Johanna managed to bump his chin up so he'd look at her. "I know," she stated.

His brow furrowed. "How?"

She smiled. "I recognized my mother's handwriting on the tag...and I'm not dumb; I know you didn't haul that home on an airplane and it came out without any damage to the wrapping paper. The paper you had the gifts you bought wrapped in was a little scuffed from being shoved into one of your bags…the mixer was pristine."

He leaned his head against her shoulder. "I'm sorry…I didn't even know you wanted one…clearly Katie did; she told Santa to bring you one from what I heard this morning."

"It's okay; I guess Katie told Mom what I wanted and she got it and put your name on it so there'd be something from you in case you didn't come home…although I wonder if she really thought that I wouldn't question how a gift from you showed up in the house if you weren't here…but Mom worries about things like that. She wouldn't want me not to have something from you on Christmas morning."

"It was your father," Jim confessed. "Frank bought it; he took it to my father and asked him to slip it into the house while you were in church."

"My father?" she repeated.

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Oh my God," Johanna said; "That's why it's the coldest Christmas in fifty years…hell froze over."

"He loves you, Jo."

"Do you know much those things cost?" she asked. "I've never known him to love me that much…Mom had to influence that."

Jim shook his head. "She went with him; but it was his idea. I tried to pay him for it today…he told me he takes care of his family and he didn't want a damn dime from me. I think that's my punishment from him for how things have been lately…he knows that's a wound to my pride having a gift given to my wife with my name on it that I didn't pay for."

Johanna rubbed her hand against his back. "He has his pride too, you know," she murmured.

"I know…you can't tell him that you know."

"I won't; he'd just deny it to protect his own pride."

He breathed deeply. "I wish that mixer was from me."

"It is," she replied.

"No, it's not…it's from your father."

"It's from both of you," she stated; "You asked him to pick it up for you, he did and then refused payment for it which was out of your control."

Jim raised his head. "That's not how it was…I…"

"I said it is," she said, arching a brow. "Are you really going to argue with me when I'm willing to make your Christmas a little more merry by modeling this lovely nightgown for you…and willing to let you take it off of me?"

He smiled. "No; I don't want to argue when you're being so generous in the spirit of Christmas."

A grin touched her lips. "Then don't you think we should move on from the semantics of gift giving and get to the receiving part?"

Jim laughed, his hand gliding over her hip. "I don't think either one of our mothers would like this holiday innuendo."

"Then it's a good thing we're not going to tell them," she said with a wink. "For the rest of the night, the only thing that matters is you and I."

He kissed her tenderly. "Merry Christmas, sweetheart."

"Merry Christmas, honey…I love you," she murmured.

"I love you too," he replied; thinking to himself that she always somehow knew how to make everything seem a little better.

* * *

This was the part he dreaded, Jim thought to himself as he stood in the airport the next afternoon, looking at the faces of his wife and daughter. This was why he hadn't let them accompany him to the airport when he left at the beginning of the month…but they had insisted and made him cave with the argument that it was extra time they'd have together before he left. All it really was was a way of grinding in the guilt he felt, he couldn't help but think. He knew that wasn't their motive; that they did just want to be with him for as long as possible; but he felt the extra layer of guilt all the same.

He sighed as he lifted Katie into his arms. "Don't look so sad, Princess," he told her.

"I don't want you to go away," Katie pouted. "I want you to stay home and play toys with me."

"I know…and I wish I could stay and play with you some more but I have to go back to work, honey."

"Why do you gotta work far away?" she asked.

"Because my boss said so," he replied; unable to think of a way to explain why he had to travel. She was too little to understand the complexities of the legal field.

"Tell your boss no."

"I can't; Daddy has to work so he can help Mommy pay the bills," he told her. "We don't go to work because we like leaving you; we go because we have to so we can take care of you. You know that don't you?"

"Yes," Katie replied as she sank against his shoulder, her small arms around his neck.

"I'm sorry I have to leave again so soon," Jim told her. "I wish I didn't have to…I wish I could take a few days off and stay home with you and Mommy."

"You can," she replied. "Mommy will say you're allowed."

"I'm sure she would but I don't think my boss would listen to her."

Katie frowned. "I don't like your boss."

Jim patted her back. "Me neither."

Johanna smiled a little as she met his eye. "Me neither."

He laughed a little. "Oh I know there's no love lost in that department."

"You've got that right," she laughed.

"Daddy, when will you come home?" Katie asked.

"I don't know when I'll be home to stay," he replied gently; "But I'm going to come home for the weekend."

"You are?" Johanna asked, her brow rising in surprise.

"Yeah; if the case doesn't wrap up Friday, I'll be home for the weekend anyway. I'll make arrangements when I get there to leave Friday evening and I'll be here for New Year's. If I have to go back, I'll try to get a later flight on Monday."

"Are you sure you want to do that?" his wife asked, her gaze pinned to his.

Jim nodded. "Yeah; I'm sure…I'll be here, one way or another."

She smiled. "That would be nice…it might take some pressure off things…make it easier for all of us with something to look forward to."

"That's what I was hoping," he admitted.

Worry furrowed her brow. "You're doing it for all three of us, right…not just two of us?"

"It's for all of us, sweetheart."

She smiled. "I'm glad you'll be here…I was afraid we wouldn't be together at midnight…it would be the first time since we met that we haven't been together on New Year's."

"You don't have to worry; I'll be here to kiss you at midnight."

"Are you gonna kiss me too?" Katie asked.

Jim laughed and gave her a kiss. "Yes, Princess; I'll give you a New Year's kiss too."

"What do you think the chances are of you having this case wrapped up this week?" Johanna asked.

"I don't really know," he admitted; "With it being a short week and the problems that keep coming up…it's hard to say. I hope it's done this week; or by next week the latest. I don't know how I'm supposed to keep rescheduling the rest of my caseload. It's getting ridiculous."

"I agree," she remarked; "You know, not just because we miss you, but in the work aspect with your other cases…I don't want you to be swamped trying to play catch up."

Jim slipped his free arm around her, pulling her close. "I knew what you meant," he assured; knowing that she was still wary of saying the wrong thing and upsetting him.

"Daddy," Katie said, her small hands turning his face to look at her, making him feel like he was subtly being fought over for attention.

"What, sweetie?"

"Can't we go with you since Mommy don't gotta work?" she asked.

He gave her a small smile. "Honey…I would like very much for you and Mommy to come with me but you wouldn't like it."

"Why?"

"Because I would still have to go to work; you and Mommy would be by yourselves in my hotel room and you'd be bored. It's better for the two of you to stay here. Mommy's on vacation this week, she'll be home with you and she can play with you and you two can go see Grandma and Nona and you can go play with Chrissy and Jeffrey. You'll both be happier here at home; you've got all those new toys to play with."

Katie pouted. "But I want you to play toys with me."

"Daddy would stay home if he could, Katie," Johanna said gently. "He doesn't like to leave you."

"That's right," Jim told her. "I don't like to leave you. I'll call you every night before you go to bed."

"Will you be nice?" she asked; "Cause sometimes you're mean on the phone."

"I'll be nice, I promised, remember?" he replied. "I'm sorry I was mean sometimes."

"If you're mean again, I'm going to tell Grammy."

He smiled. "Okay; that's a deal; you can tell on me to Grammy. That's a threat that would scare anyone."

Katie hugged him tightly and Johanna wrapped her free arm around both of them. "You two make it difficult for a man to go," he murmured as he held them both.

"If it was easy for you, we'd probably have a problem," Johanna replied.

He breathed deeply; taking in the scent of strawberries from her shampoo and the little girl scent of Katie. "It's not easy," he whispered.

"I know," she said softly.

The announcement that his flight was now boarding came over the loudspeaker and Johanna held onto him a little tighter.

"That's my flight," Jim stated.

"I know," she said; swallowing the words that would mimic her daughter's, telling him she wished he didn't have to go, that he could stay with them; but she didn't want to make him feel worse than he already did at the moment. She pulled away from him gently so he could say goodbye to Katie.

"I have to go now, Katie," Jim told his daughter as her small fingers curled into his jacket.

"I don't want you to go," she whimpered.

"I know, honey; but I'll be home in a few days," he said as he patted her back. "Give me a kiss."

Katie raised her head and gave him a kiss. "Love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, Princess. I'll call you tonight, okay?"

"Okay," she said sadly.

He sat her down and she slipped her hand into Johanna's as he pulled his wife into a hug. "Let me know you got there safely," Johanna told him, feeling the tears sting her eyes.

"I will," he promised. "Be careful driving home."

"I will...try not to get too stressed," Johanna told him, her hand sliding against his chest softly. "If those companies are as dirty as it sounds, whatever happens is probably what they both deserve…don't take yourself down with them."

Jim smiled as he cupped her face, his thumb sweeping against her cheek. "I'll do my best, sweetheart; enjoy your days off this week…relax, you've earned it."

"I'll do my best," she said with a smile as she tossed his words back at him.

He caught her lips in a sweet kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too," Johanna told him. "You better go before we don't let you."

Jim nodded, seeing the sheen of tears in her eyes and looking down, he found Katie wearing the same expression as she clung to her mother's hand. He knelt down and gave her another hug and kiss. "I'll be back in a few days, Katie. I'll talk to you tonight."

"Bye, Daddy," Katie said, her voice tearful as Johanna picked her up.

Jim patted her back and then stole one more kiss from his wife. "I'll talk to you in a little while," he told her.

"We'll be waiting," she promised; her voice strained with emotion as he picked his briefcase up from the chair and pulled his ticket from his pocket before heading toward the gate.

They remained rooted in place, watching as he handed his ticket over and then turned to look back at them, giving them a wave and a sad smile. "Wave to Daddy," Johanna told Katie as she waved at him too.

They waved him off and watched as he disappeared from sight and then they made their way to the window and waited quietly until the plane took off, watching it until it was out sight, carrying Jim away to Chicago and leaving them behind once again.

"Mommy, can we go home now?" Katie asked sadly.

"Yeah; Baby; we're going home now," Johanna said as she turned away from the window and adjusted her hold on her daughter, carrying her through the crowded airport toward the exit.

"When will Daddy call us?"

"When he gets to his hotel room," she replied; "Probably after we eat dinner."

"I wish Daddy was eating dinner with us."

"Me too," she murmured. She hated every moment they were apart…and she had to admit to herself, she shared the same worries as Katie; that Jim would get back to Chicago and revert back to the mean spirited man he had been all month. She wouldn't be there to keep the drinks out of his hand…she wouldn't be there to coax him into venting a little. It was always easier in person. She worried that this rough spot they had found themselves in wasn't over…but for now, she'd just be grateful that they had gotten to have a happy Christmas together and that he promised to come home for the New Year's holiday weekend. She could be content with those things…she even had hope that they were turning things around and she'd cling to that, putting all of that faith into the thought that 1984 would be better to them. She just had to have faith…it would all work out; she wouldn't accept anything less.


End file.
